MAVERICK59   62,165
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MAVERICK59's Recent Blog Entries

Goodbye my little one.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

My sweet little Tammy.
I never thought you would leave us so quickly.
The doctor had said you were doing better.
Your daddy and I miss you so much.
Both of the girls and both of the boys are feeling so sad at your sudden passing.
We all thought we had more time to love you.
I know you have passed over the Rainbow Bridge to join Holly, Noah and Vegas.
I know your pain is gone and you can once again see and hear everything.
But I miss you so much, my heart is breaking in two.
I love you Tammy.
Momma

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICKEYMAX 6/5/2012 1:31PM

    Sorry about your little pooch. Sad face!

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_KATHY 6/1/2012 3:19PM

    Belinda...I know how much you love those little guys and I'm so sorry for your loss..
hugs
Kathy

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GIRANIMAL 6/1/2012 2:46PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets really know how to dig deep into our hearts and souls, don't they? It's been about a year and a half since I lost my best friend (a 19-year-old Chihuahua named Killer!) and I still miss him terribly sometimes.

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WILDHONEYPIE1 6/1/2012 10:43AM

    emoticon emoticon

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LISA0517 5/31/2012 4:13PM

    Oh, I'm so sorry to hear of Tammy's passing. I know how hard it is. My thoughts are with you.

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JACKIEANN1968 5/30/2012 4:12PM

    Sweet thoughts and memories of your Tammy. God Bless you and your family in this time of loss.

emoticon Jackie

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DIFROMWYOMING 5/29/2012 8:52PM

    If you close your eyes you can see her romping and playing again....your arms might be empty but she left your heart full. So sorry for your loss, hon. ((Hugs))

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COCHESE321 5/29/2012 4:05PM

    From my yoga instructor:

To be human is to love that which is mortal
Clasp them tightly to your bones
Then release them when it is time for them to go.

Sleep well, little one!
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LYNNGETTINTHIN 5/29/2012 3:48PM

    I never read of someone else's loss of their four-legged family member without fondly remembering (and weeping a bit) for Coco, Dusty, Sammy, Sara, and Phinny, who are waiting for me at the rainbow bridge. Blessings to you and the time you shared with Tammy.

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Welcome Sweetie

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I am so happy that my sister, Rondini2, has joined the Blue Sapphires!!
Please give my sister a special Blue Sapphire welcome.
She is a bit shy, but I know you all will make her feel right at home.
WooHoo!!!!

:)
Belinda

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RONDINI2 5/29/2012 12:23PM

    Thank you everyone! emoticon

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LINDAINALABAMA 5/28/2012 6:00PM

    emoticon

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GRINGUITA 5/27/2012 11:31PM

    Welcome to the Sapphire Team -- we are glad that you have joined us and hope to get to know you over our Summer Challenge.

Bev Anne
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WORLDSERIES11 5/27/2012 3:52PM

    emoticon

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DIFROMWYOMING 5/27/2012 3:22PM

    I 2nd that welcome!
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RONDINI2 5/27/2012 1:59PM

    Thank you for the great welcome Sis. I am excited and looking forward to trying to accept the challenge with all your help..

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Rhonda

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MONTREAL12 5/27/2012 1:13PM

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ITC for WEEK 10 of BLC.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Reflection. Blog about your past 10 weeks. Did you reach your goal? What’s next in your journey?


These past 10 weeks presented more challenges than I was able to emotionally handle. I fell back into over eating as my coping mechanism. I regained 10 pounds instead of losing 25 like I had planned at the start of the challenge.
However I never broke from my commitment to exercising every day. I am very proud of that.

I was also recently able to step back and re-evaluate my food plan.
What once worked is no longer working for me.
I am now taking a more moderate approach in both my food and my exercise plan. It has helped. I have lost some of what I regained.

It is my intention to stay the course with this more moderate approach, and also to reset my overall weight loss goal to a more realistic number set by my doctor instead of the unrealistic one set by wishful thinking on my part.

I am looking forward to the new summer challenge and proving that I can see this through without giving up on myself.

Thank you to all of my Spark friends that helped me through this difficult time.
You really are the best of what Spark has to offer.

Hugs and love to all of you,
Belinda

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSHOPPER63 5/24/2012 8:42AM

    Noticing what's not working and making the necessary changes is one of the most important parts of improving your overall health. You were a valuable member of the team during the Spring and I'm really looking forward to what great things we will accomplish during the Summer challenge.

Jo
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LINDAINALABAMA 5/21/2012 7:34PM

    emoticon


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SMARGED 5/21/2012 12:55PM

    Good for you! I am going through a similar situation - also regained, am now losing. Our motto: NEVER GIVE UP!

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DIFROMWYOMING 5/20/2012 10:08PM

    emoticon

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WILDHONEYPIE1 5/20/2012 8:49PM

    emoticon Good for you for not completely giving up and walking away from this journey despite your emotional / food setbacks. That in itself is an amazing accomplishment. You can do this. emoticon

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JACKIEANN1968 5/20/2012 12:45PM

    You have been very inspirational to me. It helped me to watch you work your way through your struggles and keep working at it. It was hard watching you struggle as I wanted to help you so very much. But it also reminded me that it is okay to occasionally struggle and that it is a normal part of this journey. You also showed me that we have what it takes to get back up and start again with our baby steps. And you reminded me, 1 step back and 2 steps forward. Thank you for sharing and being such an inspiration. Through all your recent challenges, you never stopped encouraging me and that has meant the world to me. You have been a true spark friend. Our spark friends are very much needed on this journey. Thank you.


emoticon Jackie

Comment edited on: 5/20/2012 12:46:29 PM

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RONDINI2 5/20/2012 8:46AM

    Good for you Belinda! emoticon
I am glad you didn't give up.
It's like you said "It's getting back up" and you did.
You are going to make it, I know you will.
Through the ups and downs you still challenged yourself
and did it.
I love you for your strength and truth you share. It helps
to know that we can keep going, through our ups and downs
there is still hope and success, whether big or small, we still
can do it...you have shown me that..
I love you Sis, emoticon
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GRINGUITA 5/20/2012 3:16AM

    Keep on keeping on! Let's start the new summer challenge at a lower weight than we end this one!

Your Sapphire Sister,

Bev Anne
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This is not easy for me.

Monday, April 16, 2012

I have been asked by some Spark friends for a 'before' picture and a current one.
I carry a lot of shame and sadness around how large I allowed myself to get.
I seldom allow anyone to see pictures of me.
But I have learned that I can trust my Spark friends.

This is me:

This first one was taken when I was over 350 pounds.
I clearly was not happy with the photographer (a.k.a my daughter) sneaking up on me.


This second snapshot is after a 120 pound loss.
God willing, I still have about 80 more pounds to lose.
One choice at a time.

Hugs,
Belinda

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOTGIVINGUP49 5/12/2012 10:25PM

    I hate pictures of me. In fact the picture of me at my highest weight I originally through out. thankfully a friend had a copy of that picture and now I treasure having the ability to visually see how far I have come. Be proud of your emoticon accomplishment! I am so proud of you! My friend Nancy would say just because you havn't reached your goal yet, doesn't mean you will never reach your goal. emoticon Persistence and perseverance is the key!

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BESTCK 5/1/2012 7:05PM

    Oh, you should flaunt that! What an amazing accomplishment!

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SAHARASUE 4/19/2012 7:47AM

    That's an amazing accomplishment! Congratulations, your hard work has paid off and really shows. It is hard to show those pictures but it's liberating too. You should be proud of how far you've come! You look great.

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 4/18/2012 4:01PM

    You look wonderful! emoticon

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SKY2012 4/18/2012 12:48AM

    YOU are amazing..... your before picture is how I look NOW.

thank you for sharing your heart and sharing your journey, hugssssssssssssssss


p.s. you look sooooooooooo TINY now... yeh!!! smiles.
I sooooooooooo admire you!

Comment edited on: 4/18/2012 12:51:02 AM

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_KATHY 4/17/2012 7:41PM

    You are amazing ! Your courage helps us all to by the way. Thanks for sharing yourself with us.
Hugs
Kathy

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DOTSLADY 4/17/2012 2:34PM

    I'm so proud of you. You're remarkable.

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JACKIEANN1968 4/17/2012 12:32PM

    Thank you for having the courage to post your pictures. You are doing a fantastic job and are very inspiring. God Bless You.

emoticon Jackie

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MOMMAOF1BOY 4/17/2012 10:19AM

    emoticonYOU LOOK WONDERFUL, AMAZING, GORGEOUS!!!

You have done a fabulous job with your weight loss!! I know how hard it is to post the pics..I haven't had the guts to post mine yet...but know that those pics do serve as an inspiration to others, like me :) so thank you!

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PHOTOMUM 4/16/2012 10:03PM

    I am just like you. It was very hard for me to post my before picture. I do feel safe here. These are photos my husband hasn't even seen.
You have really changed. You are really looking good.
Thank you for sharing.

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STOP-IT-KNOW 4/16/2012 10:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DIFROMWYOMING 4/16/2012 9:49PM

    I agree, I love seeing the changes in you. You look wonderful and while I understand the photo thing (I have some I dont' like too) your before photo still made me want to give you a big old hug! :)
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MSHOPPER63 4/16/2012 9:31PM

    Belinda, my dear you look amazing !! I am so glad you shared these pictures, I too often do not post pictures because of shame. You should be so proud of your accomplishments, your strength and dedication to becoming a healthier you.
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COPEMA 4/16/2012 8:18PM

    Dear Belinda,

Thank you for sharing those with your friends! You look like a totally different person and a much, much healthier one in the second picture!
I only have three words to say : A - MA - ZING!!!!

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Marsha

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WORLDSERIES11 4/16/2012 7:31PM

    I applaud you for your courage and willingness to share. I hope you can look at those pictures now and have pride in yourself for all that you have accomplished!
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Teresa

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Being an addict.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

I am 53 years old. Old enough to understand some things about my self.
My brain is the brain of an addict.

I have to fight this monster called food addiction 1 hour at a time, every hour I am awake, every day. Even after having lost 120 pounds I still feel fragile and vulnerable. I still have a lot more to lose, and then hopefully maintain. I know that if tempted, I would eat my way through the day,
So- one hour at a time.

I have been through years of talk therapy.
I have taken a variety of medications from a variety of different doctors.
I have been educated in food addiction and how my brain reacts to triggers.
Being knowledgeable about something doesn't mean I am able to easily overcome it. I believe being a food addict carries more stresses, temptations and pitfalls than other addictions.

When I quit smoking 2.5 packs a day, it was much easier than this.
I remember saying to myself "I want to see how long I can go without picking up another cigarette." It was 1:21 pm on 2/14/85. I was sitting at my workspace. We were allowed to smoke at the job back then. I pushed the temptation back minute by minute, telling myself I could last just one more minute. And then another. And another. I changed my smoking behaviors. I spent more time in places I could not smoke. I threw out ashtrays and washed the nicotine off of everything, including inside my car. I ate sun flower seeds until my lips puckered. I went through tons of sugarless candy. I took pride in telling people I had quit! I was no longer a smoker. I was not going to let anyone say to me " I knew you couldn't do it." And there were a few waiting to say it, because they were smokers. I was moody and resentful as my body went through cravings, but I knew they would lessen over time. I never picked up another cigarette. Not once. Even after all these years I still have an occasional cravings for a cigarette, but I don't give in and it passes.

The same with alcohol. As a young adult I drank nearly every evening for several years. It numbed my fears and calmed my emotional pains.
It allowed me to relax in social situations, even helped me to have fun.
It helped me to sleep. But I knew it was going to kill me if I did not stop.
I knew it would most likely consume my children if I continued to lead by example. I knew I had to stop and I did.
Again, I changed behaviors. I did not go anywhere alcohol was being consumed. I did not have it in my house. I substituted other non alcoholic beverages during the evening hours. I clenched my teeth through the cravings and got through it one evening at a time. It was years before I allowed myself to touch alcohol again. Now It it something I occasionally allow myself to have, but always in a controlled manner, such as a glass of wine if I am out to dinner, a few times a year.

Food.
I cannot abstain from food.
I cannot say I am done with that and I will never eat again.
I cannot hang out only with friends that don't eat.
I cannot substitute something else as I wait for food cravings to pass.
I can't just skip over holidays that seem to be based mostly around food.
I still have to eat, a least a few times a day.
I still have to shop and prepare food for others.
I have to deal with food several times a day, every single day.
There is no escaping from it.

Some people seem to think I have a handle on this weight loss and that it is no longer an issue because I have managed to finally lose some weight.
My husband has no idea how resentful I feel towards him when he sits down with buttered popcorn or ice cream every night. ( I tried not bringing those foods into the house, but that made him unhappy and hard to live with.)

The weight I have manged to lose so far has been been lost with sheer determination and grit.
I do have will power. If I didn't have will power I would easily weigh 600 pounds or more instead of the 232 I weigh today. I draw on it every hour. Some days I need more, some days less.
My will power isn't a magic bullet, nor is it bullet proof.

It is black coffee instead of Starbucks lattes.
It is protein drinks instead of the cheese omelet and hot buttered toast I want for breakfast.
It is raw veggies and hummus instead of the big bowl of steaming chili with a side of fries I am craving for lunch.
It is the big salad and vinaigrette for dinner while my husband enjoys his lasagna and garlic toast.
I am bombarded with sights and smells of food every day. Temptations spring up constantly. My mind is always thinking about food and how I will avoid giving in. I watch the clock and count the minutes until my next meal.
I use my will power.

I will never beat this monster called food addiction. It lives inside my head. It is like being part of a conjoined twin. It will be with me everyday for the rest of my life. The best I can hope for is to keep it contained as I drag it around with me every where I go, trying not give in to it insisting that I eat.

I just hope that come tomorrow I will be able to tell you that I was successful today.
If you have this same addiction issue that I do, I hope that you too will be successful today.

Hugs,
Belinda

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAINALABAMA 5/28/2012 6:32PM

    emoticon

hey belinda,

the analogy of having a conjoined twin sure hit home with me. and she has ice cream cake in one hand and cheeseburger with fries in the other.

this was a fantastic blog. if you are interested in writing, i suggest you visit WVU where you can take all kinds of writing classes for a yearly fee of $99. i belong and LOVE it.

linda

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WHOWANTS2NO 4/29/2012 2:24PM

  Stopped by to thank you for commenting on my blog......and found this one of yours. High Five Girlfriend! I'm adding you as a friend :)

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RONDINI2 4/21/2012 10:12AM

    Hi Sis,
I hope you are taking in every coment from this blog! Everything each one has said is SO TRUE...
You are an amazing writer and should check it out.
I loved and soaked in every word you said.

I am so so very proud of you and your accomplishments you have made.
I to know how very difficult it is, but you do inspire and give so much hope
to those who are searching and looking for that spark of of "I Can Do It"!!!
You give them that and much more.
Be proud of yourself Belinda!!!!
You deserve it!!!!!

Love you so much
Rhonda emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STOP-IT-KNOW 4/16/2012 10:10PM

    I know what your going through I have the same problems you have it's like your in my head LOL but look how far you have come. way to go. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOMMAOF1BOY 4/15/2012 10:22PM

    wow...wow.. You have overcome so much! What an inspiration!! And the way you write about your food addiction spoke to me so deeply. I felt like you were writing my feelings but able to make it feel strong and give me hope! Thank you!

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DIFROMWYOMING 4/15/2012 8:50PM

    I know that you speak for a LOT of food addicts out there. I quit smoking too...drinking too...and other things. But food? I can't quit food. And I agree, it is sometimes a battle every day. But not all days. And that is what we look forward to. You are NOT alone in this, I hope you know that and know that your writing touches people. Don't stop.

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MSHOPPER63 4/15/2012 6:58PM

    Sending Hugs Belinda,
Jo
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SKY2012 4/15/2012 1:05PM

    you are a saint, hugsssssss

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WORLDSERIES11 4/14/2012 6:16PM

    Belinda, that was an amazing blog!!! I agree, you should look into a career in writing! You have accomplished so much...what an inspiration you are to so many of us. Many of us are right there with you trying to control our addiction to food... day by day, meal by meal, hour by hour. Thanks for sharing your story and struggles and giving us hope. emoticon

Teresa

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COPEMA 4/14/2012 6:11PM

    Wow! Now I'm doubly impressed with your accomplishment so far! I can't imagine how hard that must be!

Have you ever tried free-lance writing for magazines or newspapers? You are a very gifted writer. I think you should give it a try! Just a thought.

Hugs!
Marsha

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DANIAG85 4/14/2012 4:25PM

    All I can say is, WOW! Belinda you sure have come a long way to get to where you are now and you must be proud of all your accomplishments you have achieved thus far. I can understand how hard it is to be tempted with all the food your husband eats, I can totally relate. Sometimes those around us are not very supportive, however we must not give up and that is when we need to be that much stronger, and let me tell you, you are one STRONG WOMAN! Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day we can do this. We know it is not easy, it is a constant battle with food. I always think of how bad that food is and how much harm my loved ones are doing to themselves, however I cannot stop them from what they put in there mouths. I only can control what I put into mine. I wish you the best of luck, I know you will be successful!
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Dania

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