Friday, October 07, 2011
My entire life, even at my thinnest, I've managed to degrade and hate my body for how it looks. I've always been completely sensitive about things that people say about me, even with the best of intentions, to the point where I get defensive, start fights, sometimes cry or even trying to eat for comfort.
Now that I'm 31 weeks pregnant, I've come to view my body (on most days) as a temple like God meant for it to be. I am creating a life within this body. I feel beautiful, unique, powerful. Even through the weight gain (31.6 lbs so far), the constant achiness, the days where I just want to lay on the couch and eat, I'm trying not to beat myself up for how I look. I look this way for a purpose. My body is not punishing me; it has a specific reason that it is acting this way.
I just have to keep reminding myself that things will drastically change once the baby comes. I've already been trying to map out a plan for my new weight loss and fitness journey after baby Harper arrives, such as how I'll exercise, when, where, etc. My husband and I, who has also been overweight since we've known each other, have made a pact that we will get healthy for the baby. Our plan is to get within the healthy weight range, exercise daily, and eat healthier. I'm already planning on making the baby's food for the most part, that way I can make sure he isn't getting too much sugar or salt. We want to be able to enjoy life and enjoy our family photos from here on out and stop obsessing over being overweight. I'll let you know how our journey goes...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
It started snowing again last night and this morning we have almost 5 inches of snow. The roads look slick and the hubby has my Jeep so I can't get to the gym. All sidewalks are covered in snow. Days like this I'm kind of scratching my head as to how I can get some exercise in. I've already shoveled the sidewalks and ran around in the yard with the dog. Think I'll do a cleaning marathon and then maybe play Wii Fit, Kinect Dance Central or do a yoga dvd. I don't have much else here except for a jump rope, 5-lb dumbbells and a deflated exercise ball. Anyone else have any suggestions?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I woke up this morning and nearly cried when I read the numbers on the scale....186 pounds. Whereas some people are focused on spending time with family and opening presents and pondering the reason for the season, I found myself trying to maneuver away from the desserts and cameras, only to find myself 4 pounds heavier anyway.
My family doesn't help at all, either. In my stockings from my mother and mother-in-law, I found tons of chocolate truffles, Snickers bars, candy canes full of SweetTarts...all my favorite candies. We got even received cookies and peanut brittle as gifts. I put the bucket (and I mean that literally) of candy and sweets out of sight, but I still know it's there. My husband suggested we fix up bags of the candy to take to our friends' kids for the annual New Year's Party. I think that'd be a great idea to get those tempting treats out of the house, but I know the parents won't be thrilled at all.
I actually brought in the jump rope that has been hanging in the garage since I bought it last year. I did 5 minutes with it and thought I was going to have an asthma attack. I begged my husband to go for a walk with me, even though it's freezing outside, and we did an 18-minute mile with the dog.
I had actually gotten down to around 174 in October and even bought a pair of size 12 jeans, but now I'm back up and I noticed yesterday that my 14s are getting snug again. I'm feeling really down and lacking motivation. I've been trying for nearly 4 years now to lose this weight and I'm feeling pretty frustrated and doubting that I'll ever get the weight off.
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