Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I can't help but think a conversation with my mother is behind my recent weight loss. On a trip home during Thanksgiving weekend, my mom had a few mins alone with me. Initially she was pumping me for info about a rough time I had with my DH. I did not really want to tell her the specifics even though the episode was behind me. But I did give her the reader's digest condensed version. In that same convo, we talked about how being fat wasn't really about the food. (My mother is a rail). It was the first time in a long time, it seemed to me, that my mom understood...me.
Then she asked me if I was happy.
That's a biggie.
The she said she just wanted me to to be happy.
Whoa bigger one.
I've waited and wanted this acceptance from her my whole life. Who is this woman and what have you done with my mother?
And since then, I have been dropping the pounds.
I have a lot more on my plate (so to speak) since then. Chief among these, kidney issues and diabetes. I was also told yesterday that I have gall bladder disease. WTF! I did start crying when I hung up the phone from the doc's yesterday. It's been one thing after another these last few days. Honestly, it's been a lot to take in, but it is better than hearing you have cancer or something else. So I will just go to the specialist and hear what he has to say in a couple of weeks.
So for now, I am focusing on maintaining my blood sugar in an appropriate range and learning to make my body more receptive (instead of resistant) to insulin. I went to the diabetes nutrition specialist last night and she was helpful in learning to put all of the pieces together. Basically, it's just "good eating" - along with monitoring your sugar to make sure you are not ingesting too many carbs at one time. I can do this. My body is giving me a reason to do this.
I'm off work for the rest of the month. This rachets down my stress level enormously. I am taking advantage of this time by focusing on myself for a change. It's freezing cold here but I am going to go get my hair cut today. I am excited about that. :) I'm going to go to the supermarket and pick up a few items that will fit into my plan. I have the luxury of putting myself first these days.
What can you do for yourself that keeps you at the front of the line?
Happy sparking, sparkies!
Thursday, December 09, 2010
I'm still dealing with Cap'n Kidney Stone and will go today for ultrasounds (one for kidney, one for gallbladder) and tomorrow I will meet with a urologist.
I thought Mother Nature was being a little b*tchy when she sent me "shark week" this week as well. I have not had that sucker in MONTHS,...but when I am down and vulnerable, you send it? HA! I seem to be all kinds of bloated one minute and nearly drained the next. Fluid intake is your friend.
I feel like I am mobilizing to come to my defense with all my medical issues. A few days on the bp meds, my bp has dropped to normal/excellent. I am either not hungry or not as focused on food. I will say I am a whole lot less ANXIOUS. I was always fretting about work issues (many of them internally) and my people pleaser mode put me on edge, but I am much more chill these days. I am letting work take care of itself (actually one of my staff members and my boss are splitting my workload).
My portion control is happening naturally. I am taking smaller bites, eating when I am hungry and drinking tons of water. My body is undergoing a lot of changes on its own. I am just here as the caretaker, and I am finally getting a little better at my job.
I weighed in today at 379.4. I have not been at this weight since before 2008. Good things are happening, and more on the way.
What do you do to take good care of yourselves, Sparkies?
Friday, December 03, 2010
Pick up telephone.
Nurse calling from the Doctor's office.
We got your blood work back.
Do you have diabetes?
Response: Oh yeah,...you do.
I did a good job of not going "aaaaaah" into the phone. Apparently there were no notes on my chart that said, "break news to patient gently."
Am I kind of freaked out by it? Yes. But, it's the best thing that has happened to me recently. I could not kick my own booty into gear. I was spinning my wheels and not putting a great effort into my health. This bit of news and a few other tidbits has turned me into the poster child of wellness.
1. I have left work after 8 hours most days, instead of 12+ hrs,
2. I am eating fruit instead of juices, scones or other things.
3. I've lost 3 lbs this week.
4. I've taken all my meds.
5. I told my hubby I need some downtime this weekend. (he does, too.)
6. I made an appt with a nutritionist (Dec 13).
7. I have to work an event tonight, so I am not going to go into work until later.
8. I am setting parameters with clients at work. I'm working things out according to my schedule.
9. I am delegating like crazy. Us control freaks sometimes have a hard time w/ that.
10. I laughed at my own antics this morning. This tells me more than anything, I am going to be just fine. I'm back to normal.
What blessings in disguise have you had, sparkies? And have I told you how awesome you guys are? You ROCK!!!
Have a great and healthy Friday. Woot! Woot!
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Recent news made me take a minute to pull myself together, but I am there now. I unloaded it in my last blog and now I am ready to move on.
Sure, there will be challenges, and adjustments, and in some cases, just acceptance, but that does not mean that I will avoid doing my part. That was my cop out attitude of the past. Now I see how much my participation means to overcoming these barriers to good health.
Maybe. and that's ok. Whatever it takes to shake myself out of the funk I had been living in - the one that thought it was ok to have a scone for breakfast, and not eat much during the day only to come home and night and chow down.
My "diet" has been stellar since I went to the doc's on Monday. Big A for improvement!
Slowly but surely, I am now turning this bus around. I am the driver! Think of this bus as more of a Partridge Family scene (and not a big ugly school bus).
What has been your biggest catalyst, sparkies?!!!
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
I'm not going to lie to you Sparkies. I don't like going to the doc's. In fact, I stopped going last time the doc mentioned WLS and then she conveniently went on Maternity leave, and I didn't go back until this Monday.
Since then I learned:
I have diabetes.
I may have a kidney stone.
I have high blood pressure.
I have gallstones.
W T F
(pardon my French)
Would it have been better to learn these tidbits in little dribs and drabs? Would it have been better floating along in my ignorance? It's enough to freak me out, but actually I am glad I know. It gives me serious impetus to shake a leg and make sweeping changes, otherwise I'd be tempted to stay the course of my lose 5, gain 5 program that I seem to have adopted as of late.
Really though, I am quite committed to making changes to save myself. It helps that my BL challenge just kicked off so I can focus more on it, than myself, but here's what I am going to do:
Consult with a nutritionist (making appt tomorrow) sanctioned by my doc - I'm smelling co-pay
(which is delightful!)
I need to take it down a notch. I'm a laid back girl by nature. I should not be sporting high bp.
More work-life balance needed. Working on it.
Weirdly, I had an xray for a kidney stone last night. Um, I was not paying attention and I realized when the nurse called to say I have gallstones, that they xrayed the wrong side. Duh! That highlight was brought to you by your friends from WebMD. :)
So allrighty! I need to go back to doc's for more bloodwork on Monday. The good news is I am alive and kicking. The even better news is I have total control over my response and reaction to this. I am using my good attitude and fortitude to propel me forward. I'm not going to roll over and give up as I have done so many times in the past. I AM PUTTING MYSELF FIRST!
I love all my sparkies! You have all helped me so much in finding my determination to beat these killers back! Everything is going to work out. Deep breaths and good choices will bring me through this!
Get An Email Alert Each Time MICKEYMAX Posts