Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday night, my hubby and I were watching a movie. When the movie was over, the screen saver of family pictures came up. And I saw this picture.
I remember this moment. I know EXACTLY what I was doing. I know who it was for and what was going on. But, I don't remember the girl who was doing the craft. I don't remember her.
And I don't remember her.
I don't remember what my life was like back then. I don't remember how I ate. I don't remember what I did with my free time. I don't remember this girl.
I spent this weekend pondering these pictures.
And I am okay with not remembering this girl. Because it means, I've changed so much (on the inside!) that I can't imagine living that way again. I can't imagine what my life would be like, sitting on my rear. And watching life pass me by.
I had a weekend filled with blips. I struggled with insomnia. Drank a little. Ate out 2x. Ate dessert 2x. Only ran once, instead of twice. I nibbled on whole wheat crackers all weekend. I ate when I wasn't hungry. I overate when I was.
But, I know... that I have not failed. I had some blips. A bit of a wake up call. But, just blips. They are not the way of life any more. Because-- urgh-- I feel crummy today. Physically. My stomach is grouchy with me. My energy levels are low. And I know that I am going back to normal today.
Today, I am going to eat a healthy breakfast of oatmeal and apples. I am going to have a veggie pasta for lunch and a sweet potato for dinner. I am babysitting again today. So, I will probably not get much of a workout in... but I will fit in 10 minutes every chance I get... and hopefully get up to my full hour! I am going to the post office and the grocery store and finishing up my homemade Christmas gifts. I have my last voice class of the term tonight.
The girl I remember is busy, active, and energetic.
I remember this girl.
And this one.
And this one.
And I really like her.
Friday, December 17, 2010
The holiday season seems to be the appliance destroyer in my house!
I woke last night to the smell of burning plastic. My dishwasher was smoking. Yep. Last year, my oven broke at Thanksgiving. My washing machine broke at Christmas. This year, my dishwasher...
Fun. Moments like this make me almost glad I rent-- the property management company has to fix it. And the repairman will be here in an hour. YEA!!!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
You ask. I try to answer!
In principle, the 80/20 rule is about being in the game 80% of the time with 20% wiggle room.
It means, that at least 80% of the time, I will get my workouts in. I will push myself harder at least 80% of the time. I will eat right, good, healthy and clean at least 80% of the time.
But, it also means that I can go to a party, OR have a glass of wine, OR eat some pizza, OR eat out once in a while, OR miss a workout (okay, that one would never happen. Without my workouts I go insane!), OR eat a pizza, OR have some cake. Keeping those OR moments to 20% less of my life is the key.
Now, when I say I try to live my life by the 80/20 rule, it means, that I have given myself permission to be LIVE my LIFE in the REAL WORLD, not just in weight loss mode. Giving myself permission to be a little less than perfect, to eat a little processed food, to be real-- is important to me. I need that space to keep my sanity.
I AM A PERFECTIONIST. If I don't meet my own standards, than I deem myself a failure. And it is DANG hard to meet my own standards. And then I get down on myself and wonder if I am ever going to succeed. Which is why I have implemented this rule in my life. I AM a success! I HAVE achieved my goals. I am not STILL STRIVING for something. I am LEARNING to maintain. And if my own rules for my life don't give me room to have a piece of pizza every now and again, then I am not going to succeed at maintenance. And I never would have succeeded at losing the weight in the first place.
LIFE HAPPENS and I need to be in the world, enjoying and living my life. And that means that there has to be room for "OR" moments.
I often have weeks where I don't use my 20% (because I totally PLAN for my Friday night pizza. That is not part of my 20%! Can you tell I have a pizza addiction?) But, it is always there, if I need it.
The 80/20 rule is about achieving balance. Balance. Balance. Balance!
Monday, December 13, 2010
I do try and live my life by the 80/20 rule. I didn't blow my whole routine by eating like a complete hog yesterday. (finger food parties are the worst. Thank God, I only have to attend like 2 a year!) But, I easily blew my 20% yesterday. It was a hot mess. And boy do I feel like yuck today. But, it's okay... because it is okay to slip up to 20% of the time.
But, I am having a hard time facing the week with no wiggle room. If I blew my 20% for the week in one seriously messed up afternoon... how do I cope with the 40 gingerbread cookies left in my kitchen? How do I give my son a cookie and not have one myself? I made these cookies, because (without decoration) a cookie is around 55 calories a piece. And I put very limited frosting on them, so I would guess another 15 calories in frosting. So, 70 calories a cookie. But, still... I don't have any of my 20% to eat them anymore.
Oh, well! I am going to start my day with fruit. Eat soup and veggies this week. It's going to be easy to do that... I've just got to remember that I don't have 20% of indulgence space this week.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Oh, foolish Mel! Whatever were you thinking yesterday? The headache? The drive to eat? The sweatiness? The extreme reactions to being hot and cold? Super sensitive skin? Bloating?
Oh dear! A little thought began to form as my headache blossomed into a migraine. I went off my birth control 23 days ago. My GYN said I should get a period in 21-27 days. Hmmm.... My last actual non-hormonally regulated cycle was May 4, 2007 (yes, I remember that date!). I had forgotten. Oh, yes! This is the reason I've been on hormonal birth control for most of my adult life. The throbbing pain in my head, the extreme skin sensitivity, not to mention cramps which are just starting to develop a bit today. (and I have to say, a cycle so soon after about 10 days of the Mirena "crash" seems really unfair!)
So, I'm 33 years old and completely missed the signs that I was about to start my cycle. I'm starting to mark my calendar again, like I did when I was 14. I've got to relearn my cycle and to be prepared. I am going to have to learn and plan for a normal, regular cycle again. It seems crazy, but my hormones did really get the best of me... like call in sick to work get the best of me several times a year due to them... I also hope I am not anticipating something that isn't coming. I mean, I haven't actually "started" yet. But, all the signs are pointing to "big red".
At least right now, I am not feeling like I want to dive into a box of chocolate or cookies. In fact, a simple meal of oatmeal kind of sounds unattractive. We'll see how the rest of this week goes. For today, I am going to go take another mega dose of Motrin to help me function with a severe headache. I'm finishing my Christmas shopping today. I am going to finish weatherizing my downstairs. (Our house is old and drafty. I finally have the rest of the window coverings to block over our windows!)
Oh silly Mel...
Get An Email Alert Each Time MEL_UNRAU Posts