Friday, March 25, 2011
Chances are, if you are anything like me, and like many other people on this site have been, you could be fat. That's okay. It's a starting point. It's time to drop the self loathing and the shame that comes from having a body disproportionate to the way you want to feel.
When you are ready to accept your whole body, for better or for worse, and embrace all that you are, you are ready to tackle anything. This is the mindset I am working on fully immersing myself in like a pool full of water.
I had the pleasure of talking to one of my former student staff members yesterday. He is someone who I love dearly and holds the feeling quite mutually. There is something so uplifting and encouraging to have someone who sees your best and brightest easily and doesn't look for the tarnish and the flaws.
This is the way we need to believe in ourselves. Yes, there are times when it is good to really examine where you went astray, how you can improve for next time around and what you might do differently. But there is also that piece that should be recognized that reminds you that you are beautiful. strong, caring, loving, compassionate, encouraging.....you can fill in the blank. Find your positive characteristics and think about them and give yourself the opportunity to shine.
Tearing down yourself is not the way to effect change. Recognize that you are worth every possible effort you can make, and thensome, and even if you are having a hard time believing it, just take my word for it - I know you are a beautiful, wonderful person, and it is time to let the rest of the world see that you know it, too.
On the flipside of hating yourself for your mistakes or the coulda, woulda, shouldas, you can stop right now and just appreciate yourself for all that you are. And then, sparkies. Just get out there and walk. That's where I am headed.
See you on the flipside!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
You don't need anyone's permission to find the spark inside yourself that builds into a fire. It can start in the smallest of ways and before you know it, you are on the road that leads to reinventing yourself as the person you want to be and the one you can believe in.
My own road is full of twists and turns, and it always leads back to the same place. It's the place that I have deep inside my well that knows that if I turn and focus and really and truly believe that I can have it. This is what drives me forward. This is what made me come from from work last night as beat as I was and pull frozen spinach from the freezer, mushrooms from the fridge and start cooking them. I substituted cottage cheese for ricotta cheese, mainly because it was way cheaper, and the accounts have been a little thin lately. I am not a big cottage cheese fan as it were, but I find if I cook with it, I really can't tell the difference, especially if I don't dwell on it. LOL.
The act of throwing together this little casserole with pasta, made me feel accomplished and happy that I have a go-to meal when I come home from work. It is ready to go. It is a long overdue step of me finding my fire and reclaiming what is my God-given right to be healthy, active and happy. It all works together. To be the very best me I can be, all of these things need to work together. They work best for me, when I am doing things to help the process. So this is where I dig my heels in.
You have your own reasons for starting your fire. Here's what mine are: I am *&^%$ sick and tired of being someone who needs to evaluate every movement before I do it. I am plain worn out stupid tired of saying no to certain activities and vacations just because I perceive a problem, a situation or an embarrassment that MIGHT come up because I am too fat to handle it. I am tired, tired, tired of sitting on the sidelines. There are no more excuses that can make this feeling okay. I am done with it. I am throwing down the gauntlet, putting myself to the top of the list, and seeing that there is so much more to life than I have been allowing myself to reach for.
My husband categorized me as liking to stay home and chill. NO, I am not that person. It is who I have let myself become. I don't even know where she came from. She just crept up on me after letting so much time pass and finding it ok and acceptable and COMFORTABLE to do so little that I have left myself miss out.
No more. It's over. I am lighting my fire and I am going to burn this body down.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
There's freedom in health. You can do what you want. You don't have to stop and think about it - Can I do this? The hesitation and the worrying are gone. You can stop fretting and move with ease and know that step after step, your body will be there to support you.
I had a good week. Last Friday, I had the day off. My boss gave it to me as a nice little bonus. I was ready for it. I enjoyed it. I tackled overdue errands and soaked up as much of the sunshine as I could. It was a perfect 70 degree day. As I was moving trash containers around outside, I was thinking what a gift it was to be able to move freely. Even though my knee has been bothering me as of late, I have been able to walk, and get around without issue.
There's a lot of freedom in being able to do things and go where you want to without stopping to worry about - will I fit on the ride, squeeze into the booth? have a place to sit? You know these questions if you have asked them yourself.
The answer is not only can you do it ---- but you should. My quality of life has improved dramatically when I make the small steps to improve my cardio, eat better, move around more. Success begets success. It's easy. Once you start moving a little and prove to yourself that you can do it, you want to do more.
So that is where I am. I have proved to myself that I can do it, and I want to move a little more.
What are you going to ask yourself today, sparkies?
Friday, March 11, 2011
I was truly tired going to bed last night. It wasn't even 10pm, and I was already in there. I remember wanting to eat, but deciding to go lay down instead and this thought popped into my head.
What if, I had absolutely no angst about anything. What if, I could just accept things as they are (including myself) and just know, deep down that everything works out, and no amount of me pushing and pulling against things is going to make a bit of a difference - except making myself nuts in the process.
What if I am completely capable at my job, and can do things well, and at times, not do things so well, and it is all still perfectly fine. Would I stop worrying about things then?
What if I accepted myself, flaws, good points, and all, and just knew, and deep down believed that I am fine just as I am. I was having a Stuart Smalley plus Sally Field moment. I am good enough, I am smart enough and doggone it, people like me. They really like me.
There's where I went last night. I put the thoughts of food aside; I pushed the concerns of the day and meetings out of my head; I stop fretting. I went to sleep and woke up feeling relaxed and realizing that is just where I am now.
I am accepting of who I am and where I am going. I know I can handle things, and I know I am facing some nonsense at work, but all of those things will work out - and I don't have to get all wacky about them,
Things are working out exactly as they should, and I choose to believe that my part in them will all work out fine.
Happy Sparking and HAPPY FRIDAY!
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