MEDDYPEDDY   145,743
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Points again!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

I have obviously slacked in my sparking so I have not noticed that there are now more point levels to go for - yipeee, it was sad (and weird) to notice that once I reached the highest level I started to slack in my spraking as weill.

Now I only wish they would bring back the "huddle" function it sort of made it easier for me to visit teams better.

I have finally been to the indoor pool - bougt a six month card andnwill start going on weekend mornings again, that will be nice.

At work - a little slow which will fire back in two weeks when deadline is coming up - but if I pull myself together it will work out nice. Letīs hope for that.

Yesterday I went for lunch music/soup in the church that I am building a habit of visiting when they have this arrangement. I have inspired two friends to come as well, we meet there when we can and chat for a while. Yesterday only one of them would come and she had messaged that she would be late so I listened to the music and started eating alone. A woman came up and asked if I wanted to be alone and then joined me. She belonged to a bible study group which inspired me to converse about the fact I heard a professor say on teve - that homo sapiens has so far (as we know) been the first specie to pass knowledge on to their children - the neandertal (?) people did not know this they have concluded as their tools where pretty much the same for 200 000 years, while homo sapiens has gone from stone axes to distance drones in about 10 000 years. And that the transmission of knowledge meant socializing and when uýou start to train children to become socially acceptable you also implan a more sophisticated fear and fear without love is the source of evil... and suddenly I got what the apple and adam and eve and original sin means... a very interesting conversation that jumped around in philosophical areas and my firend joined and contributed also - this is the friend who works with Bowen family system in her job as a thereaput. We laughed a lot and it is really interesting how a conversation like that can brin a lot of energy!

Top story of our paper was a 70 years old lady who was found dead in her flat - and died probably two years ago. The first thought of everyone is "what about the smell" and nobody can explain why nobody has felt or reacted to any smell - after two years there are of course no smell anymore... but the lonliness that it is a sign of shook us all and we havebeen talking a ,lt about how our society today works.

Then we learned that the lady was norwegian - many poor norwegian moves to sweden after retirement as it is much cheaper to live here than in Norway (they found oall that oil and are now a lot richer than us). And she had her pension money on autogiro and her bills paid by autogiro too, and obviously had no closer realitves and had not wished to become friends with the neighbours...

It urges me to appreciate the present and be as loving as I can, because life is both terrible and wonderful...

Yesterday night I visited my friend that lives close and is a very sad person - she focused most on bad things happening and yesterday she asked me how worried I was about Putin. I have to say "Not at all" as I am terribly lazy in following the news and it worries me more that lille old ladies dies alone in my home town than all the conflicts in Ukraina. Because the later I can do absolutely nothing about, while I can be a better neighbour/friend/realtive... and it is sort of ironic that my friend knows what happens in Ukraina but had not heard about the lady being dead for two years - which has been all over the local news for two days.

Gave me somthing to think about again...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 11/13/2014 5:16PM

    It's always good to read your blogs. Enjoy the pool this season!

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LJCANNON 11/12/2014 6:11PM

    emoticon Congratulations on getting back to the gym/pool. I love my Saturday Morning Water Zumba class.
emoticon I totally agree with you about being more concerned about the Lady who died alone in her apartment than about the Political Situation. Such a Sad commentary about the world today.

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JOYINKY 11/12/2014 10:06AM

    As usual, I enjoy your blogs because they are always rich with things to think about. You have an interesting circle of friends and I have no doubt you would be missed! Sad when someone dies alone and unnoticed. Thanks for sharing.

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INGMARIE 11/12/2014 7:56AM

    Back in the pool ,way to go.
And the discussion over lunch ,sounds like a lot of fun and insights.
I guess we all read the news differently, so sorry for the people who live and die alone
without anyone missing them.
And as for Putin ,well I am worried, he will try to bring back The Soviet Union in all its "glory"and more if he can.

Glad you had a great day. emoticon

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FREGGIE 11/12/2014 7:03AM

    That was a wonderful discussion you had!
We had a case of a woman dead in her house for 10 years recently... in Rotterdam. She too had autogiro... She had a daugther but they were not speaking - the daughter had rang the doorbell wanting to bring her mother flowers a few years ago and then thought that her mother still didn't want to see her....

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KLH702 11/12/2014 2:05AM

    Glad you're back and the pool sessions sound awesome!

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A visit to the doctor

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

I had a busy day yesterday - three press conferences in a row and all three with articles that was supposed to be delievered for todays paper. State of the world market and prognosis for 2015 ... brought the computer and between that conference and the next (that was about how the city centers shopping is to handle the loss of customers to the malls outside town) I managed to write almost all of the first one... And arriving ten minutes early for the third - big day for council work - I managed to get the second started too, and wrote part of the third while they were talking - it was a seminar... then rushing of to pick up doggy on my way to the doctors appointment.

AND the dog care lady was sort of company seeking so depite my schedule was tight to say the least, I sat down for a couple of minutes to talk with her. She is a little lost because she has no occupation for the moent and as she has the dogs to care for she canīt do just anything, the dogs has to fit in... but I do beat myself up for sitting down - the consequence was that I drove live a maniac to the health centre and parked 2.59 for the appointment at 3...

I really like my doctor - he spent one and a half hour just talking with me - we tried to figure out what to do and how to move on. He thought that I was being to hard on myself and asked about cognitiv behaviour treatment - but said at the same time that I seemed to be very capable to make my own programs for how to approach things so the problem is that I need some sort of regular support and I said that I have a hard time with many support persons, I donīt lack knowledge or strategies so I hate to be treated as if I am not capable... which unfortunately is the truth... and this doctor is still in training so he will be at childrens hospital for three months, I canīt see him again until march.

We agreed that part of the problem is that I go overboard with my ambition, I might start in balance but after a while I want to do too much and then I canīt handle it and it all crashes...I also stated that I am am very bad with result goals, process goals are easier for me to maintain. What happens is that I fall over into results after a while and then I obsess and it gets too much and I fall.

So the idea is to try to do good things and restrict myself from overdoing them... I will send him a note with my plan for exercising - and he wanted me to decide for an upper line as well as the minimum... that will be tricky because it means that I canīt do more minutes than I have decided as a maximum... I think it is a good idea. It is not hard to settle for the minimum - it is 3x30 minutes a week, but the maximum...? I think I will go for 30 minutes on weekdays and an hour a day on weekends... that will be 4,5 hours a week, I donīt think I will ever want to do more than that...

After coming home I finished all articles, was done at six and then fell asleep in front of the teve...I have more or less decided to let the standup practice rest for a while, letīs see if I can stand not to be there...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JITZUROE 11/9/2014 10:44AM

    Ooooh I like your plan too!
And the new wallpaper pic just made me giggle outloud I have to say......so cute!!!
Bren

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AJDOVER1 11/7/2014 1:07PM

    This is the third blog I've read this morning where I felt the primary issue was the writer not being content with her choices.

Maybe I'm just projecting my own self into what I'm reading.....

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JOYINKY 11/6/2014 8:00AM

    I have a "fitness minute goal" and a "steps goal" for the day. Most days I make them both; but any day I make one OR the other is a good day. Some "busy" days I don't have time to get both in. Sounds like a great Doctor; I hope you are able to reconnect with him later. I have to admit the motivator that kicked in for me is fearing the loss of my independence in my Sr. years; good health and mobility are crucial to that. Weight loss wasn't the goal anymore but it was a bonus. You can do this Cecilia. emoticon

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INGMARIE 11/6/2014 7:48AM

    Ah, you got a great doctor there, and The ideas of max time and min time is great,
makes you work out but not over do it.

Good Luck emoticon

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ANNEMARGAR 11/6/2014 5:33AM

    That's great to hear that your doctor spent so much time with you and that you have a new plan of action. I like you minimum/maximum plan - it sounds like a great idea! I may also give it a try :)

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Wolfes and more...

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Had planned to go to the gym yesterday and signed up for a group with circle training - couldnīt find one of hte shoes so I never got there. Thought doggy was guilty but found the other shoe in my car later...

Compensated with joining the dog walk in the evening (a facebookgroup that gathers us in my village two evenings a week to walk the dogs and give them an opportunity to behave sociallly well with other dogs...) - but my fitness is lower than ever so I abandoned them after ten minutes and walked up in the woods as the runners track has lights on. Altogether I walked for fifty minutes - panting and having to stop over and over, oh my!

AND when I came home I saw some posts in the facebookgroup for these dog-walks that a wolfe had been spotted some hour ago up by the exercise track...ewww! The wolf is a big issue where I live, after being extuingished since 1860 or something it has wandered back through Russia and FInland. And now the population seems to have become big enough to really make an impact - it has taken a lot of sheep around here this summer and there is of course a big debate if we can live with it... the state pays for putting up really impressive fences, but the wolves seems to learn how to manage them...

I have to admit that it is scary to walk in the woods, brought a knife this morning, not that it would help me agaisnt a gang of them but a single I might be able to scare off....

Most plausible is still that they are more araid of me than I of them but as I have a small dog with me and they have been known to attack dogs, I am a little worried.

I have decides to let the tandup rest for a while - it gives a lot of anxiety and I have thought that it is okay because there is no other way to learn. But I still donīt really know why I should learn it the way that it is performed. Myself ams not amused by standupcomedians most of the times, and I think I have learned what I want to do... the hard thing will be to become an "outsider" again, I am a sucker for being "cool" and it was very "cool" to be an aspiring standupcomedian.

A neighbour called this weekend and asked for a meeting with me as an editor. He came yesterday, this is a man that have bee mayor for the conservatives and I respect him a lot although our political views are different... he told me that the local history society is working with a book for our village/area and asked me if I would be his "sounding board" since I have the competence for editing... I was REALLY flattered. Then he also asked if I would consider writing one of the chapters - concerning the society that works for the future nowadays, trying to get people to move here and like the place... I said yes to that too.

And it might have been a little too fast, this guy has had a stroke, he is 75 and another stroke might end his life and then I will be involved woth a lot of old men that I am not too keen on... but I will pass that obstacle when/if it comes up.

I will now put all my focus in getting on a healthy streak agin, today I will see my doctor and I fear it because I am ashamed of my failure... I also have three jobs to do before that so I better get going!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 11/5/2014 12:30PM

    Best wishes on getting your healthy streak going!
emoticon

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LJCANNON 11/5/2014 9:47AM

    emoticon So excited and proud for you and for the Writing Opportunity that you have been handed. The fact that it came from someone whom you admire makes it even Sweeter, I think.
emoticon Strapping on your Shoes and putting Yourself and Your Healthy Future FIRST on the List If Priorities does not make you "Selfish". It is what Strong, Smart Women do, especially when they are as 'Mature' as we are
emoticon

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JOYINKY 11/5/2014 9:02AM

    I think blogging is a way of sorting things out and finding answers that work for you. As long as I have been following your blogs you seem to have been on a journey of getting to know yourself. I really admire that. Getting back on a healthy track is a good path to take; the rest you can sort out as you go along. I'm glad you are getting back to walking but winter is coming; have a back up plan. I hope the Dr. visit goes well. This, like everything is best tackled one day at a time. Be well.

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BEFREE143 11/5/2014 4:48AM

    So maybe the next walk should be 20 or 30 minutes in a safe, lit place...
Congrats on the editing job!

Comment edited on: 11/5/2014 4:49:13 AM

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AKELAZ 11/5/2014 4:27AM

    MP - take care - you sound very frazzled. You certainly need to sort your health out by the sound of it. Try and prioritize the many things you have to get through - everything will go more smoothly if you can do that.
Great that this man you respect also has respect for you and wants your professional help.
Hope your visit to the Dr. goes well.
As for the wolves - I just don't know what to say - SO far outside my life experience.


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Celebrating november

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

November has always been special to me - I admit that september and october are mostly better autumn months but as I am born in november I always felt good about it and it is only later years that I have realised that it is the darkest and rudest month if I consider rain, darness and cold...

But november is also the month I celebrate my soberness - I got sober in june but had a relapse in november (one night, one bottle of wine, luckily I did not have to continue...) and as I dont remember the exact date I have chosen to use my birthday as celebration date - as it is the 27th I can be sure that I am not cheating....

So it is nine years sober - I guess that it makes me an "oldtimer" in the AA community. An AA-friend asked if she should order a nine-year medal for me but I donīt know. I feel sort of obliged as I know it is n inspiration for those who has not been sober that long. But I have not taken any medal since my three-yearcelebration and I donīt feel okay with myself for the moment so I donīt know.

My health feels like all time low... wieght up where I was fifteen months ago, blood pressure raising, and very hard to motivate myself to go exercising although I know now that it truly is a live-or-death matter.

Work was goog yesterday as was the AA-meeting I attended. I have more or less decided to let go of the standup for a while - which immedeately makes me depressed as I feel abandoned and lonely.

Today is souplunch at a church with some music before it... when I started attending these "music-and-soup" tuesdays I asked the russian woman who owned the gym I started with in january - she went broke and is now out of work. SHe has been with me a couple of times and she messaged yesterday and told me that today it is one of her daughters performing music - that will be nice!

We had a meeting at work and I learned how to get notes ready for web publishing - it was really a metter of pressing two keys but it made me feel inspired and very advanced...

I had signed up for a class of senior training at the gym - I donīt think I will manage to get there in time... awful!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 11/5/2014 12:29PM

    Thanks for sharing your sobriety celebration with us. Marking these milestones is important to me.


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2015TODAY 11/5/2014 2:50AM

    Nine years sober is a big accomplishment. Regardless of whether you take the medal or not. Reading your blog I am thinking that it might help if you try to focus on your heart, your inner situation - what do YOU want?
Seems to me that it's perfectly okay to not do the standup comedy if you don't feel up to it. And also if you don't want the medal. If it comes from your heart it may be what's best for you.

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LIVE_AMAZINGLY 11/4/2014 12:29PM

    In June I got my 38 years of sobriety metal. I always carry it in my change purse as a constant reminder of how valuable my sobriety is to me. Also, if I ever were to go to have booze I would almost surely be pulling out my change purse, which would instantly remind me of what I would be throwing away if I were to have a drink. My sobriety is first and foremost in my life, cause without sobriety I soon wouldn't have life.

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JOYINKY 11/4/2014 8:31AM

    Don't celebrate November; celebrate Cecelia! You truly are an awesome person but so very hard on yourself! Celebrate the 9 years sober, you are right it does inspire others; it's also a testimony to your commitment to health! Sometimes trying to do it ALL wears us down; I think giving up stand up--for awhile or forever--is perfectly OK. Focus on those things that contribute to your happiness and good health; you have nothing to prove. Hugs.

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INGMARIE 11/4/2014 7:28AM

    emoticon congratulations 9 years sober is a BIG thing to celebrate.
As far as staying active, every little bit helps ,a bike ride , walking the dog.
Skiing? LOL
Have a great day.

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LJCANNON 11/4/2014 6:23AM

    emoticon Celebrate your Small Victories, and remember You Are Worth It! Staying active and healthy is ALWAYS a Challenge, but maybe even more so in the cold, dark Winter Months.
emoticon Celebrating 9 Years Sober is a Huge Thing!! I don't need to tell you how many people don't get the privilege of saying/celebrating that milestone! I think the 9 Year Medal might help to remind you that you are a Strong, Worthy, and Special Lady. You have earned it.
emoticon Congratulations on learning a new Computer Program!

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Another Monday

Monday, November 03, 2014

Waking up fairly early, think Iīll give myself ten minutes of accordian practice before I start moving... my ambition today is to make the plan for next edition and start doing some small things with it.

For the moment I am a quitter with the standup next week...I feel silly not wanting to do it, and I feel like I am letting myself and other people down - and that is not adequate at all so I donīt know what is going on.

On the happy side - a firend called yesterday and asked for some cooperation from me as an editor. He is working with a book that involves the area that I live in and I think it is maybe an anthology and he has planned and published a couple of books before and I have no idea why he wants to have a meeting - but I am flattered and it is a great ooportunity to get the house cleaned... because I will have to declutter entrance livingrooma and kitchen - good thing I did this to my kitchen saturday morning.

Before:


After:


Have a nice day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2015TODAY 11/5/2014 2:45AM

    Your decluttering inspires me!

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AJDOVER1 11/3/2014 3:25PM

    Since you made the rules about continuing the stand-up routine, I think you're only letting yourself down. Maybe it's simply time to change the rules you made. You're the boss of your own life. I wish you all the best!

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AKELAZ 11/3/2014 9:57AM

    De-cluttering is always good for me - provided I'm in the mood - or if I have people I don't know well coming emoticon Sounds like you're in for an interesting visit.

I admire you hugely for all the interests you take up in performing arts and the way you always seem to follow them through with considerable success but I have noticed that your stand-up does seem to provoke stress. Perhaps it might be good to put it on the back burner for a while - and find a new interest. You really don't have to put yourself through a lot of nervous stress for the sake of something that was meant to be a pleasure. Be happy.

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JOYINKY 11/3/2014 9:25AM

    Ah yes, nothing like company to get the house in order! Works for me too! Give yourself time on the stand up; if it's not enriching your life--it's OK to change direction. Be well and keep moving.

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INGMARIE 11/3/2014 8:22AM

    Nice, want to de-clutter my desk too? LOL It is in a hopeless stage right now

You are good at stand-up comedy so why do you want to quit?
I hope you have a great week, seems like a good start. emoticon


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ZRIE014 11/3/2014 12:09AM

  thanks. same for you.

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