Friday, July 18, 2014
I made a visit to A Senior Retirement community this week and felt quite comfortable there. I have been researching what is available and what I can afford for some time. Decided it was time to do some “tours”. My thought was I should have a place to go should my health fail and I be unable to make plans or to live on my own. I don’t expect to be getting better after all. I have memory, concentration problems now and it is hard to get around because of arthritis pain and a heart failure condition. I can use a walker here in my condo but it has to be a wheelchair and someone to push it if I want to leave the building.
Some days I’m too tired to play in the kitchen and if I don’t have something ready, well, my “diet” suffers. I don’t see or visit with many people. . .and that’s all right. Although I like people, I’m not exactly a social type. Actually, I enjoy my own company (and those of my cats!), reading, writing, Facebook and some TV. My wonderful Aide is here three times a week and we enjoy each other. There are days though when I’d just as soon she didn’t come. It is always good that she does – she can shake me out of a bad mood or depressed feelings just by coming through the door with that smile. She brings the sunshine and I always feel much better after she’s been here. She is a blessing.
So – the meals, the housekeeping, the laundry and a social life could be taken care of at an Independent Living facility. BUT there would be losses – losses I would bring on myself if I moved just to be sure I would be taken care of in Assisted or even in the Nursing part of the facility if I ever needed. I could get around with help more often than three times a week, visit with folks, attend musical events, movies, and meals. But the losses which would occur, important parts of my life right now, would be huge for me.
A very dear wise woman who knows me well summoned up her viewpoint with the words “Enjoy! Let the ‘what ifs’ go.” Just thinking about the ‘enjoy’ aspect I asked myself some important questions.
Would I be able to go to bed and/or get up when I pleased? Could I cook for myself which makes me happy? Or spend hours on the internet playing cards or reading recipes? Could I take a nap whenever I wanted? Could I have breakfast at noon and skip lunch with Ritz crackers or raw veges and hummus for “dinner”? Could I be in charge of my own meds, BP and weight? Could I keep to the 1400 mg of salt a day? ( That very nice cook assured me she never uses salt in her cooking but she has hot dogs on her menu. )
And more important than all, would I get to visit my friend in Westfield, keep track of the kind people here at where I live now, and those at CVS who have taken such good care of my Rx or see my friend and Aide who shares stories of her family with me, my new PCP at Valley Medical or Pam the cumadin nurse? These would be major losses.
When I met staff in the halls would they be as caring as Jackie or as pleasant and helpful as most of the other workers here? Would I feel safe and secure? (We met a woman in the hall of the nursing home cleaning the floor. She stood at the end of the hall watching us approach. She was a big woman - and I’m not prejudiced – because I’m big and she could have been sky-blue-pink if she had just smiled or spoken or made any acknowledgement that we were visitors. But she just stood there until we passed with an expression on her face and in her eyes that I didn’t see as friendly but a little unsettling.)
Some days I don’t bother to get dressed but run around (no, not “run around” exactly) in my night shirt and a pair of shorts. And I am always barefoot (I wear shoes only when I have to go out). I wonder how that would go over at this very nice Home? OK, perhaps if I stayed in my rooms, but It makes me grin to imagine it!
So – as I have thought about it, it is obvious to me where I can “enjoy” – And the ‘what ifs’? I’m happiest remembering the gifts of the past but living in the now. Never mind “ what if.” No worries about who I was or who or how I might be. It is the NOW that I can enjoy and will be forever (however long that might be) grateful for the friend who asked the right questions and cut through the growing confusion that was keeping me awake at night and ruining my appetite by day! As she encouraged, I’m going to enjoy my life right now, right here, today.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
I just submitted my review of "Accidents of Marriage" by Randy Susan Meyers. It will be released in early September and I thought I would share it with you. It is a novel I liked for its real characters but was disturbed by the out of control anger and tension that was tearing the family apart. That said, I wrote : “ Ben, Maddy and their children, their own parents, in-laws and siblings are like the family next door, folks I have known for years. Although I knew the love they shared, I was apprehensive of their underlying weaknesses and then was a witness to the shattering of that family and feared for its recovery. The characters are so well written, so well developed, I nearly forgot it was fiction and grieved for all, especially for Emma, the teen who was forced to bear heavy burdens trying to hold the family together. Some novels I read, enjoy and forget. " Accidents of Marriage" will be in my thoughts for a long time.”
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
I think we all have seen a small child denied some activity or a longed for food. Depending on the nature and age of the child a tantrum could follow. The little one hasn’t learned yet that what is, in some instances, is what is.
One would think that first slap on the bottom of a newborn would at least begin to set the stage, but it is not the case. Speaking for myself, not even the struggle to accept my situations has taught me – I am giving in and accepting WHAT IS a little better though. When I allow myself to remember, finally, the peace that comes with acceptance I shake my head and say “Will you ever learn?”
We had all sorts of changes to accept as we were growing up but now, as I age – those changes seem to be coming thick and fast. I came across this quotation the other day from a book by Melody Beattie. I typed it up in large letters and posted it on my refrigerator. I am in a “state of acceptance” right now – and I must remember – it is good.
Today I will trust –
“Today, I will stop straining to know what I don’t know. To see what I can’t see. To understand what I don’t yet understand. I will trust that being is sufficient. And I will let go of my need to figure things out.”
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
I got the answer to my question in a most delightful way. As "turn about is fair play" I have to tell you about a commercial to love. Friskies put out an ad that within two days was so popular I'm told that it had 6 to 8 million hits. I must admit I go back and watch it and love it more every time. If you haven't seen it, if you love small critters,
put the words DEAR KITTEN in your Search bar and enjoy.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Have you found that when an interesting food product is advertised a web address is often given that provides more ideas about using the product? I really like some of the commercials that have taken over our TV screens. For example, one that has nothing to do with foods but really cute - the new Laer Realty ad – that wonderful lion lying protectively across the front porch – the commercial ends with a darling kitten imitating the lion’s roar!
But there are others that don’t really appeal – the one that declares that intercorse need not be painful after menopause and proceeds to sell the product – whatever it is. Well, for me, at 79, I should be interested? It has been on so much that even its shock value has worn off – almost.
The latest commercial that really, as the kids say, blew my mind has not been repeated again – or I was spared its ad – is the one that offers a garment like a bra – to enhance the buttocks! Good grief! And I thought the dresses on various female models were just too tight! I was ready to advise them to go to Spark for help! I’m really afraid that if my mom, who died at 90 some 20 years ago, sees them from high above (I preseume) she is not just turning over in her grave but ROLLING!
Oh, well – it must be my age that prevents me from appreciating the “new” . So be it, but I’ll stay with the food items and messages from Spark or from Network.com – thank you very much.
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