Saturday, March 16, 2013
This week I decided to work on finishing my goals for the month of March. I did spring clean all of my bathrooms, create a vision board, track my food and water every day (so far). I still have the kitchen and master bedroom to clean by the end of this month and, time is running out! Next week will cut into my time because of my surgery (Wednesday). Hopefully I will be back in form by Friday and plan on continue my cleaning next weekend. That just leaves my weight loss goal for the month of March.. two more weigh ins for that one. and then of course the exercise program. I confess I haven't started a program yet....but if spring cleaning counts, then I have moved more than I had been. I am hoping this surgical procedure will help me with reducing the pelvic pain and back pain that I suffer from. (praying it does).
My stress level has been higher the last week or so. I can certainly pinpoint why on that one... and the bad thing is, I don't see it getting any better for another month or so. Please say a prayer for me in that area!
I hung my vision board in my bedroom so that it is the first thing I see when I wake up each morning.
I also hung an inspirational piece from my closet about a month ago. I had bought this shirt over a year ago and didn't try it on first. Needless to say, it didn't fit when I got it home. But, I didn't return it. So I decided to make that my first goal. I tried the shirt on yesterday........and was shocked to see that I could wear it now, although I would like it to be just a little less fitting. I was so pleased! I think I should be able to wear it comfortably in another couple of weeks!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
This week I have been concentrating on working on my goals. So far, I have managed to spring clean both upstairs bathrooms. I didn't work on cleaning today because I had my grandchild. But, tomorrow I will tear the master bedroom apart. Then I will tackle the kitchen. I hope to get those finished before next Wednesday (surgery date).
I finished my vision board (also a goal I set for March). I have hung it in my bedroom so that I see it first thing every morning. My sister gave me a work out video. I plan on starting that this week as well...(another goal to incorporate). It feels really good to accomplish something.
On another note, I have been informed that mediation has been set for the week after my surgery. I am going to try to look at this as something else scratched off my to-do list.
I hope everyone is off to the start of a good week. Keep the faith, and keep on working reaching for your dream!
Saturday, March 09, 2013
I didn't have a great day yesterday as far as my program goes. In fact, it was probably the worst day I have had so far. I really had a hard time tracking yesterday. I had my grandbaby with me all day... she keeps me so busy its tough to keep focused. I am so used to spending the majority of my time alone, and that makes it so much easier lol. I ate a few things that were NOT wise choices, I didn't meet my calorie intake, nor did I meet all my fruit and veggie requirements. All that being said, I was so afraid that YESTERDAY would effect my TODAY and the DAY AFTER. I went to bed bummed at the decisions I had made. I woke up this morning, however, and after my "healthy" breakfast, I realized I had totally forgotten about yesterday and its bad choices. WOW... did you see that? I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN all about yesterday. This may not seem like a big thing to most people, but for me.. its amazing. I really had my "aha" moment. To realize that I could forget all about yesterday and the mistakes I made and to just get up and without a conscious effort make the right decisions about what I was going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... well what can I say? I am totally stoked that I didn't beat myself up, I didn't look back... instead I just picked right back up as though yesterday never happened. It really feels like a life-style change this time!
Thursday, March 07, 2013
Yep, here I am scared again. This time its because of two things. The first is the prospects of a job I just applied for. What if I am not good enough? What if I can't do it? Where am I going to live? What am I going to do? Is this the right job for me? Is this where God wants me to be?
The second fear is how fast my divorce date is coming. I am scared to death of being totally on my own. There, I said it. Why am I afraid? It's not really like I haven't lived on my own for years. He left me a long time ago. That's the truth of it. And I truly believe way back then he caught a glimpse of himself without me and the kids .. and what's worse is: HE LIKED IT. From that moment on, he left us. He left me. He left me to raise the kids, he left me to pay the bills, he left me to keep up the house, he left me to worry about it all. He didn't have "TIME".
I keep telling myself that all of this is his loss. But there is still this small negative voice in the back of my head says, "Yeah, well look what you did with all of that. Look at what it did to the kids. Both have emotional baggage and scars. Maybe its my fault? Maybe I could have saved more money? Maybe if I had handled the bills better, saved more money.. worked harder, longer, maybe if I had done this, or hadn't done that????
Now........why do I let myself think that? Was I entirely responsible for doing all of that? Or was it just dumped in my lap and left for me to do the best I could. Or.. here's another possibility, is this the stuff I heard over and over again until I finally started believing it?
As for work, why am I so afraid of the job? IT's a JOB for goodness sakes. You go, you put in your hours, you LEAVE. Billions of people do that every single day of their lives. I have done it too.. for years. I know IT WILL BE OK! Why do I always look at the negative? Why don't I look at the positives... it will give me money to build a life with. It will give me a sense of accomplishment and security. It will let me socialize and meet new people. It will give me independence. I will be secure in having my own health benefits. It will give me the means to prove to my children and MOST Of all to ME.. that I can rise above this wreck he has made of me and I CAN BE SUCCESSFUL!!!
I want to stop telling myself I CAN'T.. and instead start telling myself: "I WILL, I AM ABLE, I CAN DO IT!" Look at how far I have come. This job could be the very thing that FINALLY gives me what I have always wanted, A family that loves and respects me for my accomplishments, a home I can be proud of......and who knows, maybe I can even find love again. While writing this I am reminded of something my little grandbaby tells me all the time: "Grandma, you have to face your fears." What a wise little thing she is.
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