MICKEYMAX   39,635
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See You at the Finish Line

Thursday, December 08, 2011

I woke up with a weird pain, and it took me only a moment to realize what it was - I was laying awkwardly on one of my fat rolls on my stomach. Hmmm. How's that for a reality check?

If for nothing else, I am going to go down a new road just for a change of scenery. I know what it is like to be fat, lethargic, exhausted and unhappy - all from just lugging this extra weight around that has been literally weighing me down.

I have felt confident, in control, relaxed, and assured before --- just not lately. For any number of reasons I could rattle off, I have taken the route of "I don't care, I can't, why bother?" too many times. The consequences of that are I am in pain, squeezing my fat flesh while laying on top of it. There's got to be a better way.

If you read my last blog, you'd know that I am craving the return of my unshakable confidence. The most healthy by product of that feeling will be the other craziness that dissipates then, too. The unnerving feeling that every person is talking about you, feels sorry for you. thinks less than of you. It's good to know that this bit of angst is born out of my own head and will go away once I am feeling fit and friskier, When I am feeling off my game, it is easier to think the worst of everyone, because it is so easy to think the worst of myself then as well. That is so yesterday.

Today's me drinks water instead of soda.

Today's me takes time for a walk, instead of sitting at my desk all day.

Today's me wants to see how far I can go, just because I can.

Today's me is an athlete waiting to happen.

Whatever it is, sparkies, that you have a little glimmer of - of who you want to become, - just believe that is possible, and take one step forward...today.

Tomorrow, we will take two steps.

See you at the finish line.







  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HONEY-SPARKS 12/10/2011 12:37PM

    Great attitude I bet today's me will be the happiest you ever. i have fell in love with today's me but I was in my 30's before I did it. Great blog!

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MAVERICK59 12/9/2011 1:40AM

    I love your spirit!

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STAR_71 12/8/2011 10:40PM

    You can do it!! emoticon

We are all here for you!! emoticon

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STAR_71 12/8/2011 10:40PM

    You can do it!! emoticon

We are all here for you!! emoticon

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SUZWARNR 12/8/2011 1:28PM

    I believe in you. I hear what you mean about that unshakable confidence. Mine wavers a lot lately. But I know you can do this. You're off to a great start today. Keep it going!

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TERRIJ_1 12/8/2011 12:31PM

    emoticon

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_KATHY 12/8/2011 12:16PM

    One really does need to believe it is possible. It IS possible. I to am going down this road because I know it's possible and because I just want to see a different person. To experience things most people enjoy without a second thought

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/8/2011 12:03PM

    emoticon

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KKINNEA 12/8/2011 11:54AM

    Sounds more like an athlete in progress - great job!

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VAMPIREKITCHEN 12/8/2011 11:31AM

    It also always seems like one "slip-up" leads into another. But, in return, one small step forward swings to momentum back to the right direction and leads to more victories. You've got the right attitude! Awesome

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VAMPIREKITCHEN 12/8/2011 11:31AM

    It also always seems like one "slip-up" leads into another. But, in return, one small step forward swings to momentum back to the right direction and leads to more victories. You've got the right attitude! Awesome

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VAMPIREKITCHEN 12/8/2011 11:31AM

    It also always seems like one "slip-up" leads into another. But, in return, one small step forward swings to momentum back to the right direction and leads to more victories. You've got the right attitude! Awesome

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VAMPIREKITCHEN 12/8/2011 11:31AM

    It also always seems like one "slip-up" leads into another. But, in return, one small step forward swings to momentum back to the right direction and leads to more victories. You've got the right attitude! Awesome

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 12/8/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon

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SARAWALKS 12/8/2011 11:21AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DOODIE59 12/8/2011 10:11AM

    Nice positive, supportive, sunny, RALLYING words -- thank you:)
Deirdre

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/8/2011 9:07AM

    Great blog! I could so relate to it with the attitude! Today, I plan to make it a good one, one where I don't stop to doubt that I can do this! emoticon

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What's Important

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

I had this thought noodling around in my head as I went to bed last night - "What is really important?" When I woke up, this answer popped out.

What's important for me is having the courage to believe in myself against all odds.

There that's it. It is not that I will look great in a certain dress, or be able to pull that jacket out of my closet I have not worn in 3 years, it is not being able to be a perfect size.

What is important to me is having the unshakable confidence that I can do anything. When I feel that way, I know everything falls into place.

My 4am gym plan is not very feasible for me. I am a roll out of bed at the last second kind of girl. I am a lifetime card-carrying member of the 5 more minutes club. I have been reluctant to follow the route of going to the gym after work because in my mind, it takes away some time with DH. It is true to a little extent, but there is a part of me that believes that if I don't take the time to work out now, then I am shortening my lifetime with DH. It's kind of like a health version of my 401k. If I don't sock the savings away now, what will I have for my future?

DH leaves for work an hour before me, and he does not subscribe to get up as late as possible. Au contraire, he is mr. morning and wakes up to drink a full pot of kona (solo) and watch the news before he leaves for work (at 4am). That seems kind of silly. :)

So now that I know what's important to me - attaining my level of unshakable confidence, how do I get there? Baby steps. Making promises to myself and keeping them. Following my plan. Doing what is best for me (without harming those around me).

I did not eat bfast before I left home. I stopped at the cafeteria and bought a half pint of milk and a box of cheerios. I actually stood there and read the labels of the cereals to find the lowest carbs. Almost all of the cereals (when combined with milk) fall outside of the guidelines for my plan. I have type 2 diabetes. I won't pretend I have been the poster child for compliance, but I am trying to turn over a new leaf.

Here's to baby steps and the courage to take them. What gives you unshakable confidence sparkies?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CIVIAV 12/8/2011 7:35AM

    Ah yes and the things that shake our confidence need to be put away for another day! Or perhaps never.

Unshakeable confidence? Oh you are so spot on with this one. I know it and will keep taking steps to return to it when shaken or stirred!

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KKINNEA 12/7/2011 12:15PM

    Yes, this seems like a great plan. I'm not sure what gives me confidence - I'll have to think about that!

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DOODIE59 12/7/2011 9:25AM

    Hmmm. What gives me confidence? My children and husband believe in me, and love me. But that's not what you're asking. What do I do for myself that gives me power? That lets me believe in my future? I have been getting better and better at walking the dog earlier in the day, making it a priority by including it in my list of chores, instead of leaving it till last. I have started writing in that little diary at the end of the daily nutrition tracker and have found it EXTREMELY helpful to make a note of where I had downfalls and where it was easier. It helps to pay attention to my food choices -- the whats and the whys. I find that when I acknowledge the bad choice and write down WHY I made it , I am far less likely to make that mistake again. At the very least, I can see it coming when the opportunity arises once more -- and forewarned is forearmed!

I guess TAKING CHARGE is the most important thing we can do for ourselves. Let's drive this bus! Let's take control! When you "own" your life, it's all good:)

Take care
Deirdre

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 12/7/2011 9:16AM

    Right now being ticked off that since I overslept and had to rely on the Mr to fulfil my request of grabbing ONE piece of 2 items I made for the recipe thing on the other blog and he grabbed FOUR...from EACH recipe has sent me into a tizzy. I've told him that they're going straight into the trash after the shoot so if he was planning on a 400 calorie binge on that crap tonight when we had a piece of each last night, he's sorely mistaken. It gives me confidence to know that WILL happen because right now my defenses are weak and I'm PO'd big time he would put that temptation in front of me.

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 12/7/2011 8:22AM

    Meeting my goals gives me loads of confidence. Setting up a plan and sticking to it is such a boost for me. Too bad I forget that. Ugh.

I'm not a morning person either, although I'm trying to do better. The getting up at the last min. was adding to an already too stressful life. Leaving for work 10 min. earlier is getting me to work nearly 20 min. faster. How does THAT math work??? LOL

I hope you have a fabulous day and keep us posted on how things are going.

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What I Need

Monday, December 05, 2011

Here's what I need --- and I need to do it for myself --- and if I can the ripple effects will be felt by many

I need to get my butt out of bed and go to the gym to strength train and ride the bike, and at some point get moving on the elliptical.

The weights though - that is numero uno ---

If anyone wants to help me to shake my tailfeathers out of bed at 4am (eastern standard time) so I can get to gym for a half hour work out by 4am, have at it. Going to bed early is rough for me. I usually work til around 630pm and then drive about an hour to get home.

I am so not a morning person. I have short bouts where I pretend I embrace mornings and it goes well and then I am right back to night owling.

I'm not making excuses - I am trying to come up with a doable plan.

For this week, I will aim to get to the gym once.

I'm still walking and working out with my wii too. I need more activity to get healthy.

Time to shake it. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/6/2011 10:11AM

    UGH! I HATE mornings! They are awful and intrusive! I am a night owl for sure! emoticon emoticonYou won't have any morning help outa me! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DIFROMWYOMING 12/6/2011 9:01AM

    I second Doodie, is there a way you can take time at work to get in some exercise? You put in such long days...even if you could do 2 fifteen minute breaks and 30 minutes of lunch you'd get in an hour of exercise. It's difficult when you are working so long and hard and I do the same a lot, because we know we need exercise but you also need your rest and down time. Keep working on it, I think you'll come up with a solution!

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KEN2473 12/5/2011 11:22PM

    At least you are walking and doing the wii. emoticon

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BRAVENEWGRL 12/5/2011 10:52PM

    You can do it! Just find what you love and enjoy it!

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ANNECEK 12/5/2011 10:14PM

    I really can't handle mornings, going to work early is bad enough! Getting up to work at 4am does not make a life long habit in my book. I would give that up in a heartbeat. You may have to reevaluate your exercise plan. Do what you think is FUN! That way you will want to do it! I love using my Kinect. Does the Wii have a variety of games you can do for fitness? I love the dance games and they are the things that keep me exercising everyday. I also exercise in the evening. It works for me! Realize that all my advice is my opinion, LOL! Good luck in whatever you chose! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/5/2011 10:16:14 PM

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DOODIE59 12/5/2011 9:43PM

    OK, Mickey, I feel for you. I'm a night owl too, and I could not set up a life that requires that I rouse myself at 4 AM. I would think I was still dreaming, and very strange things might happen as a result. (Like, in my dreams I could hit on my trainer and he would respond in kind. heh heh)

Is it at all possible for you to exercise in the course of your day? Take an extra half hour and work out at lunch? Tack it on at the end of the work day, before you drive home?

I hope you find a resolution that truly works with your lifestyle:)
Deirdre

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LRNG2SWET 12/5/2011 9:38PM

    I cant blame you, I wouldnt want to get up and go somewhere at that time of morning, especially when its cold.
I have to do it in my own home. Saves a lot of time.

Wondering, do you have a goal that you feel you just HAVE to meet? Something that you want soooo bad?
Just break it down until you find your daily goal and strive for that goal every morning...it will add up.
Mine is a 2lb. weigh loss weekly. I know if I dont get my tail up at least 4x a week, I am going to be crying on Monday when I weigh in.
Best to you emoticon

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ONEKIDSMOM 12/5/2011 9:27PM

    It's hard even for earlhy birds this time of year when it is dark and cold! Still, a virtual alarm clock to help you... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IBECCA 12/5/2011 9:21PM

    emoticon

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Dumping Sweet and Sour Sauce..

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Well here's a first. I dumped out the sweet and sour sauce that arrived with our Chinese food delivery. I had asked for hot pepper oil for hubby but I guess they got confused. No matter. In the past, I would have put my rice directly into it and soaked it all up. I do have a sweetness "problem" so I am realizing that if I don't start with something, it is easier for me to avoid it. I used this moment as a major step forward for myself. I am not doing everything perfectly, but I am making some darn good moves. Big. bold strokes.

I'll be doing some of the wii before bed. I'll gather my lunch items for the a.m. I will fill my water bottle. I will go to bed at a reasonable hour. I'll pray, I'll meditate, and I will go to bed relaxed and happy. I had a good day - made some good steps.

Hope you had some encouraging steps this weekend, sparkies.
Little by little, we'll get the job done!

WOO HOO!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRIJ_1 12/5/2011 12:05PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/5/2011 9:47AM

    Oh, I am SO proud of you! I'm going to be working off the all you can eat Chinese food I had with Drex on Friday night all week long! I want to be able to say I can do what you have done, and I will! emoticon

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DIFROMWYOMING 12/5/2011 9:27AM

    emoticon That is a wonderful start! That used to be a weakness of mine too but now that I can't have the yummy stuff that goes with it, I just avoid Chinese all the time anyway. Have a good day!

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VIBRANTVAL 12/5/2011 8:49AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Way to Spark!!!!!

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/5/2011 12:55AM

    emoticon

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MUGGLE_MOM 12/4/2011 11:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon You Go Girl! emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAVERICK59 12/4/2011 9:19PM

    Sounds to me like you did excellent today! Good choices all around! emoticon

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AKCHELLE 12/4/2011 7:52PM

    that's awesome!
Those good choices add up!

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Rockbottom Rockstar

Thursday, December 01, 2011

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. (You Dickens fans will know that line is lovingly lifted.)

I had awesome day if not excruciatingly busy at work. Still, my first meeting of the day was well planned for, and I aced it. I did not have an expectation that one of the attendees was going to be a big mucky mucky, - I found out 5 mins before she arrived, I still hit it out of the park. Bombshell perfect. I aced it baby.
Rockstar!

I left work late and smartly drank a latte to wake up before hitting the road. Happily, I was very alert when 3 deer charged in front of my car on the way home. It is pretty common to see them but they popped out of nowhere, involved slamming brakes, and a very alert moi to realize that there were more coming - not just one. Whew.

When I got home in the driveway, I had a really rough time extricating myself from the car. It should not be like this. I had to re-contort myself back in the car in order to try to move my leg in a different direction to get it out. I was stuck. To make matters worse, I was wearing my gray elastic waisted leggings which proceeded to basically peel down my legs so my butt was hanging out in the car. Super.

THEN, my neighbor, who I don't exactly cherish comes out of his house. I am half out of the car, half out of my pants, and need to slide back in the car, and pull the door half shut so he doesn't see me. He probably did see me, but it is the best I could do. Mortifying would be a step up.

He drives off. I shimmy down in the seat, manage to pull my pants as tight up as I can, and re-maneuver so I can get my leg out and hoist the rest of myself up. Truly, having a toyota corolla is not the best in this case, but I am making so much worse on myself.

I drew my line in the sand tonight. I told myself (Mar, no more food. It is over.)
I made the plea bargain with God in the driveway if he got me out of the car, I would stop gorging myself. So now, I need to follow through.

The car is just another point on the horizon really. This season I have passed up
(free) tickets to see an actor/comedian someone most people would give their right arm to see, because I don't think I am going to fit in the seats. I bypassed a business trip to Texas because I could not face the airplane. I have missed untold opportunities because I am unable to use a regular seat, etc.

Mentally, I am in one of the healthiest points of my life. Now, I just really need to rock the action and fix my food problems. I did walk a lot for me today. I handled it, and it gave me the motivation to do it again tomorrow. Real activity has been missing from my life for a while. Really, it's over. I want a good life back. I deserve it, It's my life to live (and love.)

So, I am pulling my big girl pants back on and taking over this body of mine. I am a rockstar, even though I have just seen rockbottom.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAINALABAMA 12/4/2011 10:44PM

    thanks so much for sharing this. i have troubled getting in and out of my car too. i think sometimes i might get a suv but my great car is paid for.

i like your line in the sand!!!

linda emoticon

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LRNG2SWET 12/3/2011 11:20AM

    Thanks for making me laugh out loud with the neighbor / leggings story.
But regarding the rest, I feel your pain. I was having such a difficult time doing things as well when I started this journey 4mo ago. Pain - any type, is a motivator.

The great Mary Kay Ash used to say (I dont know if she is the author of this saying) That change occurs when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.
SO TRUE!
God bless you and I wish you much success in this battle. emoticon

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JENN03275 12/3/2011 9:23AM

    You can ROCK this!!

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LINTPICKER 12/3/2011 8:17AM

    You do rock! and you are worth it!

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SUZWARNR 12/3/2011 7:20AM

    You can do this!! Sometimes, you have to reach that point of no return before you can truly commit to what you want to do. That's what happened to me almost 4 years ago now. I reached a point in my life when I said, enough is enough. I'm tired of being fat, not fitting into clothes. I don't like who I am. I'm starting today to change all this. It didn't happen overnight, but look where I am now. You can do this and you're in the best place for it. Keep going, rockstar!

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BESTCK 12/2/2011 12:19PM

    You are a Rock Star to share this. Do you have any idea how much better you make people feel when they can know they are not alone in their struggle; their embarrassment?

You are going to ROCK December.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/2/2011 11:28AM

    You're amazing, do you know that!?

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DOODIE59 12/2/2011 10:25AM

    The emotions in your blog had me coming and going. Chuckling out loud at your humour and feeling the mortification of the car seat struggle.

You have your line in the sand, and that is good. Just remember to do this out of love for yourself. You know you have a lot to offer. Everyday is a new day to be lived fully and richly. Some days will be "perfect" in terms of food and exercise, some days will be "perfect" because something wonderful happened, and -- yep -- some days won't be perfect. It's all OK. Treat yourself the way you'd treat your cherished best friend. Good things will come from that.

Blessings:)
Deirdre

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CIVIAV 12/2/2011 9:35AM

    It's another level. My big aha moment was different and my current situation not exactly the same but it revolves around the same thing. Wanting a great life to live. I do too!

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DIFROMWYOMING 12/2/2011 8:45AM

    Oh Mar I am sitting here relating to every thing you just posted. I too have noticed that my recent add on of weight has me struggling again to do things I could do just months ago. We went to a movie this week and I have not had to think twice about that for a long time, but I could barely fit in the seat at all, and when it came time to get out...I had a moment of panic when I thought I was stuck. I acted a bit like it was just soreness causing the slow movement, but it was honest to goodness upset that I was so wedged in there! Oh Mar, I am with you all the way. This must stop, and we can again rock our days with positives. Every step: I'm with you.

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SARAWALKS 12/2/2011 7:38AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
ROCK ON!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MUGGLE_MOM 12/2/2011 6:44AM

    Oh Mickey Max, You are a ROCKSTAR!

What a roller coaster of a day. Huge Kudos for your ups, and my heart just breaks for you for your downs. What a tough situation today. I am so impressed that you had the fortitude to write about it, get it out, and use it as motivation. You could just as easily eaten a pint or half gallon of ice cream and cried. You truly are a ROCKSTAR!!!!

You can absolutely do this. Set up your environment, practice your self talk, get your movement in. You are on your way. You can do this.One baby step at a time.

You Go Girl!!!!
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TEDDYBEARGIRL 12/2/2011 12:10AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MAVERICK59 12/1/2011 11:41PM

    You are a rockstar in my eyes! I too have a list of missed and mourned opportunities because of my weight. Even after losing 82 pounds, I still cannot get a tape measure around these hips. I am so there with you girl.
We do this one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.
I always ask God to send me extra Angels if he has any to spare because I need an army from Heaven.
Lets stay focused and change our lives.
Hugs,
Belinda

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SPRINGRS 12/1/2011 11:26PM

    You go girl!

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