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Only God Can Judge Murders And Terrorists. It's Up To Us To Arrange For The Judgments ASAP

Friday, April 19, 2013

Yes, I am very frustrated by the fact that locations where people gather whether they are work offices, theaters, schools, sporting events, etc. have become targets for murders. I am sure anyone reading this is also frustrated.

I also mourn the loss of innocent lives and of the heroes trying to protect us. I frequently find myself crying when watching the horror on the news.

We all must remember the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

These murderous acts have played out across the world and not just here in the U.S.A.

Only God can judge murders and terrorists. It is up to the rest of us to arrange for the judgments as soon as possible.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONTREAL12 9/7/2013 9:01PM

  Agreed! emoticon

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2ABBYNORMAL 5/15/2013 12:40AM

    Well said.

As far as the saying, I also mourn the loss of innocent lives and of the heroes trying to protect us," I immensely agree with.

If Americans can't stand behind our troops, including the police and fire people, then they should stand in front of them.

emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/15/2013 12:41:13 AM

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EFFRAYECHILDE 5/7/2013 8:12AM

    Well said.

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GRAMPIAN 4/26/2013 5:56AM

  Yes.

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CORNERKICK 4/24/2013 2:26PM

  Well put!

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MEGAMINION 4/23/2013 7:22PM

    We may stumble but we will not fall.

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LOGOULD 4/23/2013 6:14PM

    Good reminder that some things are just not in our control, nor, if we think about it, would we really want them to be.

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SORLANDO21 4/23/2013 10:37AM

    emoticon

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AKELAZ 4/22/2013 1:16PM

    Only just caught this great blog Marty. Thank you. Needed saying - and you said it so well. emoticon

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PROVERBS31JULIA 4/22/2013 11:47AM

    Hmmmm and how do we arrange said meeting??

maybe need to rethink Bob Marley song "I shot the Sheriff (terrorist)...." ?



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AMAS92568 4/21/2013 3:54PM

    emoticon

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MOMMY445 4/21/2013 3:34PM

    i agree. so well said. have a wonderful day!

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NEWCHINELO 4/21/2013 12:14PM

    Well said!

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KJDINSC 4/21/2013 6:14AM

    Well said, Marty. Hang in there. --KJD

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KEIANN1 4/21/2013 2:22AM

    I agree!!

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BLUEJEAN99 4/21/2013 1:55AM

    emoticon

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JAMER123 4/21/2013 12:28AM

    So true, Marty!! Well stated! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROCKYCPA 4/21/2013 12:18AM

    emoticon

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MISSBOOBOOKITTY 4/20/2013 11:25PM

    emoticon

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SLOPOKE_SAL 4/20/2013 10:39PM

    Right on Marty!


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SUSIEMT 4/20/2013 10:10PM

    Good job!

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HEARTS116 4/20/2013 9:51PM

    emoticon

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CLAYARTIST 4/20/2013 8:27PM

  mmmmm emoticon mmmm emoticon

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TERRIPAL1 4/20/2013 5:38PM

    This is a reminder of how precious life is!
Thanks for the blog!

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GARDENCHRIS 4/20/2013 5:34PM

    I agree! We need to be more diligent on WHO we let in this country!

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SIMONEKP 4/20/2013 5:09PM

    agreed

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CICELY360 4/20/2013 4:30PM

  Good blog

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JOANNHUNT 4/20/2013 2:28PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIVELYGIRL2 4/20/2013 1:38PM

  You got a point there... and we are disturbed at these things.

I hope it makes us want to make our corner of the world improved and pray for revival of morals and positive values.

This is a heart issue,even more than a gun and bomb issue. emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 4/20/2013 1:16PM

  emoticon Well said...............

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NEPTUNE1939 4/20/2013 1:07PM

    There is nothing wrong with anger - it helps to focus on the enemy.

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DIANNEMT 4/20/2013 12:46PM

    Amen. As they say in the NYC area, "if you see something that doesn't seem right, report it."

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MAKINANIMPACT 4/20/2013 11:32AM

    Well said!

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IAMAGEMLOVER 4/20/2013 11:18AM

    I agree. So many times though the cowards kill themselves instead of facing justice. Suits me fine.

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GRIZ1GIRL 4/20/2013 11:16AM

    Well said!

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JUDYAASH 4/20/2013 10:35AM

    I agree!

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JACKIE542 4/20/2013 10:08AM

    emoticon

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TAGSUIT2 4/20/2013 9:54AM

    God is in control, regardless to what humans do.

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DJSHIP46 4/20/2013 9:45AM

    emoticon

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TINY67 4/20/2013 9:24AM

    Amen, to that.

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REGILIEH 4/20/2013 9:22AM

    One word says it all, emoticon !

emoticon emoticon

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TERMITEMOM 4/20/2013 9:21AM

    emoticon Well put.

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SHOAPIE 4/20/2013 9:12AM

    emoticon

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NCSUE0514 4/20/2013 8:46AM

    I'm glad to see that the second bomber was captured alive. Perhaps we will learn something from him, because nothing about this makes sense to me.

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BESSHAILE 4/20/2013 8:43AM

    once or twice I've let the anger bubble up - and said to myself some hatefilled things

but I know

I know that even these two evil men are connected to me. I may hate it. I may resent it. But I can not deny it.

The plan is much bigger than I can conceive but I still have work to do within it.

namaste

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IDICEM 4/20/2013 8:37AM

  FDR was right. Thanks for the reminder! emoticon

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NEWTINK 4/20/2013 8:36AM

    It is good to let the anger out and to grieve for that is all we can do ... emoticon

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JIBBIE49 4/20/2013 8:17AM

    Great to see your blog featured in the Spark Mail. WhAT AN honor. emoticon

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MIMIDOT 4/20/2013 8:08AM

    Well said!

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PENOWOK 4/20/2013 7:40AM

    Pretty scary stuff. I ache for the families of those injured and even the family of the bombers. God knows every breath I take and how many that will be. When it's my turn to see Him face to face, I want to be ready-not afraid.

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Reasons I Am Fat List; What I Am Doing About It List; Self-Realization

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

For me the key to getting my weight, size and physical fitness to identify and CONSTANTLY remind myself of how I really am weight and size wise and why, so I have developed the Reasons I am Fat list:

1. I overeat trying to placate my emotions with food, do not eat healthy at times, exercise much less than I should, picture in my mind’s eye a much smaller version of me that existed in the 1990’s and do not acknowledge the reality of my actual size

If the list of Reasons I am Fat were any longer I would not be able to memorize it.

To help keep me on track I have developed my My What I Am Doing About It List:

1. I WILL NOT overeat trying to placate my emotions with food, WILL eat healthy more often, WILL exercise more, picture in my mind’s eye the REAL ME AND REMIND MYSELF BY LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND POSTING PICTURES OF ME SO THAT I WILL acknowledge the reality of my actual size

If the list of My What I Am Doing About It List were any longer I would not be able to memorize it.

I have 2 pictures of my HUGE FAT self posted in my office where I will see those most of the time. I spend most of the waking hours in my office at work every week. Now, that is DEPRESSING! I will be back in a few minutes; I need a Burger King Triple Whopper with cheese! Just kidding!

Looking at myself I realize that I truly am a GROSS FAT GUY (GFG). emoticon

The reason I avoid pictures or looking at pictures or simply looking at myself in the mirror is that I am a GFG! emoticon

Honestly I never considered that my Wife and family have to look at me as the GFG I have become. I used to picture myself in my mind’s eye as the 1990’s 164 pound Marty. emoticon

Mental notes to self:

1. Give Wife and family less grief and be as cooperative as possible, they deserve it; they have to look at the GFG

2. Do not let Wife and family know you are purposely giving them less grief and being as cooperative as possible, since they will take advantage of it… emoticon

I WILL KEEP PUSHING FORWARD AND LOSE THE GFG! The 1990’s 164 pound Marty is in there somewhere! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GARDENCHRIS 4/21/2013 7:36AM

    love your humor, especially that you can laugh at yourself.

People take themselves way to seriously..... that said stop beating yourself up. you did not get where you are at overnight and it will take some time.

laugh along your journey, never at your self, BUT with yourself at all that life throws at us. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIMONEKP 4/20/2013 5:11PM

    self assessment is a good thing

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JMHERRING78 4/12/2013 10:32AM

    Learning to love ourselves the way we are is a truly hard thing to accomplish. We can accept mediocrity in others that we would never accept from ourselves! And while I agree with another commenter about not liking the word "gross", I too know where you're coming from. I've had those thoughts about myself.
Don't be so down on yourself, just keep pushing toward your goals! We've got to keep our heads high and resolute! We'll get there!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEACHY_KEEN 4/11/2013 7:55AM

    AWESOME!!! I like the idea of posting pictures of yourself at your current weight. I need to do that. I'm very guilty of only looking at flattering images of myself.

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KANOE10 4/10/2013 8:12AM

    emoticon emoticon


You can do it. You are on the right track. Good luck

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SPARKCHANTAL 4/10/2013 4:07AM

    oh, I'd say you were an MFICG: Mighty Fine Intelligent Considerate Guy.

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DEBBIEANNE1124 4/9/2013 11:25PM

    Great job. You can do it.

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FRAN0426 4/9/2013 10:23PM

    emoticon Like the familiar saying one day at a time---hang in there, we all have our set backs ( yes some of us more than others--me included ) emoticon emoticon It may take us longer, but WE will succeed.

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MARIANNE9855 4/9/2013 9:02PM

    Ditto what everyone else said- you are not the gross fat guy-
you are working to change your outside to match your inside and it seems like you are making steady progress. emoticon emoticon


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FROSTY99 4/9/2013 4:40PM

    Marty you are just too funny, but you do get the point across. Keep on keeping on and you will find that thin guy hiding inside there! I am looking for my "skinny" self too. I know she is in there somewhere.



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PIXIEMOM13 4/9/2013 3:46PM

    I think you're being too hard on yourself and you are definitely a funny guy!!

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BOVEY63 4/9/2013 3:25PM

    I think you are a GFG - Genuinely Funny Guy!
emoticon
We are all out own worst critics and it can be difficult to see ourselves through others' eyes.

I do like the idea of keeping a picture of what we don't want to be anymore where we can see it. I have heard of putting one on the fridge, but one that is visible more often may keep me from snacking as much; and that is my biggest problem.
emoticon emoticon

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MARGARITTM 4/9/2013 3:24PM

    emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 4/9/2013 2:31PM

    emoticon

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-POOKIE- 4/9/2013 2:21PM

    We can be hard on ourselves... just make sure it doesn't get into being TOO horrible to ourselves.

You are a great guy, regardless of size, your wife is lucky to have such humour in her life even if she cannot always appreciate it!

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CHUBRUB3 4/9/2013 2:15PM

    Hey Marty you are loved for who you are. Not what you weigh.
You will be slim and svelte in no time my friend. With your humour and dedication the pounds will come laughing off.
Hugs my friend.
Angela

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PIMPINELLAN50 4/9/2013 1:58PM

    Marty,i think you are being too hard on yourself.You are losing the weight slow and steady.Congratulations!Being the hardest critics on ourselves is often the case..and you are not a GFG. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DRB13_1 4/9/2013 1:51PM

    Keeping the humor in mind, maybe we could do two things -
get a "skinny mirror" that reflects how we see ourselves and
keep on Sparking...yes, the fitter us is in there trying to get out.

Seriously though,
Don't forget to take your measurements and celebrate the NSVs.

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CYNCERELY4ME 4/9/2013 1:22PM

    emoticon

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PMRUNNER 4/9/2013 1:04PM

    Keep at it! You will get back where you want to be!

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SAMBIDEXTROUS 4/9/2013 1:00PM

    I'm not a fan of the word gross, but I get where you are coming from.

You can do this. I know you can. We got this.
emoticon
Just think that I might just one day come out dressed as a clown with a chain saw.
emoticon emoticon
You probably want to be able to out run me.
emoticon

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STLADEE 4/9/2013 12:49PM

    I do think your blog hits home how we are our worst critic! I also think it hits close to home how we become overweight because we keep looking at ourselves with these rose colored glasses and refuse to see the weight gain.

We all now you are not the GFG you are a human with flaws, as such as we all are, and everyday is an opportunity to work on them! Love your daily updates! Have a great day!

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JACEUG 4/9/2013 12:40PM

    Hi,

I can identify with the reasons you have listed for becomming bigger. I have the same problems. I have to remind myself lately that healthy eating can also be nice and tasty.

Well done on your progress and thank you for motivating me to set goals and stick to them.

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JACKIE542 4/9/2013 12:03PM

    Goodness Marty! You have been working hard I see all the pounds lost and I did lose count. I would call you LFG, Lovable funny guy. I think that suits you better. emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 4/9/2013 11:56AM

    First don't be so hard on yourself. Hey, we've all been there or we wouldn't be here!

Second, I love your humor. That really will help you along the way. Sometime I think my humor is the only thing that gets me through the days.

Finally, you are correct. Do NOT let wife/family you are conscience of the amount of grief you are dealing out. It could cause you GREAT pains!

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CELEST 4/9/2013 11:55AM

    I also kick my own butt....keep going, step for step, choice for choice and you will get there. You sound like a great guy, so lose the F in the middle.

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ANATASHIKI 4/9/2013 11:47AM

    lol, stop it , you are not gross ! I don't see my real size either but things vary, sometimes I see myself bigger than I am , sometimes smaller.

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CAROLLEE57 4/9/2013 11:45AM

    Ditto with the being too hard on yourself.

Find what you love about yourself and do more of it.

Get your wife and kids involved. emoticon

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KELLIEBEAN 4/9/2013 11:44AM

    I'm a big fan of being blunt with myself to keep myself on track. I give it to myself right between the eyes quite often.

Everyone here is right, don't forget to look at the positives too. You should focus on your strong points on a daily basis!

I agree on the great sense of humor point!



emoticon

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KANSASROSE67 4/9/2013 11:39AM

    I'm married to a guy who is at least 40-50 pounds overweight and I NEVER think of him as the GFG. Please don't be too hard on yourself...I'm sure your family appreciates your humor, caring, and many other qualities more than your waist size. That said, I'm also pretty sure they want you to be healthy, active and to feel good about yourself. So, go for it!

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ALIHIKES 4/9/2013 11:38AM

    Very good blog! But I think you are being too hard on yourself. In addition to the things you are trying to change (like weight) -- also remember the positives about yourself! (sense of humor! nice smile! nice eyes! good SparkFriend)

emoticon

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LOSE4LIFE47 4/9/2013 11:32AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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My April Fools Advice and the Joke I Staged!

Monday, April 01, 2013

A SparkPeople Friend, CRYSTALJEM wrote in her Current Status today, “woke to a hallway filled with stuffed animals looking at her and a toilet that suddenly runs red water. Hmmmmm.... and I can't think of any payback!”

Being the helpful soul that I am, I shared with her the trick that I used to teach our 3 children never to play an April Fools Joke on their Father. I replied, “Laugh and enjoy. Tell them how funny it is! For dinner this evening fix something only you like. For example at my home that would be fried chicken livers, boiled spinach and asparagus. Laugh and say April's Fools as you tell them they must eat it.”

I hope CRYSTALJEM tries it and shares the results!

I learned long ago that it is that there are 2 things to always remember about April Fools Jokes.

1. A lame April Fools Joke that will not inspire retaliation is LAME!
2. Taking ownership of an April Fools Joke that will inspire retaliation is bad because then you live with the fear of retaliation around every corner!

Now to share the April Fools Joke I played on a male co-worker.

Last Friday I was the last one to leave my work area. All of the desk chairs here have cloth bottoms. So, late Friday afternoon when I poured about 32 ounces of water on to my co-workers desk chair cloth bottom, the cloth became wet and the sponge like cushioning material below the cloth sucked in the 32 ounces of water. By this morning the cloth covering the desk chair bottom was dry yet the sponge like cushioning still was full of water. So, shortly after my co-worker sat in his office chair, a loud scream and commotion arose from his office.

I along with others went to see what the noise was about. Seeing the wet behind, someone (NOT ME) asked if he had an accident and was OK.

He kept saying over and over that someone had wet his chair and he sat it in. A few of us suggested that if he were feeling OK, he could go home, change clothing and return. We would get him a dry office chair to use. In fact, I even offered to drive him home if he were not feeling well and then bring him in tomorrow.

For some reason my offer to drive him home if he were not feeling well just caused him to say over and over, “I’m fine! Somebody soaked my chair.”

When a female co-worker pointed out that the back of his chair was dry, his face got red. Now, I knew his face was red from anger, however I wanted everyone to assume it was embarrassment and put my arm around my co-worker and told him that there is no shame or reason to be embarrassed for being ill.

“I’m not ill!” he shouted, “Somebody wet the bottom of my chair!”

“Yes someone did.” I calmly and gently replied. NOTE: I did not lie to anyone and of course no one knows how the chair bottom became wet.

With that, we encouraged our co-worker to go to his home (about 20 minutes away) and change into some dry clothes.

I have a feeling that "Remember the time _______ wet his pants" will be mentioned in conversation for quite a while!

What I forgot to include…….

I forgot to add that the recipient of my April Fool’s Joke has been with the company for a little less than a year and in that time has earned the reputation of someone you have to work carefully with. He is a credit hog who will try to stab anyone in the back. He will ask others to review and comment upon his work (even if you are not involved in his work) and if he decides to incorporate your suggestions and they are well received by upper management or the customer, he NEVER shares the credit.

If upper management or the customer does not like your contribution to his work, he will gladly tell all, Marty suggested I add that or do that in that manner and I did not think it was appropriate but since Marty has more experience with this then I do, I added it. However I can easily modify this to remove Marty’s portion.

If you are in a status meeting and it is his turn to provide his status on an assignment, he will let upper management or the customer know that he is waiting for input from each person he emailed requesting input. He never mentions that you are not part of his work effort and if you do, the normal reply is something along the lines of OK or a nod to him with a comment like, “Smart to get others to contribute”.

You cannot win with this guy. Last month he had a female co-worker in tears after blaming her for something that could have been done in a better manner in his work assignment.

Today he and I are going to an area where no cell phones are allowed. Once we are there, I am going to tell him that I pulled the prank and why. I am also going to let him know that I have removed him from the team that is doing a large customer presentation in a few months and unless he stops acting the way he does, he may want to seek other employment opportunities. I will remind him that I am only telling him that I pulled the prank and if questioned by others I will deny it. Finally I will remind him that I was the only one that offered to assist him yesterday and that is a very loud message from his co-workers.

Imitation is a good thing!

FYI...He stayed at work and damp yesterday! I am resisting the urge to write a bunch of chapped butt comments.

The meeting.....

I had my private discussion with my April Fool’s Joke recipient yesterday. I told him that I had something to share with him and after I was done sharing I would gladly listen to him and answer any questions.

I explained that he had the reputation of being a Glory Hog, who took sole credit for other’s contributions and tried to place any negatives on the shoulders of other’s who were simply trying to assist at his request. I along with others hated to work with him. I did the April fool’s Joke of wetting the seat of his chair so he would get a wet butt to prove a point. He acted like a butt and well all felt that way. I continued if your co-workers liked you, do you think they would have thought it was so funny. No one here except you and I knows who did it. If you try to blame me, I will deny it. Also if you try to blame me, I will assist you to find other employment by making it my duty to see that your employment here is discontinued.

It was interesting to watch him go quickly through a series of emotions.

First there was rage and denial. He stammered partial statements like: “I can’t believe you did that to me! You had no right to. I am going to get you back! I don’t have any issues working with anyone!”

I calmly replied, “OK if that is how you want to proceed and what you believe, then that is fine with me. I’ve told you what I did and what I will do. I’ve shared with you how others feel about you. You do what you feel you have to do and I will do the same. Let’s go back to work.”

Fear quickly emerged. He looked at me wide eyed and asked, “You are sure of yourself? You will get me fired?”

I smiled and replied, “If you reported to me, you would have changed your working behavior a while ago or been let go. But you don’t report to me and since I did not see others stepping up to correct your work behavior, I decided to deliver the message to you my way. Change and I will not assist you to find other employment. Go after me and I’ll go to your going away party. Yep, we will have a party when we know you are leaving and of course not invite you.”

Then there was sorrow and repentance. He pleaded “If I change will everything be OK? Will others work with me? Will you help me? Will you be my mentor?”

“If you change your work behavior I’m sure things will be OK. Share credit and praise.” I said. I continued, “I will not be your mentor. I’ll help you, but no one else must ever know. You see I don’t trust you, so there is no way that I’ll let anyone know I am providing you guidance. I’ll never publicly acknowledge any guidance I provide. The best advice I can give you is to always praise others and share credit and absorb blame. If you ever want guidance always approach me privately. Finally, do not cross me.”

He said he would never cross me, thanked me and we returned to work.

I do not trust him, know he is a weasel and if I am present in any presentation he does and does not thank others for support, share praise and credit, I will smile ask if he had any assistance.

I also am a weasel, a butthead and a jackass. The diference is I use my powers for good. I did not always do so and learned the hard way that Karma is real. So I am all for good Karma.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INFLATED 6/5/2013 11:57AM

    Has he been dubbed "wet butt?"

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PROVERBS31JULIA 4/22/2013 11:56AM

    Actually I really really like the way you handled everything. I'm dying for the end of the month follow-up - has the Glory Hog changed his ways? or is he still weaseling along.

"It takes one to know one" is certainly very true.
emoticon

I just discovered you from the nice comments made about you in one of our mutual teams, so I'm off to read your other blogs (when I'm supposed to be getting ready for lunch with my mom...).

I'll probably share this with my husband, because I know he has ended up with Glory Hogs in his many years. Not sure if he's ever pulled an April Food's day joke on someone though - although - well they tend to prank each other when people get married etc. (long story.).


Julia



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GARDENCHRIS 4/21/2013 7:28AM

    the best revenge is to get even! emoticon emoticon

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CRISPINI 4/4/2013 11:45AM

    You are awesome. LOL

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/4/2013 11:13AM

    Thanks for sending the email. This was sooooo awesome. The best part is - he totally deserved it :) Just for the record, that was a seriously clever prank.

emoticon

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-POOKIE- 4/4/2013 9:41AM

    Well here's hoping its a lesson learnt.

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NEELIXNKES 4/4/2013 12:01AM

    emoticon

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LALAFLOWERS 4/3/2013 9:14PM

    Good one. And a great way to get your point across. I hope he takes the lesson the heart.

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BOVEY63 4/3/2013 4:23PM

    Good for you Marty - someone had to tell him and it seems as though you were the man for the job!
emoticon

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ANATASHIKI 4/3/2013 12:09PM

    lol, you sure realize that you'll have to tell us what happens in the future , right?

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DONNABRIGHT 4/3/2013 9:57AM

    emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 4/2/2013 7:07PM

    emoticon

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KITT52 4/2/2013 4:26PM

    emoticon

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BOVEY63 4/2/2013 1:22PM

    emoticon


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ARCHIMEDESII 4/2/2013 12:48PM

    emoticon

After your description of your co-worker, I'm surprized more people didn't pull April Fool's pranks on him. What a tool !

I hope he takes your meeting/talk to heart and changes his way.





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ANATASHIKI 4/2/2013 11:53AM

    I confess I was thinking "do you really do things like that there?" (and I don't mean you Marty) but the rest of the blog explains all. here only kids try to do something , I think we all forgot how to laugh

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BIGPAWSUP 4/2/2013 9:53AM

    You are so bad - I LOVE it! You have to keep us informed as to what happens!

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MACMOM57 4/2/2013 8:36AM

    You are naughty. By the way love fried chicken livers.

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MACMOM57 4/2/2013 8:34AM

    You are naughty. By the way love fried chicken livers.

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GARDENCHRIS 4/2/2013 7:33AM

    very bad!

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A-NEW-PAULA 4/1/2013 9:04PM

    emoticon

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DARLY55 4/1/2013 7:53PM

    Priceless! emoticon

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FROSTY99 4/1/2013 7:39PM

    emoticon You are sooooo bad, but oh so funny!

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CRYSTALJEM 4/1/2013 7:16PM

    Rofl. I'm in tears. I'll keep you posted.

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DEBBIEANNE1124 4/1/2013 6:51PM

    You are so bad, marty. You should ahve grabbed his hand errr arm and led him to YOUR car and let him sit in your passenger seat and get your seat all wet and driven him home and waited in your car until he returned. Luckily witout a sling shot.

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PMRUNNER 4/1/2013 6:35PM

    In our office, someone came in and put a piece of tape over all the optical mouses. It took folks a while to figure it out as they dribbled in. Not as good as yours though!

An easy one for the hunt ant peck Tyler's out there is to scramble a few keys around.

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KELLIEBEAN 4/1/2013 6:22PM

    Awesome!!

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CHUBRUB3 4/1/2013 6:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JACKIE542 4/1/2013 5:53PM

    emoticon

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SCRAPBECCA 4/1/2013 5:38PM

    emoticon

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HOLLYM48 4/1/2013 5:34PM

    emoticon

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LINDA! 4/1/2013 5:23PM

    You are so BBBBBAAAADDDDD!!! emoticon

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LOSE4LIFE47 4/1/2013 5:17PM

    emoticon

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Wife’s Car Has A Million Dings And Scratches On The Rear Bumper

Saturday, March 02, 2013

My Wife’s car has a million dings and scratches on the rear bumper. They are caused by the fact that my Wife insists on backing into parking spaces. To date she has never struck another vehicle, yet if there’s a pole, curb, wall, etc., she will hit it. She will not back into the garage because she is afraid she will hit something.

Friday evening another couple who know what my Wife’s car rear bumper looks like and why; were with us in the vehicle when she backed into a high curb while parking.

She turned to me and said “I want to get one of those new cars that has back-up cameras”.

I replied “Good idea…then you can see what you’re hitting.”

The other couple laughed.

My Wife was pissed for a few minutes, however as the saying goes, time heals all wounds and she got over it by the time we entered the restaurant.

After dinner we went to the Jon Stewart show. FYI, John Stewart is a great comedian and put on a very funny show.

So far, the back-up cameras or my comment have not come again and I will not bring it up.

And yes we have spent many awake hours together.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JLLOVETT 3/21/2013 11:12AM

    emoticon

emoticon

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BOPPY_ 3/14/2013 1:40AM

    When my wife got a new car several years ago, my grandson referred to the rear-pointing video as the backup movie. From that point on, we all call it that.

When I was going to school, I had a part-time job delivering press releases in downtown Chicago. The company car I drove was a Chevy station wagon. I'd really have to scoot to deliver the press releases, and I had to parallel park that lumbering station wagon on either side of a one-way street. I was accurate, and fast. That was then.

Now, after, 40 years of living in Western suburbs, and rural areas, I bet I couldn't parallel park a Mini, with a backup camera, and a team of air traffic controllers. emoticon emoticon

Lee emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/14/2013 1:41:47 AM

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ASHAIXIM 3/11/2013 2:35PM

    I just bought my sisters old van. It has back up beeps and when you get close to another object it BEEPS!!!! at you. ;)

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HOLLYM48 3/9/2013 8:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 3/8/2013 10:46PM

    emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 3/6/2013 9:39PM

    that was WAY TOO FUNNY!

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NEELIXNKES 3/5/2013 3:47PM

    emoticon The Jon Stewart show sounds fun!

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LIVINGFREE19 3/5/2013 2:16PM

    emoticon

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AHTRAP 3/5/2013 1:34PM

    So, are you clear, or is your wife the type to carefully plan her revenge?

For me, it's not necessarily fear of bumper dings that keeps me from backing into spaces, it's fear that I'll hit things (like, cars) on the left or the right as I try to fit into the space.

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SIMONEKP 3/5/2013 1:15PM

    you are always so witty, much to your wife's chagrin I'm sure.

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ANDY_54 3/5/2013 10:13AM

    Kudos to your wife, though. While I have thought about it a lot, I would never back into a space (unlike my husband--bu he doesn't hit anything). What about one of those cars that supposedly parks itself? Yeah, that's what I'm waiting for!

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SWAZY33 3/5/2013 5:54AM

    I emoticon my back-up camera so much...
hhmmm...wait...is this why my hubby got me a car with one? emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 3/5/2013 12:02AM

    Wow - I need a backup camera, too!

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SHERYLDS 3/4/2013 10:39PM

    these new smart cars scare the hell out of me.....
like the LEXIS that thinks for you....
it's programmed to avoid an accident....
just what I need...a psychic car like KNIGHT RIDER

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2ABBYNORMAL 3/4/2013 7:55PM

    Really funny! I've been backing into parking spots because my battery died on two different occasions and I needed a jump. That's how my habit started. I now have a new battery and still back into parking spaces. Old habits are hard to break.
emoticon

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LINDA! 3/4/2013 3:47PM

    Haha....I can actually relate to your wife's issues of backing up. Been there, done that!

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LINDAMARIEZ1 3/4/2013 2:52PM

    emoticon

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BOVEY63 3/4/2013 1:04PM

    A friend of mine received a back up beeper as a Christmas gift from her husband for the same reason. Apparently they can be installed in any vehicle.

By the way, loved your comment about being better having a Monday than no Monday. Can always rely on you for a smile or laugh.
emoticon emoticon

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JSPIN74 3/4/2013 11:49AM

    teeheehee emoticon

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RODGRODMEDFLOD 3/4/2013 11:48AM

    nicely said!

emoticon

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 3/4/2013 11:31AM

    emoticon

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MICHELLEPHANT 3/4/2013 9:43AM

    DOH!!!! Hope ya dont get retaliated all over!

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LAURAAT 3/4/2013 9:21AM

    Lol! A true married couple...hahaha!

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KITT52 3/3/2013 7:59AM

    isn't love grand

have a healthy week

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AKELAZ 3/3/2013 6:43AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

You're so funny, Marty - and so bad!!
Sounds like you're made for each other - she appreciates your humour and you appreciate her parking - in some perverted sort of way that suits you both.

Don't know John Stewart but glad you enjoyed.

emoticon for sharing a family moment.


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-POOKIE- 3/3/2013 4:25AM

    *laughs* excellent!

Mine has sensors that beep, its like a heart rate monitor flatlining like on TV...
beep......beep.....beep...beep.
.beep.beep.beepbeepbeepbeepbeee
eeeeeeeeeeee

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MARIANNE9855 3/3/2013 4:12AM

    I would love a back up camera but I would probably get confused somehow- I think I need one of those cars that park themselves! Lucky you to see Jon Stewart- he's my favorite.

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FROSTY99 3/2/2013 11:06PM

    Better the rear bumper than what I did to our front bumper-give your wife a break!! I pulled up to a parking spot and when I got ready to leave, my front bumper caught on the concrete barrier they put to keep people from pulling in too far. It never made a sound when I pulled in-I normally would have stopped if I heard a sound like it was dragging-but boy did it groan as I backed up!! It pulled the bumper/fender away from the main part and it cost us nearly $400 to get it fixed!

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KAYDE53 3/2/2013 10:22PM

    emoticon sounds like me & my dh!!

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GAYLLYNNE 3/2/2013 8:35PM

    Cute!!!!

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ALIHIKES 3/2/2013 6:19PM

    VERY funny! emoticon

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CHUBRUB3 3/2/2013 6:15PM

    LOL!
Awesome!
Hugs,
Angela

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GGCHET 3/2/2013 4:44PM

    thats just how we do it!!!!


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BARCLE 3/2/2013 4:44PM

    lol I love your comment about seeing what she's hitting emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 3/2/2013 4:29PM

    Real funny - from someone who has the same problem as your wife.

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ANATASHIKI 3/2/2013 3:48PM

    if you didn't sleep on the door mat or the dog's house it means it's ok. and she probably realized that it really was funny emoticon

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DACHI9 3/2/2013 3:47PM

    I have the same kind of car that your wife does. You know the one with the dinged and scratched bumper! I don't know whose driving my car at night while I'm asleep but I wish they would quit. I just know I didn't do that. Are you sure that the cars don't come from the factory that way? emoticon

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JACKIE542 3/2/2013 3:44PM

    emoticon , I told my hubby he needed a back up camera, but thought he would back up and break the camera. emoticon

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-BENI- 3/2/2013 3:35PM

    My thought is she will end up breaking the camera!
Wonder what that would cost to repair?
It would drive me crazy to have all those scratches and dings?


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TXTOAD9970 3/2/2013 3:34PM

    You better watch it of what she will be hitting is YOU! LOL you crack me up!
emoticon

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SUNSHINE99999 3/2/2013 3:31PM

  that is good. emoticon

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Who Says Nothing Is Impossible? I’ve Been Doing Nothing for Years and Other Thoughts From the Gym’s

Friday, February 22, 2013

First I must provide a little background…..

There was a television show named Cheers that lasted 11 years from 1982 to 1993 and the majority of the show took place in a Boston Bar named Cheers. There was a overweight, out of shape, quick-witted, always making funny comments character named Norm Peterson that frequented Cheers daily. Whenever Norm entered Cheers everyone would yell out “Norm”.

Norm would respond to the greeting with a wave of his hand and a funny comment such as:

“I am so happy this holiday season is over with. The whining, the crying, the screaming, the temper tantrums … OK, I wasn’t your traditional Santa Claus.”

The reason I told you the information above is that I have evolved into my gym’s Norm. There are areas and training classes at the gym that I will enter and will be greeted a loud “Marty”. I then respond to all with something off the cuff. Last evening I said, “Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing for years and this is the result!” as I grabbed my belly.

With about half of the gym training class instructors, I have developed a give and take relationship. We will have a running commentary exchange during the training class that all others are always welcome to join in. For example earlier this week in Spinning Class, the instructor asked, “How’s it hanging Marty?”

“Over both sides and the back of this cycle seat. These seats are too small for my big butt!”

I do not practice insult humor or attack anyone with my attempts at humor. As I have written previously, I practice self-depreciating humor or observational humor.

Unless the USA Federal Government makes some budget changes starting March 1, the Defense budget will be automatically reduced and employees will be laid-off or their work week (and pay) will be reduced. The name they have for this is sequestered. The Federal Government can avert the automatic cuts, if it compromises on a deficit-reduction plan before the March 1 deadline.

I shared the paragraph above because some of my current favorite attempted observational humor revolves around:

If the Federal Government doesn’t get this budget mess resolved, I say we allow every elected Federal Government member to become a private citizen again during their next re-election attempt.

Not everyone likes to be lighthearted at the gym, so if the class instructor does not start an exchange with the attendees, I do not since I am a participant and not the instructor.

Sometimes some of the other gym class attendees practice insult humor and attack others in the class. If they attack me or someone I like with insult humor, well they are fair game and I have no problem returning the attack.

Once and only once in my years of gym membership and aborted attempts at weight loss and getting in shape has someone actually wanted to get physical with me. His problem was that he wanted to match his insult wit against my wits. The singular “wit” will never top the plural “wits” and after a few rounds, the one wit wonder resorted to cursing and was dismissed from the class.

Of course he waited for me after class and mentioned getting physical.

I explained to him that he should consider that there were many witnesses in the class to what had occurred and there were witnesses now listening to him physically threaten me and how I was advising him that if he got physical, I would have him arrested, sue him, make his life a legal mess and he may lose his job since he would be convicted of physical violence. I suggested that he apologize to me or I would ask a few of the witnesses to our conversation to accompany me to gym’s front desk to file a complaint with the manager and have his membership revoked.

He stared at me while I smiled at him and after a few seconds, sincerely apologized and I accepted the apology.

I do not make this stuff up. It really happened!

So, I enjoy being the Norm Peterson of my gym and over the next few months will become the thinner Norm Peterson!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GARDENCHRIS 4/21/2013 7:41AM

    remind us never to piss you off! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BAMAJAM 4/19/2013 1:26PM

  Thanks for the memories about Cheers, Marty!

This is a line from Norm Peterson:

"It is a dog eat dog world, and I am wearing MilkBone underwear."

Cheers!!

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2ABBYNORMAL 3/2/2013 12:04AM

    What a wonderful person you are Norm or do I call you Marty? I liked Norm on Cheers. Such a great show.
emoticon

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TIGGERJEAN 2/26/2013 6:49AM

    Man! I wish I could join your gym - everyone at the Y is really quiet.

Humor is such a great way to diffuse situations and motivate people. emoticon

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MISTYRIOS 2/26/2013 1:54AM

    I really enjoyed your blog! Thanks for sharing :)

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LINDA! 2/25/2013 7:51PM

    Oh yes, Cheers was an awesome show...Norm was one of my favorites. He was funny and did not have to be mean spirited. I would like to be a fly on the wall at your gym listening to your humor. emoticon

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JLLOVETT 2/25/2013 4:31PM

    emoticon

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SALLYANNE0852 2/24/2013 8:24AM

    your title was so funny................ i couldn't read the blog though because i have ADD and can't focus to read. sorry. ill hAve to just read a little at a time . i just wanted you to know that when i read the title i just cracked up at my computer. emoticon

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JMHERRING78 2/24/2013 1:50AM

    There will always be guys like that out there, unfortunately, that want to take things way too personally and then get immature and take the physical route! Kudos to you for being mature enough to know how to handle it properly!
And as others here have already said, picking on yourself in fun a little here and there is okay every now and then, but you've got to build yourself up too! Remember how awesome you are! You're a great inspiration to so many of us and you don't deserve to be knocked down like that - even by yourself!
Stay positive & awesome, so you can keep churning out the great blogs!


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PATRICIAANN46 2/23/2013 10:12PM

  I have loved Norm for years...........and I have always felt that having a sense of humor is one of the best qualities we can possess. You, obviously, have a great sense of humor and enjoy life. I wish you the emoticon in becoming a thinner Norm.

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ARCHIMEDESII 2/23/2013 2:40PM

    Marty, if you're "norm" does that make your wife vera ? If so, does she know ? teehee...

I don't tolerate students personally insulting each other in class. That's not the kind of class I each. I teach respect for our bodies as well as ourselves. A little self deprecating teasing is one thing, but insults are another. These days, I make fun of my age. I tell my students if the little old lady teaching class can do push ups, so can all you young folks ! LOL !!!

And that guy who wanted to get physical with you sounds more like a twit and than wit. glad he saw the error of his ways.



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KITT52 2/23/2013 10:42AM

    emoticon

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ANNALALOCA 2/23/2013 8:30AM

    I always enjoy your blogs...excellent writing style. emoticon

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DONNABRIGHT 2/22/2013 10:53PM

    Norm was always one of my favs!

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FROSTY99 2/22/2013 8:37PM

    You go Norm, oh, Marty!!!!!

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ALIHIKES 2/22/2013 8:20PM

    Great blog! I LOVE how you handled the threatening guy at the gym. And thanks for reminding me about Norm on Cheers!

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DARLY55 2/22/2013 7:58PM

    MARTY! Hey. You paint such a vivid picture, I can actually see what you were telling us. I want to go to your gym! emoticon

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DATMAMA4 2/22/2013 7:23PM

    Loved your blog.

My favorite Norm-ism (said, I believe, to Woody): "It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

Thanks for the chuckle.

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SPASTASTIC 2/22/2013 5:44PM

    Loool. One wit wonder.

Cool blog. =)

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MARIANNE9855 2/22/2013 4:40PM

    good for you- I am too timid to go but if there was someone there who wasn't as intense and perfect with a sense of humor- it would certainly make it easier. The important thing is you are going emoticon

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STONECOT 2/22/2013 3:17PM

    Yes but, you're there, at the gym, at a spinning class, and I do one, it takes balls! You're not sitting on the couch. It takes courage to be the funny guy of the class, I do that too! So go for it Marty. emoticon

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SYLPHINPROGRESS 2/22/2013 3:16PM

    Insult comedy (it isn't humor, which requires a finer mind) is cheap and easy. Nothing cheap and easy is worthwhile, but it sure does depreciate the value of the deliverer. Which brings me to my second point. I never correct anyone in public, but since it fits here, I shall plow ahead and hope you'll forgive me.

Your humor may be self-deprecating, but it never is self-depreciating. You have too lovely a heart for that.
emoticon
P.S. Good story.


Comment edited on: 2/22/2013 3:31:32 PM

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CHUBRUB3 2/22/2013 2:49PM

    You are one of a kind in many ways Marty. I admire you.

I also as a friend want you to take into consideration that however well intended self inflicted 'insults', they do undermine your self confidence. I know as I have done it and caught myself doing it recently again.

We want to build ourselves up to succeed. Not to deride ourselves (however much it makes others laugh) and erode our foundation of success.

I hope I don't sound like a 'kook', just want you to have all you need to succeed.

Hugs,
Angela
emoticon emoticon


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AKELAZ 2/22/2013 2:04PM

    emoticon

Love Norm - love you and your humour too. So - plainly - do your fellow inmates at the gym.
Keep posting Marty - and keep shrinking. emoticon

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/22/2013 3:39:52 PM

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POPSY190 2/22/2013 1:22PM

    Keep on being the shrinker-with-humour of the gym!

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BOVEY63 2/22/2013 1:09PM

    You are definitely "Norm of the Gym" but getting to be a smaller version of him!
emoticon

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NEWTINK 2/22/2013 1:07PM

    Your funny emoticon emoticon

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KA_JUN 2/22/2013 12:40PM

    emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 2/22/2013 12:37PM

    Too, too funny!

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ANATASHIKI 2/22/2013 12:16PM

    lol , I wish I could see that. I will always remember your blog with the bicycle idiot emoticon . there's no way someone could beat you Marty. I'm the same , when someone is fighting me I'll crush him (I like to do that with my bosses :P ) but I like to be the subject of my jokes. probably that's why no one gets offended cause I'm always laughing at me first emoticon and Marty , the spark reaction is the same : ). and we love our Marty!

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SUSIE4LYF 2/22/2013 12:07PM

    Funny guy! :) emoticon Have a super week end...

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RODGRODMEDFLOD 2/22/2013 11:49AM

    Great stories! Sounds like your gym would be a blast. My better half is like that in her classes.

Thanks for sharing a good laugh this morning.

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LJCANNON 2/22/2013 11:43AM

    emoticon I would LOVE To be at Your Gym!! That was one of the things that I LOVED about Curves. Sometimes a Lady would actually get a Standing Ovation when she walked in!! More than once I have seen members greeted with Hugs, and a few times we have even shared Tears when someone was going through a Rough Patch!!
emoticon I Really, Really, Really, REALLY Miss that!!

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GERARLAUR 2/22/2013 11:41AM

    Okay! emoticon

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