Friday, October 25, 2013
Special thanks to SPARKLINGHOPE & JBASKETT63 for this great pledge. I am signing this and hoping that you do the same.
Today, I promise I will not quit.
I pledge that no matter how many ups and downs I pass through, I will continue on my journey.
I pledge to make a NEW START today, to forgive myself for my past, and to stop being so critical of myself.
I pledge to take control of myself, to stop making excuses, and stop blaming other people or situations.
I pledge to treat myself as I would my best friend, because that is who I am.
I pledge to stay in the race and to be a WINNER!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
For the past couple of months I have known that things weren't right, but last weekend things hit the fan. Depression kicked with a kick to the gut and it knocked me for a loop! Didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to get dressed, had to push myself to exercise, and had no real appetite.
This was my DD's favorite time of year from a couple of weeks before Halloween to mid-January. She even went trick or treating when she was 17. She and a friend dressed up, went out and then donated all the candy they had gotten to a local Kiwanis Halloween Party. From that point on each holiday meant spending time with family which was very important to her. She would even keep the Christmas tree up until mid-January watering it daily so that it wouldn't dry out. I miss her terribly. Last year was the first time in 8 years that we had a Christmas tree and it felt wonderful. But sometimes, things don't work out the way you hope especially with depression.
So I talked with my best Spark Buddy Diane and talked. Each night she called and we talked. It helped, but I needed to figure some things out. So I sat down and started to journal. I created a pledge to myself, worked out some long-term goals, and I created a 3-part plan for weight-loss, exercise, and most importantly wellbeing. The pledge and wellbeing parts were the hardest to figure. They had to be realistic and attainable.
I began Friday and things are getting better. Reading all the goodies that teammates and friends sent as well as the comments on my SparkPage was the best medicine a person could ask for. I am still taking things 1 day at a time and keeping busy. I have even started working on some Christmas projects. Imagine that.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Something happened the other day that helped me realize that for the past 55 years many of the things I did were to please others. From the cut of my hair, to grades in school, to in some cases my appearance! Wow! Is this really what I had been doing??
Yes, I lost weight for myself. But there was also that little voice in the back of my brain thinking that finally I would have my parents approval. It's not that they don't love me-don't get me wrong there. But no matter what I have done in my life, it never seems to have been quite enough. And so, I ate. They didn't say a thing about that. Didn't seem to really notice.
And then one day I took a good look in the mirror and didn't like the person or the body I saw looking back at me. I new I needed to lose weight especially with my family history of heart attack, stroke and cancer. So I took the first step and bought an exercise DVD. Only catch was that I needed a food tracker and there wasn't anything except a couple of sites they recommended - one was Spark People. Guess what, I joined Spark and sold the exercise DVD!
For the next 2 1/2 years I lost weight, then would gain a bit back. Then our gym got a trainer and I became totally serious about losing weight. Suddenly things really started moving. I felt better, my clothes were almost falling off at one point! But unless someone said something, I didn't really notice.
Around February, I fit into my first pair of "normal" size jeans in over 15 years! What a great feeling. Then in May I went to Walmart and tried on a size 14. Imagine my shock when they fit. My smile didn't get wiped off my face for two days! But there was still that little voice saying "Am I good enough now?"
Guess what? I am damn good enough. I have lost 57.4 pounds since May 8, 2010! I have gone from a size 20W to a size 14! I can exercise, not having to use my inhaler (I have asthma), workout 3 times a week, can do a 5K in 48 minutes 3 seconds (and getter faster), and to top everything off I'm working with my trainer to start running!! How is that for being good enough??!! Only took me 55 years to figure it out.
Sometimes it takes a comment that makes you really angry to see that you were good enough all along. To make you see what was right in front of your own two eyes. That the only person I needed to please was me.
My eyes are wide open and I like what I see. I still have a ways to go, but you can bet I am going to get there on my own two legs, self esteem, guts and lots of hard work! Will I still stress eat sometimes - yes. But will I let it stop me - NO!!!! I will succeed. I am worth every minutes I spend getting there and it feels good to finally realize this. There is a huge world out there and world here I come.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Last night a friend of mine listened to me whine (no cheese with that please) about being "stuck". Well sort of stuck. I stress ate the other night and when I weighed-in for BLC22 this week, I had gained 1.4 pounds. The good news is that when I weighed-in for the 5% Challenge today, I was back at the same old number - 175 pounds.
So the really smart woman says; "Do you have a tape measure?" Me being me of course I did! She said to take my measurements! And with a really big sigh, I did.
Boy am I ever glad I did! I was amazed to see that I have lost 11 7/8" since the beginning of the BLC22. My measurements were taken on June 4th! Not to shabby! The biggest change was in my waist. I lost 4 1/2" in the waist! I was happy, shocked, dancing a jig and laughing out loud. Diane must have thought I was nuts
What made things even more real was fitting into my "Old-New" bathing suit. Sound strange? Well, read on. When I bought the bathing suit 5 years ago, I was a size 18W. I went into a local clothing store and asked if the had any bathing suits in my size. He handed me the suit and said this should fit. I got home and tried to put the stupid thing on! Guess what - no go! Then I looked at the size - Size 14!!! I was too ashamed to go back and return the darn thing. Well guess what?! It fits now and it's even a bit loose in certain areas! What a great feeling!
So BLC22, Spies, friends, and the WRJ&G - thanks for all your support and to Diane for insisting the I use that tape measurement!
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