Tuesday, October 04, 2011
I think I am shell shocked by a revelation I've had in the last couple of days.
Growing up, I was mostly friends with boys my age. I did have an occasional girl as a BFF, but mostly I was a tomboy who either hung out with my brothers, and a few guy friends.
Inevitably, I would develop crushes on those guy friends through the years.
The fact that nothing transpired with them other than deep meaningful friendship was always something I viewed as a flaw in myself. As it turns out, this was completely unfounded. I am shocked by this new vision in my life. I am seeing myself in new eyes, because I just found out that one in particular that I had pinned my hopes and dreams on once upon a time is gay. I just reconnected with him after many years. He elaborated that he has been with "Frank" for 17 yrs. WTF? I was completely oblivious to this.
Two others also fall into this category. It is very freeing to realize this, and I am marveling that these episodes had nothing to do with me. (Inner yippee!) It's also a bit of a surprise to see that there were several boys (now men) that I was close to that I never knew. I guess in my day and age, folks were less open about it. I embrace them fully as my friends, and would not want to change a thing about them. It's just that I wonder if I knew back then, would I have treated myself a little nicer? Hearing about the third one among my small circle made me see this as all connected.
Can't go back - only move forward. I move forward with fresh eyes, to look at a situation from another angle and force myself when needed to shift the focus away from me. I need to remind myself that whatever the situation, it could likely have nothing to do with me. That is a happy revelation. It's time I stop blaming myself for what is wrong in the world.
What can you do for yourselves, sparkies?
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Yesterday, I ate 8 servings of fruits/veggies.
The last time I did that was 2 weeks ago. Back then, it took me the week to do it.
I am making many positive changes and enjoying how I am making those changes. For the last few months, I've been loosely eating according to my nutritionist's plan for me (for the most part) and I have been keeping my blood sugar very well controlled, however, I have been packing on the pounds.
Now, very slowly, I have been easing off the carbs, particularly the refined variety, and shifting my focus more to fruits and veggies. Nope, the pounds have not been sliding off...yet. I feel many good things happening. I am feeling better. I am walking more. I am not sluggish from the minute I get up to the minute I crash.
The poundage is going to take a while. That's ok. I am not in a race, despite how many challenges I join, or how much I desire to be a size 10, it's not going to happen in the imminent future. That's a math problem that even Einstein couldn't resolve. (I say that with some authority, - my office space sits in the footprint of his old laboratory,)
I'm ramping up by tiny percentages what I do each week, but by doing so, I know I am building lifelong habits, not making sweeping changes on a whim that will fizzle out when I have another disappointing reading on the scale.
My weight fluctuations have been like a pogo stick lately - erratically jumping up and then down. I know many experts say lay off the reading of the scale so frequently, and perhaps I will soon. For right now, it is helping me to see that my body is making adjustments and getting accustomed to the changes I am dealing it. It will settle down when I will.
For today, I am going to reach 8,000 steps. I have been rounding down in my step count and I am closing in on 8,000. A little more effort will get me there. Today is the day. I wanted to go to the gym this morning, but I felt punky upon awakening, and know that I will eventually get there. I am creating a wellness path for my body and for me, taking good care includes knowing when to push, and knowing when to wait.
How do you honor yourselves, sparkies?
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Not much to say tonight, except the corn, bean, tomato, chicken dish turned out great!
I did not get my butt up in time to hit the gym, but I did do 7,000 steps today. I'm on my way to being a regular 10,000 step walker. Woot.
I am planning on early gym time tomorrow (and early bed time tonight) and then a quick stop at the grocery store for lime.
Wishing everyone a great night and an even better day tomorrow. I just had to keep my blogging streak alive.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Well, forgive me if I am standing here patting myself on the back for now.
It was a good day. I was busy, but kept my cool. I did bring my lunch, and heated it up in the microwave in the dining area - something I have not done in the 6 (count 'em, 6) years I have worked here. I thought I would be a burden, in the way, noticed, you name the excuse, it concerned me, but today, I brought my lunch, warmed it up (in public) and ate it at a reasonable hour, and enjoyed it. I took my time.
New concept. Eating slowly. With meaning. Without scarfing it down.
and funny, I wasn't hungry in the next minute after I had eaten.
Oh yeah, and I ate vegetables too. Sound the alarm. When I came home, I had the second half of last night's take-out and added more vegetables. We had an outing at church, and I bypassed all of the goodies (though my lovely friend, M_M might say baddies.) It was very easy to escape, and I enjoyed the thought that I could walk away from such things. :)
In a few minutes, I am putting together a lunch to include black beans, corn and tomatoes. Idea coming from another SP friend. I am on track to get up earlier tomorrow a.m. and get to the gym for ST minutes. A dear friend of mine, M_M who I knew before Spark, reminded me that I have created success in my life before, and all I need to do is re-create it. I am so close to crossing that chasm again. I thought I lost that go-getter forever, but I have seen a glimpse of her, and I know that I am back.
I am celebrating myself with a pat on the back. Woo hoo! Let's go, Sparkies. This is How We Do It.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I'm not good at meal planning. I'm really not good at lunches. I used to be fine, but when I fell off the bandwagon, I really fell off, and now I just frequently fly by the seat off my pants.
I told DH I needed to come up with something this week. I pondered making chicken to bring with veggies aloud. DH jumped into action and volunteered and then took care of making multiple cornish hens so I'd be covered for the week.
Don't be a hater. :)
There's been times I've wondered about the state of my marriage and wondered if the choices I made to get here are the best, but then you have a man who I'll be married to for 10 yrs. (in a month) pop up and take care of this with relish (including making a special brine), huh, it really puts a new spin on love, doesn't it?
So my bird (well half) is sitting in a dish with some bowties, and asparagus stir fry (my contribution to the dish, straight from the microwave) is sitting in the fridge all packed up ready for me to take tomorrow.
So that's how I plan to succeed. Making good choices one at a time, and planning ahead just a wee bit. I'll get better with this planning and executing. Just watch me.
What do you plan and execute sparkies?
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