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My life has imploded

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I am taking a long break from here. My life has imploded and worrying about my weight is just not important, in the least. Whether I'll ever be back is debatable. I can't handle worrying about my weight when I have to worry about not having a car anymore, no job )and now can't get one without a car), and no money.

I can only hope that I won't end up homeless in the meantime, which is the next bottom to hit. I only have 11 weeks more on emergency unemployment. Things can't really get any worse, unless I die. Actually, in some ways that would be a relief.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RFAIRBA 10/19/2008 5:47PM

    OK, There is no giving up!!
WE all have moments we we just want to quit, Yes I too wanted to quit my weight loss program but with the suport of people like you that keep me going. I need you, Your kids need you, and the world would be a lonely place with out you in it. Talking does help, It allows you to see things from a different perspective.
Remember, Life is a journy, you are currently going down a dark path. You don't need to see the destination just the next few feet in fornt of you.
This is just like a bike ride , you may not always see the end of the journy when you are on the bike you can just see the next few feet. If you get off the bike and stop peddeling you are certain to never make it to your destination.
Lets get on and go for a ride together.... emoticon

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HPTEAGUE 10/14/2008 9:36AM

    You can do it even without a car. Seems inconceivable but it is possible. My brother lost his car for other reasons and was w/o a license for over a year. He still made it to work thanks to support from family and friends. Do you live anywhere near a bus route? I know it's not much money - but places like Meijer (a staple in the GR area) are always on a bus route and many of the Meijer stores in our area are hiring in the service area. It's certainly not ideal, but I think it would do you good to at least be out of the house and feel like you're doing something while looking for something else. Don't give up hope and I agree with the other posters that this is a very positive community - one which you should not leave.

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SOOKMI 10/14/2008 12:22AM

    Dear Marketing Mom, it sounds like you need to maintain some positives in your life. Perhaps staying in contact here could be one of those. I too have been unemployed for over 6 months largely due to depression and anxiety. I do not get unemployment at all. I believe that by next year I will lose my house to foreclosure. Don't feel sorry for me but know that many of us out here do know and understand what you are going thru. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
emoticon emoticon emoticon
sookmi

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THEGARDENCHICK 10/13/2008 9:14AM

    I understand what you are saying about your weight being the last of your worries. Don't forget that you have a lot of us behind you willing to lend a shoulder and an ear regardless of what you are eating. I speak for a lot of us when I say we do truly care. It seems odd that we have all never met, but can forge strong bonds. Life is a strange and twisted creature sometimes. So no matter what is going on please remember we are here and willing to listen.

PS my mom was a school bus driver. She started the day I started school and retired when I graduated. Its not bad pay and provides great hours for those with kids.

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MINICOOPER452 10/12/2008 11:25PM

    I too, am praying for you right now and will continue to until you're back on your feet. AND, I agree with TATASTHA, don't worry about the weight right now......don't give yourself a free-ride, but don't stress over that at this time. I also think that a school bus driver might be a good idea. Another thought is what I do, schools are always looking for paras for special needs kids. And they're especially looking for subs. Now, yes, I know that might mean you need a car depending on where the schools are near you. They're also looking for subs and hires in the lunchrooms and you might be able to find someone you could ride with.
I've also "been there, done that" and we're going through some tough times right now too. You have support from people who know just how you feel. Please, please hang in there and stay here even if it's just for encouragement and friends.
Love and Blessings.
Carla


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TATASTHA 10/12/2008 9:17PM

    OK, first of, all don't think that way. I know it seems desperate right now (been there done that) but sometimes the only way to go is up and you are on your way up. Here is a thought. School bus driver! Most areas are wanting drivers and they will train you. It may not be the thing you want to spend the rest of your life at. That is OK! but it can help you over this hump. I started driving over about 10 years ago when I was laid off as a nurse. (Government restructuring of hospitals) and I have been back & forth from school bus driver & charter driver for the the past few years. It will not make me rich but it is a living. Check it out.

I do not care if you loose the weight you want to, that is only a bonus. I care about you!! let me know how you are doing.

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UKMIRANDA 10/12/2008 9:08PM

    Just wanted to let you know that I am saying a little prayer for you. I, too, am jobless and know how stressful it can be. I pray that your life gets on the track you want it, and that you focus on doing what's best for yourself in the meantime.

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FAITHSWISH 10/12/2008 8:26PM

  I'm so sorry , I hope you find a way to build yourself back up soon......good luck! emoticon

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A new short-term goal, training and my century goal

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

I have set two goals for myself. One is short term and my deadline is October 11. The other goal is for next year.

GOAL 1: I'm going to do an organized ride on October 11 called the Colorburst Tour, provided funds are available. It's only $20, so I should be able to afford the entry fee, job or no job. There are 4 loops (17, 30, 62, 100) and I'm shooting for the 30 miler. It's a one day ride and that means getting some serious training in, watching everything I eat and making sure my bike will survive. I've done this ride before, although a shorter version (25 miles), and pulling a trailer packed with kids. I can do this one on "Ol' Rusty" pretty easily. That's step one to my next year goal.

GOAL 2: To do the century ride that's connected with the Colorburst tour. A century is 100 miles in one day. That should be almost exactly 1 year from this year's date. That ride is going to take even more intense training and the training should take me all summer. How I'm going to schedule the rides I'll need to do beforehand is going to be tricky. I'd have to have a new bike. Ol' Rusty is too heavy for me to keep the speed up that I'd need to maintain to complete it in a reasonable amount of time. I'd have to do at least 20-25 mph to get done in less than 6 hours. 15mph isn't going to cut it.

TRAINING: Well, I started today on my training for the 30 miler coming up. I went 21.2 miles today, finishing in about 1h 45m, not counting breaks. It was blazing hot today, so I went around 9:00 to beat most of the heat. Still sweated my booty off.

I would have gone earlier, but had to eat and let it settle somewhat. Still working out how to not make myself nauseaus by eating too close or too much. Plus, it was the first day of school and I needed to make sure the kids were long gone and take a few to relax. I can't really eat while they're getting ready. I'm in their way - Heaven Forbid! Teenagers!

Drank lots of water, had a Clif Shot Energy gel after the first 15 minutes to get me going, ate some apple slices and part of a Powerade midway. There's a handy McD's at the trailhead and you can buy the apple slices -minus the burger and other junk. They also have Powerade in the fountain, so it's a good place to stop. Might have done well to have another gel after the first hour, not sure tho, I'm still in the trial and error stage of eating new things. The apples helped and so did the Powerade. I never used to eat as much when I rode a couple years ago because so much of my diet was garbage and sugar. Now I'm doing things differently and finding that I need to eat during a ride and not relying on sugar to get me by.

Well, that's all for today. If I pass you on my bike, be sure to wave!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EEYORE0566 9/5/2008 12:50AM

    You have a great attitude! You'll do it and look, I'm waving!
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elsa

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CAPTIV8ED 9/3/2008 10:42AM

    YAY!!! Sounds like fun!

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CRAFTY1960 9/2/2008 7:41PM

    Go YOU Can do it.
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Rough day

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Well, I was doing pretty well being consistent. Today, I just fell off track. Not completely a bad thing. It happens. I'm just exhausted today. Couldn't sleep well. I'm not going to beat myself up over it, just try to figure out why I couldn't be motivated at all today, not even to drink water.

My daughter decided that last night was a night she HAD to sleep in my bed. emoticon Pretty much screwed up my sleep for the night. She goes through these nights every once in a great while where she has to sleep with me. You never know what the cause is, when it's going to happen and she's not willing to tell me why. But it really messes me up. Then, of course, we had to be at both services of church this morning which meant getting up early and not getting home until 12:30. All I want to do is sleep in tomorrow.

Unfortunately, that can't happen. Son gets up at 6:45 to get ready for football practice. I get up with him (for one to make sure he's up - can't stop worrying that he won't). I want to ride tomorrow morning, anyway. I just honestly don't know if I'll have the energy to do it.

Maybe my calories are too low. I'm trying to hover between 1200 to 1300 and still put in 60-90 minutes on my bike at a good clip (15 mph). I usually average around 10-16 miles. I love to ride, it's my favorite exercise. I just couldn't today, although I really wanted to do it.

Another thing I've thought about is maybe I'm pushing too hard and not really letting myself rest enough. I walk at least 30-40 minutes on days I don't ride. It's a way to get some weightbearing exercise in that cycling doesn't do. I put in 425 minutes last week alone.

I think I'm pretty stressed out, too. So much to worry about, including the job hunt, which is going nowhere. Maybe part of my problem is that I'm not making my exercise time simply ME time. I try to have my daughter walk with me, or ride with a friend of the family and the kids. Always someone around. Maybe it just needs to be me, by myself, not obssessing about everything that isn't working in my life. Like not having a job. With school starting, not sure whether I qualify for unemployment extension (ends in Sept.) and the lease on my car ending in November, I'm just completely beyond stressed. emoticon

I need to look at exercise as relaxation and that relaxing is going to be a better contributor to getting everything on track, including a job. My neighbor is extremely devout and she keeps telling my to be patient, that God won't let me down. But I'll. be honest, I just don't think God is listening. He seems to have a lot more important things to do than worry about me getting a job. OK, enough religious pondering, don't want to go off on the religious deep end.

Well, enough for tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

  


Day 2 on Spark

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Well, this is all pretty new, but so far so good. I was trying Slim-fast.com, but so much of the site didn't work. This is much better! emoticon

I managed to accomplish what I wanted to do today. I got in a two-mile walk, even without my darling buddy (my 13-year-old daughter). She really pooped out on me tonight. But I did it anyway. Another thing to use for mom-guilt, LOL. Never hurts to have a little more ammunition.

Drank all my water and then some. Which is truly amazing, because I actually HATE plain water. Doesn't matter where it comes from. It's just too boring. I like flavor. My kids raz me about having to have something that actually "tastes" like something.

Kept up my calorie limits, but still feel really full. Need to work on more veggies, tho. I seem to stick to bananas for snacks because I really like them and they're easy. I do like baby carrots and hummus and celery and cream cheese. But honestly, I prefer something that I can just pop in my mouth and tastes great without anything to "spark" it up. But that's OK, tomorrow I can try again to work on that.

Even had a recruiter call today and possibly have a lead for me. We'll see about that, tho. I've had my hopes dashed enough times.

For now, Good Night and Good Luck! emoticon

  


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