MELLIESUE13   5,629
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I am down but not defeated!

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Its been forever since I have actually written a blog. I have a lot of things going on right now. I am in the last stages of the divorce. Hopefully, only ONE more FINAL hearing to go. (I had no clue there could be so many "final" hearings.)
It has been a year since my mother passed away, and another birthday has come and gone without her. I don't have to tell many of you who have gone through the loss of a parent, how that feels.
I am still in the process of trying to rebuild my life. I must confess I have not been as successful to date as I was hoping I would be at this time. I have gained back around 12lbs of my total weight loss. I haven't given up... I am just struggling to get this addiction back in check. It has been a vicious cycle between me, stress, and eating. My time at the computer has also been restrained. I spend most of my days trying to keep up with the yard work, the house work, looking for a job, and going back n forth to court. (the expense of that alone is enough stress to make me scream).
I wish I could say that I see a end in sight. I am so upset over the weight gain.... it feels like a step backward. I am not surprised mind you.....I am just upset with myself. I know I am out of control, I just don't know how to get back to that place where I was before the summer. By the way, I am totally open to suggestions LOL.
I do miss my Spark time...and all the wonderful, supportive friends I acquired along the way. I hope to be back in full swing very soon. I ask for your continued prayers and support...and thank you sincerely from my heart for all the prayers that you have offered up on my behalf thus far in my journey.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOBBESIS49 1/21/2014 10:05PM

    Glad to see that you are not defeated..

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MELLIESUE13 8/9/2013 5:21AM

    Thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciate your support. I know God will see me through this.

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WARRIORGIRL121 8/8/2013 8:47PM

    Oh Mellie, you've been through a lot. I understand your pain of losing your Mom, I lost mine 4 years ago and still miss her very much. So sorry to hear of all you are going through... praying that all gets better soon and this ordeal will be over quickly! Keeping you in prayer! emoticon Karen

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GAILANN48 8/8/2013 11:02AM

    You're certainly in a rough patch, my friend, and there's an awful lot (emphasis on awful!) on your plate. But it will get better, and things will smooth out. You know that in your heart. That doesn't make RIGHT NOW a whole lot better, but at least you know that none of this is permanent.

When I was getting sober, now 29 years ago, I was told that since we can't fix everything hurtful in our lives at once, we need to address them in the order they're killing us. One thing at a time, dear lady.

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AVANELL 8/7/2013 11:07PM

    Hi Mellie! It's so good to hear from you. With all that you have been through I think you've done great to not gain more than 12 pounds. Don't be too hard on yourself. You will get back "in control" soon. Still praying that all goes well for you and this ordeal will be over soon!

emoticon emoticon

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    You've been through a lot. Tomorrow is a new day. You can't change the past and there's no use feeling guilty over the weight gain. Just start over tomorrow. Especially rely on your Spark friends. They will help you to stay focused. Take one day at a time and don't obsess and pounce on the scale for about a week. Ronda emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CATLADYX8 8/7/2013 5:38PM

    I just lost my mom in June and it sent me for a loop!! I miss her terribly and during her final illness and subsequent death I went off the rails. I gained back about 10 pounds and am having a terrible time getting back into my program. I finally decided that I want to be healthy for me, no one else, and I have to do what is best for me. I still have issues with binging, but I am taking an active approach to working on that problem. I joined a team called Back on Track and I kinda started at square one. I started with something simple I knew I could do...drinking water and got myself back to drinking at l east 8 glasses a day. Once I accomplished that I added another thing, exercising 10 minutes a day, more if I felt it, but at least to do 10 minutes of something. Start small and slwoly work yourself back up to where you were. Never give up!!!!

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SINGINGLADY3 8/7/2013 4:31PM

    Hang in there. You are going thru some tough times. Things will get better. God bless ya. It's time like these that we are tempted most. Just try to keep your reserve. I sincerely hope things get better soon for you. Keep us posted. Judi

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BEEJAY49 8/7/2013 1:50PM

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. You have been through so much. Just take it one day at a time, you will be fine! Know that you are being prayed for! God Bless and Hugs!

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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

This has been a very difficult month for me in every way imaginable. I have been physically ill twice now (sinus/allergy/bronchitis issues). In fact, I am sick as I write this. I also have had some major problems that need to be repaired at the house. So, for the last few days I have been staying with my daughter. I am back for a few days anyway. Hopefully I will get those issues sorted out soon. I am really tired and weak physically and emotionally right now. So, its understandable that I am really down, right? That's what I keep telling myself anyway. I am pretty low on funds right now as well, given the repairs that I have had to pay for. That makes it really difficult for me to eat right. And to be honest, I haven't been doing that very well all month. Its no wonder I am up three pounds this week! That bums me out even more...... I want to regain control, but, don't seem to be able to for some reason. I know I need to be back here MORE. That would certainly be a step in the right direction. I hate when I do this to myself, but even more I hate when I KNOW I am doing it and can't seem to STOP the insanity!!
Tomorrow is another day... and I am determined that I will never give up trying to get healthy. I have to .........there's no other option!
Looming forever in front of me is the final hearing for my divorce. I am sure that is playing a part of my emotional state. I am beyond tired of all of this.. I am bone weary. I pray that God will give me the strength I need to push through all of this so I can rebuild my life that has been torn apart and left in shambles.
Please pray for me ... and thank you to all of you who read my ramblings, those who post encouraging words, and even those who read this and say a silent prayer for me. I appreciate your support more than words can ever say.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNYSIDE20 7/2/2013 10:14PM

    Put yourself first and don't look back. When you are taking care of YOU, you will be more open and able to do for others, too. Think about positive thoughts of new beginnings and the freedom to be who you are! emoticon

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MUSETTE29 6/20/2013 1:52PM

    Oh, MellieSue, I've been there, and know the feeling. You can do this, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. You have received some awesome words of support from us here at Spark--so many people are pulling for you. To be dealing with health, financial and emotional (and legal) issues is a huge mountain to climb. It's OK to stop and rest for a minute or two. I hope you have some little joy you can give yourself--a few minutes to read or play music, a favorite flavor of Snapple to enjoy, or some bit of nature to focus on awhile. If nothing else, take three deep, slow breaths. Here's a personal note: In the middle of my darkest time, the only way I could get myself out the door and on my way to work was knowing that the morning sun would glint off the snowbanks and refract in pink, yellow and blue. It was the promise of seeing this light that got me going, and today (6 years later), it is the flash of sun on ice crystals that I see in my mind's eye when I need a moment to regroup. Look for tiny miracles every day. I promise you, they are there. God Bless you and strengthen you. emoticon

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GAILANN48 6/20/2013 12:08PM

    You have an awful lot going on right now, dear friend. I know that no one but you knows how you feel, especially since all areas of your life seem to be in turmoil right now.

But you came here today. You blogged your feelings. You stepped up. So it'll be okay. You can't control all this, and certainly can't change some of it. But you can treat yourself well RIGHT NOW. You can do something healthy, even if it's a very small thing, that is what you know you need to do for yourself. Each small thing will bring you a bit more confidence, and will assure you that this is just a bump in the road. You're here for a reason, Mellie, maybe many reasons, and maybe only one of them is the weight you don't want.

You've got a whole crowd here praying for you...even if "some" of us don't post much :), and we're all on your side. Hang in there, Mellie. God hears you.
emoticon Gail

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CANADIANGIRL15 6/20/2013 7:24AM

    Praying for you as you go through this difficult time. God will carry you through, He loves you! emoticon

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BEEJAY49 6/20/2013 4:57AM

    You have been and are going through so much. Yes, it is understandable that things are dragging you down. Don't be so hard on yourself. Things will work out in His time. You will be in my prayers. God Bless and Hugs!

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DIDMIS 6/19/2013 11:09PM

    emoticon emoticon Prayers and peace.
I know just how you feel. From November of 2012 up to now I have had so many trials. I just wrote a blog though telling that I am feeling much better after TKR.
I am expecting to have the other one done soon.
Keep looking up.

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AVANELL 6/19/2013 10:58PM

    I'm so sorry, Mellie, to hear that you are sick and still waiting for closure on your divorce. I know you are weary and tired of all the emotional ups and downs of this struggle. I will certainly pray for you. God knows exactly where you are and the whys of all that you are experiencing. Even though this may not be of much consolation right now I can assuredly say that "this, too, shall pass" and there is a "better day" awaiting you. Rest in the Lord and let Him carry you through to the other side!

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IAMFAT4NOW 6/19/2013 8:09PM

    Sending you strength and clarity through all you're going through. Take time to take care of you and remember, there's always sun after the storm. Hang in there.

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MARIANNE9855 6/19/2013 7:59PM

    just keep trying and don't give up and remember when we eat about something then we give ourselves two problems. I know how hard it is- things have been not so great lately for me but I was able to taking little bits of time off but keep going on most things. Coming on Spark People and just reading is what really helped me and sometimes posting support for someone else is the best thing we can do for ourselves! We are here for you and understand how hard life can be. emoticon

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RONYKAY 6/19/2013 6:31PM

    I can relate to what you're going through in so many ways. I will say a prayer for your quick recovery and regaining your strength, physically and emotionally, and hope that you remember to do what you can and let God do the rest.


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TIME_TO_SHINE1 6/19/2013 6:27PM

    emoticon for you through your troubling times.

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SONSHINESUE518 6/19/2013 6:26PM

I will certainly be praying for you. You have a lot going on, and life is tough for you right now. I'm so glad that you shared so that we can support you. And know with all your heart that The Supporter, our Lord God, is there for you every single step of the way.

emoticon Sue

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Good news 'n not so good news..

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Went to the doctor this morning and it turns out the new scale is correct with the doctor's scale. I am glad to know they are correct, and even though it sets me back a little in numbers (because I have no idea how long the old scale was "bad").. I refuse to look back. I am excited to see what happens next week and the week after, etc.
The not so good news, I do have bronchitis. UGH! Feeling a little better than I did yesterday though.
I will never give up this battle. I will continue to press ahead. I have come too far to give up now. This is a test.. this is only a test.. if it had been a real emergency lol. Anyway, thank you everyone who responded to my blog yesterday. I appreciate all of your support and words of wisdom! God bless you and keep you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNYSIDE20 6/5/2013 8:32PM

    I hope you feel better soon emoticon Rest and take care!

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MARIANNE9855 6/4/2013 7:25PM

    nowhere else to go now but down- the scale- I mean emoticon

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GAILANN48 6/4/2013 1:04PM

    emoticon I'm glad that you're in a better place, Mellie. The scale thing is so discouraging, I know, but your attitude is great...and the non-scale victories still point to the fact that you have lost. The numbers may not have been right, but it must have happened for a reason. :)

emoticon Not so good news about your health - bronchitis is nothing to play with, though the diagnosis does explain why you haven't felt like yourself. Now you can set about resting a bit more, and generally being good to that wonderful person you are!

Hope you have a beautiful day today, my friend. emoticon
:) Gail

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Monday, June 03, 2013

Today started out as a real bummer. I thought I had done fairly well last week with my weight loss efforts. And, for all I know, maybe I did? lol. I stepped on the scales this morning and weighed 10lbs less than I did last week. Ok, so I KNOW I didn't do that well... so again, I stepped on the scale. This time I weighed 6lbs heavier than last week. Surely that can't be right? SOoooo.. again I stepped on the scale only to weigh almost 20lbs less than last week. Alright, obviously the scales are broken. But when did they break? emoticon . So, before 8AM I was headed toward Walmart to buy a new scale. Hmm.. oh gosh at the choices! So... I made my selection (middle of the road in price, but upper end in brand name). When I got home I weighed in on the new scale...almost 8lbs heavier than last week. Uggh... surely my old scale was broken long before I knew it. Now I have no idea what success or failure I have had lol. I really am unsure what to do other than start over. Make a new goal.......and move forward. I have to tell you though, looking forward is not so hard... its the NOT looking BACK that is difficult. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCONIUS 6/4/2013 9:44AM

    You'r facing the right way. Keep on keeping on. emoticon

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BEEJAY49 6/4/2013 5:58AM

    Just keep walking forward! You know everything you do is for your benefit and anything will help. :) Hang in there!
== ("")====("")== :) HUGS!

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MARIANNE9855 6/3/2013 7:28PM

    that's the main reason I pay for WWs- a neutral place to go get weighed every week and I don't even look at the scale at home. Drove me too crazy- plus I do get good ideas there most times. emoticon

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CBLENS 6/3/2013 5:04PM

    yes a bummer when the scales break.

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EDITOR 6/3/2013 3:49PM

    You know what to do, Mellie. emoticon

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LKWQUILTER 6/3/2013 3:49PM

    How are your clothes fitting? If they are getting bigger, then you did lose. I have the same problem with my personal scales so quit getting on them and just weigh when I go to my TOPS meeting. I know those scales are correct. Just look forward and forget yesterday. ((HUGS))

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JLEMUS1 6/3/2013 2:20PM

    I hate it when scales do that!!! Never back always forward!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Thoughts, Confessions, and Wishes...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

As I said in my last blog, this has been a very busy month for me. I do, however, have nothing major planned for the last couple of days of the month.
I spent today with my grandbaby. We had a blast, as usual.
I have never been so sore in my entire life. Over the last few weeks I have done a tremendous amount of lifting and going up and down stairs. I suppose that had a lot to do with the soreness... but I would have thought by now I would have become somewhat used to it. I guess I am showing my age. *sigh*
I weighed in today 2lbs heavier than last week. This was my first "gain" since I started back on WW in Jan. of this year. I am not shocked at all... it has been very difficult for me to eat right while bouncing back and forth between here and my daughter's place. I don't always have the extra money to go to the grocery up there AND here. I also feel like I can't hurt my daughter's feelings by saying, "no, I can't eat there"... or no, I can't eat whatever it is she has planned to cook for me. I really struggle unless I am home and cooking for myself. Truth is I just haven't been really good about journaling either. On the brighter side, I am back home, and I am ready to get back with the program. I know that the word out in the "weight-loss world" is that you should never deprive yourself of something you want bad enough, however, for my own personal self... I ALWAYS struggle to get back with the program if I just take a few days of indulging. Maybe its just me....but that's how it is for me, which is why I really hate straying from staying away from those things I KNOW are not healthy and act as trigger foods for me. Please pray for me as I try to get back my momentum.
Another update on a personal level, my new "final" hearing is slated for the end of July. Ugh.. I just wish this was over. I also wish I had a dollar for every time I have wished that lol. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVELYGIRL2 5/29/2013 9:52PM

  Of course you don't want to be rude and not eat what they have.

However, sometime I do little things... like put mustard or ketchup instead of mayo.I add vinegar ,water, milk or such to make the dressing not so much fat. Or if hat isn't available, I just put a generous teaspoon instead of 2 tbs or 1/4 cup. There is bunch of things like this..

But 2 lbs is not too bad, unless it's every week or two. emoticon

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PEGGYO 5/29/2013 4:05PM


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GAILANN48 5/29/2013 10:02AM

    It's good to hear from you again, Mellie. I was wondering about the final hearing date, and hoping you were hanging in there...I know it's been such a long time to wait.

I do understand what you're saying about finding it much easier to control how you eat when you control the surroundings. Me, too. I think maybe you could count as positive the fact that in the circumstances you only picked up 2 pounds...and they'll come off quickly now that you're back on track. It'll be okay - you know that.

Have a GOOD day today, and know that there's a whole "cloud" of folks here cheering for you.

emoticon :) Gail

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EDITOR 5/29/2013 9:41AM

    Mellie, ugh on July! You MUST, also, do things just for you, selfish or not, often! You have done so well with your weight, let the body get used to this arena. emoticon

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AVANELL 5/29/2013 7:33AM

    I have been wondering how you were doing and when your "final" hearing was to be. I pray that it is over for you soon! And that you will be able to get back "on program" without much effort. It's good to hear from you, Mellie!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEEJAY49 5/29/2013 2:29AM

    You are in my prayers and I hope it's over for you very soon. It's always a struggle to get back to the program after a person has been off for a few days, so you are not alone. The good news is, each day is a fresh start and you CAN do this! HUGS!

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