Wednesday, February 05, 2014
I've slipped up big time. I relapsed. I gave myself permission to "have some treats" on Super Bowl Sunday, and that's led to what amounts to a three-day binge. I haven't binged like this since I joined Overeaters Anonymous in June. I'm feeling very down.
Truth be told, though, my binge began before I bought the junk food and stuffed it in my mouth. I've been shortchanging my meditation time for about a week, doing the morning session faithfully, but skipping the evening reflection time. I've missed two face-to-face meetings in a row and haven't dialed in for any phone meetings. I've not been tracking my food regularly. I even stopped drinking my daily 64 oz of water. And yesterday, I was so bloated and fatigued from binging that I broke a 33-day exercise streak. I've been willful and prideful, neglecting to ask my Higher Power for the next right action, thinking I knew better and could do this myself.
Well, I can't. I need His support and the support I get from interacting with other compulsive overeaters in recovery. I'm listening to my Higher Power hard this morning, and he's telling me to be gentle with myself. I'd been obsessing over figuring out exactly what triggered this relapse now. He's telling me that it simply doesn't matter. What does matter is turning my will and my life over to His care.
Here's what I can do today to be kind to myself:
Track all of my food
Drink 64 oz of water
Move for just 10 minutes
Attend an OA phone meeting
Reach out to my sponsor
Writing this post has been difficult. I'm feeling discouraged and ashamed right now. But I know how to move forward and get past these negative emotions. I can't change what I did in the past, and I can't predict the future. I have only the present and God's will for me. That's more than enough.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Since I last blogged, I've recorded a weight loss of 4.4 lbs, gained 1.1 lbs back, upped my ten-minute-a-day exercise streak to 18, tried a new type of workout, and been eating much cleaner. I am inherently a perfectionist, so I'll admit to being a little disappointed with the weight fluctuation. But overall, I'm very pleased with my progress.
The beauty of tracking that progress with SparkPeople is that I can see more clearly the patterns that are preventing me from reaching my goals:
1) I frequently eat over 2000 calories a day.
2) I do not exercise hard enough or long enough.
This knowledge gives me the power to continue to make positive changes. So I am committing to staying under 2000 calories per day this week, and I am announcing my intention to do three 30-minute cardio sessions this week, as well.
Thursday, January 09, 2014
I am thrilled to be able to report that I have two healthy streaks going:
1) I have been sugarfree for a week
2) I have exercised for at least 10 minutes a day for nine days in a row
I started eating healthier on January 2nd by increasing my fruit & veg and protein intake, eliminating added sugar, and cutting way back on white flour. It's been easier than I anticipated--I had no withdrawal symptoms this time. I think that the the extra protein is really helping me feel satisfied, and the occasional piece of fruit is staving off sugar cravings.
On the exercise front, I'd hoped to have put together a workout program by now, but I've been exceptionally busy with work. So I'm not kicking myself; rather, I'm celebrating the walking and yoga I have been able to do.
It's finally raining in Northern California today (Woo-hoo! We desperately need the precipitation), so I'll be sure to get some indoor activity in. I'm committing here to trying out one of the many exercise videos that are sitting on my shelf gathering dust this morning.
Have a great day, everybody!
+ = A Happier, Healthier Me!
Sunday, December 29, 2013
My back is finally feeling better. I'm still a bit creaky, but I'm not in active pain. I'm doing everything I can to keep it that way, practicing simple, gentle yoga and moving mindfully. For example, instead of bending at the waist to reach for something on the floor, I remind myself to pliι! It's good exercise and avoids putting a strain on my back.
I'm seriously considering joining an Introduction to Yoga class at a studio in a nearby town. It's held twice a week for four weeks in the evening, and it promises that, upon completion, you'll feel comfortable practicing on your own or in any drop-in class. I could definitely use that instruction and confidence. The only questions really are the money and the time.
I'm heading into San Francisco with a friend to do some shopping today, which means I'll be getting a good amount of walking in. I'm very much looking forward to that. I have a few essentials on my list, plus a stack of books I want to buy. I'll see how much I spend today, then decide if I have enough left over to take the yoga class.
Have a great day, everyone!
Monday, December 23, 2013
I was feeling great yesterday: my back pain was almost gone. It had taken a week and a half of alternating ice and heat, stretching, and anti-inflammatories to calm it down.
Then I had a fitful night's sleep last night. When I awoke this morning, I felt some soreness in my lower back. Bummer. And as I leaned down to feed the cats, I thought, "Gee, I should really bend my knees to do this instead of just bending at the waist." TWANG! My lower back lit up again.
I have to face a couple of basic facts: 1) My body is simply not as limber at 44 as it was at 24 or even 34; there are mindful adjustments to be made. 2) I really need to lose weight; my belly fat is putting an obvious strain on my spine.
My goal for the day is to double down on treatments and to get out of the house to do a little easy walking. I am feeling discouraged, but I have a plan. There's a glimmer of hope yet!
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