I have been doing a lot of thinking ..lot of analysing...facing the numbers...difficult but thanx to BLC16 i had to take measurements..step on the scale..declare it!
I have been on spark people since june 2010.Its been over 10 months.
The journey has been slow with lots of ups and downs.
I have learnt a lot and i have tons to learn!
i have got very attached to my spark friends!!
just checked my weight tracker
started at 130 lbs
today i am 118.4 lbs
That means i have lost over 10 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also , i have lost more than 10 inches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lets face it-
my Body fat percentage measured in the morning...........34%
I really would like it to go down to 28%
any advise to do so will truly be appreciated!!
Also i have joined BLC16!!!
super excited and super nervous!!!
I have 12 weeks to show some result ..out of which 2 weeks i am travelling to switzerland and spain !!!this trip includes a 7 day cruise journey with the whole lot of my husbands cousins!!I think we are 35 family members meeting in barcelona..
lots of walking!!!
will have to be mindful with what i put in my mouth(as u all know ..my trouble area)
to loose 7 lbs
to decrease my body fat percentage
to fit into smaller size clothing
as simple as
exercise( add exercise in the evening as well)
Have been observing myself.... Always have my son and my husband on my mind ... Their needs , their joys, their feelings, their requirements....
And what do they have on their mind: their own requirements , their needs, their own joys...
Today is a new day and I am gonna try to do things for my own sanity differently
Paint my nails
Eat dinner what I have in my mind
Do the strength training exercises for the BLC 16 weekend challenge
Read the newspaper before my husband
Go to the beach for a walk
Will not bother to remind my nine year old about homework, bath, brush ...
Will not discuss about the drinking and food and anything that bothers me with my husband
Will be happy
Will have fun in the things that I think is fun
I don't know how to begin..... I will just type my heart out
1995 - I gratuated from college ... I had taken up home science with my main major as Food science and nutrition.
Extremely good student .. Got my scholarships ... Stood 2nd in my university and won my awards.
1997 - I got my masters degree in nutrition.
I got married in 1998 .
I opened up a private clinic at my residence.
Due to requirement of my husbands family business we moved to a small city away from home.
After a while I started practising as a nutritionist there .... Got extremely successful .
We had to pack up and leave to another city ... Plus I was pregnant .
Stopped working .
Focused obsessively only on my son.
I wanted my son to study in the city so I moved back to Bombay when he was 3 while my husband visited us on the weekends.
My schedule revolved only around my son.
I had extremely irregular periods .
I got severe back pain ... It was sooo unbearable that I could not sit ... Couldn't figure why...was advised x-rays.
Results showed nothing ..
Then I figured I was pregnant...excited ... Went to the doc... Pregnancy confirmed..then spoke about the back pain and xray.....
Doc got pensive and said I might have to abort considering the time of the conception and xray ....
Could not agree.... Saw a lot of specialist .... All advised the same .
Most difficult decision of our life .... Still difficult to digest ... My husband and me still get tears ....
Anyway... I went ahead...
Then I started eating ... Grew numb .... Even more obsessive with my son.....started gaining wt.... Did not realise.....
Medical tests done which stated I had hypothyroidism.
I knew people were making fun of me cause I am a nutritionist and I am fat....
Lost my confidence.... Lost the faith I had in my self and the knowledge that I had ....
God is always kind ...I always had 1 old client who needed my help in weight loss or health issues and I always helped them out .
I saw probably 1 client a month...
I never gave it a thought ..
On and off I do get a call from a dear friend who lectures me that I was good I what I did and I need to push myself and make a career ... I always laughed at her and said I am content ... I don't need anything ... I lack the fire.
yesterday my sister called me up ... She said one of our childhood friends called her and said that he is looking for a nutritionist and was just confirming if I was one. She said yes ... But she kind of knows how I feel so she did not give him my number but called me up and said ...
That someone is looking for a nutritionist for a website they are creating which is going to be sponsored by brittania ... She said I should apply and give it a shot.
I hesitated. ... Spent a few hours with thoughts ... Finally picked up the phone and called him( this was the most difficult thing to do as I get all stiff when I have to talk on the phone... Can't figure why)
He told me that a friend working in an advertising agency was looking for one and he went on about how much I should charge and what all I should talk to him etc etc .... I did not sound confident at all ... I know that... I could hear myself ... Apologetic ... No confidence... As if I don't know anything about nutrition... He asked my credentials ... I told him... I also taught at the university for 2 hrs... He said sounds good...
In the middle of conversation before he asked my credentials ... He made fun of me and said u seem to be one of those people who tried their hands at fashion designing , then interiors ... Then got bored and then tried their hands at nutrition..... I said that's not the case ... I have spent 7 years studying this.
This simple conversation has got me thinking.....
Where is the original me????
Who is the original me????
Did I study well and did so well as a student ???
Is the knowledge and the confidence just got wiped out because I got all emotional and I lost a child????
Being fat and made fun off because the combination of being a nutritionist and being fat is so easy for people to make fun of u on your face .... Has is killed that confident brilliant girl who was so passionate about what she was studying???
Was that girl someone else... I can't connect to her...
Today I saw a client who has visited me twice before in a period of 30 days ... Severe diabetes on the verge of starting insulin, high triglycerides, high cholesterol , high blood pressure....
He has lost 5 lbs . His medicine has been reduced to half. He is feeling better!
Maybe ... I can restart my career....???
My husband spoke to me last night about how my son is nearly 9 and he is independent and I need to start doing something for myself as he will fly away and I will be left with a very empty feeling ... He reminded me how I had clients waiting in a line outside and I had to send some back home as I didn't have enough time....
I am full of fears
I am afraid to be made fun of
I am afraid that I will start my practise and nobody will come
I am afraid that someone will watch me eat and comment on my eating habits just because I am a nutritionist by profession..
My trainer has a little studio ... My sis in law happened to tell him I am a nutritionist .... I glared at her ... I just am so embarresed ... I don't know why .... My trainer offered me to start my practise in his studio ... I said no ... I am fine....
Should I take up the offer???
I need to do something... I need to move on....I am so afraid.....