Friday, September 04, 2009
Hi everyone out there in Sparkland.
I am trying to keep myself in a positive mood, but its not always working. I know things will calm down a bit after Wednesday when the kids are back in school. I will be able to get myself on a schedule and that usually helps. People keep asking me what I am going to do now that all the boys are in school. I never know how to answer that question. I will still me a stay-at-home mom. Gord and I have talked about me getting a job, but at this point it would actually cost us money for me to work outside the home. The extra income would put us into a higher tax bracket even though I would only be making minimum wage since I only have a high school education. We live out of town so there would be additional gas needed. I would need new clothes since all I own are track pants and sweat shirts. The boys are still too young to come home to an empty house so they would need some sort of daycare and there goes my whole paycheck. When I was a single mom I ran a daycare out of my house. I really have no desire to do that again. Not with the depression. I would have a hard time finding kids because of our location. I just wish people would stop asking me what I am going to do. I feel so stupid and useless when I say "nothing".
I have a DR appointment on the 22nd and am going to ask about increasing my dose of antidepressant. I am so worried about gaining more weight though. My DR insists that they don't cause weight gain, but ask anyone who has ever taken them and you will get the truth. When I first started on them I gained 45 pounds in 4 months. The DR said not to worry about it that we would address it when I stopped taking them. Well, its 5 years later and I am still taking them. I am 43 so it is time to get some of the weight off. He tells me that if I gain anymore weight my knees will suffer. Its all so frustrating. My mother doesn't like me taking the pills. It drives me nuts because she is always telling me to stop taking them. She obviously doesn't understand depression. She has it in her head that taking antidepressants is a bad thing.
I am trying.