MAVERICK59   62,082
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Just for tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Pizza, candy, ice-cream, mayo, enormous amounts of cheese, fried potatoes, butter, salted popcorn, heavy cream in my coffee, eating 5-6 meals a day.
I thought I had moved away from eating like this.
What has sent me spinning out of control the last several days?
Is it recovering from my 4th surgical procedure since July?
Is it the phone call and then mail from my employer letting me know what is expected of me when I return to work in early February?
Is it watching my health fail as I age and knowing that because of debt and lack of savings that retirement is not ever an option?
Is it the pain in my left shoulder, elbow and wrist that wonít allow me to even open a water bottle anymore?
Is it the anniversary of my deceased daughterís birthday coming up next week?
Is it having to increase my little pugís pain medication as the cancer moves through her body?
Is it worrying about my adult children and knowing I can no longer jump in and help like I used to?

Being home from work has been a mixed blessing and curse. I am away from a job that leaves me exhausted and too tired to do much but drop in a chair each evening, but now I have so much time to just think about what is and what should have been. Regrets that dance through my head. Anxiety and depression have taken over my mind.
I am sad and worried and scared.
I am eating to cover feelings I simply cannot deal with.

I know everyone has their own stuff to deal with, some of it much more difficult to deal with then my personal issues. I donít expect anyone to have any answers for me. I write this only to help me. To make some sense around what I have been doing. To calm my soul.

I start tomorrow not with plans to weigh and measure my food, not to count calories or watch portion size. Tomorrow my focus is just to eat clean, no garbage.
Even if I over eat, my goal for tomorrow is to eat food that is helpful, not harmful to my body. Just for tomorrow.
I will have to let Wednesday take care of itself.



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRISNA 1/29/2014 3:32PM

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NICOLERZ 1/22/2014 11:39AM

    One day at a time, my friend. Life can be so overwhelming. I, too, fear never being able to retire, so you are not alone in that. Take care, I am sending you a hug.

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WORLDSERIES11 1/21/2014 2:06PM

    baby steps...one day at at time....you can do it!!
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RENLLY 1/21/2014 11:42AM

    That is a good first step. it can be overwhelming to get back on track if you try to do everything you are "supposed" to do at once.

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my 3rd year with Spark People

Monday, December 30, 2013

As of 12/28/13 I have been a Spark member for 3 full years. What an amazing part of my life Spark has become. I never expected to make such great friends when I signed up for this online program and then later was invited to join this team. I certainly never expected to gain insight into myself as I have done. Reading about the lives of my Sapphire Sisters (and a sister from another team, Go White Tigers!) always gives me much to reflect on in myself. You have been more than a team. You are my extended family. As I enter my 4th year with Spark I am excited to see how we will grow as a team and how I will continue to grow (or better yet shrink) as a person.
Love and hugs to each and every one of you.
May God Bless you and your life as the New Year begins.
Belinda

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRISNA 1/20/2014 3:45PM

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_KATHY 12/31/2013 11:35AM

    It's such a pleasure to know you and watch you navigate through the joys and "land mines" of life. You are one of the spark stars of the year for me and I'm looking forward to 2014 and more adventures of what may come.
Hugs!

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WORLDSERIES11 12/30/2013 9:27PM

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DYNAMICDEB53 12/30/2013 8:13PM

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LINDAINALABAMA 12/30/2013 7:36PM

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NICOLERZ 12/30/2013 6:52PM

    Happy Sparkiversary. I'm so grateful for your friendship and your support. I, too, see the Sapphires as a type of family.

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TIGER_LILY_613 12/30/2013 6:25PM

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Well, shut my mouth!

Monday, December 23, 2013

These arrived today from 3 of Santa's sweetest little elves.
I never saw this one coming. Itís not often I am left speechless.
I feel loved and appreciated.
You 3 are the true definition of friends.
You are exactly what Christmas is supposed to be about.
Thank you so very, very much.

I hope each of you experiences the wonderful feeling I have in my heart at this moment.
Hugs,
Belinda

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_KATHY 12/28/2013 11:32AM

    You are loved! :)

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DIFROMWYOMING 12/27/2013 7:22PM

    Very pretty.

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DYNAMICDEB53 12/26/2013 7:01PM

    Beautiful!

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LINDAINALABAMA 12/25/2013 7:36PM

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NICOLERZ 12/24/2013 11:04AM

    Those are lovely!

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FORTYPLUS56 12/23/2013 9:58PM

    The flowers are beautiful. Be sure to stop and smell. Enjoy

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So You're Feeling Too Fat to Be Photographed...

Thursday, December 12, 2013

My daughter sent me this article.
I hope you have a chance to read it.
It gave me a new way to think about it.
I think I will be having my picture taken a bit more.
Hugs,

Belinda

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4351360/?ir=
Religion

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAINALABAMA 12/14/2013 3:38PM

    This is wonderful Belinda. Thanks so much for sharing.

I had to pate your quote into my book. I love it.

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PJNSGRL78 12/13/2013 1:11PM

    I so totally agree with this article. I have been having issues lately. I wish so much I would have taken a real "before" picture. I have my wedding ones from almost 4 years ago but I don't have many other pictures. I tend to take pictures instead of be in them. I am now taking more here and there and I REALLY want to get some of hubby and I done. I know my grandmother (the only mother I have ever had) would love some. She will be 90 next month. I don't want to lose out on the opportunity to give her a picture of us.

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NICOLERZ 12/12/2013 8:12PM

    Thank you for sharing!

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DYNAMICDEB53 12/12/2013 7:53PM

    Wonderful article, makes you think. I love those. I have always hated being in pics and for a long time found ways to mostly stay out. But for me it was having kids and wanting to remember them and me , so yearly sometimes we had a family portrait.
I am still not fond of being in pics but love having those memories, even some of those fat ones, I can look back and remember where I came from and where I am today.
Our family loves us for who we are, not what we look like.

Thanks
Hugs and smiles
Deb

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WORLDSERIES11 12/12/2013 6:15PM

    I loved this!! Definitely need to remind myself about this...there are years of family pictures where I am MIA emoticon

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DIFROMWYOMING 12/12/2013 1:23PM

    Great article and one I need to remember! emoticon

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RENLLY 12/12/2013 11:33AM

    So true - I wish I had more pictures of myself over the past year, at the very least to show the weight I have lost.

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NKING1982 12/12/2013 10:08AM

    Thanks for sharing

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WIFE48 12/12/2013 9:21AM

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Goodbye my little one.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

My sweet little Tammy.
I never thought you would leave us so quickly.
The doctor had said you were doing better.
Your daddy and I miss you so much.
Both of the girls and both of the boys are feeling so sad at your sudden passing.
We all thought we had more time to love you.
I know you have passed over the Rainbow Bridge to join Holly, Noah and Vegas.
I know your pain is gone and you can once again see and hear everything.
But I miss you so much, my heart is breaking in two.
I love you Tammy.
Momma

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICKEYMAX 6/5/2012 1:31PM

    Sorry about your little pooch. Sad face!

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_KATHY 6/1/2012 3:19PM

    Belinda...I know how much you love those little guys and I'm so sorry for your loss..
hugs
Kathy

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GIRANIMAL 6/1/2012 2:46PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets really know how to dig deep into our hearts and souls, don't they? It's been about a year and a half since I lost my best friend (a 19-year-old Chihuahua named Killer!) and I still miss him terribly sometimes.

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WILDHONEYPIE1 6/1/2012 10:43AM

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LISA0517 5/31/2012 4:13PM

    Oh, I'm so sorry to hear of Tammy's passing. I know how hard it is. My thoughts are with you.

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JACKIEANN1968 5/30/2012 4:12PM

    Sweet thoughts and memories of your Tammy. God Bless you and your family in this time of loss.

emoticon Jackie

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DIFROMWYOMING 5/29/2012 8:52PM

    If you close your eyes you can see her romping and playing again....your arms might be empty but she left your heart full. So sorry for your loss, hon. ((Hugs))

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COCHESE321 5/29/2012 4:05PM

    From my yoga instructor:

To be human is to love that which is mortal
Clasp them tightly to your bones
Then release them when it is time for them to go.

Sleep well, little one!
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LYNNGETTINTHIN 5/29/2012 3:48PM

    I never read of someone else's loss of their four-legged family member without fondly remembering (and weeping a bit) for Coco, Dusty, Sammy, Sara, and Phinny, who are waiting for me at the rainbow bridge. Blessings to you and the time you shared with Tammy.

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