Thursday, September 23, 2010
I got up this am and decided to step on the scale...I weighed in on Tuesday...and I posted my gain... and I continued to work my plan... today, however...there was a glimpse of hope... the pound number was down... okay, not a lot, but, still... the right direction...!!!
It was hard, climbing back on the wagon and gaining... but I did not throw myself back on the tracks... I just decided, that my body SHOULD know what to do, and if it could not get that message, then I would go to see the doctor, 'cause something else must be wrong... it took my body more than a week... but I think it is now responding ... I will wait until next Tuesday to climb on (the scale) again, but so long as this train is moving in the right direction, I will let the conductor and the engineer steer while I continue to hang on for dear life!
Happy that SP remains a contant ... secure, calming, supportive... entity.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I am constantly amazed at the responses to my whinings in my blog... your support is mind blowing and head reeling, and utterly undeserved! Yet, as I read through the assorted responses, so many of them (us) are fighting the same demons, chasing the same train, and praying like they(we've) never prayed before!
Knowing that this community , their trials, tribulations, and celebrations depend on the strength of this unit as a whole, this gave me the strength to re-evaluate my own short comings and try to make straight the less than perfect path I have been carving over these past months. It will take time to fix the track my train is on...and the food demon wants out of his cage, in the worst way... but...I can do this...and I will do this. I just have to do it one day at a time... one meal at a time... and, yes, one bite at a time.
I know that every good choice I make will make me stronger... every bad choice is, well, in the past! I am moving forward... I cannot wallow in the mire of bad food decisions. There will be temptations and offers (of demon food) in my future...what will I decide?...I do not know. But I do know that if hunger is not the problem...food is not the solution! Just for today I am thankful to be alive...and here. Thank you is an inadequate term, but it is certainly from my heart... WE will survive!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Okay... so I have been, not only off the wagon... but trying to run beside it and falling on my face...!!!! What was I thinking?!?!?!
Yes, even though I disregarded all the warning signs...ate the "forbidden" foods, strayed far from my "plan" and thought that I was lost forever... and, of course, I knew that I would gain 60 lbs before finding the way back... even with that terror in my brain, and the food demon in total control of my eyes, hands and mouth... Something in me kept saying..."You did this before...you CAN do this again! NO, you WILL do this again! " Be the Prodigal daughter and go home and admit that you have sinned against the Father...etc"
So, I started to really look around...and lo and behold, I found, to my surprise, that I HAD NEVER EVEN LEFT THE STATION!!! The Spark train pulled in, and I climbed on without hesitation, placing the food demon's cage key back in my hip pocket! Lord knows how many times I thought the SP train had passed me by and that I would never be "sane" in this insane world, again.
I went back to basics...yes, I started reading the site from the beginning stages and re committed my goals and my tracking...it was humbling and inspiring, at the same time! The tools and resources we have here are unbelievable...and the support...countless arms extended, ready for me to grab on and hold... well, need I say more???
Today is the first day of my journey back to health... I am grateful that the SP train has a flexible schedule, so that ANYONE can just put their hand up to wave at the conductor (perhaps it is only one finger) and the train will pull up to your feet... all you have to do is cross the threshold and hang on for dear life!
Breathe in, Breathe out, feel the sense of calm and control. Embrace that feeling and breathe in, breathe out... I had forgotten how wonderful it feels when your food is under control. Now, I will have lunch and go for a good walk... I am already smiling thinking about how I will feel when I am finished with my walk! Woo Hoo!
Thanks, SP for the space...
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Today is 9-11 and it is 9 years since our Nation watched in horror as terrorists tried to bring us to our knees... Remember those who died in the events of that day, those who never saw it coming, those who saw and came to help, those who defended our freedom in the air, and all those who helped, with prayer and love and supplies... We will never forget. Today we fly our Flag to remember that Freedom is not Free... it comes at a very high price!
God Bless those who defend our right to live free, and God Bless those who died for that right, and God Bless those who were victims on 9-11, and God Bless America!!!
My profile picture, today, reflects our rememberance... copy if you want to!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Today is Monday...I had a busy weekend, I was at a seminar for 3 days for my church and my brain is fried...BUT...I can see, now, that being here, at SparkPeople, is a good thing!
My food is "under control", although my time on the computer has been nearly nil and I sense that I have neglected my teams...BUT...I figured out how to access login for Spark on the mobile access site... no other pages were easy to access, but at least the log in, lol... so I made a commitment to myself that I would log in during the weekend, even if it took the last of my cell battery power to do it... and it did...twice! !
I opted for the "don't worry about your food" attitude for the three days of the conference, and since I sat at a table for all three days, from 9:00am to 8:00pm with a couple of stretch breaks and45 minute meal times... I did not get my steps in... Our hotel did not have a fitness center, it was 107 degrees outside, and my roommate was 73 years old... I did manage to walk around the Church where the conference was, but I had to stay within the fenced school area due to the neighborhood. I only averaged 5800 steps instead of 10,000... I felt like such a slug! In retrospect, it seems that is the way I have been feeling since the first of July! Time to get out of my(dis) comfort zone!
Tomorrow I will weigh in... I will have a gain...but my attitude is fresh and I am feeling somewhat renewed... I have set myself a new challenge for my steps and, beginning tomorrow morning, I will, once again, begin to track my food intake, both online and in my written food journal. I figure that if I make it a written goal, then I will be more likely to do it. I am also hoping that next week will show at least a small loss on the scale... right now...at this very moment, I am optimistic and calm, although dreading the scale reality... it doesn't matter, today is the first day of the rest of my life...I better make the most of it!
I am happy that I have Spark support, I know this is the "therapy" that I will need to be able to reach my ultimate goal! Forward...forward...forward... I have decided not to look back...sigh...and all is right with the world!
Thank you, all of you, in advance for the courage you have given me to go forward and not give up... I (we) will prevail and I will get there... one day at a time
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