Monday, September 13, 2010
The kids are back. School is back in session. I'm an administrator of sorts at a university. I work with kids. They are among the most brilliant and coolest kids I could ask for. Love them,...but they do take a lot of work. Some are geniuses, truly, but also just kids. Funny how those 2 things match up.
I am so busy - I can barely turn around. I need to be an uber planner to make everything work well together. I am having some start-up issues with staying on track. I am so tired, and so bogged down with work, and also training new staff, under deadlines, and trying to keep a smile on my face while I do all of the above.
I am not a mom --- and perhaps if I were, this would all come naturally. It doesn't and I need to work on it. I consider myself blessed to work at such an inspiring place with good benefits, and I do give it my all, and thensome. I need to balance out the home aspect and especially now while I am trying to take care of myself too. Oy!
Need to stay focused and get to bed and get to gym in a.m. --- not only does it help me feel oodles better, it keeps me from wanting to kill one of the kids if they neglect to show up on time, etc. Patience is a virtue, or so they say!
Going to the gym will help keep me sane --- if I can get some sleep. Geez! I am off to bed now --- hoping I can pull this off in the a.m.
Have a happy night, sparkies!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
It took me 9 years to get here. I went on a news blackout today.
A few days ago as the Anniversary of 9-11 was approaching, I realized I didn't have to feel bad about it anymore. Two of my friends (plus thousands of others) died that week when the towers came down. I've felt bad about it for a long time. Of course, I remember the richness they brought into my life. I am just finally ready to let it all go.
I'm no longer stuck in the moment.
Friday, September 10, 2010
I lifted yesterday - specifically on machines for chest press, shoulder press, upright row, and thing for your delts. I don't know the name - I think it is something "fly". Ok 15 mins of strength training. It was good. It gave me a happy buzz which I always enjoy.
Today, however, not so much. I do a lot of computer work over the course of the day, I am typing with my arms very close together to avoid the strain. I am definitely feeling the tug on my arms!!! Sure, it's still a happy buzz and burn, and I know it's a good thing --- it's just that I feel like I should be hanging out with Alvin and Theodore today. :)
No gym today. I was wiped out last night. I could have gotten up but it would not have been much of a productive workout. I have really been skimping on the sleep lately. Since I have been very active lately, when I get sleep, I am out cold. That's a bonus!
I did walk for 4o mins today so I am pretty happy with that. If the spirit strikes, I will move more later. :) Have a great weekend, Sparkies!
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Sure, I read the book. I think it was required reading in Psych 101. Realizations are coming fast and furious lately and I think a good bit of it has to do with me getting active, really active again. I am on a roll and through my activity, I am learning oodles about myself.
For a good deal of my life - I have thought, You're OK and I suck. My Dad would try to infuse me with God doesn't make junk, and he would say I was beautiful, but quite honestly, I did not believe him. I had a very hard time seeing goodness in myself. I did enjoy my writing skills, but if it wasn't for that, I don't know how I would have climbed out of the pain. I took a lot of heat in high school about my size (love to see a show of hands who hasn't) but if I really examine this it was more about me then them. I did not let them see my goodness. I let myself give no concern for my looks or clothes. I believed what they said about me, and I thought I was worthless.
I had some improvement over the years, and one thing I always exceled at was my job. I have worked my buttocks off in the client service field, and managed to get some good gigs including 2 or 3 that I have really loved. Happily, that includes my current spot where I have been for 5 yrs.
A few years ago, I re-discovered my inner goof. I am a prankster at heart and love to clown around. I have a big, kind compassionate heart. I am a very good friend - and have excellent listening and problem solver skills. It took a while for me to able to appreciate myself in this new light. I am actually only a few pounds under my highest weight - even though the scale gods have taken pity on me and have started to head in the downward direction. :)
Now that I am re-creating a life to love, and reflecting those great feelings back on myself, I am also seeing so many good things in myself. Pardon me if I celebrate for a moment. I love that I am embracing fashion. Even Stacy and Clinton believe you can look good at any size. My excitement in this area is only fueling my new passion for looking good. I recently bought a black dress (love oldnavy.com)! and when I showed it to DH, he lit up like an xmas tree. I have been dressless for so long. GO ME!
I've always been able to laugh at myself, and I am still doing that --- it's just that now beyond the laughter there is a love of myself also. I am really enjoying that.
I hope you all can embrace yourself and give yourself a big squeeze. We are all beautiful. Woot! Woot!
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
As a matter of fact, I am a tall girl - 6 feet. For yrs I called myself 5 eleven and three quarters, because I was embarrassed to be 6ft. I'm over that, and walking taller every day.
I realized this yesterday when I was leaving work. I was walking with my head up. I felt good. I wasn't depressed or overly worried. I knew this would be a busy work week, but it was manageable.
Here's something else I RELUCTANTLY noticed. I feel SOOOO much better when I work out intensely in the a.m. If I go to the gym and give myself a half hour of endorphin spreading love on the bike or the treadmill, then I am practically woozy and giddy with a happy camper attitude through the morning and right on through the rest of the day.
Today was not a morning gym day. Mostly because I had not slept enough and I had leg cramps. I still walked and was happy I did, but it did not give me that freakin' happy feeling that settles in after I've hit the 20 min plus mark at the gym. What? Really? People always say they get addicted to exercise. I DID NOT THINK IT WAS TRUE!!!!
I looked pretty good yesterday at work. Today though, I was rocking a fashionista look including what I affectionately call, "big girl shoes." My inclination would be to live in sneakers if I could, but um, not so appropriate at work. I loved the way I looked today. I think the Mrs. called it "find your pride" --- well I found it and I hit my stride today. I was walking tall.
Next goal besides making a.m.'s at the gym a priority, is to start strength training again. I did zippo the week before last and last week hit 10 mins. It is time to pull this baby in gear. I am ready for more changes and challenges. I am enjoying a lovefest with myself. I realize I have nothing to prove. I've proved it. I am loving myself, and life, and it shows.
Spark on, sparkies!
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