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Anxiety disorder????

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Hi everyone. Tomorrow is the first day of school. Woohoo and Boohoo. They only go until ten the first day though.

I am still feeling depressed. For the last several months I have been not feelng the best physically. I have been having a few dizzy spells and some tummy issues. It might all be linked to the depression. I am getting tired of it. Does anyone know anything about anxiety disorder?

The inlaws from hell leave tomorrow for two whole weeks. That is a very good thing. FIL says he is going to see his neice while they are gone. Her parents go divorced when she was very young and she lost her whole family. Her father, grandparents and aunts and uncles never saw her again. Its very sad. No one even told her when her father died. Anyway about 3 years ago FIL decides he is going to visit her (she is 40ish now). She agreed to it. She asked him questions about why the family deserted her and her brother and things like that but he refused to answer her. She sent him emails after he left asking again but he didn't answer her. He brought back all her pain. I have never met her but we email a few times a year and she is a wonderful girl. She told me this morning that she won't see FIL or his family ever again. That doesn't include cousins because they had no control over what happened to her. She told me stories that her mother remembers about them and they aren't nice stories. It sounds like they have been the same for many years. I'm glad she won't see them. They hurt her and can't seem to understand that. She needs to heal and move on with her life without them reminding her what she lost.

I am going to try to force myself to keep a schedule. Not a strict schedule, but a list of things that I MUST do every day. I am hoping that this will help with the mood issues.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WBOYACK 9/9/2009 11:40AM

  I've had great luck with a few things. First, Vitamin D. I recall that you live in Canada? Right? Well, there won't be enough sun throughout te year for your body to manufacture the vit. D that it needs. I live in the Pacific NW and have recently put nearly my whole family on vit. D supplements after a doctors recommendation and much research. I've also found that essential oils have helped. I like lavender and frankincense best. Just a few thoughts. These things have made a huge difference at my house. God bless.

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LADY_DONKEY 9/8/2009 10:38PM

    So let me get this straight: Your FIL is going to visit his niece who won't see him any more. Um... dysfunctional, maybe?

EDIT: And how messed up is it that he won't answer any of her questions? What does he do, just ignore her when she asks? Like he didn't hear her? That is sooo weird.

Comment edited on: 9/8/2009 10:40:15 PM

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MOMMA48 9/8/2009 8:36PM

    Hi, hun! Yes, as far as I know and had been told years ago -- depression and an anxiety disorder can go hand in hand. There is GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), post-traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder (panic attacks), obsessive/compulsive disorder, agoraphobia--can't leave your home-- there are so many different titles and each have various symptoms -- alot alike, and some a bit different. Alot of times, if you are depressed, you'll be told you have a generalized anxiety disorder as well. One seems to lead to another -- which is why it is so important to get the help and counseling that is super needed as soon as possible. With the right medical help and counseling, it can all change how you feel and your outlook on life! So, my best advice is, go to the appropriate dr. and get the help you need and follow through! It's the best decision you'll make for yourself and your family and it may even help you handle your day-to-day life as well as with other people that are upsetting you now.

I'm here for you, my friend, and I want you happy every day and loving life--so, please follow through and take care of YOU! You deserve the best!

emoticon Cheryl! Your Special Bud and Leader at "Stressed Out Moms/Women Gettin' Healthy" who wants you to enjoy life to the fullest every single day!

Comment edited on: 9/8/2009 8:38:45 PM

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DHSPARK 9/8/2009 6:15PM

    I get easily depressed myself and find that it helps to be around positive people. When you get dragged down easy, you don't need any help.

Our attitute is controlled by ourselves and I make it a point to be positive (sometimes that's hard) and look for the positive in situations.

Sometimes you just have to "fake it 'til you make it" and smile, smile, smile.

If you look around there are probably positive things going on and try to build on that.

Good luck and hang in there and remember . . . life IS good!
emoticon emoticon Deb

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BUTLELD 9/8/2009 5:54PM

  I think that your mood could have some thing to do with the seasons. You are not the first person I have had contact with this week who feels this way.
Look for the positives. Do not worry over things that you cannot change. Give support where you can and take all that is offered.

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Friday, September 04, 2009

Hi everyone out there in Sparkland.

I am trying to keep myself in a positive mood, but its not always working. I know things will calm down a bit after Wednesday when the kids are back in school. I will be able to get myself on a schedule and that usually helps. People keep asking me what I am going to do now that all the boys are in school. I never know how to answer that question. I will still me a stay-at-home mom. Gord and I have talked about me getting a job, but at this point it would actually cost us money for me to work outside the home. The extra income would put us into a higher tax bracket even though I would only be making minimum wage since I only have a high school education. We live out of town so there would be additional gas needed. I would need new clothes since all I own are track pants and sweat shirts. The boys are still too young to come home to an empty house so they would need some sort of daycare and there goes my whole paycheck. When I was a single mom I ran a daycare out of my house. I really have no desire to do that again. Not with the depression. I would have a hard time finding kids because of our location. I just wish people would stop asking me what I am going to do. I feel so stupid and useless when I say "nothing".

I have a DR appointment on the 22nd and am going to ask about increasing my dose of antidepressant. I am so worried about gaining more weight though. My DR insists that they don't cause weight gain, but ask anyone who has ever taken them and you will get the truth. When I first started on them I gained 45 pounds in 4 months. The DR said not to worry about it that we would address it when I stopped taking them. Well, its 5 years later and I am still taking them. I am 43 so it is time to get some of the weight off. He tells me that if I gain anymore weight my knees will suffer. Its all so frustrating. My mother doesn't like me taking the pills. It drives me nuts because she is always telling me to stop taking them. She obviously doesn't understand depression. She has it in her head that taking antidepressants is a bad thing.

I am trying.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELCOL6 9/6/2009 8:11AM

  It really does stink when you have to deal with depression, sorry you have to. I know sort of how it feels I've been in a depressive state for a few days now. I'm taking a medication for my migraines and my neurologist actually did tell me the med I'm taking will make me gain weight and she and I did formulate a plan of action. I could stop taking the med,but than I would have more migraines,and it took over 8 yrs to find the right med.,so I try my best to keep up with my excerises and what I eat. I also suffer from Bi Polar and aniexty,so I have my up and down days. I'm a stay at home mom also and it would cost hubby and I more if I worked outside the home also,due to cost of gas,clothes,daycare etc.Hope this helps Dee

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MAROSES 9/5/2009 1:25AM

    I am so sorry you are having to deal with this...depression sucks...I just did a blog about my depression too! Hang in there and remember just because the children are in school you are still running the household. You are probably the maid the cook the laundry (dry cleaner) the housekeeper and everything else so if you get a break when the kids are at school thats what it is, its a break because you start working the moment they get home until they go to don't be so hard on yourself and if anyone asks tell them that is your down time and ask them what they do after work for there time...

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FLOWERSROAD 9/4/2009 4:25PM

    Hang in there, McHopper!

What medication you take is between you and your doctor. Next time your mother says anything remind her you are an adult woman and you make your own decisions and that you are aware of her position and that there is no need to go over it again.


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DEBBIER9 9/4/2009 2:59PM

    I started taking anti depressants not sure how many years ago but do remember I went to the doctor and asked who is controlling my reasoning and emotions because I'm not. After testing the thyroid he put me on anti depressants a couple months later wow did not feel different but had control over me again so stopped bad thing to do so back on . I was taking wellbutrin 300mg slow release worked great for me and did not put weight on .I did manage to put weight on and was over weight for ten years until last fall i said enough so now I am close to goal and have not taken my anti depressants for about four months I have no health insurance and it makes it hard to afford them.
People who do not have depression or anxiety do not understand. The first time I stopped taking the anti depressants yes i thought how long why me and when I stopped my doctor said if you break your arm are you going to take the cast off before it heals that was about ten years ago but remember it like yesterday. Well I am making this to long. Bottom line do what you feel is the right thing to do and only you know your thoughts and true feelings..Taking them is helping the brain work all the triggers.

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    I am so glad you are taking care of yourself! emoticon

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LKWQUILTER 9/4/2009 1:32PM

    I have been on those meds before and took them about 7 yrs. With dr's help, and decreasing the dosage (took a couple of yrs to do this) and learning techniques to help keep me calm--not flying off the handle like a crazy person--I succeeded. I did gain some but was already obese/fat so just got a little bigger. You have to do what is best for you. My parents were very supportive but my in-laws didn't understand or didn't want to so do know how you feel. Just keep moving, eat healthy, and take care of you. You can get the weight off. Just don't get impatient, just keep on keeping on. ((HUGS)) Linda Kay

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I am so depressed

Monday, August 31, 2009

I am so depressed. I lie awake at night thinking about what I can eat the next day. I keep hoping to have a day when I don't have to go anywhere and no one comes her so that I don't even have to get dressed in the morning. I know I am sinking further into depression but I just can't seem to snap out of it.

The boys start school next Wed. I am torn about it. Part of me is looking forward to the solitude, but part of me can't stand to see my two youngest boys gone. I have a problem with letting go of my youngest. I think it stems from him being so sick at birth and almost losing him. Yesterday, we had all the grandparents over for birthday cake for Adam. His birthday is on Thursday. Well just having the inlaws in the house upsets me. They are dirty people so for hours after they left I could still smell them.

I haven't heard from my doctor about the mommogram so I am assuming that everything is fine. Its horrible but part of me wants to be sick so I can have an excuse to be depressed. Isn't that the stupidest thing you have ever heard? The thing is though that I can't get sick because I need to look after my boys. My husband isn't very good with the kids although I don;t tell him that. He doesn't pay attention to them so I try not to leave them with him. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that loves my boys and the only one that can care for them. Just like I am the only one that can cook and clean the house. If I wasn't here nothing would get done. I love my husband b ut sometimes I think life would be so much simpler if I was single again. I was a single mom for 8 years and I did just fine.

I need to get out of the depression.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PINKOWL 9/3/2009 7:03PM

    awwwww I feel for you. I get the same way I have been clinically depressed for years it's hard to snap out of it when we get in our pouts of it. It's important to take care of yourself so your healthy for your kids they need you. Maybe with the Fall weather you can go for walks everyday even if it's just a small one to start out with i'm thinking if it helps me it might help you. It's so hard to let our kids grow up and go on their own and leave the house I know. I hate being alone too. Once you get in the groove you will find more time for you and start to feel better and get use to the new schedule. I'm the same way once mine goes he started today it was weird to come home to an empty house.
One step at a time. Please take care of yourself though.

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KEEPSAKES66 9/2/2009 6:06AM

    emoticon Depression stinks. I hope you can find some releif throught talking to your doctor or something. It is so hard to raise kids and do all we have to do, adding the way you are feeling to the mix, it is more challenging. But seriously, your kids need you to be healthy in mind and body and you are worth what it takes to get you there. Take care of you. emoticon

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4EVERHIS1 9/1/2009 7:51PM

    It is definitely hard to let go of our kids and let them go out into the world. However, part of being a parent is to prepare them for the world and school is part of that process. It's also going to give you time for you which it sounds like you really need! Use that time to do a little something for you. Make it a challenge for the week - buy a good book, or a daily devotional and gift yourself at least a half an hour a day to relax and read! Maybe find a good spot outside so you can get the sun and fresh air. Or plan on going for a walk outside each day once the boys are off to school. Take a nice relaxing bath - fill your bathroom with candles and play the kind of music you like to listen to and just relax. I'm sure that you can come up with other ideas to gift yourself!

Most of all, if you can reach out to us on here then you should feel comfortable talking to your doctor. You don't want to fall deeper into the pit of depression.

Take care! Trish

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TKT123 9/1/2009 9:54AM

    Depression effect everyone...I wish you luck to find your way back..but, it is all up to YOU...You have to want to. Been there, done that...good luck to you..hugs, T

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ALEXSGIRL1 8/31/2009 8:02PM

    you need to find things you like and do them. yes it is sad that your boys are going to school,but they are getting nurtured there, you need to nurture yourself while they are gone. you are a person, yes a person with children but first a need to love yourself and find the things you love to pass the time. go for walks, sit by the water and read,volunteer somewhere. get outside do something for you. if you still feel this way then talk to someone.i used to be like you and feel some of what you are feeling until i reasoned that i mattered i was a person not just a mom or house cleaner.. i find things i love to do now and keep busy . there is no time to be depressed. good luck. don't be afraid to ask for help. emoticon

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    I think taking control of your depression instead of letting the depression control you is the first step of feeling better. There is nothing wrong with talking to your doctor about this. Just getting out and moving can help. Hang in there and know you aren't alone. emoticon

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NEWEVERYDAY 8/31/2009 5:53PM

    I agree, if it is true clinical depression- get help!
I have had counseling & I still take an antidepressant.
Do not be ashamed, or feel guilty- do what it takes to survive.
Your children need you- my husband was in the Army & gone most of the time.
I had panic attacks & was becoming agoraphobic. But, I knew my sons needed me.
You have to take care of YOU or you can't take care of anyone else.
Maybe it's simple- I cried when my youngest got on the bus for pre-K.
If your children are your life, of course you feel lost.
There are resources to help you- don't stop until you get what you need.
Please let us know how you are doing.
We care about you & your family.

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ANGELCOL6 8/31/2009 5:43PM

  I woke up depressed myself this morning it took awhile for me to get dressed than when my kids got up I made breakfast for them than it was off to the dentist and bank than home again where I felt trapped and just stared at all the things that needed to be done.My kids start school tommorrow

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BLUE97HARBOR 8/31/2009 5:36PM

    It could be time of year and change of weather.... I get outside as much as possible when I am down..

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TRACYEH53 8/31/2009 5:32PM

    You do need to get out of the depression to be there for your children. Seek help from you doctor, minister or best friend. The best friend for someone to talk to and sympathize with you and the doctor for medication if necessary. Your children need you, and it sounds like your husband could use a parenting lesson. DOn't give up! emoticon

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Bad storm= no beach

Saturday, August 22, 2009

We never made it to the lake. We got about a quarter of the way there and had to turn back. A severe storm came up and the driving was hard. We are thinking about going in the morning, but Gord thinks there might be something going on with the truck. I really needed to get away from here for a few days.

Our sewer backed up into the basement AGAIN this morning.Fortunately, we were able to get the man into fix it pretty quick. We have such horrible problems with our lagoon, but we can't afford to redo the whole thing. Why do these things always happen when Gord is at work?????

We got some really GREAT news last night. The in-laws are going to Ontario for two weeks in Septemeber. It will be a wonderful time without them here. They haven't bought their tickets yet so I hope their plans don't fall through.

I hope I can figure out something to do tomorrow that will take my mind off of things. Wednesday is the mammogram.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAURAKOHORST 8/22/2009 1:22PM

    I'll be praying for you on the mammogram goes well and no problems. Make sure that rope you're hanging onto has a good knot at the bottom. lol Hang in there, there's sunshine after the rain.

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TKT123 8/22/2009 12:59PM

    Hang in there...things will get better and better...and that good news will keep coming...hugs, T

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Still sad

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Still not feeling very well. I have spent most of the day sitting on my butt in front of the computer. Our computer is in the basement and the basement is cool. I made pizza for dinner which will be nice. I am going to walk up and down and up and down and up and down the beach all weekend to get some much needed exercise. I made some lite chili today to take camping so that I won't have to eat hot dogs with the rest of the family. I just can't stomach those things. I buy good quality ones so the kids aren't getting garbage, but I still can't stand them. I can't even stand the smell of them.

My body hurts all over. I thinks its from tossing and turning all night for days on end and of course some stress thrown in there. I don't usually look forward to back to school time but I am this year. I will miss my babies, but I think I NEED to get back to some structure and routine. I need to get more productive and get myself feeling better.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DHSPARK 9/8/2009 6:20PM

    How about a nice hot bath, candles burning, your favorite drink (water is good!), and some nice music playing. Close your eyes and dream of being at your favorite place wherever that is. Breathe in through your mouth 1 - 2 - 3, close it, and out through your nose 1 - 2 - 3 slow and controlled several times until you feel relaxed.

emoticon Deb emoticon

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MOMMA48 8/21/2009 8:01PM

    I hope you feel better super soon and up and about again! Take care, my friend and you just have a great time walking on the beach this weekend -- it may be just what you need and enjoy!!!!
Your Special Bud/Leader at "Stressed Out Moms" who wishes you a great and relaxing Weekend!!!

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V-RON_CAN 8/21/2009 1:53PM

    Sorry to hear things aren't going so well. There's nothing like a little change of pace, though, to help. Summer can sometimes turn into such a race of planning trips and never knowing where you'll be tomorrow. I hope that camping is just what you need to send it off right and get back to a routine.

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TKT123 8/21/2009 12:38PM

    Hope your better soon...thinking of you...T

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HIDDENBELLA 8/20/2009 11:27PM

    I hope you have a wonderful time camping and that it helps you be happy.

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