Wednesday, August 10, 2011
(this was my reply to a sparkfriend's blog today and I wanted to share it- she asked us to tell how we became self-confident)
What a powerful and emotional blog.
Bet you get a lot of heart-felt replies.
I grew up anonymously, one of 14 children, and never got much attention.
We were fairly poor and I always had cheap or hand-me-down clothes.
My 3 older sisters all got pregnant and dropped out of high school, and I followed their path. I think it was our way out of a chaotic alcoholic home.
My dad literally called all us girls 'fat ass' after puberty- not good for the fragile teenage ego.
Anyway, I had the good fortune (how would I know at 16?) to choose the right young man and we are still in love almost 43 yrs later and have created a wonderful life together.
Moving away (3000 miles!) forced us to rely on each other and learn to solve our own problems-we couldn't afford to run home to our parents when times were bad.
By then, however, the damage was done to my self-confidence and it took many years for me to slowly (with the help of dh's unconditional love) rebuild it.
I think it was the years of small successes that helped me to become a confident woman- going to college-raising 2 fine sons- adopting a special needs daughter- having a long and successful teaching career.
Also life-altering for me was losing FOUR of my siblings- 2 as teenagers- over the years.
Each painful loss changed me in fundamental ways, but primarily made me realize that life is way too short and unpredictable to waste ANY of it feeling inferior to other people in any way.
I live my life fully present as much as I can and find the joy in every single day and, yes, I wish my ass was smaller, and I hate my dang cellulite, but this is my body and I thank it every day for taking me from here to the there, morning, noon and night.