MARTANYDIATORRE's Recent Blog Entries

Cardiologist visit

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

After a years absence today i went back to my cardiologist.Never thought it was such a long time since my last visit June 2009. I I found out some remarkable data.Last June i weighted 197 pounds .On December 2008 i had been 208 pounds not 206 like i had thought.He was so please that he told me to keep doing what i was doing and didn't need to go back till six months or a year if i keep doing what i was doing.A year and a half ago he had told me it was a wake up call the episode that had happen that either i lose weight or the consequences would be bad.All this has been greatly due to spark and the help and support of all of you.Thanks for been there for me when i have needed you .I hope i can pay forward all that has been freely been given to me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IDAREU 6/4/2010 9:24PM

    That's Awesome! Keep up the Good work! This journey never ends but it is definitely worth it! emoticon

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JNEGRON1 6/4/2010 9:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Keep going that's great news.

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WINDSONG26 6/3/2010 10:53PM

    That is fantastic news! Congratulations!!

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PERSISTANT123 6/3/2010 9:23PM

    emoticonWe're doing the Happy Dance with you! Great News!

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LADYRINO 6/3/2010 8:54PM

    Happy dancing for you!!!

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DAVEYSHADOW 6/3/2010 5:12PM

    emoticon emoticon it just goes to show what we can achieve with the support at Spark!

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JULIAOAK 6/3/2010 3:31PM

    great news - keep up the good work! emoticon emoticon

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    Great news! Keep sparking!

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    That is wonderful news! Keep up the good work on restoring your health!
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BRAVEONE92 6/3/2010 10:39AM

    That is great news for you! I am glad that you are working hard in losing weight and getting healthy on Spark. All of us here will continue to support you, as you encourage us.

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IMAGINE_IT 6/3/2010 8:45AM

    Great News Marta emoticon and great job losing all this extra weight this past Year...being healthy is the Best Feeling!! Thank you for all of your Support in the past Year!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LHOLEWIN 6/3/2010 8:35AM

    Great news, the power of positive re-enforcement hard at work. emoticon

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GRAMMACATHY 6/3/2010 1:31AM

    This is such good news. I am so happy you have found the Spark and are sharing it.

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ROOTIHAUSMAN 6/2/2010 11:48PM

    Glad we can all help. Continue to take care of yourself and live each day to the fullest!

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Saying thanks for my blessing of 2009

Monday, December 07, 2009

This was written in answer to one of the forums of the red bra team.A marvelous team to deal with the mind problemns that make us overeat .Thought that sumarizing what has been this year to me would give tribute to the people that have helped me walk this journey back to health and happiness.
. I can still recall myself last Christmas .They where quite difficult times for my family as my schizophrenic son left the house to deambulate in november and I decided after finding out it was of his own will that I will not have him back.He is been in a shelter for addicts (he is a mental patient not an addict or alcoholic) the whole year.I have no contact with him.He is been seduced by an older man and I have decided not to do anything more about it.
He is an adult already and must lead his own life.Wish him all the good of the world but after 21 years of suffering have decided to put a stop to it.
Last december they did me emergency cardiac work up because after carrying 8 pound for about 20 steps was out of breath for an hour and had to call home to come and get me.Could not even walk the ramp of my house without help.Cardilogist told me needed to urgently lose weight and change my lifes priorities from family to myself or wouldn't be for them either.
This has been a slow process of mind preparing and willingness that got me to spark,quickfiring ,moving,the challenges team,walking programn,red team and finally no resolutions team. .This have been my main teams during this year although ocasionally use other.Have received the help of so many people that better not list as forgetting one would not be fair.
Some of the leaders of these team have been a major positive influence in my life.They know who they are and I thank them for it.Will try to pay it forward or backward if ever needed.I lost 43 pounds which has help me be able to walk again.My back still gives me problemns and it is still hard to bend or balance but can now walk my ramp and some more.
After the summer started to take French classes to improve my memory problemns with another wonderful teacher that has taught me that I can be able to slowly memorize again and learn a new language.To her I bow in thanks as previously was thought had in incurable degenerative disease of the brain.This has improved my selfesteem so much that in January I am going back to study again.
I am learning to dream again and when you dream you become unstoppable .Want to do many things I never did like kayaking,learn to dance ,laugh a lot ,lose the height and airplane fear,stop my claustrophobia etc.,learn to bike to be able to do a triatlon.( I am already swimming and walking).Last but not the least do a postgraduate degree in The Sorbonne in France for which I am learning French.
Most important of all i am learning to enjoy the daily journey and live in the present moment.
So this has been a wonderful ,exciting and growth year.At present I am trying to learn that the only thing I have to fear is fear itself.Will be welcoming the next year with new hopes and dreams, just one day at a time faking it if I cann't do it, but with no preconceived expectations except to keep walking in this road to health and happiness paraphrasing a dear friend and not forgetting in the daily journey to stop and nuture my good wolf as the other is always watching

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATELJM 1/25/2010 12:31AM

    Marta, your journey is inspiring.

Yes, the day we begin to dream again... It's magic!

Thank you for showing yourself love and respect.

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JOANNALIZ 12/28/2009 5:29PM

    Wow! Thank you for sharing all this information!!! Sounds like you have built a wonderful support system and are on the right track in making positive changes in your life!

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LEEPFROG95 12/28/2009 9:11AM

    Marta, great blog glad to be sharing this journey with you
my friend
have a great day...

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WATERMELLEN 12/11/2009 9:20PM

    All the best for a Happy New Year and continued progress towards your goals! You are a brave lady.

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JEN1239 12/9/2009 8:33PM

    This has been a challenging year. You are truly amazing! One day at a time and all of your dreams will become a reality. You are unstoppable!

I can't teach you french (even though I took classes for two years) but I can give you pointers on kayaking.

Remember to take care of yourself first always. That way you can be there for your family and friends.


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ASPENHUGGER 12/8/2009 3:01PM

    Look at all those dancin' & prancin' ladies! LOL

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ASPENHUGGER 12/8/2009 3:00PM

    Like all of us, you have a lot to be thankful for! Thanks for being my friend!

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ANSING 12/7/2009 11:20PM

    Marta, you've come a long way this year. I am really inspired by your bravery and determination to reach for your dreams, no matter what the obstacles may be.

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JENEAL1 12/7/2009 5:31PM

    What a year Marta! You are a survivor. Be proud of yourself.

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IMAGINE_IT 12/7/2009 4:25PM

    Marta emoticon you have come a long way this past year..i remember how your very first story you posted on here touched me and this how we started to communicate...look at look even more gorgeous now.....and you have worked so hard on losing your extra pounds.... and you just keep on amazing me!! I am happy for you that you stayed strong throughout this past year..i know it was a tough one for you...but please keep on smiling and keep on moving ..because the sky is the limit!!Thanks for sharing this with us.... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHRISPYLEE 12/7/2009 1:02PM

    Wonderful blog!
What a year for you!
You inspire me in so many ways!
Thank you for sharing!

PS Beautiful pictures!!

Comment edited on: 12/7/2009 1:03:12 PM

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End of the honeymoon and the coming down to earth to nuture the right wolf again

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

This week is my six month anniversary in spark .I am an emotional overeater and since been in spark I had forgotten all about it .I had lost the need or the wish to overeat .Definetly I was in my honeymoon in spark .Probably all the excercise, kept me from the wish to binge at midnight or any other time,and even refrain me most of the time from the surge for sugar. Although I don't avoid it 100% about once a month I eat something like a frozen fruit bar.You might be wondering where I am leading too.Yesterday night I went into my first ever binge since 2009 and since spark.There was no particular difficult reason .I just brought the enemy into the house(not me my son).
I thought it was no problemn and decided to eat it next day.I was wrong .It got me hungry and I started eating nothing would feel me until I ate the d.. cuban sandwitch at about two am after I even had closed my food tracking a long time ago.Luckly the mayoneise made me harm and couldn't hardly eat anything but soups today.That was not the point for me.I most always remember to keep the watch.Probably if I would have started quick firing or doing any other exercise it would have been a different story.
Tonight just in case although I don't anymore have anything at home that will spark me I exercised late at night.Was not sure if I should share it or not and decided it might help someone else.Luckly my feet are better tonight and could walk on the threadmill .So I AM GOING BACK to basics and reviewing what I have been doing since beggining spark.I have to go back and read the articles they use to help me a lot and homecoking which I don't like too much.After the walk felt quite energized again and it help me decide to post.
This will be the beggining of my daily consciuosly nuturing my healthy food and exercises habits .Don't misunderstand me I did it before.,but thought that the battle had finish and that everything was going to be happily everafter and it would not if I don't consciusly make it part of my daily battle with my other wolf the same way I battle many othercharacter defects and nuture the ones I want.I had many other choises to make if I would have stop to think .First I new better than think that the urge would never come back I would need to be in the watchout daily and beware of nuturing the habits I want to win.
So it has been good that it happened in my anniversary as it would be easier to recall as a reminder to be alert.You never graduate this is a continuos process in which we grow but don't graduate.That's why it is not a diet but a change in lifestyle.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HILARY777 11/16/2009 12:49PM

Just dropped by to encourage you. I have had the same problem. I lost interest for a while. But I just remember back to when I quit smoking - I had to try several times before I actually quit for good and loosing weight and getting fit are somewhat the same - I just have to keep trying. Good luck! You can do it - try try again it's worth it.
Hilary emoticon

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ZSIRYE1 9/26/2009 8:11PM

    Marta, cuando lei lo que escribibio me parecia que era yo pues me es muy dificil ultimamente porque tengo osteoartritis en las caderas y rodillas, cuando hago ejercicios al otro dia parece que me dieron una pela (ja, Ja,).Usted tiene una fuerza de voluntad fuerte. Me ha gustado mucho su(no se como se escribe en espanol Blog). me ha ayudado mucho. yo tengo muchas libras para vajar todavia..gracias Marta.. su amiga de sparkpeople...Marta. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/26/2009 8:18:43 PM

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HOKU-ALOHI 9/24/2009 12:00AM

Yo soy sólo al comienzo de este viaje en la salud. Estás mucho más lejos que yo en este proceso. No te preocupes, "Lo que bien se aprende, nunca se pierde." Sé que tienes la fuerza, el conocimiento y el poder para continuar tu viaje en la salud.
Con carino,

Hola Marta,
I am only at the beginning of this journey in fitness. You are much farther ahead than me in this process. Do not worry, "That which you have learned well, you never forget." I know that you have the strength, knowledge, and power to continue your journey in health.
Aloha ~~ Maya

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HOKU-ALOHI 9/24/2009 12:00AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/24/2009 12:02:29 AM

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TAMATHA* 9/20/2009 11:47AM

    You are so right, Marta. It is a daily battle and it will never be over. We must always be on guard and walk the walk into a healthy lifestyle. You are such a powerful woman. Thanks for sharing.

Tamatha emoticon

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STELA731 9/16/2009 10:11PM

    Marta, you have made such incredible progress that a slip up here and there is OK, I think. Once in a while, allowing yourself a treat keeps it real, I think. We know you're going to pick up the next day and keep on going on your healthy new lifestyle. Good luck to you.

PS - I'm writing this as I finish a Haagen Daaz dark chocolate covered chocolate ice cream bar!!! emoticon

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SHEDDING123 9/16/2009 8:46PM

    Great post. Thank you for sharing it.
I actually think that CONGRATULATIONS are in order.
Mastery is acheived by how we respond to our slip ups. You are in a totally different place from before the past 6 months. Now, you eat one sandwich at 2 am and the alarm bells go off and you come up with a game plan. Now that response is worth celebrating! Not that it's easy to go for the self correction. You are back to the basices of doing what you need to do now and that is fantastic, no matter how hard!
It's a sign of learning deep in your heart emoticon emoticon
Go for it!

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ANSING 9/16/2009 5:16PM

    Marta, the wonderful thing is that you have learned from the experience. No one is perfect, and we're all going to give in at some point. But it's important to learn from the experience, and pick ourselves up and just keep going!

Proud of you!

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ANNIE.B 9/16/2009 1:41PM

    Very insightful Blog, Marta. I like what you said about nurturing the good habits, and being ever watchful for the "wolf". You're right, that's what it feels like, and it certainly is an ongoing battle.
I too, have been fooled into thinking I had it beat and conquered; that the "urge would never come back".
Thank you for this reminder to remain vigilant.

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2BASWAN 9/16/2009 12:45PM

    Like you, I'm getting back to basics as well. You are definitely not alone in this battle as many are on the roller coaster. Good for you in recognizing your triggers. Exercising was a brilliant idea and you should be proud of yourself. It's not easy getting back on, but you did and for that a big WOO HOO! to you!!!


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SMILEY_MOM_GINA 9/16/2009 11:11AM

    You're right, the honeymoon really is over! I'm getting back to basics myself.

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NHOLLIS3 9/16/2009 10:17AM

    Thanks for posting your blog, Marta! I've been struggling lately, too - in part because I can't exercise right now (the aprained ankle on the first day running after the sore hip - thanks for your encouragement on that!). It's frustrating to realize that we've let things get a little out of hand, but it's good that you see it right now and that you're ready to take charge again.
Keep at it, and I will, too!

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JHEARD7 9/16/2009 9:28AM


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STACI388 9/16/2009 9:19AM

    You are right this process will never end. It will continue for the rest of our lives. I am happy that you realized that you had done something unhealthy and then tried to fix it with exercise. I understand it is difficult but we are doing it. Keep up the great work!

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MNABOY 9/16/2009 8:43AM

    Thanks for sharing how you plan to conquer the wolf. It is an ongoing battle

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IMAGINE_IT 9/16/2009 6:32AM

    Marta emoticon Blog...and you are right..going back to the Basics is a smart move...and i bet that will give you the results you want to see...overall you are doing great already..only 6months on Spark and look how far you have come emoticon but it is an ongoing Battle..the weight loss journey..and especially keeping good healthy habits in your life that is an neverending Battle...and the only choice we should are on the right track..and i know you can do it!!! Thanks for posting this.. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOING2LSEITNOW 9/16/2009 5:04AM

    I've been there done that. I've been back on Spark for about 6 months and was doing fine until I went on vacation. Now I am having to rededicate myself. Slowly but surely I am getting back on track. You will too. emoticon

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Sharing a marvelous birthday present.Thought it was to good to keep it to myself only

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sorry to be a day late but: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARTA!!!!!!!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Below is a birthday present/response to your blog from several days ago .

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith
The version below was found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere any.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa


emoticon Wishing you a happy and healthy year, filled with the transformation that you are working so hard on!

Comment edited on: 8/13/2009 2:35:04 PM

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSIC66 9/9/2009 2:57AM

    Good blog.

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WATERMELLEN 8/29/2009 12:10AM

    This is such an excellent blog -- words to live by!

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SATELLITE19 8/14/2009 10:01PM

    I just happen to come accross this blog, thank you for sharing. It's beautiful.

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LEE907 8/14/2009 8:48PM

emoticonHAPPY BIRTHDAY! emoticon


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2BASWAN 8/14/2009 8:34PM

    Marta, so wonderful of you to share this beautiful present. I hope you had a splendid birthday.

Red Team

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RAMONAFAY 8/14/2009 5:14PM

  I like it! Thanks for sharing!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! TOO YOU! emoticon emoticon

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ETAGGEL 8/14/2009 1:47AM

    Happy Birthday and thank you for sharing this with us. Mother Teresa was a great inspiration to everyone.


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IMAGINE_IT 8/14/2009 1:19AM

    Mother Teresa was a very wise and kind Lady...everything she wrote there is so true...and an enormous life lesson to all of us...itis not too difficult to be a good and warm hearted Person...more should give it a try...thank you Marta for sharing this great Birthday gift with us!! emoticon emoticon

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TSUNAMI-DUDE 8/13/2009 11:12PM

Appreciate you sharing your birthday gift. These thoughts from Mother Theresa are profound and amazing. Hope you enjoyed your birthday.

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MEYLOSE 8/13/2009 10:41PM

    That was definately worth sharing, THANKX for thinking of others, we all need a reminder of what is important, it is beyween God and I, no matter how youlook at it.
Believe it, Claim it and Live it!!!

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JUSTFOXXY 8/13/2009 10:31PM

    I love this. Doing things in spite of predictable outcome. That is what it's all about.

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NGCHILD 8/13/2009 10:30PM

    What a great blog!! Thanks for sharing!!

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There are some wounds that never heal completely

Friday, August 07, 2009

Been abandoned as a baby for whatever good reasons is one of those things that leave in a child a wound that never closes completely.The child grows with a permanent feeling of insecurity .Of never really fitting in.In its fantasies he creates many different stories to explain what is for him unexplainable.
Usually the child feels responsible for what the adults did or left undone.If on top of that one of the adults dies , the child idealizes the dead, to be able to make up for the loss.
That deep and only superficially closed wound reopens when anything simple happens,for the real reason is the deep feeling of abandonment.He might try for years to deal with it and seem to have completely forgiven and make peace .
When something as simple as a mother not recognizing the childs voice the wound completely reopens as a new one.The feeling of abandonment and reject comes back.When that mother is not willing to deal with it and somehow tries to transfer the guilt to the adult child it is even worse.The person sees the difference with the other syblings that where not given up.Those other syblings don't recognize the person as a real sybling for there is not a common history of charing.The bonding between a mother and child is not done in the uterus but in the caring and living together.No matter what the child tries the mother cannot bond to that child as its own.Intelectually the child accepts the situation as unsoluble but emotionally is very hard to accept and not feel the reject.After trying many times he knows that will not be able to recreate that bonding but longs for it.He may try thousounds of times to forgive but the anger comes back and resurfaces and the sense of injustice.That's a wound that not even time will heal.Maybe only death will .Who knows?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOKU-ALOHI 9/24/2009 12:14AM

  Dearest Marta,

This December, my wonderful husband and I will be celebrating 19 years of happy marriage. The only sadness is that we are unable to have children. I am able to get pregnant, but I the longest I was able to hold the pregnancy was three months.

When I read your blog and some of the comments of others who were abandoned, my heart just aches. My arms would love to hold my own baby and raise him/her in a loving supportive home.

My mind cannot comprehend why there are those like me who ache to have a child, when there are people abandoning their precious babies. I do not know why, I only know I find solace in faith.

God bless and comfort you.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JEANINECAMP 9/1/2009 8:17AM

    I ran across this blog. I am dealing with the exact thing even as we speak. I was abandoned, literally, by my mother as a baby (after she tried to abort me - I was born 3 mos premature). Then she gave me to her half sister at 18 mos where I was not wanted and lots of abuse occurred over the 18 yrs. The other kids were her natural children. It was, and still is, hard. Sometimes words of comfort can feel empty but being understood is sometimes the best comfort you can have. I think I understand where you are and how you are feeling.

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CHILLROSE 8/10/2009 3:44PM

    My niece was abandoned. She knew her Mother as she got older, and it was hard because after her mother abandoned her, she raised 2 twin boys which left Brandy wondering why she wasn't good enough to keep, but her brothers were. Later in life, she didn't think she could have children of her own, even though she wanted a child. Then one day it happened, she was pregnant. Strange how it was so much like her Mother's pregnancy. She didn't know who the father of the baby was because she was promiscuous, and didn't think she could have kids...just like her Mother. She had the baby and she had a girl. Everyone thought what a blessing she was, and a miracle! Oh how Brandy would cherish this little girl...but no. It was the opposite. She left her with anyone who would take her, and finally before the baby turned 1, she abandoned her just like her Mother did to her. Brandy can have no more children. This was her first and last, but still she didn't want her. My sister now is her Mother, and Brandy is her sister. I wonder what effects it will have on little Emma, and I also wonder why her Mother did the one thing she despised her own Mother for doing...

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AMBUDMAN 8/9/2009 10:38AM

    What you say is so true. My husband was an abandoned, unwanted and abused child. He does not feel like he belongs at gatherings with my family. He has gotten better in the 24 years we have been married but the wounds, as you say, will never heal completely.

Your blog is very powerful and it must have taken a lot of thought to write those words. You are a beautiful person and have many friends here on Spark People.



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WATERMELLEN 8/9/2009 9:21AM

    What you write has so much truth in it of course, Wise Woman -- and you say to yourself, here is my old companion grief and loss and despair which may never leave my side entirely. You did not have the mothering you needed and now must mother the child within yourself. But some days it hurts less. Friends help heal: you have lots here. Staying healthy helps heal and you're doing that. Sleep heals heal and when you get up, I hope you feel up.

No final "closure", no miraculous cures: but life on the whole is pretty good, no? When your flowers bloom and your little frogs sing their songs to you??

All best.

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2BASWAN 8/9/2009 7:21AM

    Marta, are you the baby you wrote of? If so, I am so sorry. I was abandoned like this and although time and therapy have helped to heal the wounds, they are still a bit open and raw. I sometimes think only death will bring full healing, then I'm reminded that it is through living, through saying "No! I Will Not Let You Hurt Me More!" I'm here for you unconditionally and if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be that for you.



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PONYFARMER 8/8/2009 1:17AM

I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting so deeply. Sounds to me like it may be a son you adopted. I know deep pain and hurt. A different kind but all the same, deep and dark and very hurtful. But I was able to find healing in the love of Jesus and God has so blessed my life. It took a long time, nothing over night but believe me it can happen.

I will be praying and keeping you in my thougths.


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ALANOFLINY 8/8/2009 1:03AM

    Powerful and true words in general. Marta - if this is your story, my heart goes out to you and whatever torment it may be causing right now. Hang in there though. As DakotasMommy wrote, wounds won't heal ... but they can be bandaged and dealt with so as not to be so painful.

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1647GINGER 8/8/2009 12:27AM

    I hope that these feelings are released quickly and that you are happy again soon.

God Bless.

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Comment edited on: 8/8/2009 3:43:32 PM

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WANDAC2013 8/8/2009 12:16AM

    Wow...powerful stuff. I know about the abandonment and how that hurt never really goes away. That wound can be opened so easily. AThough my other parent didn't die, she was not and is not emotionally healthy and counted on me to be her emotional support---so, I have, for the most part, separated myself from her. But, our own love for ourselves is something that we need to learn and to nurture. It is not an easy path, but it is possible. Never, ever quit trying. And, of course, the love of God and others, helps to ease the pain. emoticon Wanda

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DAKOTASMOMMY_07 8/8/2009 12:13AM

    Marta~did this happen to u? is this the reason y u have been upset lately? please let me know if theres anything i can help u with.u r my friend,and i dont like to see u down.this is all very true,that wound wont heal.
i am worried about u.god bless,Christina emoticon

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