MELLISOND   25,677
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MELLISOND's Recent Blog Entries

Frontslide?

Sunday, August 05, 2012

If we call it a backslide when we gain, do we call it a frontslide when we start heading the right direction again? Or just a slide? Anyway...Wheee!

I have had a struggle for the last 2 months gaining and losing up and down a couple of pounds; down a pound, up as many as 6 pounds...which scared me. I CANNOT allow myself to go backwards. The good news is I am heading down the slide again and am within 2 pounds of the low weight which I reached back in May.

One of my Spark Friends recommended that I think about why I have been experiencing the backslide and another Spark Friend advised journaling about it....so here it is:

I am ending the worst work year of my life and saying goodbye to the people and accomplishments from over 20 years. My new boss treated me as though I had been doing poor quality work all that time...which doesn't make sense for our organization...but it still hurts to be treated that way. I am relieved to be getting out of that situation; but also grieving the loss of a job and a workplace that I loved and was proud to lead. The demands of this change have kept me from my daily walks which are a critical part of my exercise plan. I have experienced sadness and difficulty sleeping which interfered with my morning workouts.

Last month I had a 9 day vacation with family but spent most of the time driving, supporting my sibling through a divorce and helping my parents due to their increasing fragility. It was not a relaxing time and I had difficulty staying within my calorie limits.

I lost one of my closest friends due to a work issue. I am dealing with the fact that another group of friends has excluded me from their activities...but I don't know why...I just feel hurt. It might be because I don't drink alcohol they way they do.

I was in a major auto accident a week ago which was my fault and I feel terrible. I thank my guardian angels that no one was injured...but my car was "totaled". So now I am fretting about the fiscal impact.

I have been drinking wine in the evening once or twice a week over the last 4-6 weeks...and I exceed my calorie limit every time I drink alcohol.

Lastly, I have been struggling with body image. I look at myself in the mirror and cannot imagine what I will look like at goal weight. I see sagging breasts and arms, lines on my face that weren't there before and wonder if greater weight loss will negatively affect my overall appearance.

So what am I doing about it? I asked to be transferred to a different department with a different supervisor. I have recognized that I am in a grieving process over the job and relationships I am leaving. I have given priority to my exercise plan again so that I get up and do a short workout before I leave in the morning and I have been able to walk several times this week. I have been reading Spark articles on motivation.

Now I need to limit the intake of alcohol and I need to focus on friends who can socialize without alcohol.

I need to use exercise as my relaxation method.

And I need to reach out to my Spark Friends for support.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KOFFEENUT 8/5/2012 10:37PM

    GOOD FOR YOU for asking "What am I going to do about it?". It sounds like there are a LOT of positive things you're looking to do for yourself. Even though you are leaving a job and relationships behind, you can take with you the knowledge of the impact you had over the past 20 years and how you'll contribute in your new role. Know that we're here to support you as you begin your new adventure!

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BIGPAWSUP 8/5/2012 3:59PM

    Those are awesome solutions to real problems. I feel that you can make the changes and those changes will lead to new and better things. Just don't give up or give in and you will be great!!!!

Kitty

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BLUE42DOWN 8/5/2012 1:34PM

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A very good job of looking back with a level head and considering actions and consequences. Even better of making a "battle plan" to turn things around knowing the things that need to be left behind and the things that need to be worked for.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/5/2012 1:08PM

    Congrats on moving in the right direction! I've been struggling a lot lately too, and I think your friends advice of reflection would be a great way to figure out why. I'm so sorry that you're trying to work thru all of this, but I'm sure you'll be better for it when you come thru it.
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RFJSJ50 8/5/2012 12:16PM

    My heart goes out to you as you deal with these life changes. I know that my last year of working was the worst year of my life due to administrative changes in the school district. I spent that year on medication for depression and would sit in the parking lot and cry before going in to teach. Those feelings and experiences affected EVERY area of my life. One thing that has helped me is finally accepting that I am NOT THE CAUSE of a lot of what happened - the problems belonged to someone else and I just caught the flack.

There is hope - leaving that situation gave me an entirely new outlook and I gradually became more positive and again started to "like myself." That will come for you in time - just take each day as it comes, try not to dwell too much on the negatives (easier said than done) and look for the positives.
I have discovered that that period of my life has made it easier for me to be aware of my feelings and how they are affecting my daily life - I now recognize when I'm becoming overwhelmed and work to relieve that.

Remember - we are here for you!
Sheila emoticon emoticon

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PHATPAT18 8/5/2012 12:14PM

    Mel, congratulations on realizing why you are gaining weight and doing something about it. It's hard to leave your "work" family, but sometimes you have to drop family members that bring you down. I worked for the same company for almost 38 years and I loved the group I worked with in Syracuse, NY, but transfered Col. OH in 1996. As an experienced manager, I worked with the "entitled" youth of today. When one of those kids pushed me out of my job, I took jobs below me. I waited out my time in different depts until finally I became a project manager. I loved the work I was doing up until the last 5-6 months. At that point, I said bye to the stress, anxiety and pressure. I am now retired going on 2 years next month and couldn't be happier. I have not pursued a new job and I watch my GS during the school year. I hope you have taken any opportunties the company has to benefit your pension, such as a 401K. That is the reason I was able to retire at 56, financially able to handle the lost income. Well, I'm going to let you go before I become more preachy. Pat

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Backslide

Thursday, August 02, 2012

I just got off the scale and discovered that I have gained enough weight to backslide all the way to where I was on May 22. I had been on a journey of steady forward progress with days where I gained a pound or so, but then lost 2. I felt okay as long as I was heading in the right direction. Now I am going the wrong direction and I am not happy.

TIme to get off the recliner and work out.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICHELLE_391 8/3/2012 12:34AM

    Do you know what led to your backslide? Discovering that may be the key to success. It is tough, I know, but you really DO want your health, and I know you can do this. One step at a time.

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REACHING4HOME 8/2/2012 4:05PM

    ONCE YOU GET OFF TRACK, IT IS SO EASY TO STAY THAT WAY. BUT THE LONGER YOU PUT IT OFF THE FARTHER BEHIND YOU WILL GET. SO GET MOVING KID! emoticon emoticon emoticon

ERIN

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KOFFEENUT 8/2/2012 3:44PM

    Put that "not happy" to work with some exercise - it always makes ME feel better!

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 8/2/2012 3:22PM

    You can get back to where you were.....remember you do not want to be obese anymore (your June 15th blog)

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SOON2BSMALL1313 8/2/2012 10:31AM

    it does happen I was dealing with that last month but with the start of the new month I am avidly tracking and preplanning meals. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 8/2/2012 9:56AM

    Just make today the start of a new journey. Don't worry about the past. Move forward and you'll be great.

Kitty

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SANDRALEET 8/2/2012 9:49AM

    Start over and do the best you can Find out why you went back word and change that .New stress in your life. emoticon

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KALANTHA 8/2/2012 8:49AM

    You know what you need to do to be successful. All you have to do is do it! And I know you can!

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GUCCI9300 8/2/2012 8:46AM

    You can do it! emoticon emoticon

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one day can make such a difference

Monday, July 30, 2012

On Saturday morning, I drafted a blog post celebrating my success in getting back to 172 pounds which was my lowest weight thus far. It didn't post properly so I thought I would try again when I got home that night. Then I spent time with friends and did a lot of driving.

On Saturday evening while driving in an unfamiliar area, I did not see a red light and hit another car in an intersection. Fortunately no one was injured but my car is ruined. And I cannot get over how stupid and fearful I feel. I don't want to drive and have not since the incident. I am weepy just talking to the insurance people and the car repair companies. I have not paid any attention to diet or exercise since it happened. I know I need to get moving but I feel immobilized. The most I can do is blog...and cry...

I have to believe it will get better but right now I feel terrible.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 7/31/2012 10:35PM

    I am so very sorry that this happened to you and your car. Be kind to yourself. You will feel better but I know it will take a while to recover.

Best wishes!

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FITKAT62 7/30/2012 10:58PM

    I had a scare a few weeks ago. I was driving along a road and the light was green up ahead. I was distracted by a large group of cyclists that were all crossing the road (it was red in their direction). They all made it across the intersection before I got there but I didn't noticed that the light had changed by then. My husband asked me if I was planning on stopping for the red light. Luckily there was no one behind me. I had to make a pretty quick stop. It was quite embarrassing because I was driving my brand new car. It was a real wake-up call.

Hope you can stop kicking yourself and get back into the driver's seat and back on the healthy lifestyle wagon soon.
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BIGPAWSUP 7/30/2012 9:58PM

    I'm with you. I was just in an accident last month. I hope everything works out for you. You deserve to have time to cry and feeling scared to drive is pretty normal. You'll get through it and you'll be ok.

Take care of yourself.

Kitty

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DANMAR1 7/30/2012 5:59PM

    So sorry that happened. I hope you can get some peace and rest so you can feel better. Hugs coming your way. emoticon

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SANDRALEET 7/30/2012 3:57PM

    I will pray for you and ask God to give you the peace you so much need God be with you trough the time it takes to clear this up. emoticon

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CINDYRINAL 7/30/2012 3:30PM

    Mellisond - I am so sorry about your accident. It was obviously very traumatic! An accident can be a very stessful event even if no one was injured. I was very luck to have an excellent ER MD when I totalled a car several years ago. I had no major injuries, mainly just shaken up. But the MD told me that accidents are very stressful and that I might have nightmares, flashbacks, etc. That it takes time for you to process an accident.

So, you are not acting weird. Recognize that something shocking happened and you will get over it. If you can, think about your success in your recent weight loss. Try to start adding back those good habbits that you acquired in the weight loss.

Keep posting, you know SP will support youl

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ARNETTELEE 7/30/2012 3:26PM

  Sorry to hear about your accident. Glad you were not hurt (except for your car)..... one day you'll get back into your routine. Take it easy.

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AJWALKLEY 7/30/2012 3:25PM

    I'm so sorry about your accident but glad you're okay and nobody was hurt. It's going to be okay! It may take a while to feel safe behind the wheel again, but the more time between you and Saturday night, the better you're going to feel, I promise. Cut yourself a little slack and give yourself some time to recover, especially when getting all your ducks in a row with insurance claims. We're all here to support you!

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Two Steps Forward, Four Steps Back??

Monday, July 02, 2012

I went up over two pounds in the last week or so. As I have been trying to prepare for a vacation, I have been working 15 hour days and not being able to get my workouts, food planning and preparation, and even water consumption, done the way i need to. And it shows right away on the scale. I am a bit worried about being away from home where I have even less control of my environment.

But I have to remind myself that I have the tools and I have the ability to do this. I can keep going. I have 40 pounds to lose to goal and I will get there!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KOFFEENUT 7/28/2012 2:46PM

    Disruptions to our usual routine can be tough to manage. Hang in there. Even if you have a small detour on your journey, you know how to get back on track. It isn't how fast we're traveling, it's that we're headed in the right direction!

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SANDRALEET 7/28/2012 12:52PM

    Drink water Eat small amounts of regular food when you can not get what you normally do Walk around the block when you can ,you will be okay

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BIGPAWSUP 7/28/2012 11:54AM

    We all have times like this. Just don't give up or give in. Keep going, keep pushing, just don't give in. You can do it!

Kitty

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BIGPAWSUP 7/28/2012 11:54AM

    We all have times like this. Just don't give up or give in. Keep going, keep pushing, just don't give in. You can do it!

Kitty

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MYOWNHERO 7/20/2012 10:07AM

    Wow you have come so far already. You are an inspiration!

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BROCCOLIROSE 7/7/2012 5:31PM

    We really never know how we'll do until we're faced with that challenge! You said it right, you have all the tools you need to succeed...and I know you have the motivation. Get a nice long walk in each day before you get going with your activities...you'll feel more in control and it will help you keep on track! Have a beautiful vacation!
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FEDGIRL4 7/5/2012 10:44AM

    It's a work-in-progress for many if not all of us. When away from home, just guesstimate your food intake. emoticon

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SACHABEE 7/2/2012 7:25PM

    you can do it, you've already come so far! Good luck!

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FITKAT62 7/2/2012 7:07PM

    emoticon

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KALANTHA 7/2/2012 7:02PM

    You CAN do this! Try to be as active as you can while you're away. That may help balance out some extra calories. And have fun!

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KASEYCOFF 7/2/2012 3:14PM

    Yep, re-commit and tackle it anew--!
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SANDRALEET 7/2/2012 12:14PM

    Today is another day.When things get back to normal it will be easier.

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TRISSIDAAE 7/2/2012 10:56AM

    emoticon

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MSROZZIE 7/2/2012 10:42AM

    Keep the FAITH. emoticon With your drive, determination and positive mental attitude you are already a success. Enjoy your vacation and Happy 4th of July! Spark On!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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75% of the Way to Goal!! What's New

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Just realized I made 75% of the way to my goal weight. I started this journey on August 24, 2011. I am hoping to reach 100% of my goal by December 2012 which is another 38 pounds. I now have confidence that I can do this!

Every once in a while I find it has helped me to review the nonscale victories on my weight loss journey. Having a record that I can review from time to time has helped me stay on track.

I noticed yesterday how easily I get in and out of my car. This has been true for some time but I didn't really notice it before. I used to have difficulty fitting my belly under the steering wheel and still being able to reach the gas and brake pedals. Now I slip right in with plenty of extra space.

I can get down to sit on the floor and i can get back up. This is a very new development in the last two weeks. I have back and knee problems that have made mobility a challenge for years. Now I can lower myself to the ground and then use my good knee to get back up.

And since I am down on the floor, I have discovered that I can do crunches again!

I went to have lab work done yesterday. When the tech looked at my id photo, she was astonished and very complimentary about my weight loss. She said the person in the photo looks like my mother.

On Friday, my colleague who has seen me every day for 6 years noticed how much more active and able I have become.

I really appreciate the positive comments. They encourage me to keep going.

Happy Sparkling!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 6/21/2012 11:39PM

    This is fantastic! You have so many wonderful victories to savor! emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 6/20/2012 2:05PM

    Sounds absolutely wonderful! What wonderful accomplishments!

Kitty

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CHANGINGELAINE 6/19/2012 10:35AM

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Your non scale victories are amazing!!
Thanks for sharing :-)

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CELIAMINER 6/17/2012 4:28PM

    Happy for you...especially for all your non-scale victories!

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MOM2ACAT 6/17/2012 2:18PM

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DANMAR1 6/17/2012 11:44AM

    I'm so excited that you can get up and down to the floor!!! emoticon emoticon

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