Tuesday, April 05, 2011
That's what it took to wake me up. Food has been ruling my life.
I've been thinking back over the few successes I've had in my life and what was different between then and now. I embraced things differently and got past the food. I focused on small changes done well every day, and I exercised regularly.
I've gotten to the place where I am afraid to move my body. I am easily winded and it's basically from not moving my body. Duh! I put myself on a course, and now there is no turning back. I see where I am going - either I am killing myself one day at a time through my bad habits of sitting around without making efforts, or I am pushing through the I can'ts, I don't wannas, and I should not have to's.
It is easy think that only fat people have to worry about their weight. That thin people don't think about food, or don't go walk an extra mile. I'm getting my yearly review at work this week, and my boss told me that my theme is, "I go the extra mile." When it comes to work, it is true in every way. When it comes to myself, I am not doing it. I am letting myself fly the path of least resistance and I am seeing that it is coming with a cost to me.
I had plans for breakfast which I handled fine yesterday, but went out the window today in a panic because I was trying to beat some severe storms to work, which I did, by the way. Breakfast was not awful, and I can make it fit, but I can do better, and every little better I do, is a big step in the right direction for me.
The rest of my meal plans for the day went awry as well. I felt pretty sick and bloated yesterday. I decided to cut down much of my "normal" foods to see if it was one particular thing that was causing my belly so much angst yesterday. I am currently blaming the Fiber 1 Bar I ate, but I am really not sure if that is what did it. Today, I just have an apple, banana and orange with me, and I will have to get other food later.
I am not in dire straits by any means. My blood sugar is hitting some decent marks. I just know I am not where I want to be. Having the life I want is not just going to fall into my lap. I know I have to go get it. That means closing the fridge and getting up off my duff.
My goal for this month is getting my eating in order. Some hits, some misses, but it is all part of the learning curve. When I get home tonight, I am going to focus on making dinners for the rest of the week. I have some boca crumbles that I can put to good use.
Hope everyone is doing great!
Friday, April 01, 2011
My Design-A-Life program is underway today. I have about 37 months until I turn 50 years old and in that time, I want to change my life for the better. I started looking at things I could accomplish in 30 days, and then just start multiplying. What do I want for myself in 37 months?
I want to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, fiscally, mentally
HAPPY, STRONG, HEALTHY, SOUND and FIT!
I intend to get there by:
C (Challenging myself to a higher standard)
H (Health and happiness)
A (Attitude adjustment!!!)
N (Never giving up)
G (GOALS, GOALS, GOALS)
E (Eating in a way that supports my goals)
I am fully confident that this is within my grasp. I know deep down in my soul that I am a courageous, take no prisoners kind of person, and while some days are going to be better than others, I will succeed!
What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
Who is with me, sparkies?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I really did not know how I was going to be able to get in. Our car broke down (boo hoo) and we were going to be riding home in the tow truck. It was a long way off the ground. I don't have much spring in my step (yet) and hoisting, well, that was not going to be pretty.
Face down on the seat, I managed to leverage myself against the seat (seal style) and then find a handhold and yank myself up. It really did feel like climbing up Mount Rushmore. I wasn't sure that I could really do it, but once it was done, I was settled, and it was okay.
It wasn't pretty, but it got the job done. I need to work on my agility, and this will be a keen reminder of why. I was beyond caring whether anyone saw me (besides my hubby). I just wanted it to be over and done with. It is - but the road to improvement is just beginning.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Chances are, if you are anything like me, and like many other people on this site have been, you could be fat. That's okay. It's a starting point. It's time to drop the self loathing and the shame that comes from having a body disproportionate to the way you want to feel.
When you are ready to accept your whole body, for better or for worse, and embrace all that you are, you are ready to tackle anything. This is the mindset I am working on fully immersing myself in like a pool full of water.
I had the pleasure of talking to one of my former student staff members yesterday. He is someone who I love dearly and holds the feeling quite mutually. There is something so uplifting and encouraging to have someone who sees your best and brightest easily and doesn't look for the tarnish and the flaws.
This is the way we need to believe in ourselves. Yes, there are times when it is good to really examine where you went astray, how you can improve for next time around and what you might do differently. But there is also that piece that should be recognized that reminds you that you are beautiful. strong, caring, loving, compassionate, encouraging.....you can fill in the blank. Find your positive characteristics and think about them and give yourself the opportunity to shine.
Tearing down yourself is not the way to effect change. Recognize that you are worth every possible effort you can make, and thensome, and even if you are having a hard time believing it, just take my word for it - I know you are a beautiful, wonderful person, and it is time to let the rest of the world see that you know it, too.
On the flipside of hating yourself for your mistakes or the coulda, woulda, shouldas, you can stop right now and just appreciate yourself for all that you are. And then, sparkies. Just get out there and walk. That's where I am headed.
See you on the flipside!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
You don't need anyone's permission to find the spark inside yourself that builds into a fire. It can start in the smallest of ways and before you know it, you are on the road that leads to reinventing yourself as the person you want to be and the one you can believe in.
My own road is full of twists and turns, and it always leads back to the same place. It's the place that I have deep inside my well that knows that if I turn and focus and really and truly believe that I can have it. This is what drives me forward. This is what made me come from from work last night as beat as I was and pull frozen spinach from the freezer, mushrooms from the fridge and start cooking them. I substituted cottage cheese for ricotta cheese, mainly because it was way cheaper, and the accounts have been a little thin lately. I am not a big cottage cheese fan as it were, but I find if I cook with it, I really can't tell the difference, especially if I don't dwell on it. LOL.
The act of throwing together this little casserole with pasta, made me feel accomplished and happy that I have a go-to meal when I come home from work. It is ready to go. It is a long overdue step of me finding my fire and reclaiming what is my God-given right to be healthy, active and happy. It all works together. To be the very best me I can be, all of these things need to work together. They work best for me, when I am doing things to help the process. So this is where I dig my heels in.
You have your own reasons for starting your fire. Here's what mine are: I am *&^%$ sick and tired of being someone who needs to evaluate every movement before I do it. I am plain worn out stupid tired of saying no to certain activities and vacations just because I perceive a problem, a situation or an embarrassment that MIGHT come up because I am too fat to handle it. I am tired, tired, tired of sitting on the sidelines. There are no more excuses that can make this feeling okay. I am done with it. I am throwing down the gauntlet, putting myself to the top of the list, and seeing that there is so much more to life than I have been allowing myself to reach for.
My husband categorized me as liking to stay home and chill. NO, I am not that person. It is who I have let myself become. I don't even know where she came from. She just crept up on me after letting so much time pass and finding it ok and acceptable and COMFORTABLE to do so little that I have left myself miss out.
No more. It's over. I am lighting my fire and I am going to burn this body down.
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