Monday, March 24, 2008
I am close to my goal and yet so far. I have 12 pounds to go. They say the last 10 pounds are the hardest. I agree.
I've been doing AWESOME on the exercise front, and terrible, and I mean terrible, with my eating. I do fine during the week but on the weekends, I'm out of control.
I have to balance my need to get out and have fun on the weekends with DH and friends with my need to lose these last 12 pounds and keep them off for good. My desire to be fit and healthy HAS to win out. That's not to say I shouldn't treat myself, but this is ridiculous.
I decided to write out my vision for myself at my goal weight. Hopefully, writing this down will make it real to me so that I can see an end to the "losing" part of this journey and finally reach the "maintenance" stage.
This is my vision of my future. That means, of course, that not all of this has happened yet. But some of it has.
Me at my goal weight:
- I have lost 63 pounds, going from 178 to 115, and size 16 to size 6 or even 4.
- I achieved my dream to visit Israel. I even wore a bikini again for the first time in 9 years.
- Exercise is an import part of my lifestyle. I am in the best shape of my life.
- I work out 6-7 days a week. I do strength training 1-2 times a week and run 3 times a week. I frequently work out on the elliptical and take fitness classes at the gym, such as cycle and Body Combat.
- I am constantly looking for new ways to stir up my fitness routine.
- I am a runner. I can run a 5k and even a 10k. Maybe a marathon someday.
- I can go on long hikes or bike rides without stopping to rest.
- I can do pushups!
- My face is back to its original shape (not round).
- My cheekbones and collar bones are pretty and pronounced.
- My chest is back to its original size. It wasn't meant to be a cup size bigger. That was actually uncomfortable.
- My thighs and calves are muscular and toned.
- My stomach is flat and my core is strong.
- My arms are strong and defined. Kelly Ripa would be jealous. ;)
- I have a cute little butt.
- All in all, I have a hot little bod.
- I am happy to once again be the woman I was when my husband met me (at least in terms of appearance).
- I no longer cringe at the thought of seeing people I haven't seen in a long time.
- I can go shopping at all my favorite stores and find all sorts of cute clothes that fit me.
- I am happy and confident.
- I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I thought it was time for another blog. Ah, I love this time of year. March Madness!!! It's so much fun filling out the bracket and watching the games. I usually don't watch a lot of college basketball during the season but this is when it's super exciting!! Alas, Ohio State didn't make it to the dance this year.
Well, the scale is finally being kind. I am down another pound. Let's hope it just gains more momentum and keeps on going down through and beyond the 120s. I HAVE to be at goal by May. Hubby and I want to get our tickets for Israel soon and if we wait much longer they are only going to get more and more expensive.
I have been doing very well with exercise.Yay me! Body Combat is just so awesome. It's such a rush! I do that twice a week if possible. Strength training 1-2 times/week and it feels so great afterwards!!! YEAH! And I am really getting into running!! I NEVER thought I would say that. Ever!! I detested running for most of my life. I didn't understand why anyone would actually WANT to run if they weren't being chased (or competing on The Amazing Race). If you were to tell me a year ago that I would be on Week 8 of the Couch to 5K program, I would have given you my best "you're crazy!" look.
But there's just something about running that I am starting to love. Now please understand, I am not running for speed here. I'm certainly not ready for any races or anything like that. I'm just getting hooked on the feeling of accomplishment I get from completing the challenges for each week. There's just something about running -- pushing through that tired feeling and finally regulating your breathing so you can go on and on. Listening to some rockin' tunes! OH YEAH! I can't wait to make my playlist for tomorrow's run!
And last but not least, my second kickball game is tonight. Boy it's windy here in Baltimore today but it's supposed to calm down by tonight. Last week's kickball game was fun, even though we lost. I hope we win tonight, but most importantly -- I hope my team just has fun, regardless of the win or loss. I'll probably skip the beer during and afterwards though. I want to go to Israel, after all!
This weekend will be challenging as usual on the food front. Fri. night I'm planning to go to a concert at a brewpub. It's the Hotel Cafe tour with Joshua Radin (LOVE HIM!), Ingrid Michaelson, Carey Brothers and a couple of other artists. It'll be a challenge to stick to healthier options at dinner beforehand, as well as avoiding all the yummy beers they have. Wish me luck!!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
This has been a bad week. I am feeling down, and it's not only because I'm stuck in another plateau and I've sabotaged my efforts by making bad food decisions. The bigger issue is that I'm bored. Not bored with Spark, per se, just bored with my everyday routine.
I'm not meant to stay at home. (Hubby and I don't have kids yet.) I come from a hardworking family. My parents immigrated to the U.S. when I was very young. When we arrived we had no money and few possessions. My mom and dad worked very hard for everything they have (and everything I had growing up) and to send me to college. The value of hard work is deeply ingrained in my psyche.
My father is an engineer. He is very smart and is well-respected by his company and his clients alike. All the women in my family work. My mother is also an engineer. She always worked, even when I was a baby. My grandmother worked until she was close to 70 years old. She was good at her job and they loved and respected her there. My husband is climbing the ladder at his company. He is a valued employee. I am very proud of him and all that he has accomplished.
Everywhere around me, people are doing great things. My friends all have someplace to be during the week (except for the stay-at-home moms, who actually have a reason to be home). When I was in New York City last week, I watched people walk by in their fabulous suits. I wondered where they were going and what jobs they had. I wanted to join them.
I look up to people like Rachael Ray, who has (I think) 5 jobs, is always busy and is so obviously passionate about what she does. I was speaking with a childhood friend earlier this week and we got to talking about high school. One person from our high school is now a creator and producer of a television show in Hollywood. Another won a Pulitzer for her photography. On a larger scale, JK Rowling took an idea for a story about a boy wizard and turned it into a publishing phenomenon -- books loved around the world -- and made herself a billionaire. What have I accomplished?
I've been at home since May of last year. It was totally by choice. I used to have a killer commute. At the time, we were planning to move across the country and I wanted to get the house in order and ready to sell. Secondarily, I used this time off to take care of myself and take care of this weight too. We have since taken our house off the market and decided to stay put for now. So, things have settled down again, but I am still in the same place. It's been almost a year.
I've been racking my brain every day about where I want my career to go next. The problem is that after months and months of soul-searching, I am not any closer to the answer. I enjoy my field, but maybe there is something else that I'm more suited for. Maybe there is something new that I can do, but which also incorporates my current skills. I want to help people. I want to be passionate about my job. I want to work for a company that I believe in -- and one that is committed to the wellness of its employees. Better yet, I would love to work for myself. But doing what, in particular? I have no answers. At this stage of my life, I should have things figured out.
Therein lies the problem. To do anything, you need goals, action steps, clear objectives that you can execute. Otherwise, all you have is wishes. Right now I have no concrete goals or ideas of where to take my career. Only vague wishes. I can't even describe how that feels.
I am stuck. I need a spark -- similar to the spark that motivated all of us to lose weight. I am hoping and praying for that spark.
I cannot continue to stay home and do nothing. I need to contribute to society in some meaningful way. I have to be an independent person. I want to be a career woman again. I want to do great things. I want to feel alive.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I don't know how I got this crazy idea into my head, but I signed up to play kickball! The first game is tomorrow. Hubby and I decided to join a team with our local 20s and 30s Meetup group. I haven't played kickball since elementary school! I don't even remember all the rules (I printed them out so I could prepare, LOL!)
Anyway, I am really terrified because I NEVER do group sports. I am a total klutz when it comes to sports, and these situations actually make me very nervous because a whole team of people are counting on me not to suck. This entire week I have been having horrible flashbacks of elementary school gym class. I keep regretting my decision to play. If I don't play, though, I am out $40.
I am really hoping that it will be fun and the people won't be too competitive. I know that some people take these things WAY too seriously and it becomes very stressful rather than fun. We'll see how the first game goes tomorrow.
Monday, March 10, 2008
I am stuck. I have been at 128 for weeks now. I seem to get stuck a lot -- I guess I am just not doing as well with the calories as I should be. I know it's not the exercise because I exercise almost every day.
Last week probably added another 2 weeks to my plateau. I went on a mini vacation to NYC and I just did not make the best choices. I did some things right but totally messed up in other areas.
1. I was really mindful of calories (though I still ate some bad things). In other words, there was a little Spark fairy whispering in my ear every time I made a decision about food.
2. I found time to exercise. I walked around Manhattan for many hours and I also took advantage of the hotel gym.
3. I made an effort to drink water by bringing my water bottle with me. Now if I just would've filled it up a bit more....
Ways I messed up:
1. Ate a slice of pizza. I love NY pizza, unfortunately.
2. Had gelato twice for dessert. I did share the first one and the second one was only about 1/2 cup.
3. Had some frozen yogurt but only ate half of the small portion I got. And it had strawberries on it!! Anyway, what is the big deal about Pinkberry?? Blech!
4. Had drinks on several occasions but kept it to one each time. The worst one was a margarita. The other times it was wine, which isn't too bad.
5. Had a cupcake (but my lunch with it was just a sandwich).
6. Did not do well with my goal to eat at least 5 servings of fruits or veggies a day. Not even close!
7. Had french fries.
8. Munched on my friends Cat cookies from Trader Joe's.
Soooo, no wonder I am not losing weight. But this leads me to a few sad conclusions:
1. If I go off my usual routine, I am in trouble. In order to lose weight, apparently I need to just stick around my house and eat all meals at home all the time and never go anywhere. How do I make this a lifestyle change if I'm not able to apply my Spark knowledge when life throws me curveballs? I am not going to be on the same schedule forever.
2. My body is not forgiving of minor slip-ups. I have to live my life and enjoy good food and yes, drinks with friends on occasion. How do I balance that need with the need to be at a healthy weight? I usually don't mind counting calories and working out. I love to try to make yummy lower-cal recipes at home. But it's discouraging that I have to be so careful and diligent ALL the time. Otherwise it's back to plateau-ville. These last 13 pounds are killing me!
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