Monday, December 13, 2010
I do try and live my life by the 80/20 rule. I didn't blow my whole routine by eating like a complete hog yesterday. (finger food parties are the worst. Thank God, I only have to attend like 2 a year!) But, I easily blew my 20% yesterday. It was a hot mess. And boy do I feel like yuck today. But, it's okay... because it is okay to slip up to 20% of the time.
But, I am having a hard time facing the week with no wiggle room. If I blew my 20% for the week in one seriously messed up afternoon... how do I cope with the 40 gingerbread cookies left in my kitchen? How do I give my son a cookie and not have one myself? I made these cookies, because (without decoration) a cookie is around 55 calories a piece. And I put very limited frosting on them, so I would guess another 15 calories in frosting. So, 70 calories a cookie. But, still... I don't have any of my 20% to eat them anymore.
Oh, well! I am going to start my day with fruit. Eat soup and veggies this week. It's going to be easy to do that... I've just got to remember that I don't have 20% of indulgence space this week.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Oh, foolish Mel! Whatever were you thinking yesterday? The headache? The drive to eat? The sweatiness? The extreme reactions to being hot and cold? Super sensitive skin? Bloating?
Oh dear! A little thought began to form as my headache blossomed into a migraine. I went off my birth control 23 days ago. My GYN said I should get a period in 21-27 days. Hmmm.... My last actual non-hormonally regulated cycle was May 4, 2007 (yes, I remember that date!). I had forgotten. Oh, yes! This is the reason I've been on hormonal birth control for most of my adult life. The throbbing pain in my head, the extreme skin sensitivity, not to mention cramps which are just starting to develop a bit today. (and I have to say, a cycle so soon after about 10 days of the Mirena "crash" seems really unfair!)
So, I'm 33 years old and completely missed the signs that I was about to start my cycle. I'm starting to mark my calendar again, like I did when I was 14. I've got to relearn my cycle and to be prepared. I am going to have to learn and plan for a normal, regular cycle again. It seems crazy, but my hormones did really get the best of me... like call in sick to work get the best of me several times a year due to them... I also hope I am not anticipating something that isn't coming. I mean, I haven't actually "started" yet. But, all the signs are pointing to "big red".
At least right now, I am not feeling like I want to dive into a box of chocolate or cookies. In fact, a simple meal of oatmeal kind of sounds unattractive. We'll see how the rest of this week goes. For today, I am going to go take another mega dose of Motrin to help me function with a severe headache. I'm finishing my Christmas shopping today. I am going to finish weatherizing my downstairs. (Our house is old and drafty. I finally have the rest of the window coverings to block over our windows!)
Oh silly Mel...
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Don't worry, things are good... happy and family is great and all that wonderful stuff.
But, its cold out. I've got the first twinges of my first (and hopefully only) winter sinus infection. And I was babysitting today, so we stayed in all day. Which meant, I have been stuffing my happy face with comfort-y food. Oh, it looks a lot different than it did a few years ago... sweet potato and salsa casserole, zucchini crustless quiche, tea, that kind of thing... but I am still struggling with the desire to eat just because it is cold. To comfort my self.
Tonight's menu is turkey pot pie. I make it from scratch so there isn't a lot of heavy creamy stuff and I make the crust with egg white and skim milk. It comes out to about 300 calories a serving-- and that is because I pack it super full of veggies. Hopefully, I will fill the comfort food need with something healthy. And SF hot cocoa for dessert.
In the mean time, I am going to keep my hands full... with a herbal tea. So that the only thing that goes into my mouth is liquid.
Monday, December 06, 2010
I am a convert. Last week, I was whiny and in a lot of pain. I started doing a little bit of yoga each and every day last week, just a free 15 minute beginners video I found on demand. And today, for the first day in probably 3 weeks, I got out of bed and stood up. I mean, I stood UP. My feet were all the way on the floor (my calves were so tight that I would walk on the balls of my feet in the morning because I couldn't put my heels on the floor until I had warmed my muscles up by walking around the house for 10-15 minutes). My feet were GROUNDED on the floor.
I walked around with a limp, because my hip was so tight and sore it hurt to put pressure on my left leg. I was still working out, because by moving around I got loose enough to function alright... but it was a tough couple of weeks.
Today, there was no pain in my hip when I woke up.
15 minutes of yoga a day for a week. That's all its taken. 15 minutes.
I may also become a convert to the morning workout. Not EARLY morning, because that is pretty much NEVER going to happen. But, post breakfast, exercise party with my tot is going well. And then--I have all day to do what I want and not feel like I have to be home to work out in the afternoon.
I'm a yoga convert. I'm becoming a morning workout convert. Conversion is all around me!
Today, I am going to wrap all the Christmas presents that I need to mail and head to the post office AFTER lunch (lunch rush around Christmas at the post office? UGH!). I have ONE more gift to buy and it's a gift card. It's a miracle! I'm going to be done with all my Christmas shopping and mailing by tonight! How incredible is that?!
This week, I am going to start baking some Christmas cookies. I found a recipe for gingerbread cookies that seems reasonable! I am probably going to make my family traditional cookie (pfeffernusse! recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detai
l.asp?recipe=453331 ) And that is going to be it.
It seems to be 90% sure that it will just be the 3 of us for Christmas. So, I am looking for the ultimate Cinnamon Roll recipe that will be an amazing Christmas breakfast! And then, we are talking about joining all our Jewish friends at the local Chinese buffet for dinner! We'll see!
Happy Monday all! Enjoy your day!
Thursday, December 02, 2010
I am still a little weepy this morning. I haven't actually been able to cry, which sucks, but keep having little weepy moments... but this morning, the panic has subsided and my hands aren't shaking anymore. But you should see the bruise on the Little Man's back. It's this gigantic V shaped bruise that starts at his bum and goes halfway up his back.
Last night was a really long night. We played cards with my in laws until about 10:45. I was ready for them to go home and crawl into bed at 9:45. And I ate and ate and ate and ate... I realized about 11:15 as I was actually heading upstairs to go to bed with yet another "just a handful" of M&Ms that I was empty. Not my stomach, but emotionally empty. That I was so drained and I was trying to fill that void with sugar. I mean, I KNEW I wanted to emotionally eat... I wanted to crawl into a box of cookies. I thought that by limiting the amount of cookies I made for cards, I would be okay. But, that really didn't do much... I only ate about 300 calories in 4 homemade cookies... but add in the sugar in my tea (which I don't normally do...), the several handful of M&Ms, the licking of cookie spoons and bowls with a 3 year old... and I am pretty sure that my sugar load was HIGH!
Funny thing is, I don't have any kind of coping mechanism for sweet. I'm down pat on salty, which is my normal craving. Because usually for sweet, I can have one cookie and be good. I am really pretty good at savoring each bite of sweet. Sweet tooth is manageable, but, when the sugar bee REALLY comes by, I don't really know how to cope.
But, today is a new day. And while I am still feeling empty inside, I know sugar isn't the answer. I have a therapy appt today. I am going to explore this hollowness today. I am going to borrow a page from Dimitra and make a list of coping mechanisms and tape it inside the pantry door... where the sugary treats lay their little heads. That way, if things get this bad again... as I head to the sugar, my coping skills will be in my face instead!
I am also coming to grips with the fact that for the time being, daily running might not be on my radar again. I am dealing with some pretty severe leg pain. I have to warm up my calves before standing every time, or I can't actually straighten my legs, because it hurts too much. And I know the cause-- switching between running in place at home and running in the world. They always cramp like a mother when I do that. The cramps last for days... and this time they are worse than normal and lasting longer. So, I am going to start exploring--EXERCISE DVDs. I usually don't enjoy them... but I am going on a hunt to find something I can do without tripping on my nose and will keep my HR up high enough to be in cardio zones and that I ENJOY! I will save my running for days when I can get outside and actually put one foot in front of the other. And I am going to find a way to ENJOY exercise DVDs. I will. I will. I will. Because winter and lack of running opportunities will not rob me of my joy of exercise and fitness.
Today is my first day. I am going to re-find my joy. I am a weepy mess, Christmas is going to be lonely, and the season looms heavy-- despite how much I love it. But, I am going to put all that away. I am going to find a way to deal, cope, and re-find joy by the time the New Year rolls around. Call it my Pre-New-Year-Resolution. Re-find and live my joy, despite whatever is going on in my life.
Peace to you all!
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