Wednesday, December 05, 2012
I have written before about a research study I participated in recently. I have actually done quite a lot of similar studies for this same research institute. There is a small incentive payment (but it's a lot of money for someone like me who is always struggling financially), the requirements have never been onerous, and I always get information about my weight, bone density, etc.
Today there was a brief seminar to explain what our study results meant. I hadn't really looked at them all that closely before. The result for me of looking closely at the results was major depression. (Not in a medical sense.)
My bone density is currently in the 'green' area, which means in the normal range. However, it is just barely in the green area, and certain critical areas of bone are well into the 'osteopenia' range (spine, pelvis). In addition, it is on a downward trend. I am not that old! If things don't change drastically, I will have severe osteoporosis by the time I'm 70, if I live that long. The only part of my skeleton that has decent density is my arms...and they are not terribly critical to my mobility, independence, etc.
To top that off, my weight/obesity problem is worse than I had realised. Most people, looking at me, would say that I am fat, but I am not sure all that many would call me obese. Which I am by BMI, for sure (32).
However, my body fat percentage was measured by the DEXA test, which we were told is the only truly accurate measurement of body fat. Every other method - calipers, even the 'bod pod,' provide just estimates. And, just to made bad worse, the DEXA test measures body fat consistently quite a bit higher than all the other, estimating methods. Well, they did a whole bunch of tests, and determined that the higher, DEXA numbers are right.
And...my body fat percentage is 50.4%!!!! That is appalling - even though I know I'm fat, I did not think it was that bad! More than half of my weight is just...fat. And, again making bad worse, my abdominal fat was measured at 53% of my overall fat.
I am still digesting (pun sort of intended) the meaning of all this. On the plus side, my fasting glucose measurement was well within the normal range. Whatever my other problems, at least at this point I don't have diabetes.
Monday, December 03, 2012
I have been thinking a lot about gratitude as a result of an incident yesterday, and I thought I'd put down a few of my musings, as a way to help me think things through.
Yesterday my son and I went to Mass, and were told there was an Angel Tree in the narthex. Which means that needy people's names, ages, and gift wishes are written on a small construction-paper angel, which is hung on a tree. The idea is that church parishioners, who are presumably much better off than the needy people, will each take an angel or two, purchase the gifts requested, and return them to the church, wrapped and decorated.
I was reluctant to do it, because it wasn't our regular parish (whose angel tree we had missed), and because I am really struggling financially right now. However, my 11-year old son really wanted to get something for a boy his age. He was just jumping with excitement thinking about how happy this boy would be with the gift he would choose. How could I say no? I couldn't.
So I told him to pick an angel and meet me at the car. Several minutes later he came to the car with no angel. I asked him why. Well...there was only one angel for a boy near his age. What had the boy requested? A $50 gift card.
Bless Danny's heart, he knew that that was too much money for me. But it went way beyond that. All his pleasure at the thought of picking out a toy an 11-year old boy would REALLY love...was taken away from him. There's nothing that special about a gift card. Other than the denomination.
And I have been struggling with whether my initial reaction - anger that someone would be that greedy - is appropriate. Yes, I will spend more than $50 on my own kids - not a whole lot more, but more. And yes, sadly, some of that money - maybe the majority of that money - will be on a credit card. Why? Because I want my kids to have a nice Christmas. It won't be super extravagant - but things are expensive and my income has gone down. Maybe that is a mistake, but it is what I will do.
I am far less willing to spend money I don't really have on an angel-tree gift. Right or wrong, my own kids come first.
But it does bug me, when I think that, struggling as I am, I am hugely better off than the vast majority of the world. And I am grateful - very grateful - for the many blessings that I have. Maybe I am the greedy one, or maybe I am raising my kids to be greedy.
Today Danny and I volunteered our time for Elf Louise - a Christmas charity which, like the Angel Tree, aims to provide Christmas gifts for children whose families probably can't provide them. (Angel Tree does include the adults, unlike Elf Louise.) We wrapped presents for two hours. Danny got so much happiness thinking about how happy the kids would be when they got the presents he was wrapping. He and I both enjoy doing things for others. We will never see them get the presents. We will not receive any gratitude from them (although the people in charge today at the wrapping center did thank us for our help). I hope they will be appreciative. I know they may not be.
However, looking at it from my side, I am grateful we had the chance to do something to help others. It may have helped us more than we helped the recipients of the gifts.
This is rambling and not very coherent. Oh well. I may have some further thoughts on this subject later. For the moment, my questions are - Should we demand gratitude? Should we NEED gratitude? Are people who aren't grateful still deserving of help in excess of what is needed to live on (i.e., Christmas presents)? Heck, is it greedy (thus, presumably, ungrateful) for a 10-year-old kid to ask for a $50 gift card?
And one last question: why does the spell-check programme have a problem with the spelling of 'each?' Good grief!!
Saturday, December 01, 2012
I grew up going to the local Farmer's Market fairly regularly, and have always loved being able to get fresh local produce. That market, sadly, is nothing but a shadow of its former glorious self, but I still go whenever I visit my mother.
Here in South Texas, it took me awhile to find a farmers' market. There are actually quite a few of them around, but none is convenient to my home, and I wasn't motivated to seek farther afield until recently. I have found a decent little market which, depending on what vendors show up on any given day, has a good selection of things I want.
Today I bought lots of winter veggies - sweet potatoes, small red potatoes, carrots, beets. I love beets. Lately I have taken to roasting my veggies, so that's what I did tonight. I also bought a small tuna steak. What a delicious meal - and such a good feeling that I made nutritious choices.
And - maybe not such a good thing - I have enough for an army. I will be eating these veggies for many days to come. I hope I don't get tired of them!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
There's nothing like volunteering for a good cause to make you feel better. However, there may also be other effects, good and bad. Yesterday my son and I spent a couple of hours taping together boxes that will be used to package Christmas food donations. The bending over and lots of moving around were actually a decent amount of aerobic exercise. I was surprised to discover how very sweaty I was - and I'm quite sore today. That was good. I worked constantly, too, and didn't take a single rest. I was tired, very tired.
However, I also had quite a few struggles with the tape dispensers we had to use. They were the kind one holds by an ergonomic handle, and they are supposed to be easy to use...well, after trying to use two of them that simply refused to dispense the tape, no matter how hard I pulled on it, I got a third one that had the tape threaded in the wrong way. I decided to go ahead and use it, because I was at least able to get the tape out of it. Tearing the tape, though, required a little manual assistance - which left me with a clear pattern of cuts on my hand - cuts that look exactly like the cutting blade on the tape dispenser. My badge of honour, of sorts.
I feel good about having done it. There is nothing like doing something for others to make one feel better about life!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Well, my little Thanksgiving vacation is over and I'm sad. But life does go on. Monday I got up very early to drive to the airport, return the rental car, and catch an 8:15 flight. Only a few mishaps getting to the airport - like ending up driving on the wrong side of the road, going to a federal institution instead of the rental-car return facility - but that's fairly typical for me. I also forgot and put a bottle of Woolite in my carry-on bag, which of course got confiscated, but, for me, I didn't do all that badly.
Flew to Dallas, got picked up by my boys (the 22-year old wouldn't appreciate that term, but they'll always be my boys), got my car back, and drove home. As tired as I was, I felt fortunate that I didn't get sleepy on the road. We unloaded the car, grabbed a pickup dinner, and went to bed. This morning I stepped on the scale (mistake!) and discovered that I had gained almost four pounds. :-( My eating had been totally erratic and off schedule, and I had eaten out much more than was good for me (and much more than I wanted to, but that's another story). I am - I most devoutly hope - back on track again now. This is why I avoid the scale for the most part - just check it every so often.
I do worry about eating more over the holidays, but things may not be too bad, since I am not going anywhere, will not be invited to parties (I never am, unless they have to do with my kids' activities, and a Boy Scout party isn't likely to derail my weight-loss efforts), and I don't plan to do any significant baking...maybe one or, at most, two batches of cookies, some of which I will give away. I would be much more worried if I were going back to my Mom's.
It's all good, right?
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