Monday, July 12, 2010
It was hiding for a while. I'm not sure if it was under a rock, or perhaps in one of the cabinets way back under the sink, but it doesn't matter any more. I found it: my passion for life.
I was caught up in one dimensional thinking, letting every last ounce of my spirit focus on losing weight and not getting anywhere. I totally lost track of why I was doing anything, let alone trying to fight a battle of not losing and just repeating the same scenarios that got me off track in the first place.
Giant lightbulb moment this Saturday. I took a good long look at my inner self (although oddly, I was standing in front of a mirror) and realized I had just misplaced my spark, my zest, my passion and that is what i am truly made of. (not just splenda and spice, and everything nice.)
I'm committed. I'm engaged. I'm focused. I am on track. I couldn't believe how quickly it all seemed to turn around. It was like "Ding! I get it now!" I stepped out in faith and left the fear behind.
I went to the gym yesterday in the middle of the day (in shorts.) I have been paranoid about wearing shorts in public for so long. It wasn't the first day I have worn them, but it is getting easier and easier. I have a foot long scar on my lower leg from cellulitis that never went away. It looks gross, and I hate it, but it is also a sign of where I have been and how God pulled me through it, so I don't despise it. It actually improves when I walk more, so that is also incentive when I have my game face on.
Got to the gym and the woman behind the counter commented that I was determined now. Yes, I am! I rode the bike and then on to the treadmill. I have not walked on a treadmill in ages. It was good to be back. :)
Had a great weekend with my hubby. It was good to be off work, and still active. He used his r & r time to take the Harley for a spin, while I went and worked out. It made me think it was a perfect day. :)
I'm going for a walk today (now, in fact), and then off to the gym in the a.m.
Hope you are all have a really great day! Spark on, sparkies!
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Feeling much better now --- but no gym and little movement for me today. I hope to be back to "normal" tomorrow. I was totally punked out this a.m. and even stayed home from work and a meeting. This too shall pass. Hope everyone is staying cool!
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Alarm went off at 4:50am. I squished my head into the pillow. I really wanted that sleep, but there was a good possibility I would lay there and not be able to sleep anyway. I rolled half way over and prayed, "Jesus, let me get up and go, but I can't do it without your strength. "
I pushed myself out of bed and got rolling. I had most things gathered which made it easier to go this a.m. When I got to the gym, the lady behind the desk predictably said, "118 days" - I am not sure if she thinks it's funny or encouraging or perhaps both (or neither). She added, "well it's better than 200 days..." yeah I know. I had not been there in 118 days. I have not been completely off track in 118 days. I have walked some days, and had some great success. One of the keys for me, though, is working on making this a consistent routine. This will be one of my next big goals.
I felt good on the bike. Like my friend, K, the other day, I was taking a peek in the mirror and thinking, "Was is that? Why it's my leg. I was not disgusted as I might have been in the past, but happy to see it going around and around and helping to pump the blood up through my veins and keeping things moving inside. I set the bike for 30 mins so I could do a countdown and before long, I was bebopping along. 13 mins to go, I realize started to feel the happy buzz. It took me 17 mins to reach the zone, but once I was there, I was smiling, inside and out.
When I was clearing off the table last night, (one of my earlier goals), I was thinking that I was not one of those people who found a partner, and then let herself go out of laziness. Actually, I stopped letting my opinion count, and decided to do whatever was easier for him without taking my own needs into the equation. Through SP, I can see it is so important for me to remember that I count just as much, and if I don't look after me, who the heck is going to do it? It's time for me to stand up and be counted.
I came home from the gym, made breakfast (eggs + oatmeal) and ate it. I gathered lunch and basically bolted out the door. I am still tired, but at the same time feeling energized. This morning's ride gave me hope. I have not really had that in a while. It's good to be back. :) Spark on, sparkies.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
I don't think I'll have any trouble sucking down water today. Geez, it is hot and steamy today. I decided that I am going to try to leave my office when I want to eat. I did bring my lunch as I most often do, but I always eat at my desk. I get into a habit of not leaving the office. I'm also working solo these days, so with my staff away for the summer, and my boss on vacay, I am looking at the same 4 walls without any change in scenery.
I think eating away from my desk will also make me less of a grazer and more of an eater with regimented times. I would like to stop being a closet eater. It will help me to become less lazy in my habits. It all starts somewhere, and this is my starting point. When I get home from work, I am going to clear off the table to make it a place where I can sit down and eat. I sit on the couch and watch tv now.
The table (and the couch) have become a catch all for all kinds of paper, (mail, newspapers, catalogs, magazines). It would be nice if they could fall back into their intended purposes.
I am not going to overburden myself with loads of stuff to do. Right now, I am simply going to focus on clearing off that table. I have a horrible tendency to load up a list of all the things I need to do (as if I need to do them this very minute) and then get so overwhelmed, I move myself into paralysis and do nothing, and feel very defeated. So today, it's is the table. Everything else can wait until another day.
OK, I am happy with my little plan of action. I'll report back tomorrow as far as the table goes, and eating out of the office.
I hope everyone had a super 4th of July weekend. My heart goes out to all those serving overseas and their families. Thank you for my freedom.
Have a blessed day,
Spark on, sparkies. :)
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