Thursday, December 15, 2011
Somewhere around the end of February, I'll be coming back to read this blog as a milestone to myself. I am working with a group of lovely ladies, dubbed Sapphires for a BL challenge. It is just a series of mini-competitions and challenges to help keep focusing on spark work and such, This is my third one I think, and I finally have my head in the game with it.
So this is what I have planned for myself in the next 10 weeks.
I am going to stay accountable to myself. Certainly, having these little check points does not hurt and mostly encourages me to do more, be better and stick with it, but when it comes down to it, it is just me - and if I can't be accountable to myself, I've given up.
I am going to move more. Two nights in a row, I had wicked - wake up screaming cramps in my foot/leg. I could not scream out for fear of waking hubby (tough work hours) and I remedied with a cold leg shower (hokey pokey in and out of tub). (double note to self - this works better if you remove pajamas first,...but sometimes that can't be helped!) I experimented last night by doing 50 mins of the wii which including a lot of jumping around during a tennis match and voila, no cramps. I am going to repeat this time and see if this continues to help. Makes sense to me.
I am going to be an advocate on my own behalf. I am dreading (yes, you read that right) going home for Christmas. There is always considerable tension, drama, disappointment when I go home for Christmas. My mother and I are not muy simpatico, and while I love her, I know I just don't live up to her expectations and desires of me. I am leading an authentic life. I am loved by many, just as I am, even fat, people love me. I have had a conversation before with her about this, and she continues to miss the point, so now, I just swallow and go. (an example - she told me I was lucky to find a husband, and she still can't believe that my beautiful (thin) sister is solo and I have someone. Makes me want to say :P
I am going to believe in myself. I am an expert in the work I do. I am a great manager and team leader. I know my stuff. I have no reason to think less than of myself. I am a rockstar just as I am.
I am going to find reasons to laugh, even if I have to manufacture them. Remember "Wooly willy" and other such children's games where the little magnetic pieces could be drawn around the face with a little magnetic pencil and shavings of some sort encased in plastic. I have recently purchased a couple of these throwbacks and other kids' toys to remind me to share a bit of whimsy and silliness. One great things about working with kids, is that it forces to think like them sometimes. These ones are college aged, but just like me they have a need for downtime and laughs. We're kindred spirits.
I am going to stretch and strength train, even if it is only for 5 mins a day,
I am going to de-clutter our house and make it guest worthy. I am not going to freak out if someone comes over (after I clean). I am going to be more organized and happy.
I am going to be grateful. I have so many blessings, including myself. Of course, I am grateful for so many dear and wonderful Sparkies!
Monday, December 12, 2011
It took a lot of huffing and puffing to get up that hill. Truth be told, it was more like an incline, and not a very steep one at that. I looked at my bulky shadow cresting the hill, and thought, "well one day, you will be smaller." It truly takes a lot of effort to make changes, and do good things on behalf of your body - at least - by my count it does.
However, there is the knowledge that each day I do it, it may be just a smidge easier. each step builds my heart muscle and adds to my lung capacity. With consistency, I will be a smaller person this time next year. How about that? Pretty cool. No use getting flustered that it is taking so long, and it is, but I just have to trust my body that it will release what it needs to over time. My job is to keep up the steps and keep eating healthfully so that the changes eventually come! It works! I have seen my friends do it!
I am eating a little more structured these days, and it actually helps. It's not atkins, but it is in the low carb family, and it is better for me, my waistline, and my blood sugar levels. I can have some tracked carbs, and do, but for the most part, the emphasis is on fresh. It's been a few days since I have steered clear of junky junk, and I am happy about it. OF COURSE, I AM HOPING FOR A PAYOFF ON THE SCALE, but I think I will feel it first in my clothes, and then in my car. You know how I am about getting in and out of the car. ha ha!
So far, today has been a success. I got some walking in, drank water, ate a varied salad of lettuce, onions, olives, tomatoes, hot peppers and chicken for lunch. Had cereal and soymilk at breakfast. Dinner will be fish and veggies. I am PROUD of myself for making a change for the better. I am astonished that I am making strides during the holiday season, and hoping to lose 15lbs, instead of gaining them.
I have it in me to lose as I have done it before. I am not quite so ready to give up so quickly this time around. It's going to take me a while, but I am going to get there.
What's on your agenda this holiday season, sparkies?
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Getting it the way you want to can sometimes be labelled high maintenance.
Ok, so I am high maintenance.
For today that meant, eating only what I wanted at the diner and not overeating at breakfast.
Then after arriving at Wendy's and standing in line (after I dash ed over to check the nutritional listing), leaving and letting hubby go to another place,,,where I ordered a salad at a pizza joint. Momentary setback when we planned on eating there, and then found out I could not squeeze into the booth, without perhaps rupturing an organ. So we switched it to go, and watched the server make a face. I got over the face, and tipped him $2 to put into a bag instead. It definitely didn't kill him,
Spent 4 hours at the my mother-in-law's working on putting up her Christmas tree (she is 90). Hubby and I tag teamed and considering we were both tired out and achy, we did a good job! Happiness all around!
Stopped in a local seafood place at my urging, to get some seafood (cooked to order to take out). I had mahi mahi (1/2 of the fish is i the fridge for tomorrow) with veggies. Go me! I got what I wanted and it was very fresh and cooked to order. WOO HOO!
I was successful; today. I incorporated lunges into grabbing tree branches, and kept moving around while setting up the tree. We did some early food shopping before tree duty, and I walked around walmart grocery area, while taking time to read labels! I am PROUD of myself today. I made huge strides. I kept my word, felt good, did not starve myself and drank water. I kept my carbs to within my range.
This is the start of something wonderful! ME!
HOw was your day, sparkies?
Friday, December 09, 2011
I am in THE most supportive place I have ever been in my life. I work in a very nurturing, soul-satisfying environment, that while almost always busy, is still yet a great bubble of learning, and compassion. I just realized how much love and caring I have around me, and it fills me with great hope and joy.
I've never really felt this same level of buoyancy from my own family, but I do feel this spirit here on Spark and at work. In both places, I bring a lot of energy and warmth to the equation myself and it is more than reciprocated. It is overflowing. Leading me to the question, if not now, When?
When will be able to make changes in myself without feeling that I am going it alone?
N O W
When will I be able to follow my own path, and yet to be strengthened by those on a similar path?
N O W
When will I be able to hold my head proud and high and know that I am keeping promises and pledges to take care of myself?
N O W
If not now, when?
What do you ask yourselves, sparkies?
Thursday, December 08, 2011
I woke up with a weird pain, and it took me only a moment to realize what it was - I was laying awkwardly on one of my fat rolls on my stomach. Hmmm. How's that for a reality check?
If for nothing else, I am going to go down a new road just for a change of scenery. I know what it is like to be fat, lethargic, exhausted and unhappy - all from just lugging this extra weight around that has been literally weighing me down.
I have felt confident, in control, relaxed, and assured before --- just not lately. For any number of reasons I could rattle off, I have taken the route of "I don't care, I can't, why bother?" too many times. The consequences of that are I am in pain, squeezing my fat flesh while laying on top of it. There's got to be a better way.
If you read my last blog, you'd know that I am craving the return of my unshakable confidence. The most healthy by product of that feeling will be the other craziness that dissipates then, too. The unnerving feeling that every person is talking about you, feels sorry for you. thinks less than of you. It's good to know that this bit of angst is born out of my own head and will go away once I am feeling fit and friskier, When I am feeling off my game, it is easier to think the worst of everyone, because it is so easy to think the worst of myself then as well. That is so yesterday.
Today's me drinks water instead of soda.
Today's me takes time for a walk, instead of sitting at my desk all day.
Today's me wants to see how far I can go, just because I can.
Today's me is an athlete waiting to happen.
Whatever it is, sparkies, that you have a little glimmer of - of who you want to become, - just believe that is possible, and take one step forward...today.
Tomorrow, we will take two steps.
See you at the finish line.
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