MARMAERT   37,982
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Messing Up Big Time!

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Here at Sparkpeople, there are all kinds of motivational sayings - "Use It or Lose It" or my favorite "You can't out-exercise bad eating." This is the saying that weighs heavily (pun intended) on me today.
Because yesterday was a disaster of epic proportions - one ball rolling started another and another and so on and so on...until they all came to a THUD! at the bottom - as "bottom" as you can get when you know you're doing wrong but don't want to stop it - and seeing how excited and upbeat everyone is at the beginning of the BTS Q2 and you're not feeling it - and a delayed reaction to a bad medical diagnosis and having to tell my co-workers about it and their reactions - was all too much ball-rolling to handle. I was really down on myself last night, but that didn't stop me from eating did it? And then feeling worse and going to bed late and just generally awful-feeling.
Then today, in my morning Bible meditation, the leader wrote about "When You Mess Up Big Time" - about Peter's denial of Jesus and his feelings of self-loathing and anger at himself afterward. And the quote from Luke 22:31 - "And when you have turned and come back to me, strengthen your friends." (paraphrased) No matter how awful peter felt, no matter how much he wanted to go off and do damage to himself, no matter angry and upset the other disciples were toward him, Jesus had already forgiven him and had big plans for him - EVEN BEFORE PETER HAD EVEN DENIED HIM!
Then came the statement that tied this all together for me - "Have you made mistakes that left you feeling disqualified, left out of the game, sitting on the bench because of too many fouls?"
And that, Sparkfriends, is exactly how I feel today - "I don't belong here, I don't feel worthy to be here, I can't stop eating bad foods, I can't lose weight anymore, I should just give it up." Just like Peter must have felt for those 3 days before the resurrection. I can beat myself up, be angry with myself, and sit this one out. OR I can let my Sparkbuddies pull me off that bench, put me back in the game, and, like Jesus did, make me realize that you all have been there, that you all feel this way at times, that we all need to turn around and come back and be strengthened by each other. Why would they do this? Because, someday, this same thing may happen to them and they would look to me to "strengthen my friends." To dust the shame of messing up off and get back in the game of losing weight and better health.
So I'm thanking you all ahead of time and hoping you will give me that "push" to get back in the game and get motivated again. Like Peter, sometimes I need to be told to buck up, too! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAVELGRRL 4/13/2014 10:40AM

    I know you feel better just writing this blog!

We've all rolled down the hill to the bottom, but then we pull on our big girl panties and start right back up.

"Fall 7 times, stand up 8."


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MALAMI518 4/10/2014 7:31PM

    I've messed up big time today, too. I have been having those "I'm not worthy" feelings despite all that I have accomplished in the last year and two months.

Let's stand up strong together and face the challenges again. Messing up a day or two (or a even a week or two) doesn't mean that we've failed. It's only failing once we leave the game and totally give up. It's time to get back in it. So, buck up and take some baby steps in the right direction. I'll be there with you!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LINDA! 4/10/2014 12:37AM

    Believe me, there are SO MANY days that I mess up. I try to push myself but by the end of the day I realize I have eaten all of the wrong things. However, knowing that this is a lifestyle change we have to realize that we are not going to do it right everyday. There are ups and downs just like everything in life.

Hang in there. Keep reading blogs, Spark articles and pages. I know that you will find encouragement.


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ROBYN168 4/9/2014 10:08PM

    Reaching my hand out to pull you up off of that bench. Your time to get into the game!!! We are here for you.

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CFMOSS 4/9/2014 5:00PM

    Here's a tug off the bench. Doubt there are many of us on sparkpeople if we didn't need to be - and doubt there are many of us who don't feel like you do sometimes - I think that's why sparkfriends are so important - they pull you up or say something that resonates or help you gain fresh perspective or walk alongside you making sure you're not alone. These ornery food choices - one at a time - maybe your streak needs to be hours as opposed to days, or maybe if you can streak for a couple of hours with healthier food choices that'll turn back into a day and two days. Here's to pushing onward. emoticon

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JMONTIE 4/9/2014 11:55AM

    There is not one of us who are struggling with weight that hasn't messed up big time. Sometimes the downward slide lasts a day, sometimes, weeks, months or years. I have come to accept that this is one of the crosses that I will continue to bear.
Beating myself up has never been the best course. And I need to remind myself often that the negative things I say to myself I would never say to a friend about their struggle. Today is a new day; a new blessing...embrace it!

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Been "Un-Sparking" Lately - and Having Fun Doing It, Too!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

"Un-Sparking"? What? Why would anyone un-Spark? How disloyal! How rude! How...
Now, wait, before you all start whaling on me, I don't mean I've un-Sparked myself! I love SP and will not be leaving any time soon.
But sometimes I feel like seeing what others are doing, out there in the wide, wide world (been reading "The Poky Little Puppy" to the 3YO grandson too much). There are lots of interesting articles and FB posts that I see, most of them here on SP. Every so often, I will get an email about articles around the Web that look interesting, sort of like a Pinterest page for healthy lifestyles. So I check them out...and find interesting factiods that make me think.
Like "The Nourished Life" blog, which I like and therefore receive a daily email from. And "Eating Well/The Daily Recipe" e-magazine. And "The Fitness Walking Guide". Each of these are interesting to me and I subscribe to them and read them almost daily.
But, in order to add these blogs about health and fitness to my daily reading list, I had to give up a few others. Like "2 Peas and Their Pod" ( cute couple, cute toddler, annoying write-ups about the fabulous places they were paid to visit). And "Bake or Break" (need I say anymore?) and "Cookies and cups" (ditto) and "Bakerella" (again?), and "Six Sisters' Stuff" (too many good recipes) and "Picky Palate" (ditto) and "In Jennie's Kitchen" (too sad about her DH dying so young, but enough already!).
Are you getting a theme here? Lots and lots of food-related blogs; too many food-related blogs! And too many with recipes that are definitely NOT healthy! and seriously - why would I want to make homemade GS cookies? or Cracker Jack? or Olive Garden soups? Why wouldn't I just go buy them?
But, see, I don't want to "just go buy them" anymore. Or just go, sit down, and order some. Because I know what's in them (thanks to these "make your own" recipes) and, just for fun, I entered the recipe for All-American Double chocolate Brownies into the SP recipe calculator. These brownies are supposed to be like the Starbuck's ones. People - 1,482 calories in a 3-inch square! 1,482 - for some of us, that's an entire day's worth of food! Why would I want to do that - for one brownie? Why would someone even want that? (well, okay, after all, it is a brownie, but still...) Why would I want to waste a whole day's worth of calories on one stinkin' brownie. Not to mention the fat, sugar, cholesterol, and complete lack of vitamins and minerals. Oh, sure, maybe sinking my teeth into one would take care of a craving, but it's not worth it! I can have a non-fat hot cocoa mug or a square of dark chocolate instead. Just as good tasting, but way better and easier on the calories!
So no more fabulous recipes, or all-expenses paid weekend getaways, or cute little cake pops for this girl. I've gotten some really helpful advice and recipes from healthier, better-for-me places and I would like to enjoy those "un-Sparked" places, too!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAVELGRRL 2/21/2014 8:25AM

    Wow~! I guess I'm not a blog girl, I don't subscribe to any except skinnytaste and fatfree vegan kitchen. But you are doing yourself a HUGE favor. When you have a problem with a substance you don't surround yourself with it!

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LINDA! 2/19/2014 11:30PM

    Wow, the calories in items such as the Starbucks brownie and unbelievably high! It is a wake up call to us to read more about nutrition.

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JLOVESDOGS 2/19/2014 2:27PM

    I am the same way too! I subscribe to all these blogs about food. Most days I look at the title of the recipe, know it has a ton of calories and then delete. Why I just don't unsubscribe is beyond me. I think I am afraid of missing that one amazing recipe.

And like double wow on the calories of that brownie. Oh my word...ugh!!!

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CFMOSS 2/19/2014 6:56AM

    my favorite healthy food blog is - she has yummy desserts all made healthier usually using normal ingredients.

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LEZASEDAI 2/19/2014 4:59AM

    My mind is boggled at a 1400 calorie 3 inch brownie. We don't have a Starbucks here or I would have to go view this monster.

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WATERDIAMONDS 2/19/2014 4:48AM

    I'm right there with you on all the blogs that tell us how to be unhealthy--just too many of them to count. Culling the list is a great idea. Great job of prioritizing so that you can focus on what matters, your health.

Truly emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/19/2014 4:49:00 AM

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JAZZYFROG333 2/19/2014 3:34AM

    I love finding all of the healthy resources available both in the Spark World and outside. There are so many great articles and blogs available out there. I think that while we are trying to nourish our bodies properly it is important for us to continually nourish our minds as well.
Good for you on giving up all those foodie articles and blogs and making way for the healthier ones you're discovering!

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ZIZZERZARUS 2/19/2014 12:12AM

    Its so hard to stay focused! Good for you find what's better for you out there. One of my favorite websites is skinnytaste

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What I Like about Myself ( a

Monday, February 03, 2014

In our BTS challenge, one of the options for last weekend's challenge was to write a blog about what we like about ourselves. I thought this was a laugh - if I liked myself, would I be fat? If I liked myself, would I be on Spark?
But many of the people in the BTS are fighting depression, SAD, or just plain out-of-sorts. One of my co-workers tried to commit suicide last week. Winter is getting to all of us and this winter has been especially hard so far. Plus, perhaps we are not losing weight like we would wish to, or we are so close to that goal and just can't quite meet it. Whatever is the problem, we need to do something nice. So the more I thought about it, the more this idea of liking my best attributes seemed like a good thing. So here goes:

1. my bluer than blue eyes - they change with the weather - really!

2. my fingers that can play piano and make a living at it, too!

3. my ability to research - I work at it like a bulldog and never give up until I find the answer!

4. my willingness to take on any job, no matter how difficult (except closets!)

5. my loyalty to family and friends

6. my love for my grandkids

7. my weightloss so far - I am happy with what I've done and want to continue to work hard to lose more

I think all of us should try this "exercise" - it's a lot easier than planks!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PALMTREEGIRL1 2/10/2014 3:15PM

    I think you are an awesome person! Thank you for all the wonderful insight you provide to our Pink Pirates! Yay you!

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TRAVELGRRL 2/8/2014 8:10AM

    Your blog was exactly what I needed to hear today! You are so right.

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GLMOM2 2/5/2014 9:05PM

    emoticon list!

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SARIANEC 2/4/2014 1:46PM

    I'll do your closets - you do some research. I don't mind researching things, I just get too side tracked.

I haven't made my blog yet, and I need to do it, challenge or not!

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JAZZYFROG333 2/4/2014 7:36AM

    You're right we should all take the time to do this exercise. It's uplifting and encouraging to look at yourself in a positive light after feeling down for so long.
You are an amazing woman and I'm thankful to be sharing this voyage with you. I'm glad you are feeling a bit brighter this week and I'm continuing to pray for you after the difficult times this Winter has brought to you and people you care about.

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    You are wonderful! I love the sense of humor, perspective and positive energy you bring to this blog and to our group.

Thank you so much for the first smile on my face today. emoticon

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LEZASEDAI 2/4/2014 12:56AM

You sound like someone I would like emoticon

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CRAFTSFAN1 2/3/2014 11:33PM

    Why did you stop? I am pretty sure, that you would fill pages and pages of things that you like about yourself.

Oh, I know! We are trying little changes, one at a time. And writing about ourselves takes practice. Is like working out: we start walking slowly for about 10 minutes and in the long run maybe we will be able to run a marathon.


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LINDA! 2/3/2014 10:50PM

    Wonderful blog!

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MALAMI518 2/3/2014 10:39PM

    I think that planks would be easier! Though this is probably more beneficial.

You have some really great traits and abilities! I'm glad that you acknowledged them and wrote them up. Fantastic job!

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Buckling Down

Sunday, January 19, 2014

After re-reading the "10 Step Wellness Plan" blog I wrote, there are some things I need to do that haven't been done.

1. clean out closets/clean out my "life closet" - just like my Christmas closet, my "life closet" needs to be gone over and the junk thrown out. things in my life need to be moved around or put somewhere else. I can't close the door on wellness issues, hoping they will fix themselves or go away. I have to plan snacks into the meal planning - there can't be "hunger days" where I'm so hungry that I will eat anything! The numbers can't be constantly at the top end of the calorie range for the day or consistently letting the fats portion go higher. I have to have balance in everything - eating, fitness, ME time, and work.

2. I have to accept that part of the ME time is sitting at the kitchen table to read and that is how it is. I've tried reading other places - they are just not comfortable. So... one snack time will be late at night after I get home from work. I went back and read over my past trackers and, since I eat dinner at 3PM, it is too long to go until morning for my next meal. so part of #1 is the planned snack at 11PM.

3. I have done the swimming, ST, walking (even though the weather hasn't co-operated). so the fitness is going very well (wow - one good thing!)

4. have done team chats, FaceBook, and journal. 2 things right!

5. (refer to #2 - I have studied past tracking and worked out a meal plan)

6. ok-3 things done right!

7. I have not always done well on dinners out - and the scale has shown me up. this is the biggest setback and a tough one to beat when family members don't help much because they are not on the same journey as me. I have learned what I can do the next 2 days after and have done it. I don't like it, but I do it!

8. (refer to #1)

9. still compare how I have done/am doing to others. but I am always impressed by others' motivation and hope to channel some of that.

10. have done some of those things listed already.

it's only been 3 weeks and I realize some of the things that need to be changed, some things that cannot change, and others I have to change that I don't want to change. Those are the hardest to work on, but I plan on facing those obstacles and pushing them aside. I can't wait until the nicer weather happens to walk more outside and get ready for the 5K in May, can't wait to finish losing the 20 lbs. for the Alaska trip, and can't wait to start biking.
So buckling down and gritting my teeth and getting it done is the phrase for now.
Thank you to all the Pink Pirates for your help on the voyage of the Encourager. None of this would happen without you all!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDA! 1/23/2014 11:30PM

    emoticon Great plans.

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GLMOM2 1/21/2014 11:00PM


emoticon Keep stepping


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DRADDIE 1/19/2014 11:43PM

    Dinners out really get me too- even if I have planned ahead! Especially if they bring bread to the table! mmmmmmmm!!! Way to plan things out and make yourself hold to them! Well done Marla!

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WATERDIAMONDS 1/19/2014 10:55PM

    I can really relate to # 7 and # 9.

#7. My family doesn't help when we go out either, and I have to work hard to maintain my resolve when I'm around them. I also struggle sometimes to avoid resenting the fact that they eat whoever they want with no care for the consequences. I keep my perspective as well as I can--this is my journey, not theirs, what they eat is their business, not mine, I'll be healthier tomorrow if I eat well today...but sometimes it's tough.

#9. In the past, I have exhausted myself worrying about how poorly I do compared to others, but I am learning to let it go. I've finally figured out that just about everybody else worries about how THEY stack up against someone else, so we all sort of cancel one another out, you know?

I'm with you on the support we get from the Pirates. What a GREAT team!

Thanks for blogging so well about such an important subject.

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TRAVELGRRL 1/19/2014 10:31PM

    Change comes slowly, and not always willingly!

You are making good changes, and you have identified others that still need work. Man, keep that Alaska trip in mind the next time you want to eat mindlessly.

I am going back home in May and that keeps me going strong -- I want to definitely look better than I have in a while. I will be older, but I can be in great shape, too!

Keep on plugging!!!

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10 Step Wellness Plan for 2014

Saturday, December 28, 2013

***please note - NOT a resolution plan!!***

On the Beyond the Scale team, we are cautioned to not make resolutions for 2014, but to make goals for the new year. Also, on my Start page on SP, there was an article to be read about making a wellness plan for 2014. This, to me, seemed to be the perfect fit for the BTS, so I did my wellness plan for next year. Here it is:

1. Write out SMART goals
- lose 20 lbs. by Alaska trip (June1,2014)
- lower sodium to 2800mg per day
- walk my first 5K in May
- finish all tracking by midnight every night
- make ST workouts 30 minutes long 3 times per week

2. power through obstacles by naming them
- have to learn to read at night in the living room and not at kitchen table
- close kitchen at midnight (get home from work @10PM)
- stop thinking "oh, just one won't hurt!" - because it will!

3. Plan your solutions to obstacles
- reading in living room after 11PM
- consider putting my feet up in recliner as a reward at night instead of eating as reward
- ST alternating with swimming (ST Tues., Thurs., Sat., - swimming M, W - walking Th., Su.)
- workout on Nautilus machines with my swimming buddy
- de-clutter all closets and get rid of junk - keeps me busy at home during day and out of the junk foods!

4. Journal everything
- have to buy a new notebook first
- blog here more
- keep up with team chat and FB

5. Accept where you are right now versus where you would like to be and work to bridge that gap
- change attitude about how long it takes to lose the weight
- go back on trackers and see what I did at the beginning - how did I lose 40 lbs. in 6 months?

6. One step at a time
- take weight loss slowly
- add more ST to tighten up loose skin and muscles
- add longer walking times

7. learn from setbacks and write them down. then turn them into positives!
- Christmas candy and cookies and party foods - oh my! give them away!
- don't be tempted by "it's only once" at dinners out
- eat half as much when eating out and bring the rest home for the next day

8. clean "house". which activities are not contributing to my overall purpose and remove them
- less computer time and less sitting
- get busier (see #3)
- plan, then execute that plan!

9. Stop comparing yourself to others
- don't think anyone is better because they've lost a lot of weight. how healthy are they compared to me?
- don't think I am better because I have lost 55 pounds!
- others may be more focused or their weight loss is at beginning and easier

10. reward yourself with non-food items!
- bath in Jacuzzi
- try on clothes in the Misses' dept.
- browse through my library
- buy and read a book on Kindle
- catch up on DVR'd shows
- craft with BFF
- window shopping with DD
- go for a longer drive in nice weather - look for new places to walk
- rest more to keep lungs rested

this sounds like a lot, but really is doable for the next year. I have done so much already this year and really feel I can do more in 2014. I have to focus and be determined and keep pushing myself to be a "NIKE" -


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AVAMARIE62 1/7/2014 9:38AM

    Hi Marla,
emoticon Let's make 2014 the year we further solidify our healthy lifestyle together with our BTS teammates!

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KAZZIE531 1/6/2014 1:56PM

    WOW!!!! Marla, you gave this a lot of thought. I am proud of you. You have a ton of goals here that you surely can meet. Good Luck on this journey and see ya in the Pink Pirates..... emoticon

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JAZZYFROG333 1/5/2014 7:27AM

    It looks like you planned well for the year! Wishing you great success on reaching your goals for 2014


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PATTYJ48 1/2/2014 1:51PM

    Great plan you have laid out for yourself. Best wishes for 2014.

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    This is a great plan! I will borrow some of you ideas as well. I agree with Travelgrrl, print it out and review it daily to keep in the forefront. I would add, update this blog once in a while to keep us posted.

Today seems like a great day to buy that notebook if you haven't already!

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DRADDIE 1/1/2014 1:41PM

    I love having Alaska as a check point for your goals! What a great incentive to push your journey hard!

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TRAVELGRRL 12/29/2013 9:38PM

    I love the thought that you have put into your plan. The only thing I would suggest is that you print it out and read it one time per day. Sometimes it takes a lot of daily reinforcement to make sure we stick to our goals!

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 12/28/2013 5:03PM

    Best to you in 2014. I love your wellness plan!

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SHERYLP461 12/28/2013 5:01PM

    What a fantastic plan, I know you will make it work for you.

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LETHA_ 12/28/2013 1:05PM

    Outstanding. You are going to rock in 2014!

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CHERIJ16 12/28/2013 12:34PM


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FAIRYFANTASY 12/28/2013 12:33PM

    love the idea of goals not resolutions. borrowing some of yours and thinking about mine.

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MRSRIGS1 12/28/2013 12:30PM

    GREAT goals! emoticon emoticon

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EMMACORY 12/28/2013 12:30PM

    Well thought out and very do-able! I may copy a few of your ideas. Thanks for sharing. Blessings on your 2014 journey! emoticon

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