Friday, March 07, 2014
As far as Fridays go, this was not the easiest. I did something today that I have not done in a while. I ate like I used to. Surprisingly, I didn't have guilt over it, but what I did have made me realize how far I've come. My stomach was upset and I felt out of sorts for a lot of the day. I ended up working late. It was very tempting to just drive home and not go to the gym. But a slipup in the food dept does not negate my planned trip to the gym.
I coached myself to show up (with my trainer Kimmy) mentally running through my head with a pep talk. It worked. I went. I told myself to just show up and do something. I felt tons better while working out and thereafter, not just for keeping my promise to myself - but physically I felt a lot better.
Life is not perfect, but we all have chances to help ourselves and that is just what I am doing. Little by little, I will get to where I want to be. I am off to a good start, but this is nowhere near the end. That's cool, because I have no timeline for success. I am going to get there when I get there, and just for today, getting to the gym made all the difference.
I'm only one meal away from a good meal. Everything is fine and tomorrow I will be right back on that horse. Just get back up and keep going. I can do it, and so can you!
Friday, March 07, 2014
Well, you can, but do you want to, and for me this week - the answer was no, not at all. There was a co-worker's bday and we had a dessert from the nicest place in town. Well, I was part of the team that purchased it --- but I chose not to eat it.
I could have - but it was not worth the hours in the gym that it would cost me on the other wise. I am making good progress, and I want it to continue. The last time I had as great as success as I am on the road to having now, I stopped pretending that cake was its own food group. I was a liberal eater of it and it did me, way more harm than good. I have moved it off of my plate. I "can" still have it if I want to - but right now I do not want to.
That's pretty good in my book, and I am happy I made that choice.
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
As I sat here tonight, eating some berries for a snack, I was thinking about the day's events. It struck me how I have improved my eating, am making much healthier lifestyle choices and I am really turning myself around. What gives? I actually do care about the course of my life, the direction I am taking and I am wickedly encouraged about myself. I am enjoying my life, and I like who I have become.
I have come a long way, baby. I can't say what I really feel about my past behavior, because Spark would censor it. But, I didn't care about improving the quality of my life. I didn't care what I ate, how much I moved, where I directed my thoughts. I just didn't care about myself. Whoa Nellie. Those days are done.
I had a very forthright conversation with one of my doctors today. His clearest directives were to keep doing the positive things I am doing, lay off the caffeine, drink more water, and not fall into fad diets. I need to build my body up, not break it down. He is so pleased with the direction of where I am headed, and frankly, so am I! He also shared that the choices I make today are going to have a profound impact on my life in the next 10-20 years. (and I don't think that was an age crack!)
Today one of my trainers told me "the meaner I write about him", the happier he is. Guess which one that is? ha ha. I could say plenty (and have) even when I had no anticipation he was reading these. Sorry to let you down, Hadley - there is no meanness lurking tonight. If I had not been as terrified as I was several months ago, that death was knocking on my door, I probably would not have stumbled into those two trainers (heroes) of mine.
I pay them to push me, but I have gotten so much more out of the relationship than that. I am standing on my own, and doing what needs to be done. They have helped me to knock off 30 lbs, and push me harder when I falter. I can't help myself, I love these two. Hadley is probably cringing while reading this right now, but he doesn't have to worry.
Put a 25 lb bicep bar in my hand, and I will be hating him again in no time.
Monday, March 03, 2014
I have been going through a very open phase of my life lately, and it has become surprisingly easy to ask for help when I don't know the answers, or sometimes even the right questions to ask. Two of my go-to resources have been my wonderful trainers, H & K.
After my PS 30 day challenge kind of fizzled out due to some health issues of mine, I decided I was due for a new challenge. This is not my strong suit yet, so I asked Hadley to come up with one for me. This was both a good idea and a bad idea. Good idea as he is a master at goal setting, bad idea because who knows what I would find myself doing.
Here's what he came up with: over the course of the next 5 weeks, "just do this" - climb 52,500 feet on the virtual rope climber, ride 19 hours on the bike and complete 25 rounds of weight sessions at 10% higher than my usual.
Frankly, it sounds very doable, but then you do the math. Oh sure, it can be done, and IT IS GOING TO GET DONE, but it is not as easy as it seemed at the onset.
There is a lot of commitment built into the equation, that will require me to show up at the gym and put in the time. Therein lies his evil genius (heavy on the evil.) At least that is how I feel about him right now, that every breath feels labored and the need to go lay down is strong.
I needed to record this tonight though, so I can look back in 5 weeks and be assured that I have come along way from this day. I can look back already and see where I came from. I am making big progress and will continue to do so. Having a big target though, helps me maintain my aim and drive to keep going. Kimmy reminds me I need to put my game face on. For Hadley, though maybe just for tonight - I feel hateful but grateful.
Sunday, March 02, 2014
When I was a wee little lass, I used to stay up and watch monster movies with my older brothers. Certainly, they would be mild by today's standards, but back then, they used to give me nightmares. I would get out of bed, toddle off to my parents' room and wake up my dad, who would tell me to, "Clear your mind, say your prayers and go back to bed." More often than not, that would do the trick. I may have only been about 5 years old, but I think my Dad was passing along a meditation trick. Sometimes, I resort to these early thoughts to help me push through when either I or my body wants to cave in and say no.
Last night, Coach H texted me and told me to do 45 mins today on the bike. That seemed like a really long time to me. I did bouts of 10 and 15 minutes ago a couple of days ago with my trainer, Kimmy and that was good, but the leap to 45 seemed like a big deal. I was not into it, but when the gauntlet is thrown, my competitive nature kicks in.
After 1 minute, I was thinking whew only 44 more to go. The first 10 minutes really dragged, and I conned myself up to 15. From there, it was more or less than same, pushing myself to 20, to 25 and up. Once I hit 25, I knew I was over the halfway mark, and I was not going to stop then. It was not a downhill coast from there, but the hardest mental part was over.
We ordered pizza delivery for dinner along with fried cheese sticks. There was a cardinal sin, not just fried, but fried cheese. That would break 2 rules. I left it as an open possibility that I could have some if I wanted. It mentally helped to remove the "deprivation" of not having it, but I did not want any. I didn't mind hubby enjoying himself, and he did. Hubby also asked if I wanted him to text a picture to Coach K, but I declined providing the number. Some things are sacred. ha ha.
I had a salad with grilled chicken, and I was perfectly satisfied with that.
Great successes today - got to the gym, ate well for all 3 meals, caught up with all 3 siblings, went to church, and felt great all day. Sleep will soon overtake me, and I am looking forward to making March as great a month as February. Life is good and I am grateful for it.
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