MICKEYMAX   39,412
SparkPoints
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints
 
 
MICKEYMAX's Recent Blog Entries

Putting the focus back on me

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Woke up feeling better and ready to go handle what has potential of being a crazy day!

I have been thinking about the episode from the other day and I am using this moment to be a little more concerned about myself and a little bit less concerned with fixing others. No one ever handed the keys to the world over to me and said fix it.

Tonight marks my last night with my trainer, Kimmy - who has been a great support for me in many ways. I love her to death and she knows it. I gave her a great parting gift and today I sent her flowers. She did not get them yet, but it will be a fun surprise for her.

Everything is fine. I have climbed out of my 2 day pity party and I am back to myself. Life is good. Hope all is well in your world, sparkies!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LACEYKYLE 7/23/2014 10:29PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRISTA987 7/23/2014 9:42PM

    Glad to hear you're back on track! Keep up the great work!

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 7/23/2014 8:38PM

    I'm at the pity party at the moment just having a wallow... :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEKEIKO 7/23/2014 7:19PM

    Anyone would be blessed to have you in their life. You're an amazing person with a beautiful emoticon.
I bet Kimmy will be very surprised with the emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIFROMWYOMING 7/23/2014 7:02PM

    You're awesome, Mar. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINTPICKER 7/23/2014 4:05PM

    emoticon You are awesome!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NICOLERZ 7/23/2014 3:13PM

    That was sweet of you to send flowers!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANET552 7/23/2014 2:19PM

    Glad your back to you!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSFROGGIE 7/23/2014 1:14PM

    Good for you!!

We are here for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMARILYNH 7/23/2014 11:43AM

    GOOD for you!! I see you shrinking in size and GROWING in strength and confidence! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Slippery Slope

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

You know when you have one of those days and it starts to slip into one of those weeks, well it has been happening to me. I have been dragging myself through it. My feelings got hurt on Monday night and I did want I would have done in the past to fix it. I ate some oversized portions of not so great stuff. Not overwhelming amounts but enough to think, "gee I wish I had not eaten that." It spilled over a little into today, where I ate ice cream (skinny cow) for breakfast and it seemed perfectly okay.

Sure, they were skinnier versions of the junky stuff I used to have regularly and I know for me this is a slippery slope. I can't go back to my pre-place where I weighed 60 lbs heavier.

I stopped myself. I went to the gym and met with my new trainer, Don. We worked on shoulders for a half hours, lifting all sorts of weights. You know what? This is what made me feel better, even though I had to drag myself in there. It really doesn't made what I had to do to get over it. In fact, I am not over it, yet, and it may still take me a while, but food does not cure what ails me.

I have to make my feelings be valid and expressed, but without harming myself in the process. It is okay to feel a need to be soothed, but food is not the answer. The gym may not really be the answer either, but it is a positive step that makes me feel empowered and in control, and if that is what it takes, so be it.

I am just going to get through it and everything will be okay.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHCALSIX 7/23/2014 4:39PM

    It's so weird how the gym or working out can make you feel so much better. I always fight myself those awful 10 minutes before. Than after it's done I feel great and am like "why was I pouting so much?" lol.
Great job getting your workout in!! It's so hard to resist those temptations when we're in an emotional state. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMARILYNH 7/23/2014 11:41AM

    I know all about that slippery slope - good for you for digging in and climbing back up!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MCJOYFUL 7/23/2014 11:09AM

    You are so right. I used to turn to food when I was hurt too, but then I realized that I am just adding to the hurt. Instead of someone else hurting me, I am hurting myself and I deserve better than that. Working out is a great soother.

I'm sorry you had your feelings hurt. But I am glad you've been able to pick yourself up and handle it more positively. Good job!

Report Inappropriate Comment
OLIVIANIGHT 7/23/2014 4:46AM

    I'm sorry you're not happy *hugs*

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVEHOPE 7/23/2014 1:22AM

    Eating because of hurt feelings. You know after all these years of that behavior, you would think we would be immune to hurt feelings. My favorite comfort food just doesn't have the same power to soothe me it once did. It really feels like being let down by a DF a second time.
On the other hand, I now realize that when my feelings get hurt, I need to take a stand for myself. It is hard to express the depth of the pain I can feel from a simple hurtful comment, gesture or oversight. It feels so vulnerable to say, you hurt my feelings. Just saying that I was uncomfortable during that exchange is about all I can express right now. It helps me keep my vulnerability to myself but expresses enough to the other person to take the first step to fix things.
Glad the exercise helped to deflect some of your pain. Just know, even if you do nothing, it will ease in a few days and you will be ready to march bravely onward.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 7/23/2014 12:39AM

    Great blog thanks for sharing it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHINETIME36 7/23/2014 12:13AM

    Wow!! I also had my feelings hurt today & blogged about it!! Must b something n the air lol! I totally understand how u feel! & turning to something positive like u did by working out is great!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAISYBELLEKIA 7/23/2014 12:01AM

    What a great step! This is a learning process, and it also means unlearning a lifetime of unhealthy habits. Way to go!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DETERMINEDJANET 7/22/2014 11:43PM

    It was a definite positive step today! So proud of you!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Seeing is Believing

Thursday, July 17, 2014

I am an amazing woman. I say this not to boast about myself but to recognize who I am and how far I have come. I am strong, stronger than I have ever been, I am growing more agile, more agile than I have ever been in the last couple of decades. I am doing many things I never dreamed were possible all because of a change in my attitude.

This attitude was not easy to develop. It was hard. Following a lifetime of being put down, you begin to believe it yourself and I felt unable to break out of that mold I put myself in because I did not know there was another way.

I am not the unbeliever anymore. I believe in myself and I am watching myself grow and change right before my very eyes. I see and feel the differences in myself. It is astounding to see what I have been able to accomplish in the last 8 months. I did it with a lot of loving, remarkable support from family, to friends and with coaching and training. It is a remarkable feeling to witness what is happening.

When I weighted 468 pounds, I did not have the ability to see what I could do with perseverance and hard work. It was out of my scope of believing despite comments from my coach that when I shed some weight, we could try new and different exercises. I could never fathom that far down the road that one day I would be a person who could accomplish such feats and LOVE doing them.

Last night after recording my personal best on the elliptical at 13:12, I was beside myself with elation at what I could do (as well as getting up on my own onto the machine.) Tonight he told me that he thinks I have a 10 minute pace inside me. My thought was, "not tonight," but on the other hand I didn't think it was an absolute no that I could never do it. How could I? Within this year, I could not initially do more than 10 seconds!!!! Then I conquered a mile in 37 minutes. Tonight, it dropped to 11:55. Who is to say there is not 10 minutes inside me? There is, .... it is only a matter of time.

This success is by no means just for me. If I can do this, certainly others can too. I am learning that I can do more than I ever thought possible --- and it seems to be happening on a fairly regular basis lately. My coach and trainer have done a fabulous job of building me up to believe. If you are fortunate enough to be in this situation, I can't recommend it more highly. The admiration and respect I have for these two holds no bounds. They are quick to defer all of the credit to me. I have earned it, but it was their generous support and guidance that got me here.

I am not done yet - far from it - but I am using every ounce of energy to climb the next goal, and I am going to get there, step by step, mile by mile. No matter how long it takes. The journey just keeps getting better and better.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAISYBELLEKIA 7/21/2014 4:37PM

    Woohoo!!!! You are so inspiring :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
_KATHY 7/20/2014 11:15AM

    You are AMAZING!

Report Inappropriate Comment
68ANNE 7/19/2014 10:56PM

    This was the best blog I've read. So much of it could have been written by me, it reflects how I was in so many ways. It is all your story and it touched me. You are so much better than yourself and you are seeing it. You are amazing!

Comment edited on: 7/19/2014 10:56:52 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAVERICK59 7/19/2014 2:51PM

    I am so happy for you!
Is the elliptical easier on the joints? My treadmill is doing it for me anymore, I have come to dread it. I've been thinking about an elliptical.
hugs
B

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 7/18/2014 12:21PM

    THIS. IS. SO. FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!

I love to read your blogs and see your latest accomplishments!
There is NO DOUBT that you have that 10-minute time in you!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IMEMINE1 7/18/2014 10:43AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMARILYNH 7/18/2014 8:53AM

    I'm so glad I 'discovered' you here on SparkPeople! You amaze and inspire me - you make me want to push just a little harder; do just a little more!! Thanks!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANET552 7/18/2014 7:20AM

    You are amazing!! Hooray for your successes and keep pushing for more. You got lots more amazing inside yet!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINTPICKER 7/18/2014 6:34AM

    WOW!! You are so inspiring!! Thank you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 7/18/2014 1:50AM

    I would love to start a blog with "I am an amazing woman"!!!

You are... you really are... fantastic work

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVEHOPE 7/18/2014 12:15AM

    We've come to believe we can do the impossible. It was impossible only because we believed that it was impossible. That belief kept me from even trying for years. Now, I believe that so much more is possible and with that comes great happiness.

Just this week we were out at a local restaurant on the patio for breakfast with our dogs. At the end of the meal, I always gather up the dishes for the server. It's just a little something I like to do in appreciation for there care. Without a thought, I reached under the table for the water bowl they provide for the dogs. I put it on the table and thought isn't it amazing how easily I did that. I just bent over and reached under our table. No struggle or maneuvering around my belly, nothing out of the ordinary. That simple act seemed impossible just 6 months ago. I will never take that simple act for granted because I know exactly what it is like to always ask someone else to do those things for me. Now I can do it and feel the pleasure of moving freely. I wish you so many joys and freedoms from doing the impossible. I celebrate with you your accomplishments and the joy they bring.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MCJOYFUL 7/17/2014 10:56PM

    That is so wonderful! And I am not talking only about how far you have come in your fitness but also in your self worth! Keep it up! You are doing great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOTPINKCAMARO49 7/17/2014 10:36PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon (((HUGS)))!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOOSIEMOON 7/17/2014 10:33PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Another Milestone Achieved (well, two)!!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I am pretty well tired out tonight, so I will just leave a snippet for now. Tonight, I achieved a couple of momentous milestones.

I got on the octane (elliptical) myself. No step. For MONTHS, I have been using a variety of steps at different heights to get on. Tonight, I just got up.

My coach challenged me to do 1 mile in 14 mins and 15 seconds. I crushed it. I did 13 minutes and 12 seconds. No stopping for water, but I did it.

I did not want to get on that thing at all, but I did it and rocked it.

Woo hoo!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NICOLERZ 7/20/2014 11:10AM

    Awesome! Keep up the good work!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINTPICKER 7/17/2014 10:45PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DYNAMICDEB53 7/17/2014 8:13PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LISA579 7/17/2014 7:29PM

    woohoo

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEACHCALSIX 7/17/2014 1:41PM

    emoticon emoticon
Very motivating an inspirational!!!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DONNABOBONNA547 7/17/2014 12:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMARILYNH 7/17/2014 12:09PM

    Totally awesome!! I'm rooting for you!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RENLLY 7/17/2014 11:16AM

    Awesome !! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SANDY1969 7/17/2014 7:56AM

    Great job!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RHOOK20047 7/17/2014 7:07AM

    Way to go. You did it like I said with little steps. I am proud and envious of you. I let me knees dictate too much of what I do and don't do. You proved that we can overcome our fears and shortcomings. You are emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
OLIVIANIGHT 7/17/2014 5:09AM

    That's AWESOME!!! Well done :D

Report Inappropriate Comment
RASPBERRY56 7/17/2014 4:50AM

    I *love* the ellipticals - since I'm not in a gym, I don't get the chance to use them except for the rare hotel getaway (if the hotel has a gym with one, of course).......

emoticon with your exercise accomplishments! Keep up the great work!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAISYBELLEKIA 7/17/2014 12:16AM

    Yeah! You are tiring me out just reading that! I haven't focused on the elliptical yet, but that will come eventually. I have tried it, and 1 minute on it about killed me.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MCJOYFUL 7/16/2014 11:45PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOTPINKCAMARO49 7/16/2014 11:35PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 7/16/2014 11:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KCLARK89 7/16/2014 11:15PM

    YAY!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Taller and Stronger

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Somewhere along the line while I was focusing on getting fit and healthier, a funny thing happened. I started looking at myself and others differently. One way I know that this happened is because I now take myself into consideration when making a decision. Also, at work, when I observe myself from a third party angle, I see the great things I am doing - and achieving a higher level than I have done before.

I believe in myself now, and I take confidence in what I do. I stood next a machine last night at the gym without any inkling how I was going to get on or get into it. I am still working on balance and agility, but every step I make, it is progress in the right direction. The trainer helped me get into the contraption and I suppose it will be easier next time.

I am less afraid. This greater spirit in myself has not meant that I have grow a hardened heart. I haven't - I am the same genuine me inside, only I am less afraid to take on challenges that I would have in the past - whether they are challenges at the gym, at work, or elsewhere. I don't back down as easily because I no longer think I can't.

I took a class yesterday that included a group exercise. Small groups are not my thing because I usually end up walking a thin line between leading the group and trying to encourage others to speak up. There was a person in my group that I just wanted to smack who was pushing her (stupid) viewpoint and would not take no for answer. I got lucky in that she had to leave early so it did not come to arm wrestling at the table. (I would have won.)
It was gratifying that the instructor came over after class and noted that he saw that I was "getting it."

I almost did not go to the class because I was caught up in the "can I handle this?" It falls right in line with my initial career path and my first love: writing. I have been wanting to approach members of the group conducting the class about possibly picking up a writing assignment or two down the road. I don't know if I am ready for that - but going to this class was the start of that journey. This class put me in touch with the right people, and who knows what happens down the road. I could not have made that leap, if I did not show up at the class. Believing in myself is what got me through that door.

What shifts in thinking have you had, sparkies? When did you notice something different about yourself?


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAVERICK59 7/21/2014 12:16PM

    You never cease to amaze me!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 7/18/2014 12:23PM

    You are definitely a writer! Go for it! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMARILYNH 7/17/2014 12:15PM

    OMG I am so happy I found this blog! I've been out of town so a bit out of touch with my SparkFriends. This blog touched me at a very deep level! I too have made many positive changes in my life that have little to do with weight loss. The first one that came to mind was progress in overcoming my life long fear of heights, but there are many more. We are blessed!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOVESEYES 7/16/2014 9:24PM

    This is so great congrats.

I notice things every day and often stop and look back at how I had aching joints, sleep apnoea, carpel tunnel, couldn't sleep, and now apart from the defect in my back which is helped by the exercises I don't have those other things now.

My attitude to myself changed as i lost because I wouldn't give up at any stage, even though I was depressed about it. I like myself now.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRISTA987 7/16/2014 9:18PM

    I love your positive outlook on life! Expanding the lessons learn from exercise into other aspects of your life. Over this whole journey I've also grown a lot more confident in myself & my work. I'm a lot more stronger not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Its great how they are all kind of intertwined with each other.

Keep up the amazing work!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RTGRAFF 7/16/2014 3:30PM

    Isn't it truly amazing when you can actually feel yourself grow and blossom in spirit. When you know you can do, say, act, and feel stronger inside, you start to feel "alive." That's how I felt when my hubby helped me break from my shell ( so darn introverted) to someone that is not afraid of life anymore. It's an amazing feeling! Keep that confidence going!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DYNAMICDEB53 7/16/2014 3:03PM

    Isnt awesome the changes we have on this journey, not just weight related. I think its great that you are challenging yourself in different directions.
Keep believing in yourself and keep trying. You are on a healthy path.

Hugs and smiles
Deb

Report Inappropriate Comment
LACEYKYLE 7/16/2014 1:50PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 Last Page