Sunday, April 27, 2014
I have not been here in ages. I think I might have logged in last YEAR. I track my food on MyFitnessPal and while I have "friends" there, it is not like the relationships I had here. Spark is home. Spark is family. However, I do not have the time to sit a computer and think, write or click about food right now. At best, I point my phone at a bar code or tap my Iphone for a saved meal that I eat often. And yet, I have lost weight. 67 pounds in the last year.
And none of it went down like I would have thought.
God is funny that way: He answers your prayers, but in a different color, in another language, from another place.
God delights in surprises.
Last summer, my husband, who used to roll his eyes as I dragged my cans and bags to the computer after cooking to put in my SparkRecipes, was diagnosed with High Blood Pressure. VERY High Blood Pressure. It wasn't good at all. And in that way that is both brilliant and maddening, he totally changed his life--overnight. And alas, it was me looking to him for support, a role model and all around help.
Yesterday, he ran his first 5k--in 30 minutes flat. I walked some and ran a little and finished in 42:00. My best time ever, even though I haven't been running. Later that evening, we celebrated his breaking the 100 pound barrier. 102 pounds to be exact. I am thrilled for him, though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous or confused some moments along the way. And yet, it fits. That's how he does things, quiet and committed while I stop to blog about my sweet potato pie!
At any rate, I came here to reflect and remember that this isn't a new journey. I've reached the weight I am now twice since I joined here in 2006. This time though, I don't feel the anxiety I've had before. God showed me that I didn't need another DVD or workout program. I needed my husband and I needed to know that it's okay to need support and help. So it might take as long as it takes, but I feel good knowing that even though there's still a lot of mountain to climb, this time I brought some help (and he makes a mean chicken breast!)
Thanks to all of you still here for all the love and patience you have shown me over the years. I know now that food is a big part of THIS, but there's a lot more to THIS too. Some of it I found in the blogs I wrote here. Like a repost, I'll repost below. It made me laugh because I stood on a treadmill the other day thinking that maybe I was too fat to be running after all and I'd wait until I lost some more weight. And then tonight as I looked at those race pictures and sighed at my thighs, I read this:
***Tonight I was trying to figure out when exactly I started running again. I knew I started back working out on March 22 but it took a while for me to start running again. I found this blog and it made me cry so I wanted to repost it. Sometimes it's good to remember how far God has brought you.***
REPOSTED FROM APRIL 11, 2010
Tonight I ran again. When it was time to turn home though, I didn't. I ran on, doing an old route. The last time I ran that route I was 260-ish. Today, i am 300 exactly.
But God, lover of my soul that He is, has not changed.
At that bend in the road in the third mile, where the big dogs bark and the cars run folks down, Hew as there, waiting. As I ran by, He kissed me in the wind. Oh, how I needed that kiss. i'm writing this so that I remember that this isn't just about scales or dress sizes (although for real, it's about that too).
It's about Jesus, lean and lovely, sweaty from chasing me all week, from straining to get a glimpse of me, the real me, the girl with wings and stories who dances in her panties and laughs too loud, who flies by moonlight looking for Tamar's daughters and runs a long way to find her own fool self.
She runs past the dogs, through the cars, in the dark, just to get a kiss from the King.
O God, help me to keep coming back to you. In all my weakness, be made strong. In Jesus' name. Amen.
.82 mi warmup, 4.4 mi run, .7 mi cooldown (5.92 mi)
***Lord, I thank you for meeting me that day...and this day. I thank You for making me believe that I could run four miles and some change at 300 pounds when people look at me like I'm crazy NOW. They don't know how You love crazy things and crazy people. But I know. And I'm so glad. MUAH Your baby girl***
(I don't know if I'll be tracking food here, but I think it's still a good place to keep up with my soul...)
Friday, January 21, 2011
I'm learning my new job and talking to my old self. We did two quick miles the past few days, she and I, some indoors and some out. She has been overwhelmed, frazzled and afraid. She is full of words with no place to put them.
On Monday, I let her write and since then, she's let me move. The two things are connected it seems.
Life seems a tight space right now, like a tiny dressing room in a plus size clothing store. And yet, I know that if I go slow and find the strength to smile, I will get the dress over my head and make it to the big dance that is life. To do so, however, I must be myself. And why not? Everyone else is taken.
So pray hard, go slow and just keep going.
Anything else is unacceptable.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 15:58, KJV)
Well, I didn't meet my goals last week, but I did start a new job, another class and had a lot going on. It's a new week and I just had breakfast. I have a test tonight straight after work, so it maybe tomorrow for the workout but there'll be lots of running around at work.
Have a great day everyone and keep the faith. We do not labor in vain.
Saturday, January 08, 2011
This was my first week at a new job. I'm really enjoying it but there's a lot to learn and K-12 is a lot more physical than higher education, so I'm excited but exhausted! I need to blog three times this week all this weekend so look to hear more and have a great Saturday!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. (Philippians 4:5, KJV)
Coach Nancy wrote a great post today about balance. She talked about how she'd become obsessed with running this summer while training for a marathon and isolated from her friends.
I get that.
I tend to be an extreme person (eat too much, exercise too much, good or bad, it's usually too much). I've come to terms with that compulsive part of myself and try to keep her (the crazy woman) in check. Sometimes I fail. Today, I went for a run. I'd decided to make it short, but once I got going, my mind started turning, "What about turning here? Ooh, let's..." Nope. I had to cut her off. This year is about keeping it simple. My word for 2011 is:
I'm not sure what that means exactly, but I'm hoping it's about being less anxious and treating myself and others with gentleness. Moderation, even. Imagine that? So, I do have a few goals, but I decided to keep them simple:
1. Workout 3x a week.
2. Cook 3x a week.
3. Blog 3x a week.
With my practical side firmly at the helm, I'm looking at these goals and thinking that a couple of them will really be a challenge, but doable. Here's to a little balance for all of us.
May we be known for our moderation. Help us to be kind to ourselves and others and to build habits that will last a lifetime. May we start off this New Year with love and laughter (with a few crunches thrown in!)
In Jesus' name, Amen
run, 67 minutes, 754 calories
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