Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I noticed something last night, in the tiniest little way, my stomach is starting to deflate.
Call out the National Guard! WOOT! I was pumped when I saw that tiny little change starting to take place. It was subtle but just enough for me to notice a bit of definition forming. Woot!
Sure, the scale has its place to provide feedback on the numbers, and I can't ignore those either, but this is what jumped out at me. It feels great to see something changing.
I am having a super busy week at work, busy for someone who doesn't flinch at 12 hour days. So last night, I stopped at the supermarket on the way home and brought myself a bag of salad, some fruit and a small container of ice cream. The first two came to work and are now in my fridge. The latter is at home in the freezer, where I will eat, when I have room on my plate....straight from the carton.
I am realizing about myself it is so much more for me about the process. I don't need a lot of ice cream to be satisfied. (Satisfied is my new favorite word). In fact, a couple of teaspoonfuls is just the right portion. It is the enjoyment of having exactly what I want without settling on something else. Even my salad takes that form. I don't mind salad. If I can have it with the dressing I like, I am happy. That has come to work now also. YAY! This fridge idea has been a fantastic addition.
Well sparkies, wishing you all a fabulous day! Today is the last hurrah before the first challenge weigh-in. I am going to take a hint from my pal, NOTABOUTTHEFACE (aka, The Mrs) and go do a few mins of activity at the top of every hour. What a darn good idea! Woo hoo!
Monday, September 12, 2011
What could be better than the world's best cheat meal? ...... A meal that isn't cheating...
Tonight, I stopped at the supermarket (GIANT) on the way home and checked every bag of tortilla chips til I found the best bang for my carb bucks. The store brand won for delivering 14 chips per serving. That coupled with a little cheddar (cut up into tiny bite sized pieces makes it look like more and melts better) and a couple of spoons of salsa and hello! I am in heaven.
Not cheating. Fits perfectly into my plan. Snoopy dance. Because it FEELS like I am indulging and it looks like I am indulging, I feel way more satisfied. It is freaking delightful. It was a blessed ah-ha moment. Making things fit. It's awesome to be taking care of myself on every level.
Hoping you found a way to do some self care for yourselves today as well, sparkies! What say you?
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Today is the day I remained true to my word.
I said I'd avoid the newscasts like the plague. I did.
I planned on eating an omelet with spinach/mushrooms for bfast. I did.
I thought about skipping church because of the 9-11 commemorations. I did.
I said I'd go walking. I did. (twice)
I said I'd do laundry. (I will) (ha ha)
Today is becoming the day I planned for myself. I am keeping to my word, and following through - not just letting my plans go to the wayside with the best of intentions.
Life is good. I am terribly sorry for all those families who lost loved ones on this 10th anniversary, and I consider myself one of them. Not related by blood, but a deep, meaningful friendship that I will carry memories with me for the rest of my life. In the meantime, though, I'll be living.
How do you keep your word to yourself, sparkies?
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Facing the Past, and accepting the past, makes it easier to move forward to your future. I was determined that even though I did not want to go face my deceased friend's family alone, I would go as it is the 10th anniversary of his death. He died in the line of duty in the World Trade Center.
It has been years, since we have been together. maybe 5 or 7? I'm not sure. I just know that I was disappointed in my husband for not be willing to come, and still I managed it alone. The drive went through some really crazy NYC highways (OMG!) but patting myself on the back, I made it. I did it. Alone.
I didn't know my way around the destination either, but I followed my spidey senses, and managed. When I got to face to face with his wife, I burst out crying for a moment. I noticed something that surprised me. "I" was the only one crying. I miss my friend terribly, even still. But out of all of the people that were there, I was the only one shedding tears. I bucked up and pulled myself together. I did slip again when I met one of this brothers, but it didn't last long.
The end result is good. I did something that was very difficult for me, but made me feel as if I should be there to mark the occasion. I spent the afternoon getting to know his 12 yr old son a bit, and also with his partner on the job, whom I have also known for many years. It was a cathartic day. I also proved to myself that I still have my driving chops as I skilfully handled the roads of Brooklyn and Queens. Those people are nuts!
I walked all over. WOOT! I ate fine. I hugged. I laughed. I cried. I took a few pics. I got through it. I faced my past. Now it is time for me to face my future.
Friday, September 09, 2011
How do I define myself? I've been pondering. There are moments in my life where I have shown courage and strength and I have been reaching back through my memories to pull those out. These are reminders to myself that I am a strong woman who can overcome.
This is a vulnerable time of year for me. There is just no getting around it. I have tried to bury it, eat my way through it, cry through it, vent through it, isolate myself through it. You name it - I have tried that route. Except one. I have not just felt it. I have not just accepted the fact that it was going to tear at me, and remind me of losses no matter what I did.
So that is what I am doing. If I cry, I cry. If I laugh, I laugh.
I loved big. Loving big was a choice. That choice still defines me. I go big or I go home. And I ain't ready to go home. My mother frequently says, (half in jest, half not so much) "If I knew then, what I know now...." as if her choices would have been different. Not me. I still would do what I am doing. I make choices. I am my decisions.
I made some less than stellar decisions last night in the food dept. I am right back on track today. I am wearing my favorite new outfit (and I look great, I think). It helps me to feel confident and see myself in a light that I deserve all of the goodness.
That's just it. Life comes at you fast. You make choices. You can choose to do something and make a difference whether it is for you or for someone else, but either way, life is just going to keep coming. Go big, or get out of the way. :)
What's your choice for yourself today, sparkies?
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