Thursday, May 08, 2014
I took off two weeks from work to reduce my stress and jump start more weight loss. I have been following my calorie ranges and exercising. I hadn't gained or lost an ounce. Today I go to weigh myself and I've gained a pound! I'm really discouraged. They say if you put in the effort that you will see results, but I'm not seeing results in the right direction! After getting on the scale this morning I was very angry. Taking this time off apparently didn't help.
I'm mad and disappointed.
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
I haven't lost an ounce since the 21st of last month. But, I haven't gained anything either. I've lost about 8 lbs and 15.75in last month but this month I've seen no weight loss and 3.25in in loss. I don't understand why this is happening and I'm frustrated. I understand that muscle weighs more than fat in less space, but still, my brain won't let me just be happy with inch losses, especially when I compare it to the last time I lost weight in addition to knowing that hourglass figures should count on inch losses and not lb losses. It didn't take as much effort and by this time I had probably lost at least 12lbs the last time I lost weight. Comparison is a thief of joy, as they say.
In addition, I would really like to lose weight in addition to inches because this is the heaviest I've ever been (at least my starting weight was) and it likely caused my hiatus hernia which is causing vagal irritation at times and I find myself working harder to catch normal breath, I have palpitations and ectopic and skipped beats, in addition to a vagal induced cough from time to time. I'm hoping weight loss will help me fix those thins without resorting to surgery (which they don't do unless it's really terrible after weight loss anyway.)
Sunday, April 27, 2014
I spoke to one of my managers about my health issues and the way they possibly may be affecting my work. She was very sympathetic, and despite not getting off as much time as I would like (1 month) to really feel reset she did generously offer me two weeks off so I snatched the offer. Now I just have to make the best use of it so as to not make me feel guilty for taking that time.
First, I went to visit my parents who live about 2.5 hours away. I know my mom has plans to make some food I wouldn't normally eat while I was on a diet, so hopefully it will give me a chance to practice some of my much needed portion control and self control. That's always been the hardest part of eating "bad" food. But, I really don't want the mentality that any food is bad, I just want to have more respect for it. I also found a nice little gym here that I can drop in for $6/day. They have Zumba classes. I tried a Zumba Sentao class, which I had never done before. No one but myself showed up for the class and so by default I had a personal trainer. Oh mommy! It was hard and she pushed me well. At one point, my arms were so jelly-like I had a hard time lifting my waterbottle to my lips. But, I ended with that feeling that if I'm going to do strength training, this way seems the most interesting to me. It's a shame they don't have those classes where I am from! I would totally go to them. I felt well worked and the instructor was kind but also pushed me. I'll be back next time I'm back by my parents. No question.
Lastly, when I'm back in town, I hope to keep up with my healthy eating and exercise. I've been attempting twice daily Zumba on my days off (I don't workout on my 3 days of work, as they are 12 hour shifts and I sleep inbetween, so twice daily on my days off isn't pushing it.) and it's really worked well. I'm going to keep up with that these two weeks off and on some days try to get out and hike. Hiking last summer was hard (or maybe just my excuses) because of the increased bear presence and subsequent encounters with humans. That and I still maintained a lingering fear of murderers as the previous year we caught a serial killer. Not exactly the confidence I wanted to get out and do. I did eventually go hiking toward the end of the year but then it started snowing and I never hike without a partner after it's snowed and there wasn't anyone to hike with so I'm hoping to rebuild my confidence this spring/summer and just get out hiking more, even alone as I used to!
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Quit reading now if you don't want to hear a bit of moaning.
I have a lot of stressors in my life, and the majority of the time I feel like I'm pretty good at easing them. The past two years has been harder. Despite doing my normal de-stressing techniques I continue to have a lot of stressful events in my life. I don't really feel them mentally, but I feel them physically.
I have had continuous medical problems since I lost approximately 55 pounds 2 years ago. Its pretty much been non-stop with one thing or another. Mono, oral surgery, frequent flu's and colds, seasonal affective disorder, infections, scoliosis and hand paralysis, migraines, and worse...a diaphragmatic hernia that has been causing pain, vagal responses to my heart and lungs, and just general ill-feeling. I feel like a lot of it is related to stress. Because of these problems, I have more financial strains related to the payment of doctor bills. I have spent over $8000 just in the last 2 years on medical bills (every year I add them up hoping to get a tax refund, but no such luck. This year I was off by just a few hundred dollars).
I think my stress was originally being caused by my illnesses, again physically not mentally. I gained all the weight I lost and more. For the last 6 months its been exascerbated by my work. First, we had a lot of "bad" deaths (I'm a nurse). Then, I had a few issues with coworkers. Now I am having issues with parents.
I've dived head first into losing weight hoping that these medical issues will resolve themselves and I won't have to pay any medical bills for awhile! But, I also need to address my stress more thoroughly. I've also started praying more about not letting things at work upset me as much. I think I am partially there. Don't get me wrong, I do love my job but my job also has a lot of oppurunities for heartbreak and frustrations. When a patient's family "fires" me for whatever reason I only feel a twinge of guilt and annoyance now. I even got a high-five from a coworker for being fired. He said, "You know, I used to get really upset when a parent fired me but now it doesn't bother me because I know the issue is about them, not about me. Now its one less frustrating parent you have to deal with." And you know what? Its so true! Every time I am fired it is by a parent who is stressed out and takes it out on me I need to brush it off and not make it about me.
I'm just a very sensitive person and every emotion feels greater for me than it seems for other people. When people don't like me, I take it very much to heart. When people frustrate me, I think on it for weeks. Perhaps I have internalized these feelings and caused my body to rebel?
So, moral of this story is that I am going to start using exercise as a form of stress relief. As something to focus on other than my current medical or work problems. I am also going to pray more about resolving my issues at work. I'm just feeling really encumbered by them. I feel like I need a fresh start. I've also been considering taking a long paid staycation to renew myself. I'm not sure thats a good option though (it feels like running away instead of the refresher I need).
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