Sunday, April 22, 2012
Friday morning was a bad time because the night before I gave Taz a bit of brownie and felt bad because it was a bit chewy for him. But when he was trying to eat it, the smell of his breath was bad. He finished the brownie and I told him I sorry it was so chewy and gave him some chicken. He was on my lap and when I hugged him, the same smell came through on the top on his head a bit. I knew then I had to make that call. So at 8:19 I called the vet and Vickki answered. I said who I was and asked if Dr. Dahl was in. She said yes and I told her I was calling about Taz and then I started crying. Vikki worked with Dr.D for years and knew who I was from past pets. She said she was sorry & asked if I wanted to being him in at 11:20. I was kind of shocked, I was hoping she would say that Dr. D was busy and to bring him in tomorrow. I said no, knowing it would be best for Taz. Then I called my parents and told them.
I had Taz on my lap watching Law & Order: CI when Rich got up. I told him about last night and that I was taking Taz in this morning, if he wanted to come. He said, "No, I'm not going through that again." and proceeded to go downstairs. Talk about an unfeeling bastard!!!!!!! As if Taz really meant anything to him. I thought good, I'd rather him not be there anyway.
I got to the vet and my ma was there. There's a starling in the waiting room called Grapenuts who started to sing. I sat by him because Taz would love to watch him. Taz didn't even poke his head out.
We went into the room, I spread his blanket on the table and Taz got as close to me as he could. Angel, one of the techs, came in with a paper to sign, formalities, and she was petting Taz, She made a comment about how he would let his presence be known in the lab and now how quiet he was. Shehab came in, he said he was just going to give him something to help him sleep. He needed to find a muscle, good luck. He even remembered how Taz would let his voice be heard. Sure enoughm Taz started growling. He petted Taz a bit before he left too.
I was called out to sign some papers and when I went back in, ma was bending over Taz. Taz had fallen asleep. I seen he was breathing very slowly and my thoughts went back to Sneaky Pi and how it seemed like it was the same thing. When Dr D came in, she put him on his side, shaved his back leg, all the while explaing what would happen, etc. She even commmented on Taz's attitiude anytime he went for lab work. How his tail would swing back and forth knocking stuff over, voiceing his opinion, etc. Then it was over, not that it took long, there wasn't much of him. Then Dr. D pointed out the bump on Taz's side and said that was his kidney. That it shouldn't be that big and that was where the smell was coming from. Dr D asked if I wanted the blanket & I told her to take it with. So she wrapped him up, his face still showing, and we left.
Ma asked what I wanted to do next and I said how about coffee. I couldn't go home yet. So we had lunch, went to Sports Authority for some waterbottle for dad, PetSmart for a couple toys for Mimi. I had to see the kitties they had there for adoption. They were all cute and naturally there were a couple black kitties.
I got home and it was so quiet, nothing felt right. Later I noticed the top of the litter box that had sand in it was gone. When I asked Rich he said it's outside and he through the sand out. He said nothing else about loosing Taz. When 5pm came, Taz's feeding time, it felt weird not having to do anything. I stayed in the library with the door closed the rest of the day
Saturday when my alarm went off, I thought "Why should I get up. I don't have to feed Taz." I stayed in bed for a little bit, crying. Then I looked at the time, 7am and figured that I better go shopping, Super Walmart opened at 6am. For some reason Rich got up too. Before I left I asked if he needed anything-no. So I went shopping. Good thing I made out a list, sometimes it seemed as if I was wandering around the store. I tried avoiding the pet section because I didn't feel like crying in the store. I got home and sure enough, there was Socks, the neighborhood cat who I feed when I see him. I told him I'd feed him after I finish taking in the bags and being the gentleman, excuse me, gentlecat that he is, he walked me from my car to the front door and back again till the last bag was in the house. I got his food dish and told him about his friend Taz, how he wouldn't be seeing him in the door or window anymore. I have to say Socks was more comfort than Rich, even "helped" my with the bags. Rich didn't once come upstairs to help me bring them in.
After I finished putting away the groceries, I went into the library to listen to the Cubs game, they won finally. I stayed in there until around 7pm. Watched a bit of t.v. then went to bed around 9pm. I read for a bit and fell asleep.
All day I was thinking of Taz, where he like to sleep in the library, then if I left the library he would find me and stay wherever I was. How he would cry when I left the house-Rich told me that he was a mama's boy, that whenevery I left the house, he would be by the door or go in the window and meow/cry. That I don't have to worry about feeding him at certain times, litter box, making sure he didn't drink all the water. etc.
I felt the same this morning when the alarm went off. Even remembering that Taz would be my alarm clock, getting me up well before my alarm clock did because he wanted to be fed NOW!!! How I yelled at him for chewing on the electric cords, just so he can get me out of bed.
There's no more begging for whatever I'm eating, kitty face in my dish. No more tummy rubs with teeth coming to attack my hand. No more tugging on my yarn while I'm crocheting. The house is so lonely, so quiet without Taz. No more yelling at him to get off something he knows he shouldn't be on. No more quiet times with him on my lap, or him sleeping with me while he hogs the bed.
This is the first time in about 39 years that I haven't had a pet. But no more for now. This will be the 4th year in a row I had to say good-bye to a loved one. Starting with Tequila in 2009, Carbon Copy in 2010, Sneaky Pi in 2011 and now Taz in 2012. I know I'll get another kitty and/or dog in the furture but for now I need a break. I still have my parents pooches to keep me busy.
Maybe tonight, when Rich leaves for work, I'll clean up Taz's dishes, dump the litter out, can't say clean since he didn't use it. I'll tie the string of yarn around Bunny's neck like a bow tie - Bunny is my very first stuffed animal and like me he's 48 yrs old, been recovered over the years and yes I still sleep with him when I don't feel good or like now when I can use some comforting. In fact one of these days, I'll give him a new coat.
I've packed some things away that will go to an animal shelter-toys, beds, even a comforter, blankets, rugs. But the litter box, few toys, dishes, a carrier or two, other blankets, will be packed away for future use. For now, I just need to relax from all the grief from the past 4 years. Try to remember the good times with all the kitties, good and bad. I've got to heal my heart first before I can get another pet. They were my children and it's hard saying good-bye to your kids without it taking anything out of you.
I miss & love you Taz, I know you're with your brothers, Tequila, Carbon Copy, Sneaky Pi. Even Catsanova and Keshka who's a dog but sometimes thought she was a cat. Hope you watch over me and visit once in awhile like your brothers have done. Have fun and remember to save a place for me.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Merry Christmas everyone!!
It's been very hectic and crazy around here. As for me, my knee surgery went pretty o.k. It was really screwed up. I've been getting gel shots and the last one is next Wed. I had to stop therapy though because my leg keeps shaking. It stops for awhile but anytime I start walking or doing something-like therapy, my leg starts to shake. My dr. wants me to see a spinal specialist and neurologist. I had a previous MRI on my brain and back, thankfuly thinks look fine except for a bit of swelling on my back. My knee still hurts and makes popping sounds. If things aren't getting better, there's talk of an artificial knee.
My dad has gone through chemo therapy treatments, again next week. He has lost a lot of weight, down to 120pds. But he gaind 2 pds last week. And he just bought 7 catons of cigarettes!!!! He's finally moved upstairs, to sleep at least. But still goes downstairs to smoke, watch t.v., etc.
My ma needs to have cateract srugery on her right eye. She can't drive at night because the lights from the cars bother her and see can't really see. Her birthday is today and I got her a really cool BEARS fleece blanket. She loves it. And her fave player, URLACHER jersey.
My parents otherwise are doing fine. Poor ma is really been tired these past few days with all the dr. appts and such. I'm kind of beat, been busy myself with dr. appts., therapy, and crocheting! Finally finished the afghan I was making for my cousin. Yesterday I was busy baking goodies for some of the people I know. Passed them out today.
And believe it or not, Rich has been behaving himself. He has been somewhat helping me, he takes stuff like the laundry up and down the stairs for me. Amazingly we haven't fought for awhile. But he is on vacation until Jan. 2nd. So there's still time.
Tomorrow I plan on finishing my Christmas shopping-meaning for my parents. Nothing specific because I'm going to be getting them the things they need/use around the house, i.e. Surf Laundrey det., toilet paper, some canned food, etc. It helps them out.
Better get going, got to crochet a couple more candy cane holders.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope to be back soon, slowly at first. Hugs and kisses.
Sunday, October 02, 2011
Hi everyone. Yes, I'm saying good-bye, I have to leave for awhile. A few fellow teammates convinced me to not totally quit, just visit once in awhile. Thanks to Kay for accepting the co-leader spot to help Jules.
I'm leaving for my "sabbatical" because of too much going on in my life right now. My marriage is totally bonkers, hubby and I haven't talked to each other after a fight 3 weeks ago. He threw one of his temper tantrums again, words were said between both of us and it looks like the end is going to be near. I'll probably be divorced by this time next year, and believe me I won't be complaining!
My ma is having health issues again, this time a blood clot in her leg. Though she's feeling fine now, she'll be having to take Warafin for life now and a couple other meds again. So I'm worried about her and will be watching out for her, like shopping, taking care of Maggie, etc. if she needs it.
As for me, my disability is up for review so I don't know if I'll be on it still. I have at least 4 dr appts I finally made for myself this month, starting with one this Friday. Have to get my knees, back, ankles checked out, as well as seeing my neurologist for my seizures, had one in at the end of June. And the headaches I've been getting aren't any fun either. I fell a couple weeks ago and shook my head - OUCH!
And finally, I'm putting crafting on hold again. I'm going to be going through things to get rid of-garage sale, going through books to see what I really want to keep & sell the others to a second hand book store. Anything to start saving up money. And this is just the beginning.
I don't know what the future is going to hold for me, but for now, I just need to concentrate on some things right now. There's alot of stress in my life now, too much. This year has really sucked! But I will stay on and try to post as much as I can. I'll really miss you all and am glad to have such great friends.
A big thank-you for your support, you all have been great listeners. Love to you all and I'll be talking to ya later. Take care!
Many & ,
Em & Taz
Sunday, August 14, 2011
I can't believe it's been a week without Sneaky Pi. I was just thinking this morning, it all happened so fast. July 1st I went in for foot surgery and things were fine at home. Even after a few days home, at 3am because I heard Sneaker meowing and I jumped out of bed and walked fast as I could to check on Sneaker. I put the light on in the hallway and there he was, standing there with his fave toy in him mouth, looking where to go hide him. After that, the pain kicked in on my foot. So I hobble off to bed after thanking Sneaker for getting me worried for nothing. A week later, while watching t.v., he starts to play with the catnip reindeer toy. Batting it around, chasing it. But only for about 19 minutes. Things were going fine.
Then slowly I started to notice Sneaky Pi start to weave as he walked. This was the 3rd week in July, I got my bandages off already and was going to start physical therapy in a couple weeks. I was still giving him his pills 2x a day, now fluids every other day instead of 3x a week. Sneaker was also getting a bit slower and if possible, skinnier.
The last week in July was really making me see differences in Sneaker. He was starting to weave even more, almost looked like he was drunk when he walked. I was doing the same thing, even trying to feed him more of his fave food.
But then little things started happening. He was sleeping more. Though Taz still ambushed him, he didn't want to fight back as much. He even let him bit him one time. Then he wasn't coming around as much when we were eating, looking for a handout. And then the big thing was at night though he still wanted his treats, he wouldn't eat them. Also he didn't really sleep on the bed too much. So I called the vet that Friday for an appt. Sat. I was told she was going on vacation & won't be back till next Monday Aug 8th. Then I asked about today but she was booked solid. It was then I was trying to admit it, but I didn't think Sneaker would live past August.
The first week of August was the worst. It was hard giving him his fluids, just like last week, so I went back to every other day. He was drinking more water though he was getting the fluids. Sneaker was really slowing down, almost looking as if he had kitty Alzheimer's, not knowing where he is or want to go. I was shocked at seeing how thin he was, though he was still eating-if you call lapping up the juice really eating, it seemed he was having a hard time of it. I was making sure he got the mushy stuff or making it mushy so he could eat easy. He had gotten a bath not too long ago because he started to smell a bit. Probably part of the reason was he wasn't using the litter box properly. I notice this week he was half in/half out of the litter box. His but being outside. I was starting to think of taking him in sooner to the vet but I really wanted Dr. Dahl to do it since she knew him for 15 years.
But Sneaker told me himself that he wanted to go. That Thursday, I was going upstairs to have lunch. I know Taz was still downstairs but I couldn't find Sneaky Pi. I went downstairs again telling Sneaker not to be down hear, it's not good for you and if you're sick I can't find you-know how he likes to hide sometimes & watch me look for him. Anyway, I went by the computer area to look on the chair and then I saw Sneaker laying on the stuffed Sheepdog I had put down on a couple boxed on the floor. I lost it, started to cry. I took Sneaker & the Sheepdog upstairs. The Sheepdog I got at Costco a bit ago. It's lying down, and just about life-size. Tequila used to love sleeing on it when he was sick with the cancer. So when I got upstairs, I put Sneaker back on the Sheepdog so he could rest. He didn't stay on it or go on it again. So that's when I knew, Sneaker was telling me it was time, he wanted to see Tequila, Carbon Copy, Catsanova again, as well as meet his other brothers/sisters. I told Rich that night when he go up. That Monday is his last visit, if he makes it, but I will probably want to go Saturday, depending how he feels tomorrow. I had already called my ma & told her about it. I called the vet to let them know about it too, Friday came and I knew it really was time. No more treats, eating was hard, litter box trouble, he even told me it was time. I told Rich that I was calling the vet in the morning. He even started to cry, saying that Sneaker has an appt. Monday. But I think he knew in his heart too. I didn't give Sneaky Pi his fluids, or his pills Thurs or Fri. Why torment him any more.
Saturday-At 8am I called the vet at 8am and said I wanted to bring Sneaker in, they said come at 10am. I called ma and told her because she wanted to be there also. I told Rich and I know he wanted to spend some time with Sneaker so I stayed downstairs for a bit. He went out to have a smoke but I knew he was crying a bit too. For being a real jerk, at least he did care for Sneaky Pi. I took a few pics of Sneak, I was only able to download a few-don't know why I always have trouble with that. They are of his last day.
We met my parents there. I picked out his urn, a cat just like Tequila's only white. Rich took Sneaker outside for some fresh air, I went too after paying the bill. Sneaker tried to eat some grass, couldn't. He tried to walk even but started to meow like it hurt. I picked him up right away and cuddled him. After a bit, we finally got called in. After the first shot, I guess to prep him, we waited 10 min. Then the vet came in, we all were around Sneaker saying goodbyes, I love yous, and to say hi to everyone. I think Sneaker went as she was still injecting him, he was so sick. I kissed him goodbye, told him I'll see him later, that I loved him & will miss him.
Ma and dad suggested going for lunch which we did. When we got home, I made room on the shelf of the curio where the other kitties are, letting them know that Sneaky Pi will be joining them soon. And said a prayer to St. Francis to watch over him, I have a stature of him in the middle of the shelf.
It's been a long week. I've been keeping busy, trying not to think about it. Though the house seems a bit quieter. It's strange not having to give Sneaker his pills in the morning or fluids. Even at night, though I stopped giving him his pills at a specific time, seems strange. I look in the kitchen and see only one space for Taz, the litter box where everything gets covered-Sneaker used to love peeing in the corner and not covering. I was even thinking this morning how last year after foot surgery Carbon Copy left, now another foot surgery and Sneaky Pi is gone. Also with Sneaker's passing it seems that a chapter of my life has ended. My kitties, Catsanova, Tequila, Carbon Copy & now Sneaky Pi, are all gone. Time to start a new chapter to include Taz the phycho cat. I picked up his ashes the other day and now it's complete.
So Sneaky Pi, until we meet again, I hope you're enjoying yourself with past brothers & sisters, making new friends and enjoying yourself. I know you're feeling like your old self and probably have snuck off with something from a fellow furbaby. You gave so many fond memories to cherish. Remember, I love you, will miss you and some day we will all meet again.
P.S. I can't remember who, but I was asked if I was getting a tattoo of Sneaky Pi. Yes, I even know what pic I'm going to use. Time to use the next arm.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I did it! I did it! Yesterday I was supposed to take ma to the hospital for her tests but in the morning she called to say since it wasn't raining I didn't have to come over-dad was going to doggie sit because Maggie is afraid of the thunder. I was thinking to myself great, I can do some work in the basement now it's dry, go through more of my books see what else to get rid of, etc. But I told her that I'll be over anyway.
They left and it was me and the girls. I brought over my book because I've got to catch up on my reading. I'm reading Heat Wave by Richard Castle. The same Richard Castle as on the T.V. series. It's only 198 pages and I should have been done with it a long time ago.
I watched Perry Mason when the phone rings and it's dad's dr. His tests were fine, yada-yada. Then I was watching a couple episodes of Heat of the Night when the phone rang again and it was Dr Butler but for dad, he sees her too. I told her he wan't home he took ma to the hospital for her stress test and heart monitor. I then started to tell her all about the weekend with ma, her high BP, how sick she was, how I could tell she lost weight, she's afraid to eat, how long this lasted, the whole nine-yards!! Even that I stayed overnight to stay with her. Told her all I could. Even about ma's ulcer years ago. Even that she has an appt with Dr. Patel-the gas, intestinal dr.-which is Friday and dr. Butler was glad about that. She asked when she's going to see her cardiologist and I said Rowen with a bit of hardness in my voice, not for another month.
But I was glad to talk to Dr. Butler to let her know what happened this weekend. I'm thinking should I tell ma because sometimes she gets mad because the likes to hold back some things and I don't. Well they got back and I gave the messages to dad. They went shopping and after the groceries were put away and dad was downstairs, I told ma I talked to Butler and told her about the weekend. She was glad I did. And we both know that when dad would call her back, he wouldn't say anything anyway.
I was hoping to get a chance to talk to the Dr. I was even thinking of calling her myself. Now I don't have to. But I know I do want to go with ma to see the new dr on Friday, the gas. intestinal one. Another dr to meet & greet. And add to the list. Hope this one could help with her eating, of should I say, her fear of eating.
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