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Depressed, frustrated and out of patience

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I am so depressed and I have absolutely no patience left. I am tired of having a sore breast and worrying about it all the time. I go for the mammogram on the 26th. The pain stopped for about 1.5 days and then started up again. I haven't been sleeping and the heat is really draining what little energy I have left. I have been running a low grade fever for about a month now. I have gained way too much weight, but I am hardly eating. I am just so frustrated with it all. The kids fight constantly. I had another nightmare last night about Gord dying and leaving we with three kids and his PARENTS. In the dream they put me and the kids in a wood shed to live. When I asked them why they weren't even pretending to like their grandchildren they said they didn't have to pretend anymore. I just hate dreams like that. Every night I get into bed and wait for sleep to come. I have been falling asleep about 1 but waking up every few minutes until I finally get up at 7. I am frustrated with my life right now.

We are going camping again this weekend. I am looking forward to it. It is usually cool along the water so I can get out of this heat.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIGHTERCHICK32 8/20/2009 11:02AM

    emoticon I'm sorry to hear that you are going through so much. Let me know if there is anything that I can do.


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HEATHER39 8/19/2009 10:47PM

    Hang in there. Things will get better.
When I'm feeling really low, I hug my little one a little tighter.


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CHEFROSE 8/19/2009 10:26PM

    Please try to hang in there-I know it's hard when you are in constant pain. It's good to stay in touch with your Spark friends. We have gone thru pain and know when you reach the end of your rope you have to tie a knot and just hang on. Help is on the way.

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4EVERHIS1 8/19/2009 10:22PM

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I know the 26th can't get here soon enough for you. Hang in there, hopefully the doctors will have an answer for you soon. Are you on any particular medications at this time? I know that meds can make such a big difference in weight gain or loss. I am taking Synthroid for hypothyroidism and while it doesn't really help me lose if I don't take it I slowly gain or if I work out heavily I can't lose. So are you taking any kinds of meds - like prednisone? That would cause you to gain weight.

As for not being able to sleep - have you had your hormone levels tested? Perhaps you're at the start of menopause (I know, I know, you don't want to hear that. :-) ). If so it could throw your sleep patterns off tremendously.

At least school should be starting soon so the kids will be out of the house during the day and not fighting. Hopefully that will help a little.

Glad you have the release of going camping. Hope you are able to relax and have some time for yourself this weekend. Hang in there girl, you can get through this. We're all pulling for you and praying for you! I can't say that it will all be better soon, but try to take one day at a time. If even that seems to daunting then just try one hour at a time. Don't worry yourself right now with the scale. Just eat healthy, exercise if you are able with the pain. Give yourself at least a few minutes each day to relax - just a few minutes of quiet time. Even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom to get it! lol

Take care of you! You're not alone.

Hugs - Trish

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TRRISHK 8/19/2009 9:26PM

Sending some huge your way. It's rough when so much comes at you all at once in life. And bad dreams don't help matters any- Iknow that much. I truly hope things look up for you soon.
Maybe getting away camping - doing something you enjoy will help you a little! I certainly hope so!
Take care-
co-leader stressed out moms/women gettin healthy

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NANCYBFULLER 8/19/2009 9:23PM


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TRUECOLORS 8/19/2009 8:25PM

    I give you a big hug. It sounds like you need it. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Hang in there!

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Went camping

Sunday, August 16, 2009

We went camping for the weekend and had a good time. The lake got really rough and cold but we still enjoyed sitting along the beach. I went for several walks. I have always loved walking along the shoreline. I wear my sandals and go in and out of the water. Its nice. I didn't eat alot, but what I did eat was bad. On Friday, Gord brought home the leftover donuts from work. As soon as we got to the camp site the boys attacked them and then were too full for supper. I have to admit that I had one too, but I don't feel bad about it since I probably only have 2 donuts a year.

I went to the DR and found out my ultrasound was normal. Now am going in for a mammogram. Its not the normal one though its alot more pictures. I've never had one before. The thing is that I feel bad for taking up the doctors time. My breast stopped hurting yesterday. I'm glad it did. I will still get the test done. Its important to know why I had pain for 6 weeks.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADY_DONKEY 8/17/2009 2:41AM

    I agree, it's important to know why your breast was hurting, especially if it should happen again.

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DSIGMAN 8/16/2009 6:32PM

  I love camping! This time of the year it has to be at the beach. Or a spring fed river that I'm planning a trip in Oct. emoticon

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The DR and the Inlaws

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Saw the DR this morning and my ultrasound was normal. I'm am going for a mammogram now. He doesn't seem to have any idea why my boob hurts.

There is an exhibition in town for five days. Every year my inlaws go and spend many many hours there. It is very very boring. Anyway, this year they decided they wanted to take my two youngest boys with them. Gord said yes without conferring with me which I find very upsetting. Anyway, the boys refused to go. I am so glad. My inlaws are not good with them and I was afraid for my children. They would ahve liked to do to the exhibition just not with the inlaws. I was proud of the boys for putting their little feet down. Now, the inlaws, want the boys to come for a sleepover. These people have never even babysat the boys. When we visit they barely say two words to them. My boys are very active and my inlaws are very old and very slow. I do not trust them with my children. Gord will not say no to them though. He just can't seem to stand up to these people. I am sure the kids will refuse to go and I hope Gord doesn't force them. The inlaws like to lay guilt trips on poor Gord. His mom calls him constantly and complains that they never see the kids, but when we invite them over they refuse. She keeps telling him that it has to be at their house. I keep telling Gord that if they really wanted to see the boys they would come see them. Its all about control with them. I just wish there was some way to make Gord see the light.

My waistline is expanding again. I haven't been eating too bad, but I also haven't been getting alot of exercise. I feel like my tummy is huge right now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLOWERSROAD 8/13/2009 6:22PM

    I think our MILs must have been separated at birth. Mine has always been overly preferential of her daughter's sons over my son. She was bragging about one of them once and then said "Actually, BOTH of my grandsons are very intelligent!" As if she only had 2 grandsons. Amazingly insensitive; my husband was very hurt but never confronts her. And when our son graduated from college this year she said "I know I haven't had much to do with him as he has grown up, but surely he knows I love him. Hopefully his other grandmother is more demonstrative." And yes, fortunately his other grandmother has picked up all the slack, but HOW he is supposed to know she loves him is beyond me. In laws!!

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TKT123 8/13/2009 5:44PM

    Glad to see you posting...and glad that the mam..came out so well...sorry you continue to have issues with your in laws ...hugs, T

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My son caught a mouse

Saturday, August 08, 2009

My children are disgusting. Adam (almost 6) was pretending he was a cat this morning and actually caught a MOUSE. He pretends he's a cat alot but this is the first time he went hunting.

I haven't heard anything from the DR yet so I guess that is good news.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AFRISAM 8/9/2009 10:24AM

    Your son must have really quick reflexes!

Very funny long as he didn't deposit it your slipper (like a cat)....or worse, eat it!


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CELLEBRUCE 8/9/2009 8:44AM

    Thank God I had four daughters, when I really wanted four sons!!

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KEEPSAKES66 8/9/2009 7:57AM

    oh my goodness- i would have freaked out- I hate mice!!!!!

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LITTLECUPCAKE 8/8/2009 11:20PM

    lol I would've freaked out! Alothough Kailey had a bug month at school. Her favorite pet was the hissing roach that she played with often and though HUGE cricket looking bugs.. Oh my gosh!!! Kids.. right? lol

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MARCOMAMA 8/8/2009 10:32PM

    Six year old boys...always thinking outside the box! What happens to "outside the box " thinking when we grow up???
I'm glad you are a mom that can celebrate the wonders of a 6 year old!!

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4EVERHIS1 8/8/2009 9:50PM

    Oh my goodness that is funny! I hope that he didn't put it in his mouth - that would be the only that would be disgusting. That is some fantastic eye to hand coordination though.

Thanks for the laugh!

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LUCY419 8/8/2009 9:11PM

    I love it
I had a dog once and she tried to catch a mouse it was the funniest thing ever, when she heard the mouse she would jump up chasing after it, and run full force smack into the wall and shake her head like she was seeing stars. I guess its the thought that counts... she never did catch the mouse!

Comment edited on: 8/8/2009 9:13:27 PM

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NEECYANNE56 8/8/2009 7:25PM

    That is too funny! I wish you could have captured that on video!!! We get mice from time to time and once upon a time we had cats that did their jobs! I would love to "borrow" Adam when we get our next mouse!!


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TKT123 8/8/2009 7:01PM

    You know, few things I am affraid of ...a mouse is one of them...once I had one in my house and my daughter was about 5...I woke her up out of a sound sleep gave her a broom and a waste paper basket and told her to knock the mouse into the waste paper basket and take it outside..bless her heart...lucky for me she was NOT affraid of that would have been one for funniest home video'

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LMMONTES 8/8/2009 6:30PM

    Nothing surprises me I'm a pre-school teacher. I guess it would be worse if he ate it. emoticon

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LADY_DONKEY 8/8/2009 6:08PM

    We had a field mouse in our house. 3 of the 4 cats ran and hid because they were afraid. The 4th one was no help but at least she had fun chasing it around.

***I*** ended up catching the mouse, and let me tell you: IT IS NOT AN EASY THING TO DO!

So kudos to your son!

(I haven't heard back from my dr. on my test yet either. hmmm.....)

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ROWDYWITH4 8/8/2009 6:01PM

    May I borrow Adam for a day? I have a 6 year old but he is useless in the mouse department and we have little ol' mouse that has to be caught before I go insane...LOL

BR> emoticon

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THORNBIRD1 8/8/2009 5:40PM

    That is funny I had a small field mouse in my house about ten years ago and at the time had three cats. By the time I saw the mouse it was clear that he had been living there for a while. How I saw him... he was eating out of the cat food dish RIGHT NEXT TO MY CAT! I swear I heard my cat say "Hi Ralph" and the mouse said "Hi Ben".

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4MYPTS 8/8/2009 5:16PM

    That is so hilarious!!! LOL!!!

Oh my goodness, kids are too much sometimes.... emoticon

I think if my housecat saw a mouse she'd play with it..... funny

Well, have fun! LOL emoticon

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LJKSHS 8/8/2009 5:04PM

    Are you serious?? How did he catch a mouse?? He must be really quick with his hands, please don't tell me he picked it up with his mouth??

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DSMHAWKEYE 8/8/2009 5:00PM

  man, that sure is funny!

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The water was warm

Saturday, August 01, 2009

We took the kids for a swim today. The water was so warm. I'm not used to that up here. Usually its cold but we go in anyway. I guess all this hot weather is good for something. The swim helped cool us down a bit. I haven't been feeling well that last few days. I have had a bad headache and an upset tummy. I'm sure its just the heat getting to me and of course STRESS.

Tomorrow we go to the inlaws. UGH. I am not looking forward to it. None of the kids want to go either. It's actually quite sad that my kids don't want to see their grandparents. If they were treated better things would be different but thats not going to happen. They are too old and too selfish to change.

Trying to stay reasonably close to my calorie range, but I don't think I'm doing that well. One day I feel like I've lost weight and then next I feel like a whale. With the heat, I try to avoid heating up the kitchen too much so I find myself eating more bread or buns than I usually would. I will kick my butt in September.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEEPSAKES66 8/5/2009 8:26PM

    hope everything went ok!

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LADY_DONKEY 8/3/2009 7:36AM

    How did it go with the inlaws?

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ALMAGGIE 8/1/2009 9:04PM

    let's look up and remember one day everyone is going to be older..

As far as your food maybe you could have tomatoe sandwiches and salad and fruit salad and things like that..

Anyway you can do it and you will We are going to look for good things..

Your friend, maggie, co leader of stressed out moms/women getting healthy

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