Friday, May 13, 2011
So, I thought I was doing OK. My clothes still fit and no one commented that I was gaining weight. Holy smokes was I delusional. I gained 30 pounds from the steroids, the less than strict diet and and a complete lack of fitness.
I GAINED 30 Pounds! Most of it in the past 2 months. I sort of gave up completely when they put me on the week dose of steroids and my face puffed up like a balloon.
I am one of those sad, sick people who LOVE working out. I feel better when I do it. When I injured my knee, I was running 4 miles a day. Now, I am lucky if I can make it 5 minutes into 30 Day Shred without tears rolling down my face from the pain.
But I can't be fat again. I won't be fat again. I started walking a lot the past few months. One of the many perks of working on a Big 10 campus. Mass amounts of space between places. 1/2 mile walks to class from the office. I was forced out of sloth.
I am now working out at the campus gym (apparently I could have been going all of 2011 for free...someone should have told me!) and let me tell you - there are indoor and outdoor pools, every cardio machine possible, weights of every kind and a track. Now, I have no excuse. On a bad day I can just walk the track, I can swim. I can do low impact cardio on a bike or an elliptical. I am getting my body back and I am refusing to accept being fat.
If I lose 45 more pounds (just 15 more than my lowest weight), I will be at an ideal weight for my height. If it takes 6 months or 2 years, I will make it happen.
I have a gym membership now, a Wii and some Jillian Michaels DVDs. I have no excuses. Well, except for the fact that wearing pants and moving is excruciatingly painful. I am going to work at the nutrition, cut back on my Starbucks habit (not so easy when it is across the street from our office and the easiest place to take a quick break!) and work out when I can.
I can do this. I can make this happen.
Friday, February 04, 2011
You see the picture of the car? That is my 2007 Toyota Yaris. I spent months researching the car I would buy. I had it for 6 months. Well, apparently I wasn't made to drive a car. In 2008 my new years resolution was to run a 5k with my cousin. I was fat, unhealthy, unemployed and unhappy. Then 5 weeks into the year, and 3 weeks into a gym membership, I was in a car accident where I broke my pelvis, 6 ribs, my collar bone, shoulder blade and sternum. I couldn't walk for 3 months. They didn't think I'd ever walk without a limp, and it was possible that I would need the walker for a lot longer than the 3-4 months I used it. I should mention that I was on my way to pick up my cousin from college so I could take her to the doctor when this happened. She ended up in the hospital for the majority of the three months that I couldn't walk, got down to 80lbs and was in worse shape than I. We were miserable, both of us felt responsible for the other. We had easter dinner in the Pediatric unit of Loyola Medical Center. This year, she ran a half marathon and I ran my first 5k. I am smaller now than I was in junior high. I am on my way.
These days I am done being a victim and I am so done with being the fat girl, the pudgy friend, and the girl with "the pretty face (sigh)". I am stronger than the fat, and it is time to show it who is boss!
I ran my first 5k on April 25, 2009 with a time of 37 minutes. I finished right in the middle of the pack and I ran the whole thing.
I wore a swimsuit for the first time in 4 years and I discovered that I fit into the dress I wore to the eighth grade dance (a size 14)! I am down 4 pant sizes since this all began!
Well, after a super awesome start to 2009, I fell apart. I trashed my knee and spent a few months rehabbing it. Then, I was cleared to run and was then diagnosed with CRPS/RSD in my left leg. I spent most of of 2010 unable to wear real pants or work out. I am finally getting some relief from the treatments (which cause weight gain). A fairly strict diet has kept me from a complete backwards slide, and a passion for cooking will keep me on track.
I have a full time job again, I am starting graduate school and I have a doctor willing to help me try anything to get through all of this. Here is to a slightly smaller 2011!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I have some pretty big plans for next year.
I want to lose another 10-20lbs. I know this will mean even more extra skin around my tummy, but that's ok, there is still fat there and I still have room to get healthier.
I want to run a half marathon, my knee isn't quite in running form yet, but it is getting there. I will run one this year.
I want to do the Hustle up the Hancock, but that is quite a daunting physical feat, and will be pretty tough on the knee.
I want to learn how to lift weights. I am actually getting a jump start on this this weekend. My inability to hold a modified plank in PT because of my arms is pretty pathetic. So to the weights I go, and I have enlisted the help of my super buff boy friend.
I want to be able to do 100 pushups. I found a training plan for this and will probably start in March once I have gotten myself in a little better shape.
I also want to do the splits. I found a set of stretches to get me to this point on Fit Sugar.
Now, the non- weight related stuff:
Start a knitting blog.
Read a book a month.
Have a monthly girls night.
Get more comfortable being me.
2010 is NOT going to be about regrets, dissappointments or should have done's. It will not be about what could have been or how things aren't how I planned. It will not be about wishing for a life that I don't have. It will not be about finding an easy way out.
I am going to be moving in a positive direction for the second year in a row. The easy part is over, I lost the majority of the weight. The hard part is left. Keeping up the diet and fitness. Maintaining my weight when I reach my goal. Turning myself into an actual athlete (even if I am not a very good one)
Monday, December 07, 2009
I get to start running again today. Physical therapy is almost complete for my knee, and to make sure it worked, I have to get back on a treadmill. But, I am not allowed to run a mile. 60 seconds of light running followed by 90 seconds of walking. Sounds a lot like the first week of C25K...But, I can't work as hard as I want to.
It's ok, actually using a treadmill will be a welcome relief, I will be able to start to my half marathon training early next year. Well, provided that my knee is healing properly.
If all goes well, I will be registering for the Race to Wrigley shortly and perhaps a few more 5Ks this spring.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
When was the last time you looked at yourself naked and didn't cringe? The last time you looked in the mirror and were truly appreciative of what you had and what your body can do for you?
I'm not going to lie, I usually cringe and scoot past the mirror in the bathroom so I don't have to see what I look like. No one wants to look at a fat girl naked. My lumps and bumps make me ugly and unfit to be loved. These thoughts would run through my head each and every time I had to shower. (And, yet, I knew I was loved). But I didn't love my body.
This weekend I went to a wedding. And, I danced. Not just to slow songs with my boyfriend, but to all the crazy songs they had on. I danced to every song they played. But, it was when they played "Footloose" and then a salsa song immediately following and I was still dancing and having a blast and my friends were all in shock. "I didn't know you had moves!" was going through the entire group. When a friend asked why I always avoided dancing when we went out my only answer was that I was always afraid of looking like an idiot. My boyfriend asked where my sudden burst of confidence came from.
It came from him telling me that Spanx were ridiculous (ha! I thought silently) while we were getting ready for that wedding. But once I had them on and realized they weren't even snug anymore, I took them off. I felt beautiful despite my lumps and bumps.
This morning I paused in front of the mirror and smiled. Something I wish I had done many pounds ago. I saw curves in the right places (and some still in the wrong ones). I saw fading stretch marks. I saw an hourglass. I saw the muscles I have been working on appearing, and I saw someone I didn't recognize looking back at me.
I have retired my Spanx for good and I have realized that the girl looking back from the mirror really is me. And, heck, she might even be pretty.
My new goal is to look at myself naked in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful every day. Everyone else saw the confident dancing queen before I did and now I need to cherish her.
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