MICKEYMAX   39,704
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Nothing to Do With Me

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

I think I am shell shocked by a revelation I've had in the last couple of days.

Growing up, I was mostly friends with boys my age. I did have an occasional girl as a BFF, but mostly I was a tomboy who either hung out with my brothers, and a few guy friends.
Inevitably, I would develop crushes on those guy friends through the years.

The fact that nothing transpired with them other than deep meaningful friendship was always something I viewed as a flaw in myself. As it turns out, this was completely unfounded. I am shocked by this new vision in my life. I am seeing myself in new eyes, because I just found out that one in particular that I had pinned my hopes and dreams on once upon a time is gay. I just reconnected with him after many years. He elaborated that he has been with "Frank" for 17 yrs. WTF? I was completely oblivious to this.

Two others also fall into this category. It is very freeing to realize this, and I am marveling that these episodes had nothing to do with me. (Inner yippee!) It's also a bit of a surprise to see that there were several boys (now men) that I was close to that I never knew. I guess in my day and age, folks were less open about it. I embrace them fully as my friends, and would not want to change a thing about them. It's just that I wonder if I knew back then, would I have treated myself a little nicer? Hearing about the third one among my small circle made me see this as all connected.

Can't go back - only move forward. I move forward with fresh eyes, to look at a situation from another angle and force myself when needed to shift the focus away from me. I need to remind myself that whatever the situation, it could likely have nothing to do with me. That is a happy revelation. It's time I stop blaming myself for what is wrong in the world.

What can you do for yourselves, sparkies?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GODDESS181 10/5/2011 12:15AM

    Happy for you. Enjoy your new found insight.
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DIFROMWYOMING 10/4/2011 10:52PM

    I'm glad this was freeing to you...I have to give this some thought tonight.
Hugs, Di

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CANNIE50 10/4/2011 8:13PM

    Yes, there are many times I have had to remind myself "this is not about me". I have also learned, as I have grown older and wiser and braver, to check in with someone about a perception I have of our relationship, or their mood, or whatever is going on. I pride myself on being perceptive but I am often shown that I am not nearly the mind-reader I think I am. I am glad you had these revelations - it sounds like it may be a touchstone for you as you move forward with a healthier lifestyle and a kinder self-image.

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    Isn't it funny what we internalize because it seems a certain way from our perspective?! I'm so glad that your attitude and what you see about yourself has become so healthy along with your body! emoticon

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_KATHY 10/4/2011 10:19AM

    That is an awesome revelation. That statement...Has nothing to do with me....fits me in a slightly different way. I was told and have come to the conclusion that I might possibly be selfish and self centered and think the world revolves around me. ;) Therefore, whatever happens in a negative light, is also all about me. Many times, I was told. "It Aint About YOU" When I finally started seeing that with "fresh eyes" as you said, life and all it holds, became a little bit easier to navigate. Not that I don't have days where I still think it's all about me, but less so..

That feeling of lightness after such a revelation often equates to physical lightness! One less thing or thought that may be getting in the way of being good to ourselves.

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KKINNEA 10/4/2011 9:59AM

    A revelation indeed and one you can carry forward and feel confident about yourself!

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Pogo Stick

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Yesterday, I ate 8 servings of fruits/veggies.

The last time I did that was 2 weeks ago. Back then, it took me the week to do it.

I am making many positive changes and enjoying how I am making those changes. For the last few months, I've been loosely eating according to my nutritionist's plan for me (for the most part) and I have been keeping my blood sugar very well controlled, however, I have been packing on the pounds.

Now, very slowly, I have been easing off the carbs, particularly the refined variety, and shifting my focus more to fruits and veggies. Nope, the pounds have not been sliding off...yet. I feel many good things happening. I am feeling better. I am walking more. I am not sluggish from the minute I get up to the minute I crash.

The poundage is going to take a while. That's ok. I am not in a race, despite how many challenges I join, or how much I desire to be a size 10, it's not going to happen in the imminent future. That's a math problem that even Einstein couldn't resolve. (I say that with some authority, - my office space sits in the footprint of his old laboratory,)

I'm ramping up by tiny percentages what I do each week, but by doing so, I know I am building lifelong habits, not making sweeping changes on a whim that will fizzle out when I have another disappointing reading on the scale.

My weight fluctuations have been like a pogo stick lately - erratically jumping up and then down. I know many experts say lay off the reading of the scale so frequently, and perhaps I will soon. For right now, it is helping me to see that my body is making adjustments and getting accustomed to the changes I am dealing it. It will settle down when I will.

For today, I am going to reach 8,000 steps. I have been rounding down in my step count and I am closing in on 8,000. A little more effort will get me there. Today is the day. I wanted to go to the gym this morning, but I felt punky upon awakening, and know that I will eventually get there. I am creating a wellness path for my body and for me, taking good care includes knowing when to push, and knowing when to wait.

How do you honor yourselves, sparkies?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRISNA 9/24/2011 11:31AM

    I really liked your blog. The part about creating a wellness path and knowing when to push and when to wait is a really important part of this journey. Way to go on the steps! It is amazing how they add up and motivate you to do more.

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    Habits are much more important than results in the beginning because it's those habits that will GET results in the future! Keep up the awesome work!

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DIFROMWYOMING 9/21/2011 10:49PM

    My goodness.... I need to get where you are! Wonderful job with everything. So proud of you.

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CANNIE50 9/21/2011 1:46PM

    I love your phrase about "creating a wellness path" because the more you take that path, the easier the path becomes. Good work.

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BECKY3774 9/21/2011 1:29PM

    Your blog beautiful states everything that I'm feeling lately. I need to put more focus on the not so apparent changes and forget about the scale for awhile....Great job!

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BESTCK 9/21/2011 12:29PM

    I honor myself by not giving up and moving on from a bad day.

Your post is uplifting as always. Congrats on your progress.

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_KATHY 9/21/2011 11:35AM

    I'm all for progress! However slowly, progress is still moving in the right direction. How do I honor myself? Good question. I honor myself in forgiveness and encouraging self talk. By making better decisions for my well being.

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CHANGE_4_ME 9/21/2011 10:46AM

    Great post and great attitude! I honor me by taking "me" time. Sometimes that's my activity time and sometimes it's sitting on my back porch enjoying some peace and quiet.

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DOODIE59 9/21/2011 8:26AM

    Lovely, positive blog, Mickey -- just keep doing what you're doing:)

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SHAWFAN 9/21/2011 8:00AM

    emoticonon the small changes! They can add up to big changes for you! As for how I honor myself, I remind myself daily that this is the only body I have and I have to treat it with respect if I want to continue on this thing called life. emoticon emoticon

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TRULYVISIBLE 9/21/2011 7:45AM

  Yes for building lifelong healthy habits. You ask how we honor ourselves. I think of my body as a temple and I worship it by putting nutritious food in it. Putting junk in it would be disrespectful.

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Following my path

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Not much to say tonight, except the corn, bean, tomato, chicken dish turned out great!

I did not get my butt up in time to hit the gym, but I did do 7,000 steps today. I'm on my way to being a regular 10,000 step walker. Woot.

I am planning on early gym time tomorrow (and early bed time tonight) and then a quick stop at the grocery store for lime.

Wishing everyone a great night and an even better day tomorrow. I just had to keep my blogging streak alive.

Woo hoo!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDDYBEARGIRL 9/21/2011 1:01AM


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GODDESS181 9/21/2011 12:30AM


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KKINNEA 9/20/2011 11:54PM

    Amazing job on your steps!

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MUGGLE_MOM 9/20/2011 10:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
You Go Girl!!!!!!
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TEACHEROF4TH 9/20/2011 10:06PM

    You are amazing...on track and a realist. I love how you set goals and keep life in perspective at the same time. Keep it going!

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CANNIE50 9/20/2011 10:02PM

    Good for you on your blogging streak, and great job on the steps. 10,000 steps will soon be second nature to you. emoticon

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LRNG2SWET 9/20/2011 9:47PM

    Im on my way to being a 10,000 stepper too. I have my tracker set at 5,000 to ensure success while Im getting started, but I will be changing that soon.
We can do this! emoticon

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This is How We Do It

Monday, September 19, 2011

Well, forgive me if I am standing here patting myself on the back for now.

It was a good day. I was busy, but kept my cool. I did bring my lunch, and heated it up in the microwave in the dining area - something I have not done in the 6 (count 'em, 6) years I have worked here. I thought I would be a burden, in the way, noticed, you name the excuse, it concerned me, but today, I brought my lunch, warmed it up (in public) and ate it at a reasonable hour, and enjoyed it. I took my time.


Ha ha.

New concept. Eating slowly. With meaning. Without scarfing it down.

and funny, I wasn't hungry in the next minute after I had eaten.

Oh yeah, and I ate vegetables too. Sound the alarm. When I came home, I had the second half of last night's take-out and added more vegetables. We had an outing at church, and I bypassed all of the goodies (though my lovely friend, M_M might say baddies.) It was very easy to escape, and I enjoyed the thought that I could walk away from such things. :)

In a few minutes, I am putting together a lunch to include black beans, corn and tomatoes. Idea coming from another SP friend. I am on track to get up earlier tomorrow a.m. and get to the gym for ST minutes. A dear friend of mine, M_M who I knew before Spark, reminded me that I have created success in my life before, and all I need to do is re-create it. I am so close to crossing that chasm again. I thought I lost that go-getter forever, but I have seen a glimpse of her, and I know that I am back.

I am celebrating myself with a pat on the back. Woo hoo! Let's go, Sparkies. This is How We Do It.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BESTCK 9/20/2011 4:57PM

    This IS how we do it! Isn't it amazing how much we convince ourselves that other people ar paying attention to us when they couldn't care less! You're not freaking people out by bringing your lunch and I'm not freaking people out by trying to learn to run on the treadmill at the gym.

Look at us GROW!

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CANNIE50 9/20/2011 3:26PM

    I have been catching up on your blogs so I am happy to read this one and see how well you are doing. Stay Sparkly! We are pulling for you.

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_KATHY 9/20/2011 11:43AM

    Progress is an awesome thing ! Everyday is a success. Great blog. emoticon

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SARAWALKS 9/20/2011 9:35AM

    I love it - "I ate vegetables. Sound the alarm." You have a great sense of humor and that and all your other good qualities are gonna get you there!

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MUGGLE_MOM 9/20/2011 8:53AM


I am in awe that you had the bravery to heat up your lunch and eat it in public if those are the types of thoughts that run through your head. We all have 'baddies' that talk to us and the dialogue is unique. I am so much impressed that you were able to beat those bad boys back and do what you needed to do to take care of Mickey Max! You are definitely on your way to Super Hero status.

I am so thankful that you see that go-getter in you. She's not gone. Just a little shy. Give her some more reasons to come out and play and I bet she's here in a heartbeat! Whooo Hooo for getting up tomorrow and hitting the weights! You've committed to it. I know you'll do it!

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 9/20/2011 1:45AM


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ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/19/2011 11:49PM

    You fully deserve that pat on the back!! Great job!!

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LINDABENEDICT 9/19/2011 9:07PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PLSMOM 9/19/2011 9:05PM

    Wooohoooo! Way to go! You SHOULD be giving yourself a pat on the back...it's well deserved! emoticon emoticon

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On the Menu

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I'm not good at meal planning. I'm really not good at lunches. I used to be fine, but when I fell off the bandwagon, I really fell off, and now I just frequently fly by the seat off my pants.

I told DH I needed to come up with something this week. I pondered making chicken to bring with veggies aloud. DH jumped into action and volunteered and then took care of making multiple cornish hens so I'd be covered for the week.

Don't be a hater. :)

There's been times I've wondered about the state of my marriage and wondered if the choices I made to get here are the best, but then you have a man who I'll be married to for 10 yrs. (in a month) pop up and take care of this with relish (including making a special brine), huh, it really puts a new spin on love, doesn't it?

So my bird (well half) is sitting in a dish with some bowties, and asparagus stir fry (my contribution to the dish, straight from the microwave) is sitting in the fridge all packed up ready for me to take tomorrow.

So that's how I plan to succeed. Making good choices one at a time, and planning ahead just a wee bit. I'll get better with this planning and executing. Just watch me.

What do you plan and execute sparkies?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_KATHY 9/20/2011 11:51AM

    What a lovely DH you have to do those things for you. I've heard of such things. :) My sister has a DH like that. My DH is awesome and helpful in his ways. The kitchen not being on e of them. I believe in planning though.

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MUGGLE_MOM 9/19/2011 6:24PM

    Sounds like a very yummy lunch. Thank you DH for being such a great keeper. I hope you two do something lovely for your 10 year anniversary.

Planning is tough. I'm not very good at it, but I do like to make soups and stews in the crockpot and pressure cooker and put them in the fridge in individual servings. I'm big on Thai Chickpeas, Lentil soup, split pea soup, chicken stew, chilli and I'm thinking of adding moussaka to the list since it came out so yummy the last time I made it. I like to make 2 on Sunday or Monday and have them to go between all week. I pick two different ones the next week.

Oh, my favorite foodie websites are:
eatingwell . com
cleaneatingmag . com
cookinglight . com
and of course Spark

Oh, and cleaneatingmag has 14 days of menus, but if you just pick out the meals that you can have for lunch, that gives you some ideas too.

Hope it all goes well.

Comment edited on: 9/19/2011 6:37:19 PM

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PATRISNA 9/19/2011 2:39PM

    Good Plan Great Husband!


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MUSTANG_SALLY2 9/19/2011 12:24PM

    I usually plan my dinners and then make enough to portion out for lunches. Most weeks, that works really well. Then I have yummy food for both meals and since I like leftovers, it works out nicely.


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DOODIE59 9/19/2011 8:51AM

    Yeah -- it's the unplanned that will get us every time:) From personal experience, I find I put most effort and energy into our dinner which means that it is always the most nutritionally well rounded and healthful. My husband loves leftovers for lunch so I aim to have enough for two or three lunches ... this could apply to you. Just as a suggestion: stuffed peppers (chili-based and heavy on the veggies, black beans and quinoa), coq au vin on brown rice w added veggies, curries on brown rice -- I always add an entire freezer bag of frozen veggies to this main meal (you know -- disguising the veggie flavour from the kids w heavily flavoured sauces), also even a carefully made pasta sauce w very lean ground meat can include TONS of veggies ... just keep the amount of pasta down.

Also, I got into the habit of chunky salads (kids were more likely to eat them). A chunky greek salad -- 6 ingredients + dressing (cherry tomatoes, red peppers, half onion, chunked cucumbers, cubed feta and small amount of black olives provides high fibre and protein. I sometimes put Paul Newman's low cal Balsamic vinaigrette on this -- tastes great:)

You can check the website for a number of black bean and corn salads -- mine is BIG on chopped veggies and there is no fat, only the juice of a lime as the dressing. It's fantastic, if I say so myself:) and hugely filling. Of course, tabouleh is an old standby ... just add any other veggies you like to bump up the fibre and nutrition ...

Plan away, my friend ... and enjoy the rest of your week!
And, yes, it sounds like you have a peach of a husband -- Yay!

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TECAVINESS 9/19/2011 12:01AM

    Sounds like a great plan. I really need to plan my lunches better. With my busy schedule and working in retail, I usually don't even get to eat lunch.

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DIFROMWYOMING 9/18/2011 11:24PM

    Breakfast and lunch. I used to have oatmeal every morning, but the celiac's put an end to that. So now it's corn chex...yogurt for a mid morning snack....and then I plan a lunch. Same idea as yours, chicken and veggies or fruit or both...sometimes a casserole I've put together with rice or corn tortillas. I'm pretty good at planning...it's the 'un-planned' stuff that gets me every time! emoticon

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