Friday, December 10, 2010
He has given me the dearest gift this Christmas. As many of you know who have been following my threads, I haven't been well and yet all my tests seem to come out okay. If anyone has ever watched the TV show Mystery Diagnosis, I feel like I am living it. I can go for a couple of weeks just feeling fine and then hit this wall and boom I am back on the couch without a bit of energy. So one of the things my husband, doctor and I want me to do is to get off the sleeping pill I am on and I have to do it slowly and taper it back. It is a very additive medication that I was given in the hospital and became chemically depended on. Well I am in the tapering stage and it's so difficult due to the withdrawal symptoms are present. I went to my therapist yesterday and told her that I just don't feel like going to Pennsylvania to be sleepy and napping all the time around the grandchildren. The therapist said she totally gets it as she went into a whole thing about how sad it is that Christmas has gotten so commercial. I do agree with this as I look at our own grandchildren that already have a room full of toys they don't play with who will get a ton more. Anyway I came home and told my husband that I just wasn't sure if I could make the trip. Well he said that I was an easy decision and that he too would not go as he would not want me to be here in Mexico alone. Even though we have many friends down here, he didn't want to be separated from me. We have never been apart during the holidays. He hugged me and told me that he was proud of me for taking the action to get off of this drug and that he wanted to help me through it. Gosh, I feel so bad for having become chemically dependent on this stupid drug. My therapist says that I am surely not alone. The statistics say that 1 out of every 10 people are chemically dependent on a drug. Still it makes me feel so bad that I did this to myself.
But I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have a husband that loves me so much to stay with me.
I told him that my gift to myself and him this Christmas and for the New Year will be to be healthy and drug free. I know it's only one drug and one pill, but it's a big deal to me.
Hope all my sparks buddies are doing well.