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The big, the bad and the ugly of yesterday

Friday, October 26, 2012

Yesterday started out like the norm, kids were being pills, dog was covered in mud AGAIN and I had to struggle to get into my routine in the morning. Yup this is my usual day and except for chasing the dog around the house with a towel, I enjoy it. I see it as added cardio on a good day. lol

I got to work and things changed, not because I was having a bad day, but because as soon as I left my house I wanted to turn around and go back. I wasn't myself yesterday, just didn't feel like good ol' Mel and it went from being a crap day to a "I just want to bury my head and sleep my life away" day.

In listening to a lot of my girlfriends talk, I got the feeling that it's been going around the circle. It's like the winter blues hit early and depression and anxiety were on the table for all of us girls! Even the female dog at work was out of sorts!

Dinner time came around and I was looking after a young girl for the evening after work, so because of this my husband and I ordered pizza. Normally my intake of pizza is limited, (I just don't enjoy it anymore) and I stay away from the wings that come with it and stick to the veggies and fruit for a snack. But last night?????? Oh last night will go down in my book of lessons learned. I had 4, count them four slices of pizza and 6 wings. I ate them and didn't think twice while I was doing it. And to top it all off, I ignored my elliptical, cast it a look of contempt, stuck my tounge out at it much like my 5 year old would and shut the door behind me. Yes quite grown up of me I know! lol.

So in being a lesson learned, I will never, and I mean never, consume that much food again in one meal especially pizza and wings. What was I thinking!?! My waist will never forgive me I'm sure and my tummy was just as angry all night.

I just had a hopeless day yesterday, a revert back into old habits I have been fighting off in the 4 weeks of weight loss I've been commited to. So from now on, mindless eating is off the table. I don't care what I have to do, no excuses are made or accepted for my behaviour last night, I will not stand, or even sit for it!!!

Today is a new leaf, I come away with more determination, more mental strength and am more mentally stable. I will chalk yesterday up as nothing more than the second personality any gemini is well aquainted with having as a temper tantrum at not getting her way. I will lock that person in the mental closet she has been living in recently and throw away the key!

My mantra, I can do it and I will do it is a song that has been going through my head all day!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGPAWSUP 10/26/2012 1:00PM

    You learned a lesson! Bravo! Now use this in the future and move forward.

I always find fall very depressing so I'm with you on not being in the best of moods. All I can say is just keep pushing and it will get better.

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My self worth?

Friday, October 19, 2012

My weight is a huge stressor for me. It consumes me day and night and has for years. I compare myself to other women I see and it drives me crazy as I find myself lacking in all areas of body image. I find my own self worth is wrapped up in my idea of what I should look like against what I actually do look like.

Last night DH took me out to the store, as the weather is getting cooler and my clothes aren't fitting properly I wanted to get a nice cardigan. I found one in a 1X (I was fitting into a 3X a few weeks go) and tried it on, it was a little tight but not uncomfortably tight I was elated, overjoyed, thrilled, all those lovely words! Until I got to the mirror that is and did a 360 degree turn to see what it looked like on. All my joy about what I have been doing for myself went out the window fast. I was beaten down last night emotionally. I haven't looked in a full lenght mirror for so long that when I finally did I became instantly depressed and angry,

That is the typical daily stress that I go through about my self image. I'm generally a happy person up beat and positive, about other people and their lives while I stress about my body and how others generally see me as. I've been doing better and these challenges help, but it's stressful.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGPAWSUP 10/19/2012 10:43AM

    You are a wonderful, caring person and you are BEAUTIFUL! We are all unique - that's what make life so fun. Don't compare yourself to anyone else, you are NOT them. Enjoy and be happy in who YOU are. And if you need to compare, pull out a picture of 3X girl and see how far you've come!

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I'm trying!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Today was a good day for me although I still avoided the mirror. I reflected quite a bit on my goals and my habits and am happy where I am so far.

Trust me when I say I can only go up from here. I have come from a negative place, self-depreciating place. I used to make fun of myself before starting Sparks. I felt that it would be better for me to make fun of myself so if or when someone did it I had beaten them to it. A 'fat' person is a jolly person right?

Today I realized that as long as I am focused on my goals I am in a much more positive mood. That can only help! I have started changing my habit, cut out the pop, tracking my food and excercise. This helps more than I can say. It's easy to ignore something when you are ignorant about it, it's the reason why ignore is in there! When I see it honestly, brutally staring at me I can evaluate it and determine if I'm helping myself or hurting myself. Lets face it in order to achive something it has to be done for you and yourself first right???

Here is hoping tomorrow is as good as today!! I CAN AND I WILL DO IT!!!


A good day!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Today I am feeling determined, I'm also sick with a sinus infection so I blame it on the medication lol. I have looked at the scale with a severe amount of disdain but no more because I can only go down from here!

I have taken my health seriously lately especially within the last week when I saw the scale drop 10 lbs. Even though to most that isn't a lot of weight to drop I must say it's a huge amount to me when looking at the scale used to increase by 10.

Sparks has given me a new lease on my weight loss. It's not a chore for me to track everything like it used to be in the last few years. I know as long as I have the motivation and support from those in similar situations I can achieve my goal. If it takes me 2 years or 10 it doesn't matter because in the end I am finally doing it for me and that's the point!!!

So here is to a fantastic day mentally, to lose pants, nice scales and sore sinus' that I chose to ignore. Here is to finally stepping on my eliptical trainer and loving the idea of who I am going to become!!!!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MTREFRY 9/23/2012 4:15PM

    Great job! Keep up the good work! emoticon

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