Tuesday, May 25, 2010
... my own positive role model.
... walking for the fun of it.
...stepping out of my comfort zone.
...handling social situations confidently.
...dressing like I care what I look like.
...enjoying the person I am becoming.
...tracking my food, and drinking my water.
...living with purpose.
...not afraid to make mistakes.
...happy to be here.
...grateful for my life.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My M.O. at night (a danger eating zone), has lately been - watch a little tv, and go read, make jewelry or go on the computer. Directions to self: do not sit in the living room and veg. What did I do last night? You got it, sat in the room and vegged. Unfortunately, vegging does not equal eating veggies. I had a snack attack and overindulged in carbs. I was up .8 lbs this a.m. --- i need to stay in strict adherence to make a good difference, and I have been doing it.
I am so proud of myself for making my U-turn now, a day later rather than months later, which I have also done before. Life is a learning curve, and now that I am fully engaged, I am throwing myself my own lifeline, instead of throwing in the towel. I am making wondrous progress, and I like the me I see emerging.
I got my hair cut --- more like chopped -- last night. I don't remember when I had it this short - maybe 8th grade. I love it. it is short and flippy. I look much more put together. I am coming into my own again. I love me, and finally, finally, finally, it is starting to show.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thought the building hours would be changing today, so I thought I would have to climb the "monster hill" instead of entering on the lower level and grabbing the elevator. Only the upper door is keyed and getting there requires walking up the big hill. I started halfway to the door and realized that it was up to me to meet the monster this morning. Up I climbed. Step by step. I was carrying 3 bags. Whew! I made it. Some days I used to park it outside on the short wall, pretending I wanted to enjoy nature before I went inside to my office. I used to use that time to catch my breath. I would suck wind, big time. Much to my surprise, this morning, not so much. It was not a little breeze, getting up the hill, but I did not sound like a wheezing train. I've lost 12 pounds since I started sparking (the bulk of it in the last week), and I actually felt good this morning.
There is actually light at the end of the tunnel, and I am getting closer and closer. I've lost that overwhelming feeling that my life is out of control and I am helpless to stop the spiral. Instead, I feel in step with the universe, and my life is fine as it is, and so am I. My reasons for losing are become more centralized and centered around me. I just want to feel good, look good and do the things I want to do. What could be better than that?!!!!
Building hours change in a week. Still, I am going to pretend they are switched now, so I can meet my monster again in the morning.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Seat belt tightening that is. It has been a long while since i had to re-cinch my belt so that it was tighter on top. My normal m.o. is for it to be very snug around my belly. What a great place to notice a difference. I am loving it.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I'm down to a weight that I think is lower than I have been in the last 4 years. Wow! That feels great. It could be in my head, but that mere statement makes me feel lighter and make me more easily able to move around. It could very well be water weight that I am losing and I am totally okay with that. Right now, weight is weight, and to see the numbers dropping is exciting.
We went to a restaurant last night and I had a few successes. I brought my own sweetener (Truvia) with me. I ordered compliant food off the menu. I had a baked potato which would be 2/3 of my carb servings for the day, but I had the room for it, and I relished eating it. It was so good. Did I just say that about a baked potato? ha ha ha. I ate food that went with my plan from the salad bar. Again, I enjoyed every bit and cleaned my plate, but I did not overstuff myself. I brought half of my entrée home. WOO HOO! I could not even think about eating the other half there.
Another thing I am noticing about myself is I am becoming less critical again. I think it's because I am losing my fear of what other people are thinking and worrying about what they are "saying" about me. I am becoming more confident and seeing value in myself and losing the shame that makes me want to hide. I have gone on a jewelry making spree (yes, Karen, I will send you some when I finish the pieces), and I notice a new flair in the work that brings attention. Ha! I love it and I am loving myself. What could be better.
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