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My father

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I may have stopped logging in everyday like I did in the past but I never stopped working on my weight lose. The last time I logged in was in October right before my father got sick. On October 23, 2009 my dad was admitted in to the hospital for what they thought was just pneumonia. He got worse from that day on. That day he went into a coma. A week went by and we saw no response from him and thought then that the end was near. A few day later he opened his eyes and began to nod his head to answer questions. We began getting hopeful again. I spent everyday there either before or after work. I neglected my sons but they understood. The day my dad opened his eyes was the day my youngest son began to walk. I was crying all day but for two different reasons. I was happy for both but sad because my dad couldn't see him walk. He had been waiting on that day for several months. I was lucky enough to get it on video on my phone and show him the next morning. A day after that he started slipping back into a coma. He was bleeding internally and they couldn't figure out from where. He needed to start dialysis but the Veterans Hospital where he was at didn't have all the equipment they needed to take care of him. After he was there a little over a week and a half they air lifted him to a better more equip hospital. I was lucky because the new hospital he was at now was only 10mins from my house instead of 30mins. I was able to see if longer and actually take my children to see him. He started, from what we could see, improving alot. Little did we know that his internal bleeding was getting worse and all his organs was shutting down. He began talking and his eyes stayed open for almost a week. Finally they broke it to us that they had ran out of options to help him. There was nothing left for them to try. They wouldn't give him a new kidney because his liver was dying as well and vice verse. They stopped giving him blood because there was no use in wasting it on him when others may have needed it. On November 12, 2009 my mom and four out of the five children they have met with the doctors to determine the next step. As a family we decided maybe we should let him go. We talked to my dad to see his thoughts and he agreed. He keep saying he was tired and he was ready to go home. He told us repeatedly he loved us. He was a great man and loved his children dearly. My older sister was not as lucky as me and was not able to see my father as much due to her job and the fact that she was in the middle of adopting a little girl. She has a son that has Autism and is busy taking him to and from doctors appointments as well. She missed the meeting we had with the doctor but was able to come up that afternoon and spend time with daddy. We had a great afternoon with him. Besides him laying there in that hospital bed it almost felt like old times all of us sitting around joking and carrying on. They moved him into a different area of the hospital. It was kinda a hospice wing. I had to sneak my sons up to see him but I wasn't going to like him die with out seeing his grandsons first. He helped me raise my oldest because me and my husband had split up for over two yrs. Both of my boys are really close to my dad. They gave him a hug and a kiss before they had to leave. Myself, my mom, and my two sisters spent the night with my dad that night. We stayed up with him til 2:30am the next morning. We left the room so my mom could spend some time alone with him. At around 4:15am he slipped back into a coma. We was not aware of it til 7:00am when our mom came and got us out of the lobby where we had been sitting for hours. We tried sleeping but we couldn't knowing what was getting ready to happen. We stood by his bed til 9am hoping he would come around one last time. My brothers showed back up at the hospital a little after 9am and around 9:30am the doctors removed his oxygen. All of us kids were standing outside the door when they cut his oxygen off. I will never forget the sound of that. The nurse forgot to turn the oxygen off at the wall before removing it from my father. It sounded like someone had deflated a hot air balloon. After they removed the equipment from the room we was able to go back in. He was breathing on his on for what felt like several minutes. I thought that maybe he was going to prove everyone wrong. He was always a fighter even at the end. He opened his eyes smiled when we saw everyone there then took his final two breaths and departed this world. I stayed by his side til he started turning blue all over. I was determined not to leave him. My sister had to drag me out. I didn't leave the hospital til around 12. I didn't want to let go. I know he is in Heaven with my family that has already went on and that he is in no more pain but the thought of not having him here today still kills me. His birthday is in two weeks and we have always giving him a little party so we will continue to do so but this time it will be at the National Cemetery at the Veterans Admin. Hospital in Salisbury North Carolina. I have been to see him every week. I had always went to visit him on a weekly basis. Usually my mom will meet me there for a little bit. Her birthday was yesterday and luckily she didn't think about the fact that two months to the day daddy died. I am not sure why I am writing this I guess so I can finally get it out and hope that I can get over my depression. For all those who read this thank you for taking the time to listen to me cry.
This is a picture of my dad and my youngest son on his first birthday. It was taken on 9-19-09 a little over a month before my dad was admitted to the hospital.



This picture was taken just a few days before he died. You can see how much can change in the blink of an eye. RIP Daddy I love you!!!!

  


Slowing down but staying positive

Monday, August 31, 2009

My progress seems to be slowing down. The closer I get to re-enlisting in the military the harder it is to lose the weight. I pretty much live at my local YMCA and eat like I should but the results are not what I want them to be. I know I am losing inches which is good but that will not get me in the military. They don't care if you drop 50 inches if you are not under max weight standards then you can forget joining. I want to sign my enlistment papers before the end of September so I can try to leave out in January for Boot camp. I have tried to schedule everything so that I will be done with all my training around the time my oldest gets out of his school for summer vacation. That would give me plenty of time to relocate and enroll him into the local Christian school there (if they have one). That is the only thing I am going to hate is if they don't have a Christian school where we move to. I love the school he attends now. He is only 6yrs old and can tell you almost any Bible verse in the Bible and what that verse means. He writes in cursive, reads on a second grade level, and does math on a second grade level. We struggle financially but I will do without stuff to ensure my children have the best education. I went to a public school growing up so I know what they teach and how it contradicts my beliefs. We didn't come from monkeys and I will not have someone tell my babies that we did. My God made me in his image. God has help me overcome my weight issues along with every other problem I have ever faced. If you put your faith in God he will give you the strength to accomplish anything. " I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me." Phillipians 4:13

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DSHRUBS3 8/31/2009 10:43AM

    Keep it up and i'm sure you will start seeing results soon! I also think it's great that you stand by your beliefs! Good luck and stick with it!

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Yeah Tuesday

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Tomorrow is the big day. I go back to my doctor to see how I am doing so far with the weight loss. My scales says I am doing good but as everyone knows doctor scales weight much different. I am excited but at the same time nervous because I want to know but I am afraid that if it isn't what I thought it should be I will get discouraged. I have slacked off this past week going to the gym because I pulled a muscle and wanted it to heal before going back so I know I could have lost more but wasn't trying hard enough. Well one last day to lose lets see what I can do.

  


getting discouraged

Monday, April 13, 2009

I am beginning to feel like I am getting no where. I have set may goals and I am doing everything I can think of to lose weight but it isn't coming off like I thought it would. I have no idea what I am doing wrong or what else I can do. When I go to the gym I push myself til I have nothing left. When I eat I watch the calories, fat and carbs. I am tracking everyday on the site to see my results. I am burning more calories than I am eating but no results so far. I as doing good when I started using this site but now I am not losing at all. HELP!!!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DBACKSMOM75 4/13/2009 3:34PM

    That is the point I always get discouraged at to, but like the other comment said you may be gaining muscle while losing fat. Go you for keeping with it! emoticon

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VVJ3NVV 4/13/2009 3:06PM

  Maybe you are starting to gain lean muscle and that's why you aren't losing anymore. Don't give up. Why don't you try taking your measurements instead of weighing yourself.

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