MAVERICK59   71,515
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Your kindness has meant so much to me.

Monday, December 22, 2014

I have received the most special outpouring of love and support from my Spark friends, people that have never even met me are sending cards, words of support and checking in on almost daily me to make sure I am OK. What a wonderful group of people I have come to know here on Spark.
Thank you all so much for your heartfelt support during this very difficult time.

Belinda

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIFROMWYOMING 12/25/2014 9:14PM

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NIKKICOLE83 12/23/2014 2:20PM

    Thank you for sharing your story with us and allowing us the opportunity to comfort you. I encourage you to continue blogging to help cope with the loss.

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NOMORESHMOO 12/23/2014 2:18AM

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You are a special person & all of the love you receive proves it.
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LJCANNON 12/22/2014 12:34PM

    emoticon Sending Hugs and Prayers from Oklahoma.

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YMWONG22 12/22/2014 2:30AM

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GINGKO711 12/22/2014 2:12AM

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BELINDA37122 12/22/2014 12:44AM

    You, my dear friend, are more than welcome. We are all here to be a support and encouragement to each other. Especially when one is in need. God be with you. Let me know if you need me. Only a Sparkmail away. Hugs, Mama Judy. emoticon

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I don't know how to do this.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

We buried my husband yesterday. Last night I just wanted to be dead too, so this pain will stop. My sweet sister has been here with me this week. She has to go back to Wisconsin tomorrow. I'm afraid to be alone. I donít know how to be alone.

I donít know how to survive these crushing pains of loneliness, regrets, shame and anger. I want a chance to do it over, to be a kinder wife, a more appreciative wife, a more joyful wife. I want a chance to tell him the wonderful things about our marriage instead of everything I felt was wrong with it. I want my Jack back. I canít do this without him.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NIKKICOLE83 12/23/2014 2:18PM

    I am so sorry. I had a horrible dream last night that my husband passed away and it shook me so bad so I can only imagine what you are going through. Thank you for reminding me to be kind to my husband, to tell him all the things he does right rather than what he does wrong. In your pain, you have counseled others by writing this blog.

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NOMORESHMOO 12/22/2014 12:36AM

    No words can express the devastation such a loss creates. The hole left is huge, too big for one to fathom. I hope you take comfort in the memories and knowing you are not alone. Even though the one closest to you is gone, there are still people who love you and care. Have no regrets for things you can not change, do not dwell on those moments, hang on to those moments of enjoyment. Take it one day at a time!
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LACEYKYLE 12/21/2014 10:12PM

    It's so hard to lose someone you love and I would think it'd be even harder during the holidays. I lost my husband 9 years ago. I too felt dead. Part of me was missing. I wanted the world to stop and notice that he was gone but everyone kept doing their normal things while I was alone. We are never truly alone if we have God with us. God is the only way I've gotten through these past 9 years. Keep your friends and family close. Grieve the way you need to grieve not the way someone tells you that you should. There is no time limit on grief no matter what someone else says. I'm praying God surrounds you with His love and care. I'm praying He gives you peace as you try to go through each day, each moment without your husband beside you. Cling to God because He is the only one who will never leave you.

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HOLLYM48 12/21/2014 9:45AM

    I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband. Stay strong for Jack's memory. Keep all of the happiness and memories that you shared close to your heart. emoticon emoticon

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LIMOM2TWINS 12/21/2014 9:20AM

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FORZACHANDMATT 12/21/2014 9:06AM

    I am so so sorry - it's so hard

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LJCANNON 12/21/2014 12:14AM

    emoticon Praying for your Peace and Comfort. I cannot even imagine your pain right now. But I know that God will walk with you, even at your Darkest and Loneliest Times. Even when you can't feel Him, know that He IS there, and He understands your Pain and all the other emotions you are feeling.

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DIFROMWYOMING 12/20/2014 10:37PM

    I am so sorry sweet friend, I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I know you don't know how to do this, how could you? You have always had someone there- husband, kids. And I can't imagine this will be anything but almost impossible to do- but I know how strong you are. And I know you will find a way through this pain and darkness to a place of peace. Please know you have people who care for you. I'm here as much as I can be- you know how to find me! emoticon

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HEALTHIER-VICKI 12/20/2014 5:28PM

    I'm so very sorry for your loss. emoticon

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BELINDA37122 12/20/2014 4:17PM

    I am so sorry for you pain. I know that being married to someone and then losing them is like losing part of your own self. God bless you. Hold on to him, even if you may feel totally alone, you aren't.. You have Jesus and you have a family on Keep Walking With Jesus. We are here for you when ever you need us. Only a Sparkmail away. Lean on us and there is a song I am going to send you in a Sparkmail and I want you to listen to the words closely. We love you....lean on us. Hugs, Mama Judy

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JANEGIBE 12/20/2014 4:01PM

    Hello.. I am so sorry to hear that you lost someone near and dear to you.. I have had losses that are near and Dear.. So my Deepest Sympathy Prayers are with you.. In His Love and Grace Just Me

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SURVIVOR61 12/20/2014 3:43PM

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LIFECHANGZ 12/20/2014 2:54PM

    (((hugs))) ((((hugs)))) (((hugs))) I am so very sorry (((hugs)))

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SUCCESSN2014 12/20/2014 2:39PM

    ((GENTLEHUGS))

I'm sorry for your loss. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. I lost my husband and daughter 7 years ago next month. I can tell you from personal experience that with time the pain lessens but never fully goes away. Breathe in and out and take it one step at a time.

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TEEPHOTO 12/20/2014 1:38PM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that you find your way and that your pain diminishes in time. Surely your husband knew you loved him. Surely he loved you just as much.
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VICKIE_A 12/20/2014 12:35PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. We are here for you. I am going to your page and add you as a friend. Feel free to email me or pop up on my page comments any time. I am often awake late too. I have mostly had to deal with life on my own as a single parent and without a man by my side since most didn't last as they were not the right type for that. Most of all just breathe for now. Just breathe and if you need to, weep. Yes, there are regrets and that is natural. Do you know, he can hear it now, speak from your heart. I bet he really did know it anyway.
Still, just saw your blog and hon, you can always talk with me. I can maybe point you in some helpful directions according to your state and county abilities if you need some help or just talk with you . I live in upstate ny but fairly familiar in general with various states options.
You may be afraid but you will survive and eventually you will thrive I believe.

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GEMINICHIK 12/20/2014 12:04PM

    Please accept my sympathy. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time.

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