Thursday, April 17, 2014
Quit reading now if you don't want to hear a bit of moaning.
I have a lot of stressors in my life, and the majority of the time I feel like I'm pretty good at easing them. The past two years has been harder. Despite doing my normal de-stressing techniques I continue to have a lot of stressful events in my life. I don't really feel them mentally, but I feel them physically.
I have had continuous medical problems since I lost approximately 55 pounds 2 years ago. Its pretty much been non-stop with one thing or another. Mono, oral surgery, frequent flu's and colds, seasonal affective disorder, infections, scoliosis and hand paralysis, migraines, and worse...a diaphragmatic hernia that has been causing pain, vagal responses to my heart and lungs, and just general ill-feeling. I feel like a lot of it is related to stress. Because of these problems, I have more financial strains related to the payment of doctor bills. I have spent over $8000 just in the last 2 years on medical bills (every year I add them up hoping to get a tax refund, but no such luck. This year I was off by just a few hundred dollars).
I think my stress was originally being caused by my illnesses, again physically not mentally. I gained all the weight I lost and more. For the last 6 months its been exascerbated by my work. First, we had a lot of "bad" deaths (I'm a nurse). Then, I had a few issues with coworkers. Now I am having issues with parents.
I've dived head first into losing weight hoping that these medical issues will resolve themselves and I won't have to pay any medical bills for awhile! But, I also need to address my stress more thoroughly. I've also started praying more about not letting things at work upset me as much. I think I am partially there. Don't get me wrong, I do love my job but my job also has a lot of oppurunities for heartbreak and frustrations. When a patient's family "fires" me for whatever reason I only feel a twinge of guilt and annoyance now. I even got a high-five from a coworker for being fired. He said, "You know, I used to get really upset when a parent fired me but now it doesn't bother me because I know the issue is about them, not about me. Now its one less frustrating parent you have to deal with." And you know what? Its so true! Every time I am fired it is by a parent who is stressed out and takes it out on me I need to brush it off and not make it about me.
I'm just a very sensitive person and every emotion feels greater for me than it seems for other people. When people don't like me, I take it very much to heart. When people frustrate me, I think on it for weeks. Perhaps I have internalized these feelings and caused my body to rebel?
So, moral of this story is that I am going to start using exercise as a form of stress relief. As something to focus on other than my current medical or work problems. I am also going to pray more about resolving my issues at work. I'm just feeling really encumbered by them. I feel like I need a fresh start. I've also been considering taking a long paid staycation to renew myself. I'm not sure thats a good option though (it feels like running away instead of the refresher I need).