Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The handwriting is on the wall, as they say. If I don't start taking care of myself PRONTO, I can expect to live the life my father has lately. He is back in the hospital, having suffered another heart attack on Christmas eve.
I had a doc's appt on Monday with the gallbladder specialist. The "snow-nado" displaced that until tomorrow. I am grateful. I have been dreading going and having an extra day or two helped me to get "psyched up" for it.
Christmas was nice. DH gave me a kindle. That was exciting and surprising. All of the other things he gave me were geared towards being supportive too, He was happy with his loot too, and handled the change in plans on Christmas to go see my pop and family with ease, even though it included the dreaded Jersey Turnpike! Ha ha ha.
I am making big strides towards getting my eating and exercise plan together. I go back to work in a week. I need to do some decent housecleaning and get organized to make sure my time at home is not wasted on laying around, although I have been doing a lot of that. I have been so darn tired lately. Part condition, part medication, part laziness. :)
I have so much I want to do. I remind myself that it all starts with a single step. I make my own choices. I put my life in motion. I manage my own response to the life events around me.
I am a very strong (some would say exceptionally) strong woman. I have been through a lot in my life, and no doubt will be through a lot more. It's been tough at times, but it helps me to appreciate the wonderful, blissful moments of joy in my life and see a lot of good, that others might miss. I am keenly aware of my own gifts and how I fit into the picture. I didn't always have such an easy time with that.
Where do I go from here? I make an eating plan for today and stick to it. I'll make a run to the grocery store and get more frozen veggies. I'll pick up some apples and bananas. I know what to do - I just need to do it!!!!!
Then I need to start to exercise. I'll do some wii around the Christmas tree. and If I am a good girl, I'll hang out with my kindle later. :)
Hope you all have a very festive day and a beautiful new year! It's our time to renew and refresh ourselves.
What are you going to do for yourself today to refresh and renew?
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I've been savoring silly moments lately and I've been thinking about some personal guilty pleasures. Here's some I don't mind sharing; :)
1. Reality TV - Bethenny Getting Married, Millionaire Matchmaker (sometimes), Top Chef, Survivor, Amazing Race,
2. As a car passenger, looking in people's windows at night -- love to see families, and like to get quick peek at decor. Thankfully, I've never seen anything I "shouldn't."
3. Magazines. I am a magazine junkie, plain and simple.
4. Giving people nicknames. It's a habit I have had for so long, and sometimes, my not so nice side shows. :)
5. Asking to speak to the store or restaurant manager, so I can compliment a cashier, or server. (I don't tell them why I want to see them in advance. I always enjoy the look of terror in their eyes. ha ha). If I have a complaint, I just write a letter. :)
6. Stealing blankets. I don't normally cop to this, but my DH calls me the Blankie Bandito.
7. Pens. same as magazines. See above.
8. Wing. on youtube. My students beg me not to play a "Wing" video - but truly I can't help it. Mama Mia makes me laugh out loud over and over again. It's a sickness.
9. Postcards. I can go to the beach and want to send 30 postcards. I've done this since I was a kid. A good friend of mine would send me the free cheap ones with advertisements on them and I always loved them.
10. Candy cigarettes. I am not a smoker, never "really" have been but those suckers are sugary and good. (and off the menu).
11. I'd say pizza, but I don't feel guilty about it. :)
I'm sure I will come up with more. I am thinking about all the things I love besides food!
Ok, I snuck a couple in there, but mostly it's about the experience --- and not the reward. :)
What are your guilty pleasures?
Monday, December 20, 2010
I recognize right where I am and I am loving my life, and I am loving who I am.
Five-ish years ago, I moved from a job I loved, to a new city where I did not know how I would fit in, and how things would be. I left for 2 reasons - my mother seemed to be dying, and my husband HATED living where we were.
When I told my manager I was leaving, he offered me the moon to stay. It was very gratifying to hear. He was willing to let me work a 4 day work week and fly me home to visit my mother the other days. He made that up off the top of his head. He would have pretty much given me anything to stay. But I had already accepted a new job, and was ready to go. Nothing he could have given me would have helped my hubby.
While I was at that job, I dropped 70 lbs which was awesome, but I did it to lose weight. It was helping my health so very much, but that progress meant nothing to me. I had my health at that time, and I refused to see the writing on the wall - what could happen if I did not have my health.
I was thinner, but I was so very unhappy. I was tragically sad, I was depressed. I was desperate. I talked to a therapist who tried to help me re-engage in my life. I remember her saying something like she had never seen anyone disassociate so much with their body before. See that? I was a first. I was thinner, but I hated myself. I could not see my own gifts nor comprehend why I was even living. I was an empty shell.
Fast forward to today. I am in that same job where I landed 5-ish years ago. I went from a mom and pop run place to a place with over 5,000 employees. It still has a homey feeling and I have close relationships with many people who work there. I have found a way to fit in and actually I make friends quite easily. I've learned that I am an excellent manager.
I've been out of work for medical reasons for the last couple of weeks. I am off the next couple of weeks because we're closed for the holidays. I've had time to re-focus most of my energies on myself. In that time, I am loving myself and accepting myself for the person I have become.
I love life. I laugh - a LOT! I have worked on making my marriage a priority and it is good. I have a wonderful community church where I'm able to worship as I like. My mom is still with us and has helped me to re-energize my life as of late. I have creative talents that I use to make jewelry and try other crafty stuff. I am a good writer. I am losing weight again and heading to lower numbers but no longer for sheer numbers that I was in the past. I am doing it because my body appreciates it and it is good for me.
For so long, I sought purpose for my life, and when I could not find any, I thought I had none. I thought I was nothing. I don't see myself through those same eyes anymore. I see myself as the joyful, loving, positive, encouraging happy camper that I always longed to be. Now I am that person. It's joyful. I am joyful.
Wishing you the ability to see yourself with new loving and appreciative eyes. Take a moment and see yourself as others see you. It could open up a world of difference.
Happy Sparking! I love you guys!
Friday, December 17, 2010
My crazy low carb kick start has helped me to lose about 15 lbs in the last 2 weeks. I am thrilled about it and while I wonder if the weight loss will last, I know I just need to forge ahead with the plan regardless.
I'm not doing it for the weight loss. I am doing it for my blood sugar. My sugar numbers are not going down as quickly as I had hoped, but the weight is falling off. It is actually weird (and I am NOT complaining) but I have this weird feeling about the pounds disappearing. Did you ever read that Stephen King "Thinner" story? That's kind of how I feel when I hop on the scale every morning. I am taking my readings on the glucose monitor and on the scale daily. I am tracking my food in a log I am keeping (off line.) Yesterday was a tough eating day, but I slogged through it. Yesterday I gained two pounds. Today those pounds are gone and thensome. It is a weird roller coaster ride as my body adjusts to the changes. Pounds dropped will help the overall scheme of things also.
It's weird for me in that for so long I focused on the weight and nothing good came of it. Now, I am focusing on my health, and the weight is coming off as a by product. It's about time!!! I have more to do. My biggest excitement comes from the men's 2x hoodie that I am wearing. I bought this size by mistake, but much to my surprise, even though it is snug, it fits! Woot!
So I am enjoying my low carb jumpstart. I know I say it like this won't always be my eating plan, when I guess in fact, it will. For now, though, I am taking it one day at a time. Here's to seeing all of us a little thinner down the road.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I hit my 25 lb weight loss milestone today! Woo hoo!
I know if I had not been diagnosed with diabetes a couple of weeks ago, I would still be spinning my wheels. I was re-gaining and losing the same 10 pounds over and over. Now, I have just been at a happy deficit. True, I have OVERHAULED my eating habits and I have cut out most junk. I'm not prepared to cut it out for life, I just don't have it as frequently (read every day) and when I do have it, I just fit it into my carb count.
Truth be told, I am rocking it! I keep imagining myself in the lower quadrant and the next thing, I know, poof! I am there. I am sitting in the mid 370's. It feels so good to be on my way to the 360's. I am doing the happy dance! The 200's are in my sights! It's been years since I was down to where I am now and I am enjoying myself right where I am.
I will be at my MIL's on Saturday, helping my hubby to put up her tree. I have already started planning how I will pack some food to take with me. I had been trying to keep my diabetic news on the down low so I would not freak out my mother, but now that I have told her (go me!), I do not have to fret about keeping this "secret." I can be open about actively taking care of myself. It makes things easier about doing what I have to do for myself. There's no hurt feelings in "I am a diabetic, and I have to do certain things to keep myself healthy." I am really proud of myself! Woo hoo!
Here's to a healthy day for all.
What have you done to celebrate one of your milestones, sparkies?
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