Wednesday, August 07, 2013
Its been forever since I have actually written a blog. I have a lot of things going on right now. I am in the last stages of the divorce. Hopefully, only ONE more FINAL hearing to go. (I had no clue there could be so many "final" hearings.)
It has been a year since my mother passed away, and another birthday has come and gone without her. I don't have to tell many of you who have gone through the loss of a parent, how that feels.
I am still in the process of trying to rebuild my life. I must confess I have not been as successful to date as I was hoping I would be at this time. I have gained back around 12lbs of my total weight loss. I haven't given up... I am just struggling to get this addiction back in check. It has been a vicious cycle between me, stress, and eating. My time at the computer has also been restrained. I spend most of my days trying to keep up with the yard work, the house work, looking for a job, and going back n forth to court. (the expense of that alone is enough stress to make me scream).
I wish I could say that I see a end in sight. I am so upset over the weight gain.... it feels like a step backward. I am not surprised mind you.....I am just upset with myself. I know I am out of control, I just don't know how to get back to that place where I was before the summer. By the way, I am totally open to suggestions LOL.
I do miss my Spark time...and all the wonderful, supportive friends I acquired along the way. I hope to be back in full swing very soon. I ask for your continued prayers and support...and thank you sincerely from my heart for all the prayers that you have offered up on my behalf thus far in my journey.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
This has been a very difficult month for me in every way imaginable. I have been physically ill twice now (sinus/allergy/bronchitis issues). In fact, I am sick as I write this. I also have had some major problems that need to be repaired at the house. So, for the last few days I have been staying with my daughter. I am back for a few days anyway. Hopefully I will get those issues sorted out soon. I am really tired and weak physically and emotionally right now. So, its understandable that I am really down, right? That's what I keep telling myself anyway. I am pretty low on funds right now as well, given the repairs that I have had to pay for. That makes it really difficult for me to eat right. And to be honest, I haven't been doing that very well all month. Its no wonder I am up three pounds this week! That bums me out even more...... I want to regain control, but, don't seem to be able to for some reason. I know I need to be back here MORE. That would certainly be a step in the right direction. I hate when I do this to myself, but even more I hate when I KNOW I am doing it and can't seem to STOP the insanity!!
Tomorrow is another day... and I am determined that I will never give up trying to get healthy. I have to .........there's no other option!
Looming forever in front of me is the final hearing for my divorce. I am sure that is playing a part of my emotional state. I am beyond tired of all of this.. I am bone weary. I pray that God will give me the strength I need to push through all of this so I can rebuild my life that has been torn apart and left in shambles.
Please pray for me ... and thank you to all of you who read my ramblings, those who post encouraging words, and even those who read this and say a silent prayer for me. I appreciate your support more than words can ever say.
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
Went to the doctor this morning and it turns out the new scale is correct with the doctor's scale. I am glad to know they are correct, and even though it sets me back a little in numbers (because I have no idea how long the old scale was "bad").. I refuse to look back. I am excited to see what happens next week and the week after, etc.
The not so good news, I do have bronchitis. UGH! Feeling a little better than I did yesterday though.
I will never give up this battle. I will continue to press ahead. I have come too far to give up now. This is a test.. this is only a test.. if it had been a real emergency lol. Anyway, thank you everyone who responded to my blog yesterday. I appreciate all of your support and words of wisdom! God bless you and keep you.
Monday, June 03, 2013
Today started out as a real bummer. I thought I had done fairly well last week with my weight loss efforts. And, for all I know, maybe I did? lol. I stepped on the scales this morning and weighed 10lbs less than I did last week. Ok, so I KNOW I didn't do that well... so again, I stepped on the scale. This time I weighed 6lbs heavier than last week. Surely that can't be right? SOoooo.. again I stepped on the scale only to weigh almost 20lbs less than last week. Alright, obviously the scales are broken. But when did they break? . So, before 8AM I was headed toward Walmart to buy a new scale. Hmm.. oh gosh at the choices! So... I made my selection (middle of the road in price, but upper end in brand name). When I got home I weighed in on the new scale...almost 8lbs heavier than last week. Uggh... surely my old scale was broken long before I knew it. Now I have no idea what success or failure I have had lol. I really am unsure what to do other than start over. Make a new goal.......and move forward. I have to tell you though, looking forward is not so hard... its the NOT looking BACK that is difficult.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
As I said in my last blog, this has been a very busy month for me. I do, however, have nothing major planned for the last couple of days of the month.
I spent today with my grandbaby. We had a blast, as usual.
I have never been so sore in my entire life. Over the last few weeks I have done a tremendous amount of lifting and going up and down stairs. I suppose that had a lot to do with the soreness... but I would have thought by now I would have become somewhat used to it. I guess I am showing my age. *sigh*
I weighed in today 2lbs heavier than last week. This was my first "gain" since I started back on WW in Jan. of this year. I am not shocked at all... it has been very difficult for me to eat right while bouncing back and forth between here and my daughter's place. I don't always have the extra money to go to the grocery up there AND here. I also feel like I can't hurt my daughter's feelings by saying, "no, I can't eat there"... or no, I can't eat whatever it is she has planned to cook for me. I really struggle unless I am home and cooking for myself. Truth is I just haven't been really good about journaling either. On the brighter side, I am back home, and I am ready to get back with the program. I know that the word out in the "weight-loss world" is that you should never deprive yourself of something you want bad enough, however, for my own personal self... I ALWAYS struggle to get back with the program if I just take a few days of indulging. Maybe its just me....but that's how it is for me, which is why I really hate straying from staying away from those things I KNOW are not healthy and act as trigger foods for me. Please pray for me as I try to get back my momentum.
Another update on a personal level, my new "final" hearing is slated for the end of July. Ugh.. I just wish this was over. I also wish I had a dollar for every time I have wished that lol.
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