Monday, January 21, 2013
Feeling much better this morning after a long hard weekend of worry and stress. Never underestimate the power of prayer! God has been so good to me. I know I have more hard days ahead, but I am determined to standfast and take each new challenge as it comes.
I am on my way to a new life, and a new me. With God's help I know I can do anything!
I have always had a hard time setting goals. I know why..... I hate to fail, and it always seemed like setting goals was a way of setting myself up for failure. Whenever I didn't make my goal.....I would feel like a total failure and I would just quit. I still struggle with this. I am totally open to any suggestions and advice when it comes to this........so please, feel free to comment.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Amazing how fast things change for me. Friday was such a good day.. Saturday started out to be good.... then all at once things changed. Two notices from the court concerning my divorce came.... followed by an argument with my daughter. I swear it seems like for every step I take forward, I fall five back!! It's almost as if there is some horrible, dark force trying very hard to pull me backward into some deep, dark pit. Maybe its me... maybe I am my own worst enemy? I've been up since early, early this morning soul-searching. I know I have many changes to make...and I really am trying to do that, but it's so difficult when you don't even know where to begin. I have always had a tendency to be pessimistic.. and I can explain why... (even this sounds pessimistic.) Every time I try to be optimistic something/someone convinces me it can't be done.
Anyhow, after the argument with my daughter, of course, the first thing I wanted to do was to give up and medicate myself with FOOD. Not just one particular food either.......just food in general and LOTS of IT! I didn't cave in though......and yes I am proud of that. Even this morning the desire to eat everything in the house was so strong...... instead, I had oatmeal and coffee for breakfast and a pear. I can't lie.......... I am still sooooo hungry. :( I have to start somewhere, somehow, to make changes. This is as good a place as any, I suppose. I'll have more water. :)
Saturday, January 19, 2013
I have spent the last week thinking about how to rebuild my life. It came to me this morning...if I were rebuilding a building that fell...where would I begin? Duh.. the foundation. So here is the goal. I am going to start from the foundation. I am going to focus on one thing at a time that has brought me where I am today. To begin, I have to say the one thing that has been a constant in my life and has held me back in so many areas is FEAR. The fear of change, the fear of what other people think, the fear of failure (THIS is a BIG one for me), and even the fear of success. Now wrap your head around that one lol. Being a perfectionist, I don't like to fail at anything. In fact, I have succeeded with most everything I have tried in my life... with the exception of my weight. That being said, I am going to make it my goal to let go of the fears that keep holding me back. Even deciding to post this brings a jab of fear. The thought of "will it make sense to others?...does it sound stupid?...etc." Well, here goes goodbye to one FEAR ..... as I hit the POST BLOG ENTRY button. :)
Friday, January 18, 2013
I had a wonderful time visiting with my daughter today. It's amazing how just getting out of the house makes a body feel better. Even the sun decided to shine today.. and I can't tell you how welcome that was. It has been so gloomy here the last two weeks. I am not a winter person... spring is definitely going to be welcome this year!
Friday, January 18, 2013
But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians: 13
I don't know if anyone else caught the "Jeff Probst Show" yesterday, but I found myself glued to the story line. I'm sure if you didn't catch it, you can find the episode online. Two of the guests on yesterday's show experienced "near death experiences." These stories have always fascinated me, but the one thing that stood out in both stories was the overall message they both received. Both guests said the main message they received was that it's all about: LOVE, an overwhelming, unconditional love. It really made me start thinking about my life and what I have accomplished. More than that, it made me think about my legacy and what I hope to accomplish in whatever life I have left. What is it I want my children, family, and friends to remember about me once I am gone? I truly want to be remembered as a person who LOVED everyone. That's so easy to type, believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to love EVERYONE unconditionally. (This I suppose would include, my soon to be EX, right?) I'm still a long way from total forgiveness.... but I am working on it, and I hope someday I will see God's plan in all of this. I don't hate my husband... but I hate what he did to our family. Anyhow, today is a brand new day with no mistakes in it. I am trying first of all to love MYSELF. That being said, I am on my way to making positive changes and taking each new day as it comes. This entire weight loss journey is just that ....a journey! And every journey begins with just one small step.
Again if you didn't catch the show... look for it online. Or read the books that both guests have written. (I know I plan to read them.)
The two guest's books are:
Proof of Heaven: "A Neurosurgeon's Near-Death Experience and Journey into the Afterlife" by Dr. Eben Alexander
"Dying To Be Me" by Anita Moorjani
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