MICKEYMAX   39,529
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MICKEYMAX's Recent Blog Entries

Facing the Past (Day 4 of the Challenge)

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Facing the Past, and accepting the past, makes it easier to move forward to your future. I was determined that even though I did not want to go face my deceased friend's family alone, I would go as it is the 10th anniversary of his death. He died in the line of duty in the World Trade Center.

It has been years, since we have been together. maybe 5 or 7? I'm not sure. I just know that I was disappointed in my husband for not be willing to come, and still I managed it alone. The drive went through some really crazy NYC highways (OMG!) but patting myself on the back, I made it. I did it. Alone.

I didn't know my way around the destination either, but I followed my spidey senses, and managed. When I got to face to face with his wife, I burst out crying for a moment. I noticed something that surprised me. "I" was the only one crying. I miss my friend terribly, even still. But out of all of the people that were there, I was the only one shedding tears. I bucked up and pulled myself together. I did slip again when I met one of this brothers, but it didn't last long.

The end result is good. I did something that was very difficult for me, but made me feel as if I should be there to mark the occasion. I spent the afternoon getting to know his 12 yr old son a bit, and also with his partner on the job, whom I have also known for many years. It was a cathartic day. I also proved to myself that I still have my driving chops as I skilfully handled the roads of Brooklyn and Queens. Those people are nuts!

I walked all over. WOOT! I ate fine. I hugged. I laughed. I cried. I took a few pics. I got through it. I faced my past. Now it is time for me to face my future.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEORGIA_KAY 9/15/2011 10:11AM

    What a loving heart you have. You are an amazing woman, and I'm so glad I know you!
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SARAWALKS 9/11/2011 12:17PM

    emoticon I tip my hat to you, for going ahead and crying, a good and brave thing to do (I'm sure it meant a lot to people to see that you were feeling for them) AND for managing those expressways and all the other good stuff.
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CANNIE50 9/11/2011 1:30AM

    You did the honorable thing and you went way out of your way to do it, which makes it even more special. Your friend deserved nothing less, and you, as a true friend, delivered. I admire this. emoticon

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/10/2011 10:55PM

    You rock! You did several things that would send weaker souls seeking shelter. Way to go facing several fears and conquering them!! Glad you got to have your reunion and find comfort in that.

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BECKY3774 9/10/2011 9:43PM

    emoticon for facing your fears and your past. You told me the first time you messaged me that you liked my attitude, but honey, you've got it too! I love it!!! You are definitely headed in the right direction, and I am honored to be sharing this trip together emoticon

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BESTCK 9/10/2011 9:18PM

    That is something to be proud of, Mickey! Being there to honor someone who passed, especially on that day, is always appreciated and I know it always makes me feel better whether I am the one on the giving or receiving end of the respects.

I'm sorry that you lost your friend but I'm glad you could spend this day with his family and other people who loved him.

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I Make Choices (Day 3 of the Challenge)

Friday, September 09, 2011

How do I define myself? I've been pondering. There are moments in my life where I have shown courage and strength and I have been reaching back through my memories to pull those out. These are reminders to myself that I am a strong woman who can overcome.

This is a vulnerable time of year for me. There is just no getting around it. I have tried to bury it, eat my way through it, cry through it, vent through it, isolate myself through it. You name it - I have tried that route. Except one. I have not just felt it. I have not just accepted the fact that it was going to tear at me, and remind me of losses no matter what I did.

So that is what I am doing. If I cry, I cry. If I laugh, I laugh.

I loved big. Loving big was a choice. That choice still defines me. I go big or I go home. And I ain't ready to go home. My mother frequently says, (half in jest, half not so much) "If I knew then, what I know now...." as if her choices would have been different. Not me. I still would do what I am doing. I make choices. I am my decisions.

I made some less than stellar decisions last night in the food dept. I am right back on track today. I am wearing my favorite new outfit (and I look great, I think). It helps me to feel confident and see myself in a light that I deserve all of the goodness.

That's just it. Life comes at you fast. You make choices. You can choose to do something and make a difference whether it is for you or for someone else, but either way, life is just going to keep coming. Go big, or get out of the way. :)

What's your choice for yourself today, sparkies?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRISNA 9/10/2011 10:24AM

    emoticon blog! We all have days when our food choices are not the best.

I write quotes from SP blogs or other sources in my journals that help me. I found this one on 7/13/10 on Puggys004 blog:

"Every morning is a completely new day to start over and get back on track. No matter what happened yesterday, today is the day you will once again work on being healthy and fit. Say that every morning when you wake up."

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/9/2011 6:53PM

    Awesome post. My choice for today is to be apparently less than stellar every which way (eating, mothering, pta, personally, household, all of it less than stella), but tomorrow I can do better. Thanks for a great post.

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 9/9/2011 5:17PM

    Good blog.......I chose to walk today despite back pain and glad i did!

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SARAWALKS 9/9/2011 11:00AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CIVIAV 9/9/2011 8:55AM

    I remember a line,
Lead, follow or get out of the way.
Today, I may choose anyone of these but the choice for myself now that I am on this journey is to clearly choose. Choose big. It's loads more fun!

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BECKY3774 9/9/2011 8:37AM

    I think that you and I are a lot alike. This blog sounded a lot like me. If you read through the last month of my blogs(not that I'm expecting you to!) You'll see that I had like a three week period of time that I made "less than stellar" choices. The difference is, now we know how to pull ourselves out of it. "Feeling" is a scary thing when we're used to numbing ourselves with food. It takes a long time to undo what we've done, but I think we're all capable of getting there.

I am so glad that you added me as a friend, I feel that we both have a lot to offer one another!


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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/9/2011 8:34AM

    Oh, yes. Time does NOT slow down! What we decided to do yesterday is already DONE, so today we'd better make COUNT! Great blog, Mickey, and thanks for blessing MY day! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MUGGLE_MOM 9/9/2011 8:05AM

    You are definitely a girl who Lives and Loves Big! You heart has enough love it in to support a pretty large third world country if they needed you and you felt so inclined. and yes, I'm being modest in my estimation!!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy that you are turning some of that amazing love and support on yourself. No one and I mean no one deserves it more than you do.

I know this is a tough time for you. Its nice to see you thinking about how to handle it. Good luck giving your emotions the space they need.

I'm here if you need anything!
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PARKERB2 9/9/2011 7:52AM

    Thanks for reminding me to try and do my best and I can go big, the sky's the limit. Right now I'm trying to take a series of test,work related, and I am going big on it. I WILL PASS THEM All with hard study habits and determation. Thanks for a good blog and have a a great day Mickey Max.

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BESTCK 9/9/2011 7:49AM

    That's a great blog. I never regret loving big, even if I get hurt in the end. It's lessons learned to make the next experience even better.

Congrats on your stellar food choices. I know you're going to Sparkle today!

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Happiness is a Cold Sandwich (Day 2 of the Challenge)

Thursday, September 08, 2011

It's funny the big difference a little thing can make. When the little thing is the way you view yourself and the understanding that you are worth the effort, and deserve to be treated well (especially by yourself) that it shifts everything into a new perspective.

I am doing things for myself without guilt (well mostly) and enjoying it. The new mini fridge I have in the office is hugging my food, and keeping it chilled. I don't have to have the compulsion to rush to eat because my yogurt is not going to get warm, or it is not going to taste as good. My mini fridge is a luxury to me like a cashmere mink. (don't call peta!)

This morning's commute was a wild one. I left 25 mins earlier than my already "leave early time" --- there was thunder, lightning and heavy rain all morning. Add to the hurricane (and earthquake) we had last week and folks are on edge everywhere. Throw in driving in the dark, on ponded roadways and you have a heck of a mess. I was shocked to find my on-ramp to Rt 95 (expressway) nearly flooded out. One car was off the road there, and the rest was almost impassable. If it keeps raining for another hour, it will be closed, I am pretty sure.

Most of the trip was fine except for a few tailgaters, which is not abnormal. I don't speed when the roads are slick, so I just slap on my hazards and it becomes the choice du jour for them to move around me. Problem solved. Crankiness (and accidents) averted. When I got up to the last leg of trip, I took a chance and drove down one of the usual roads. Most people were doing exactly what every news station tells you not to do ---- drive through the flooded roadway. I went so far, saw how bad it was, couldn't see how much more there would be ahead. I let others do what they wanted, and backed up, turned around and went a different route.

This is so much like my own way of thinking. I am one to stop and analyze and even if everyone else says let's go do this, I am not a sheep. I just have never been. It is one of those things that makes me, me. It's actually my favorite attribute. The cheese stands alone.

Mentally, I love where I am right now. I have strongly embraced myself and I am making a difference to myself and others, choice by choice.

Moving into day 2 of the BLC challenge, and I am making positive moves. I had a healthy breakfast at home, made lunch (stuck it in the fridge, tee hee) and have the day set out in front of me. I have my resistance band. I'm a happy camper!

What sort of things do you do to value yourself, sparkies?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSHOPPER63 9/10/2011 3:50PM

    Mickey wow girl, you are truly an inspiration. I love your mini fridge, what a great idea. I am so excited with the positive attitude and changes you are making. You are well worth the effort my Sapphire Sis.

emoticon Jo

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SARAWALKS 9/8/2011 10:51PM

    Hi ho the derry-oh, the cheese stands alone! Keep right on standing, Mickey! emoticon

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/8/2011 3:38PM

    I don't know...It's kind of sad, but I have to think about your question...maybe that I don't give up...once I'm set on something I don't stop until it's done. Sure wish Mother Nature would give you guys a break and share some of that weather with the rest of the country. Be safe when you have to go out.

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KRW4LIFE 9/8/2011 3:02PM

    I love a good thunderstorm!!! Thank you for making me think about ways to value myself.

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YESITSDEB 9/8/2011 2:05PM

    We often take for granted the little things in life that can truly make a positive difference (mini fridge). You're worth it! emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/8/2011 11:31AM

    Good blog! Hmmm! Value myself... well, I decided a while back that I am worth getting a pedicure now and then, and I get my hair done at a "nice" place, not a chop shop. I think it's nice to treat myself to a nice thing like that now and then! emoticon emoticon

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PATRISNA 9/8/2011 11:16AM

    You are on the right path. I have been trying not to be a sheep and just be myself and do things for me. It is hard when you are used to taking care of everyone else first. I believe a big change to thinking about me and what makes me happy was when I found a goal on one of my teams that said something like take time for me 15 minutes a every day.

I am so glad we do not have a lot of traffic here. The worst is driving in Dothan and I am glad we live in a smaller town. When we lived in Florida and I had to commute to Crestview from Mary Esther that was a horrible 63 miles one way. The worst days were Fridays & on long weekend holidays s when everyone was heading to the beach. The traffic would be standing still for miles.

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BAYBELIEVER 9/8/2011 10:57AM

    Great blog! Love the "cheese stands alone" line! So me too! Sorry your commute was so ugly, but the mini-fridge sounds awesome! Even better than a mink.

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CHANGE_4_ME 9/8/2011 10:54AM

    Great blog! Don't be a sheep! =] I love my mini fridge. Have a great day!

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CIVIAV 9/8/2011 10:17AM

    It's neat to think of being guilt free but only the journey that will bring me there...
I laughed when you said, I have my resistance band. I thought you meant a symbol of resistance. I'm gonna use mine for that and remember to send all my resistance that way...

Thanks for a great blog!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 9/8/2011 9:43AM

    It's great to be in a good mental space! Keep it up, you're worth it!

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KIKI0531 9/8/2011 8:15AM

    How crazy is it that when you asked what do you do to value yourself .. my initial response was - I always consider my familys needs first ?!? As I have gone through this new journey, I have started to carve a niche for myself where I consider myself first and I will be honest -- it is foreign to me.

I need to think about this one a little more ......

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SHAWFAN 9/8/2011 8:09AM

    emoticon To take care of you!

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RONDADEBI 9/8/2011 8:07AM

    Mickey even if we are not team mates, I'm hoping the best for you...loved your blog btw...

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It's Go Time (Day 1 of the challenge)

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Day 1 of the BLC Focused Challenge and I am feeling good from where I am. I brought my resistance band to work AND used it. :) I am going to look for more exercises to do with them, but I can tell already that my arms are getting a work out. I've done several reps twice today.

My new mini fridge arrived and I stashed my lunch inside. It gets super cold. I am super stoked. Usually by the time I get around to eating my yogurt, it's warmed up a bit, and I think I don't really want this and I pitch it. Well, this is a whole different story now. It's working great. Woo hoo!

I am putting my best foot forward with this challenge and I am going to make a concentrated effort to follow through in the next 10 wks. My goal is to get up on the leaderboard within our group.

One of my colleagues complimented me on my work ensemble today. I took the time to pull myself together and chose a look that would make me look professional, not just wear khakis and a knit top as I had done for most of the summer. I am happy with the way I look today, and it was nice to be noticed....for a good reason.

Taking time to appreciate myself and organize all facets of my life has a natural spillover effect for me. I like that I make progress in one area (eating), and it changes the way I think about fitness, and in turn, that creates an environment where I want to look good, and make even more changes.

Today I am reminded that fortune favors the bold, and I am making bold steps upon my own behalf.

Woo hoo!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KKINNEA 9/7/2011 11:39PM

    Yes! Let us all boldly go!

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MYLOVEZION 9/7/2011 11:36PM

  Mickey I am very PROUD of YOU!
Great choices and you are making
a big difference in "YOU!" emoticon

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MUGGLE_MOM 9/7/2011 10:46PM

    What a great blog!
You Go Girl!!!!
I love how success breeds success... That 'spillover' effect is awesome!

Keep up the fabulous work!
Whooo Hoooo!!!!!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/7/2011 9:45PM

    This is such a great blog! You are beginning to love the new YOU you're becoming! It's becoming a real part of you! Hurray! emoticon

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SARAWALKS 9/7/2011 9:09PM

    Brava, Mickey! This health/fitness/weight challenge does spill over into all aspects of our lives and just makes everything better. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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YESITSDEB 9/7/2011 8:44PM

    Now that's a plan! Your making a lot of good choices and should feel good about EVERYTHING! You can do it.....and most importantly, you deserve it!


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ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/7/2011 8:09PM

    WooHoo!! Awesome post!!

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BESTCK 9/7/2011 6:55PM

    That's great, Mickey! I'm going to start tomorrow just like that! Thanks for the pep talk.

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Stepping Off

Monday, September 05, 2011

A little last minute chilling - Monday night (the holiday) rolling into Tuesday.

Wow. Summer is over and it is time to start anew. Summer hours are now kaput, and it means longer hours for me. This week, I am in until 6pm, at best,

I want to get started on the right foot.

I need to find ways of being more active when I am at work.

I am on a mission to get up and down the stairs with ease. That is not my current state.

I'm hooked into a BLC challenge which is good for me because it will keep me accountable and hopefully on task. I am not feeling daunted. I just know one foot in front of the other will get me there. I think I need to carry around a list of to-do's with me so I stay on point. It is easy for me to forget when I have so many things to remember. It will prob be easier when I those things become second nature.

Have a great night, all. Catch up with you tomorrow!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CIVIAV 9/7/2011 11:15AM

    emoticon

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PATRISNA 9/7/2011 7:50AM

    emoticon emoticon

We will rock this Challenge! the to do list is a great idea. I have to write notes or put it on my desk calendar or I forget stuff.




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LISA0517 9/6/2011 3:04PM

    I love the BLC because it makes following my exercise and eating plans fun. emoticon You are going to do great on the challenge!

I found that making up a little tracker for me to carry around helped a lot. It has a place for me to write down my exercise minutes and record when I do whatever the ITC is. Don't worry, it will get easier and you will do fine!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/6/2011 10:20AM

    Mickey, you are going to do GREAT! I know you can do this! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BAYBELIEVER 9/6/2011 8:53AM

    Welcome to Fall! Even the weather here this morning was a little Fall-y! Looking forward to our challenge and taking it one step at a time with you! Love the "To Do" list idea!

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BESTCK 9/6/2011 6:49AM

    I like your idea of carrying around a list for our BLC. I'm worried I will forget something, too. We can do it!

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SHAWFAN 9/6/2011 6:44AM

    Good luck on your challenge and on your to do lists. They can really help. As you say, one step in front of another. You can do it! (((hugs)))

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MUGGLE_MOM 9/5/2011 9:05PM

    Good Luck on your BLC!
I love the idea of carrying a 'to do' list with you. I was just making up one of my own.

Enjoy your very last evening of freedom!

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 9/5/2011 8:45PM

    Good luck on your challenge. I have really learned to rely on my to-do lists, they've really helped a lot. I love getting to check off the items :). One step at a time...you can do it!

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