Monday, December 05, 2011
* I WILL GET BACK HERE!!!
Ok, so...this blog has been a long time coming. Especially since I have consistently been on SP for over 3 years now and have never posted a blog.
I have been struggling. Here's the breakdown. My all time highest weight was around 148-150lb which seems CRAZY to me now. Over 3 years ago, thanks to SP I lost 35 lb. My original goal was 118lb, though I never thought I would actually GET there. And than I DID. And than lower than that. I maintained 111-113 lb. for about 1 yr. maybe a 1.5 yrs. I was keeping my calories under 1600, and working out consistently, sometimes obsessively making sure I burned 1200 weekly. I got slack for awhile with my workouts but even upped my calories some, and for a few months I was still maintaining. In fact thats when I saw my lowest weight: 111lb. I'm nearly 5'5 so i admit I did not need to be 111lb. It was too skinny for me. My husband expressed concern a few times and said he thought I could stand to regain a few.
Fast forward to around this time last year. I started seeing that when I overindulged and ate too much, I wasn't seeing scary weight gain like I feared I would. In fact, most of the time it made no difference at all on the scale, and I would get right back on track with my under 1600cal. At this point, I was mainly focused on nutrition, still walking my dog a lot, but not a lot of hard core workouts like when I was losing the weight. I started to give myself permission (??) to overindulge more and found excuses, and of course saw the scale creep up..saw 115-116 for awhile. Long story short I feel like I've given myself too much leniency and I will have good weeks, but lately, I sometimes have mini-binges once or twice a week, and especially with not burning as many calories, of course I have seen the consequences on the scale. I have been 119-122lb. for a few months (?) now and am NOT ok with it. I know that doesn't seem like a lot of weight gained 2 years into maintaining, but it is to ME.
Its the excuses that i make that I find disturbing. And I know the slow weight gain, saying i will get back on track the next day is a slippery slope!! I've worked really hard for my body and I will NOT lose it now. I miss how healthy and in control I felt before, and how confident I felt in clothes AND naked
Some of my favorite clothes are tight now and that is NOT ok.
I know I have the tools to do this. The daily foods I eat, and my portions have not changed (except when I've binged) However, I have got to get back into CONSISTENT workouts and stay there. I have the free time, and no excuse. I miss feeling energetic and fit and AWESOME. I miss being able to go the store and get whatever I want, a few indulgent foods, and knowing i can eat what I want in moderation.
Ok, so now for goals. I do recognize that 111-113lb. was probably too thin for my frame/height. At my thinnest, I remember going clothes shopping one day, and caught sight of my back in the mirror and seeing bones, and thinking...'ok, yeah, I'm too skinny right now.' SO I think a fair and realistic goal is to drop about 5 lb. Nothing too extreme. I'd like my maint. range to be 114-116. I feel like i looked my best there, and that is realistic. No more excuses. I WILL get back there.
Tonight, I have a Christmas party at my work (which is a pub, so we will have an open bar, BBQ dinner and probably sugary deserts which are a TOTAL weakness for me)
I WILL behave there tonight and NOT go nuts. The best way to do that for me.
1) Eat a good and balanced breakfast. Have a protein and fiber rich snack beforehand.
2) Get in a GREAT workout today. I am much less inclined to ruin my hard work when I can make exercise a priority.
3) Drink in moderation. When I get drunk, it GREATLY increases my chance of a binge.
I can do this!!! Wish me luck guys. I love SP and you have all been such a strong support system for me. I need you now!!