Thursday, September 15, 2011
Gloves are off. I need to reinvent myself. I couldn't get out of my car tonight. I did eventually, but it took some effort. WTH? Seriously? I could not get out of my car. I wheezed walking over to my car, and yes, possibly some of that may be due in part to allergies, but seriously, I am fat. over fat. I am tired of being huge. I want to make changes, but I am falling short of being my own miracle.
In some ways I am happier than I have ever been, but in others, I am miserable. I need a big freaking push to make myself matter more to me. Why should I have to do that/ WTH? When did I become so complacent that I stopped caring? Who is this? I need my old kick ass self to come back and take charge.
The RIP is born..
The Re-Invention Project.
I don't know how I am going to do it. I don't. But I am starting now. Working on separating the good, from the bad, and the ugly. That's the fat. I am just sick of feeling ugly, not being able to breathe and taking the elevator.
I can't fix it all overnight. I have tried that route. It doesn't work.
But, I got to start somewhere.
I need to go to google maps.
What have you done to reinvent yourself???
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I hope I did not wake my neighbors when I yelled out, "Are you freaking kidding me?" when I hopped on the scale this morning.
(insert more colorful language here)
Yeah, it was something like that. I walked x minutes, I ate bags of salads, (yes, you read that right), I did this, I did that. ,,,, and I still did not lose the weight I expected to this week. I am not saying that I thought it would ALL fall off this week, but seriously, body, throw me a bone here.
Nope, she says.
I'll drop it when I am good and ready. You keep doing this and that, and when I am ready to throw down a couple, I'll get back to you.
Yes, but I am doing a challenge here. My friends.....what will they think?
Well, your friends will understand. They've met me before. They know I won't budge until I say I am ready to budge.
Oh ok. You're kind of being a ***** though.
Yeah. So. Sue me. You've mistreated me for so long. You've thrown so much crap in me for so long. Just because you say you're ready for me to forgive you, and you are ready to grow up, and work together doesn't mean I am ready to believe you. You have to earn my respect. When I believe you, that you are in this for us, then you will see a difference.
Ok, body wins again. For now. I'll keep trying to do my part, make inroads on where we can come together and hopefully she will see things my way from here on out.
(Disclaimer: no, I am not losing it...just having a conversation with my body).
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I noticed something last night, in the tiniest little way, my stomach is starting to deflate.
Call out the National Guard! WOOT! I was pumped when I saw that tiny little change starting to take place. It was subtle but just enough for me to notice a bit of definition forming. Woot!
Sure, the scale has its place to provide feedback on the numbers, and I can't ignore those either, but this is what jumped out at me. It feels great to see something changing.
I am having a super busy week at work, busy for someone who doesn't flinch at 12 hour days. So last night, I stopped at the supermarket on the way home and brought myself a bag of salad, some fruit and a small container of ice cream. The first two came to work and are now in my fridge. The latter is at home in the freezer, where I will eat, when I have room on my plate....straight from the carton.
I am realizing about myself it is so much more for me about the process. I don't need a lot of ice cream to be satisfied. (Satisfied is my new favorite word). In fact, a couple of teaspoonfuls is just the right portion. It is the enjoyment of having exactly what I want without settling on something else. Even my salad takes that form. I don't mind salad. If I can have it with the dressing I like, I am happy. That has come to work now also. YAY! This fridge idea has been a fantastic addition.
Well sparkies, wishing you all a fabulous day! Today is the last hurrah before the first challenge weigh-in. I am going to take a hint from my pal, NOTABOUTTHEFACE (aka, The Mrs) and go do a few mins of activity at the top of every hour. What a darn good idea! Woo hoo!
Monday, September 12, 2011
What could be better than the world's best cheat meal? ...... A meal that isn't cheating...
Tonight, I stopped at the supermarket (GIANT) on the way home and checked every bag of tortilla chips til I found the best bang for my carb bucks. The store brand won for delivering 14 chips per serving. That coupled with a little cheddar (cut up into tiny bite sized pieces makes it look like more and melts better) and a couple of spoons of salsa and hello! I am in heaven.
Not cheating. Fits perfectly into my plan. Snoopy dance. Because it FEELS like I am indulging and it looks like I am indulging, I feel way more satisfied. It is freaking delightful. It was a blessed ah-ha moment. Making things fit. It's awesome to be taking care of myself on every level.
Hoping you found a way to do some self care for yourselves today as well, sparkies! What say you?
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Today is the day I remained true to my word.
I said I'd avoid the newscasts like the plague. I did.
I planned on eating an omelet with spinach/mushrooms for bfast. I did.
I thought about skipping church because of the 9-11 commemorations. I did.
I said I'd go walking. I did. (twice)
I said I'd do laundry. (I will) (ha ha)
Today is becoming the day I planned for myself. I am keeping to my word, and following through - not just letting my plans go to the wayside with the best of intentions.
Life is good. I am terribly sorry for all those families who lost loved ones on this 10th anniversary, and I consider myself one of them. Not related by blood, but a deep, meaningful friendship that I will carry memories with me for the rest of my life. In the meantime, though, I'll be living.
How do you keep your word to yourself, sparkies?
Get An Email Alert Each Time MICKEYMAX Posts