Friday, March 11, 2011
I was truly tired going to bed last night. It wasn't even 10pm, and I was already in there. I remember wanting to eat, but deciding to go lay down instead and this thought popped into my head.
What if, I had absolutely no angst about anything. What if, I could just accept things as they are (including myself) and just know, deep down that everything works out, and no amount of me pushing and pulling against things is going to make a bit of a difference - except making myself nuts in the process.
What if I am completely capable at my job, and can do things well, and at times, not do things so well, and it is all still perfectly fine. Would I stop worrying about things then?
What if I accepted myself, flaws, good points, and all, and just knew, and deep down believed that I am fine just as I am. I was having a Stuart Smalley plus Sally Field moment. I am good enough, I am smart enough and doggone it, people like me. They really like me.
There's where I went last night. I put the thoughts of food aside; I pushed the concerns of the day and meetings out of my head; I stop fretting. I went to sleep and woke up feeling relaxed and realizing that is just where I am now.
I am accepting of who I am and where I am going. I know I can handle things, and I know I am facing some nonsense at work, but all of those things will work out - and I don't have to get all wacky about them,
Things are working out exactly as they should, and I choose to believe that my part in them will all work out fine.
Happy Sparking and HAPPY FRIDAY!
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
My boss dropped by my office for a late lunch break. He invited me for pizza. I went but just had a diet snapple. We talked about how that guy IS getting the job and how I should "let it go" ha ha. Yeah, I will be all right - not happy about it - but proud of myself that I ate well today - and stuck to my plan, drank water, skipped pizza, and when I did snack - I chose an orange.
I did exercise as I promised myself. I had a good day despite issues of which I had no control. This too shall pass. Woo hoo!
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
All it takes is a little belief. If you can't find it in yourself. Find it in Spark. If you can't find it in Spark, come to me. I will believe in you.
I've been off and on the wagon more times than I can possibly count. What has always made me succeed when I was on the wagon? The realization that someone (has been various people) has believed in me. Dare I say it, now? Yes, at times, like now - it has been me, myself and I that have been the driving force behind the belief.
There are so many others. Those of you who will comment on this page are certainly at the top of this order, and I appreciate it, more than you know. It's this little group that has pulled me along, even when I fought it kicking and screaming.
I exercised tonight, just like I said I would. That little act of sweating (and breaking personal records on wii batting practice) has an outstanding effect on my belief system. Yes, I can do it. Yes, I am doing it.
Right now, it is not about the 200lbs I am going to lose. It is about the 30 mins of exercise I promised myself I would do. It is about the blood sugar measurement that I said I would test and I am doing it. It is about making a promise to myself and keeping it. It is remembering who I want to become and who I am. I am that ballsy chick who does not back down, no matter how tough the challenge is or how long it is going to take.
It is about making a difference in my own life and then daring myself to prove it and follow through. Yup, those are the things I am doing. I believe in us.
Friday, March 04, 2011
I really should have been paying more attention. I backed into a car this morning. Luckily I was going very slowly and when I heard the crunch, I stopped and moved forward. I really thought I ran over something. It would have been nice to do a rewind, but I couldn't. So, I left a note of apology and my phone number. I took pictures. I felt like crying. I texted my hubby. He was so nice about it and told me to relax - we have insurance.
Oh well. Just got to keep on going. Hopefully, the owner won't be too rattled about it. It's scratched and scraped, not seriously damaged. I feel like a dope, but this too shall pass. It is not a crisis.
Hope everyone has a great day! I am determined to turn this day around!
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