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Come Back in 10 Weeks

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Somewhere around the end of February, I'll be coming back to read this blog as a milestone to myself. I am working with a group of lovely ladies, dubbed Sapphires for a BL challenge. It is just a series of mini-competitions and challenges to help keep focusing on spark work and such, This is my third one I think, and I finally have my head in the game with it.

So this is what I have planned for myself in the next 10 weeks.

I am going to stay accountable to myself. Certainly, having these little check points does not hurt and mostly encourages me to do more, be better and stick with it, but when it comes down to it, it is just me - and if I can't be accountable to myself, I've given up.

I am going to move more. Two nights in a row, I had wicked - wake up screaming cramps in my foot/leg. I could not scream out for fear of waking hubby (tough work hours) and I remedied with a cold leg shower (hokey pokey in and out of tub). (double note to self - this works better if you remove pajamas first,...but sometimes that can't be helped!) I experimented last night by doing 50 mins of the wii which including a lot of jumping around during a tennis match and voila, no cramps. I am going to repeat this time and see if this continues to help. Makes sense to me.

I am going to be an advocate on my own behalf. I am dreading (yes, you read that right) going home for Christmas. There is always considerable tension, drama, disappointment when I go home for Christmas. My mother and I are not muy simpatico, and while I love her, I know I just don't live up to her expectations and desires of me. I am leading an authentic life. I am loved by many, just as I am, even fat, people love me. I have had a conversation before with her about this, and she continues to miss the point, so now, I just swallow and go. (an example - she told me I was lucky to find a husband, and she still can't believe that my beautiful (thin) sister is solo and I have someone. Makes me want to say :P

I am going to believe in myself. I am an expert in the work I do. I am a great manager and team leader. I know my stuff. I have no reason to think less than of myself. I am a rockstar just as I am.

I am going to find reasons to laugh, even if I have to manufacture them. Remember "Wooly willy" and other such children's games where the little magnetic pieces could be drawn around the face with a little magnetic pencil and shavings of some sort encased in plastic. I have recently purchased a couple of these throwbacks and other kids' toys to remind me to share a bit of whimsy and silliness. One great things about working with kids, is that it forces to think like them sometimes. These ones are college aged, but just like me they have a need for downtime and laughs. We're kindred spirits.

I am going to stretch and strength train, even if it is only for 5 mins a day,

I am going to de-clutter our house and make it guest worthy. I am not going to freak out if someone comes over (after I clean). I am going to be more organized and happy.

I am going to be grateful. I have so many blessings, including myself. Of course, I am grateful for so many dear and wonderful Sparkies!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKCHELLE 12/28/2011 7:56PM

    Bananas or V8 juice help tremendously with the leg cramps.
Take care and keep on moving!

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GEORGIA_KAY 12/21/2011 6:49PM

    LOVE this blog!! I know you're going to rock the socks off of this challenge!

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CHERKYLE 12/21/2011 12:13PM

    I think I did all I was supposed to to join the BL challenge but don't know what team yet??

Somehow I got "unsubscribed" from your blogs, but im back LOL

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FOXYFOTOGRAPHER 12/21/2011 1:06AM

    I joined the BL Challenge, too! I'm on the Lime Team! Good luck!!

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PLSMOM 12/20/2011 11:26PM

    Great job on the blog. I really liked this:
"I am going to stay accountable to myself. Certainly, having these little check points does not hurt and mostly encourages me to do more, be better and stick with it, but when it comes down to it, it is just me - and if I can't be accountable to myself, I've given up."
I need to remember this....thanks for the reminder.

Hugs,
Gail

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LBEEKMA 12/20/2011 7:44PM

    Thanks for your inspirational blog. I just logged on to sp for the first time since Aug. and made a 60 day commitment to myself. I loved reading about your positive attitude. My weight/self-worth have always been so inter-related. This is my first xmas without my parents around and it's been tough to lose the people in my life that gave me a little self worth. Now I'm trying to find it within myself. Thanks for sharing your positive energy!

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LINDAINALABAMA 12/19/2011 2:51AM

    emoticon
such honest sharing. fantastic!!!

you've set some great goals for yourself and very reachable ones too.

i love to laugh also. if you want, you can start a new thread under sapphire chat and name it jokes or funnies and post them there. i will add some too.

let's have a super winter challenge.

linda

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SHELLYKOCH1 12/17/2011 11:37AM

    Awesome! What a great blog. A true inspiration. Thanks for sharing!



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PATRISNA 12/17/2011 9:37AM

    emoticon Blog.

I eat bananas almost every day. if I miss a few days then I get leg cramps. I thought leg cramps are caused from low potassium in your system.

I have been working on our house. I slowly making progress. Very slowly. lol

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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COPEMA 12/16/2011 8:54PM

    I love your positive attitude. You're on a mission to lose weight for yourself, not for anyone else and when it comes down to it, that's why we all should be on this journey. MAVERICK59 is a buddy of mine and I agree with her comment -- sounds like your husband is the lucky one!! You go girl, too!

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TAMPATINK67 12/16/2011 12:14PM

    Sounds like a great plan - enjoy the challenge and the season!

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TEECEA 12/16/2011 9:44AM

    Love your blog...wishing you much success & a very Merry Christmas!!!

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THE-MORE-GIRL 12/16/2011 12:23AM

    This is a wonderful plan! Now let's get it done! We can do it!

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SARAWALKS 12/15/2011 10:40PM

    WOOT! Whimsy and silliness, great helps in negotiating the holidays and blowing off insensitive remarks from one's near and dear...
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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/15/2011 9:21PM

    I really like this idea! Good for you! I hope when you come back to this blog, you are amazed at how you surpassed your expectations! Fantastic! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DIFROMWYOMING 12/15/2011 7:59PM

    Oh gosh I remember when my dad was alive...I did not look forward to going there for the holidays. He was very abusive personally and I had put up with that my entire life...but there came a time when I knew I was worth more. So we would go...but I stopped making the commitment to stay (we were close enough to go back home) and if he became outrageous...I would just pack up my kids and leave. I did it for my own sanity-but I also did it to make sure he knew I was done. Maybe that was kind of extreme, but it had been awful at my house before that!
I also get those cramps. A lot. I take magnesium and vitamin D...and I do drink a lot of water before I go to bed. I even tried the bar of soap at the end of the bed even though there is no way that scientifically works! But...I still get them. When I lost weight they lessened...so I suppose I know what to do to help them!
We will survive, my friend, because we are worth it!

Comment edited on: 12/15/2011 8:00:25 PM

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GRINGUITA 12/15/2011 6:10PM

    Occasionally I get those awful leg cramps too. One thing I find that helps is Magnesium but I also take vitamin D so that may be helping me too. I just read recently that drinking a large glass of water before bed also helps -- especially for those of us who have problems with legs swelling during the day.

I wish you the best during our Winter challenge.

Your Sapphire Sister,

Bev Anne

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MAVERICK59 12/15/2011 5:23PM

    I love your blog. It is so uplifting. I love your humor and your sense of self. Good for you, and it sounds to me like your fella is the lucky one!
I bet he thinks so too! emoticon

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/15/2011 2:09PM

    emoticon

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WINTERSMAGIC29 12/15/2011 1:52PM

    It does sound like your head is really in the game and I know you're going to rock this challenge!! You might try taking some Vitamin D to help with those cramps, My hubby would wake with cramps in his leg several times a week and I'd get them maybe once a week and we started the D and I haven't had one since!!

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BESTCK 12/15/2011 1:42PM

    I like your letter and from the sounds of it, our families are very similar! Does you Mom know my Dad? He once told me I don't deserve a man like my husband. (I told him he was wrong, I deserved a man exactly like my husband, who is by no means perfect!) And since my folks are divorced I am STILL having to work my holidays around their needs. It doesn't make it very festive. LOL

You are a Rock Star and a very positive influence in my life.


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DOODIE59 12/15/2011 11:13AM

    You do have a lot of blessings, including your husband (shocking though that may seem to some:)). When family members make the kind of comments your mother makes, they are most certainly addressing fears of their own. As long as you're going home, make the best of it, enjoy the things you're looking forward to, and take the opportunity to be your own best (you know, the woman the rest of your world loves:)). Your mom does love you -- her anxieties get in the way of her saying what she really feels.

Best of luck with your Sapphire challenge, and have a wonderful Christmas:)
Deirdre

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KKINNEA 12/15/2011 10:54AM

    These are great - I'm sure you'll look back in February having accomplished each item!

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CIVIAV 12/15/2011 9:38AM

    As a parent I can only hope that I haven't left this kind of legacy. I know mine did and it's a lot of hard work to rise up to it. We are doing great things here!

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THE-MORE-GIRL 12/15/2011 9:12AM

    You ARE a rockstar!

I have a similar thing with my mom. She loves me and is proud of me, but she really believes, deep down, I'd be better and happier if I weren't fat. It's a lifelong struggle for her (she's been dieting since she was young, too), so I've basically forbidden diets/weight as a topic, and we manage. Good luck with being around it on the holidays!

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Slowly Doing It

Monday, December 12, 2011

It took a lot of huffing and puffing to get up that hill. Truth be told, it was more like an incline, and not a very steep one at that. I looked at my bulky shadow cresting the hill, and thought, "well one day, you will be smaller." It truly takes a lot of effort to make changes, and do good things on behalf of your body - at least - by my count it does.

However, there is the knowledge that each day I do it, it may be just a smidge easier. each step builds my heart muscle and adds to my lung capacity. With consistency, I will be a smaller person this time next year. How about that? Pretty cool. No use getting flustered that it is taking so long, and it is, but I just have to trust my body that it will release what it needs to over time. My job is to keep up the steps and keep eating healthfully so that the changes eventually come! It works! I have seen my friends do it!

I am eating a little more structured these days, and it actually helps. It's not atkins, but it is in the low carb family, and it is better for me, my waistline, and my blood sugar levels. I can have some tracked carbs, and do, but for the most part, the emphasis is on fresh. It's been a few days since I have steered clear of junky junk, and I am happy about it. OF COURSE, I AM HOPING FOR A PAYOFF ON THE SCALE, but I think I will feel it first in my clothes, and then in my car. You know how I am about getting in and out of the car. ha ha!

So far, today has been a success. I got some walking in, drank water, ate a varied salad of lettuce, onions, olives, tomatoes, hot peppers and chicken for lunch. Had cereal and soymilk at breakfast. Dinner will be fish and veggies. I am PROUD of myself for making a change for the better. I am astonished that I am making strides during the holiday season, and hoping to lose 15lbs, instead of gaining them.

I have it in me to lose as I have done it before. I am not quite so ready to give up so quickly this time around. It's going to take me a while, but I am going to get there.

What's on your agenda this holiday season, sparkies?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CIVIAV 12/15/2011 8:12AM

    My agenda? Strength trg extraordinaire and managing to eat fresh like you. It feels so darn good!

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MRNOTABOUTFACE 12/14/2011 9:59PM

    Great attitude and plan. Whenever I see a bodybuilder now I think about just how much work that person had to do in order to reach that level. They all had to start with small, imperceptible gains at first and had to just keep the faith that they would reach their goals in time. Now some of them may go a bit too far but I still respect the sheer amount of work put in. Keep trudging that hill!

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/13/2011 1:24AM

    emoticon

Since i work both Christmas eve and Christmas day there will be no tempting big dinner to deal with!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/12/2011 10:24PM

    Your blogs always make me smile! I really love the way you keep at it, and with a great attitude! It's going to pay off, you know. It is! emoticon

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MAMADWARF 12/12/2011 10:20PM

    You are so smart! I love your positive attitude!!!!!!!

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SARAWALKS 12/12/2011 10:16PM

    Good for you, Mickey, you are doing so well, keep up the great work!
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MAVERICK59 12/12/2011 10:12PM

    I am impressed with the changes you made today. You actually did a lot! It may not 'show' yet, but your body is already a bit healthier for these changes.
I am so happy this challenge is taking place over the holidays, it will really help us to stay focused!
I am happy for you Mickey.
Hugs,
Belinda emoticon

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DIFROMWYOMING 12/12/2011 8:58PM

    I love your plan, Mar! I am still fighting giving up the carbs a bit but right now I'm working on any progress at all as my goal...and I am not giving up on that!
2012 HAS to be my year! I plan on making it so!

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DOODIE59 12/12/2011 7:27PM

    Your attitude is really positive. It's always nice to read about your thoughts. It's the process that will get you where you want to be, so you are right to focus on your exercise challenges and your nutritional targets.

Enjoy you week:)
Deirdre

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High Maintenance (and proud of it!)

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Getting it the way you want to can sometimes be labelled high maintenance.

Ok, so I am high maintenance.

For today that meant, eating only what I wanted at the diner and not overeating at breakfast.

Then after arriving at Wendy's and standing in line (after I dash ed over to check the nutritional listing), leaving and letting hubby go to another place,,,where I ordered a salad at a pizza joint. Momentary setback when we planned on eating there, and then found out I could not squeeze into the booth, without perhaps rupturing an organ. So we switched it to go, and watched the server make a face. I got over the face, and tipped him $2 to put into a bag instead. It definitely didn't kill him,

Spent 4 hours at the my mother-in-law's working on putting up her Christmas tree (she is 90). Hubby and I tag teamed and considering we were both tired out and achy, we did a good job! Happiness all around!

Stopped in a local seafood place at my urging, to get some seafood (cooked to order to take out). I had mahi mahi (1/2 of the fish is i the fridge for tomorrow) with veggies. Go me! I got what I wanted and it was very fresh and cooked to order. WOO HOO!

I was successful; today. I incorporated lunges into grabbing tree branches, and kept moving around while setting up the tree. We did some early food shopping before tree duty, and I walked around walmart grocery area, while taking time to read labels! I am PROUD of myself today. I made huge strides. I kept my word, felt good, did not starve myself and drank water. I kept my carbs to within my range.

This is the start of something wonderful! ME!

HOw was your day, sparkies?


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUSIONGRAFX 12/14/2011 4:20PM

    Bravo! Congrats! I have been under the weather for a week + and haven't SPARKED in what feels like ages! However, my portions are good, I keep up with my water, and I don't eat poorly. Thankfully the weight hasn't gone up any and it's still creeping down one .1 lb at a time! LOL Keep up your hard work!

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TERRIJ_1 12/13/2011 12:29PM

    emoticon Keep it emoticon

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ANNECEK 12/12/2011 7:24PM

    I hear great happiness and pride in your blog! emoticon I'm doing the happy dance for you emoticon! Great getting in the lunges while picking up the tree limbs! emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/12/2011 10:11AM

    WOW! You had me almost DANCING by the time I finished your blog! No, Mickey, I couldn't dance here in the library! Well, I guess I COULD have! emoticon

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SKY2012 12/11/2011 8:05PM

    that is so sweet to put up a tree for her, wow, you are sweet.

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DOODIE59 12/11/2011 1:06PM

    Way to go -- you deserve good care:)
Deirdre

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DDESERTDDAWN 12/11/2011 11:47AM

    Great to see you maintaining your well-being!
cheers,
dDawn emoticon

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/11/2011 1:03AM

    emoticon I had an awesome day!

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TEACHEROF4TH 12/11/2011 12:55AM

    Way to go girl! You are taking care of you... yay! Keep those priorities straight!

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MAVERICK59 12/11/2011 12:50AM

    Good for you, making yourself a priority!
Doesn't it feel good and you know you deserve it!
Can you imagine feeling this important and valuable everyday?
Why shouldn't you?

Hugs,
Belinda

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THE-MORE-GIRL 12/10/2011 9:05PM

    That's not high maintenance -- that's assertively looking out for yourself. Good going!

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KELLYDRESCHER 12/10/2011 8:57PM

    That's awesome!

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SARAWALKS 12/10/2011 8:53PM

    EXCELLENT, Mickey! I had a good day too. High maintenance, picky, whatever - it can lead to good things! Rock on! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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If Not Now, When?

Friday, December 09, 2011

I am in THE most supportive place I have ever been in my life. I work in a very nurturing, soul-satisfying environment, that while almost always busy, is still yet a great bubble of learning, and compassion. I just realized how much love and caring I have around me, and it fills me with great hope and joy.

I've never really felt this same level of buoyancy from my own family, but I do feel this spirit here on Spark and at work. In both places, I bring a lot of energy and warmth to the equation myself and it is more than reciprocated. It is overflowing. Leading me to the question, if not now, When?

When will be able to make changes in myself without feeling that I am going it alone?
N O W

When will I be able to follow my own path, and yet to be strengthened by those on a similar path?

N O W

When will I be able to hold my head proud and high and know that I am keeping promises and pledges to take care of myself?

N O W

If not now, when?


What do you ask yourselves, sparkies?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BESTCK 12/14/2011 4:27PM

    How awesome to work in an environment where you feel supported! This is always a struggle for me and makes far too much difference in how I feel every day.

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HONEY-SPARKS 12/10/2011 12:26PM

    Now is the most important and most powerful time of our lives. great blog.

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STARRPARENT 12/10/2011 3:17AM

    emoticon Yes, now!

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BRAVENEWGRL 12/9/2011 10:28PM

    Sigh. Now works for me...

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CAROLFAITHWALKR 12/9/2011 8:53PM

    I would like to be in your place of abundant support. I am unemployed and desperate, and betrayed by a "friend" who took me in.

What I ask myself is how to stick to my goals and put myself first, and how to keep on keeping on, and how to keep my committment to NOT stress out about ANYTHING in order to protect my own health. One day at a time.

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PARKERB2 12/9/2011 2:24PM

    One of my goals have to to stay in the present. As you say NOW is the time to do things you need to do for yourself. Thanks for sharing your blog. Have a great day.

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MAVERICK59 12/9/2011 2:19PM

    You sound like you are in a good space to work on your goals.
That is wonderful.

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SUZWARNR 12/9/2011 1:15PM

    You are not alone. Never feel like that. You have tons of friends here to support you and I'm sure many who are going through the same stuff as you. Glad you're doing this now. :)

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MUGGLE_MOM 12/9/2011 1:12PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticonYou can do this. Right Now. emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DDESERTDDAWN 12/9/2011 12:55PM

    Sounds like the Nows have it!

Great that you are in a nurturing place and part of it too. Go for it! Be in IT!

cheers,
dDawn emoticon

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DOODIE59 12/9/2011 9:22AM

    This is a very empowering blog, Mickey -- hold onto those thoughts; they are very life affirming.

I am by tiny steps trying to respect the notion of NOW. There is no time like the present.
Deirdre

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See You at the Finish Line

Thursday, December 08, 2011

I woke up with a weird pain, and it took me only a moment to realize what it was - I was laying awkwardly on one of my fat rolls on my stomach. Hmmm. How's that for a reality check?

If for nothing else, I am going to go down a new road just for a change of scenery. I know what it is like to be fat, lethargic, exhausted and unhappy - all from just lugging this extra weight around that has been literally weighing me down.

I have felt confident, in control, relaxed, and assured before --- just not lately. For any number of reasons I could rattle off, I have taken the route of "I don't care, I can't, why bother?" too many times. The consequences of that are I am in pain, squeezing my fat flesh while laying on top of it. There's got to be a better way.

If you read my last blog, you'd know that I am craving the return of my unshakable confidence. The most healthy by product of that feeling will be the other craziness that dissipates then, too. The unnerving feeling that every person is talking about you, feels sorry for you. thinks less than of you. It's good to know that this bit of angst is born out of my own head and will go away once I am feeling fit and friskier, When I am feeling off my game, it is easier to think the worst of everyone, because it is so easy to think the worst of myself then as well. That is so yesterday.

Today's me drinks water instead of soda.

Today's me takes time for a walk, instead of sitting at my desk all day.

Today's me wants to see how far I can go, just because I can.

Today's me is an athlete waiting to happen.

Whatever it is, sparkies, that you have a little glimmer of - of who you want to become, - just believe that is possible, and take one step forward...today.

Tomorrow, we will take two steps.

See you at the finish line.







  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HONEY-SPARKS 12/10/2011 12:37PM

    Great attitude I bet today's me will be the happiest you ever. i have fell in love with today's me but I was in my 30's before I did it. Great blog!

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MAVERICK59 12/9/2011 1:40AM

    I love your spirit!

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STAR_71 12/8/2011 10:40PM

    You can do it!! emoticon

We are all here for you!! emoticon

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STAR_71 12/8/2011 10:40PM

    You can do it!! emoticon

We are all here for you!! emoticon

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SUZWARNR 12/8/2011 1:28PM

    I believe in you. I hear what you mean about that unshakable confidence. Mine wavers a lot lately. But I know you can do this. You're off to a great start today. Keep it going!

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TERRIJ_1 12/8/2011 12:31PM

    emoticon

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_KATHY 12/8/2011 12:16PM

    One really does need to believe it is possible. It IS possible. I to am going down this road because I know it's possible and because I just want to see a different person. To experience things most people enjoy without a second thought

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/8/2011 12:03PM

    emoticon

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KKINNEA 12/8/2011 11:54AM

    Sounds more like an athlete in progress - great job!

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VAMPIREKITCHEN 12/8/2011 11:31AM

    It also always seems like one "slip-up" leads into another. But, in return, one small step forward swings to momentum back to the right direction and leads to more victories. You've got the right attitude! Awesome

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VAMPIREKITCHEN 12/8/2011 11:31AM

    It also always seems like one "slip-up" leads into another. But, in return, one small step forward swings to momentum back to the right direction and leads to more victories. You've got the right attitude! Awesome

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VAMPIREKITCHEN 12/8/2011 11:31AM

    It also always seems like one "slip-up" leads into another. But, in return, one small step forward swings to momentum back to the right direction and leads to more victories. You've got the right attitude! Awesome

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VAMPIREKITCHEN 12/8/2011 11:31AM

    It also always seems like one "slip-up" leads into another. But, in return, one small step forward swings to momentum back to the right direction and leads to more victories. You've got the right attitude! Awesome

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 12/8/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon

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SARAWALKS 12/8/2011 11:21AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DOODIE59 12/8/2011 10:11AM

    Nice positive, supportive, sunny, RALLYING words -- thank you:)
Deirdre

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/8/2011 9:07AM

    Great blog! I could so relate to it with the attitude! Today, I plan to make it a good one, one where I don't stop to doubt that I can do this! emoticon

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