MARJIJANE   44,645
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MARJIJANE's Recent Blog Entries

Step 1... Have taken inventory...

Friday, August 22, 2014

Today is not about food... today is about mind over matter. today is making hard, but good decisions that will affect my overall health and well-being, as well as my financial state. Today is another step in my on again off again journey to be more disciplined and focused on goals. Small goals, large goals, medium goals, tiny goals...yep...even itsy-bitsy goals. Start small and move forward.
I have gotten off that path and travelled afar, for being disciplined was far too difficult for me, or so I thought... watching my world change, physically and emotionally, I realized that the only constancy I have had is in my spiritual path. That is where strength is drawn and trust in the higher power makes sense... however, it seems that in letting go and letting God, I also forgot to include my well-being in that spiritual discipline.
It is easy to ignore my own needs while catering to others, but I am paying the price. My spiritual inventory of sacrifice, including prayer discipline and working for others, put my physical discipline on the 'back burner'. Today, reading an excerpt from Chris Downie's book, The Spark, I realized that in order to do what God wants me to do, I have to take better care of the body he gave me to use while on this earth. I cannot not include 'me' in the spiritual journey, and I need to be healthy to do it.
The last time I visited and blogged, was December 2013... I think that I must have been trying to put my toe back on the Sparkpath, but I was no where near committed to any kind of discipline.
DAY ONE... CHECKING IN...
It is good to vent.
LTLY

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOLLYBROWN55 9/4/2014 12:23AM

    WTG Marjijane!

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DAISYBELL6 8/22/2014 5:57PM

    Welcome back!

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Day two... who knows?

Friday, December 07, 2012

Thank you all for the wonderful input and well wishes...I can see that the support here has not lightened since my leave... I anticipate that the journey, though long, will be one that I will not have to make alone!

Successful avoidance of the bad stuff for the rest of yesterday... today I packed tri-tip beef and a beautiful romaine salad... also, today is my anniversary and my DH and I are going to celebrate with dinner on the Queen Mary... It will be a lovely evening.

I am going to drink wine and champagne and eat whatever I am inclined... no guilt... and, God willing, tomorrow will be another day to make better choices!

I walked today... that is a bonus... havent done that in months! Woo Hoo!

LTLY

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RONALANA 12/8/2012 2:11PM

    emoticon Enjoy your night together celebrating another year! It's always so much fun to look back and see how much you've shared, how much you've grown, how your lives have been enriched!

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OPALMOON 12/8/2012 2:07AM

    Have a very happy anniversary and enjoy your dinner. Tomorrow is indeed another day to make good choices! Well done on doing some walking!

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RFJSJ50 12/7/2012 10:50PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticonHappy Anniversary to you! emoticon
emoticonHappy Anniversary to you! emoticon
emoticonHappy Anniversary dear Sparker, emoticon
emoticonHappy Anniversary to you! emoticon
I know that you will enjoy your special day!
Sheila emoticon

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LAURAS14 12/7/2012 8:34PM

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MS.ELENI 12/7/2012 8:30PM

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GEEKYGRANDMOMMY 12/7/2012 6:40PM

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ZMADAME 12/7/2012 6:39PM

    emoticon YOU CAN DO IT. thanks for sharing.

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NILLAPEPSI 12/7/2012 5:38PM

    emoticon Have a fantastic time!!

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ALIDOSHA 12/7/2012 5:33PM

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RAPUNZEL53 12/7/2012 5:33PM

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Why can't I be "normal"?

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Is it really so bad that I have been so lax lately about my food intake and exercise? Really, is it?.."

AARGH! After taking some time and going back to read some of my older posts, I can see, ever so clearly, that the food demon has re- wedged himself firmly in my psyche! How could I let that happen?...Why must I always s have to be diligent? Why can't I be "normal" and live and breathe, and eat like"normal" people???

"Special is, as special does"... who said that? I am Special... I am Special, I am Special... Sigh... it sounds so wonderful, why is it that my brain discounts the entire idea?:?? What steps must I take to realize that, indeed, I am Special... there is no one like me... (insert demon talk here..."who would want to be like you?") Anyone else feel that way, too?

Yesterday, before 11am, I had consumed over 1,000 calories all refined carbs... Now, you may ask, how do you know that?... Somewhere, in my little old 'SP brain' is hidden the 'Iwanttobethinandhealthy' demon fighter... I heard her calling me in the night, begging me to 'honest up' and log the 'stuff' I ate yesterday... She has been trapped in the cold and dark corners of my conscience and, yet, is still able to stir up a bit of "OMG! FIX THAT!" attitude.

So, I said to myself, "Self, what was it you used to do to keep on track and honest about your food?" The answer came out of only God knows where... "You used the food tracker every day...and if you couldn't get online, you wrote it down in a journal." (that answer was tucked in next to my 'Iwanttobethinandhealthy' demon fighter) So this morning, I logged on to SparkPeople and I entered that morning portion of my yesterday's intake...When you see it, it all of it's glory, it is NOT really all that beautiful! But, by the time I did that this morning, I had already consumed a 600 calorie Bon Appetit Cheese Muffin (no, I did not look at the nutritional content before I ate it). To my subconscious horror, there are THREE servings in the muffin... 200 calories each serving! Yikes!

So...nearly half of my calories for the day gone...just like the wind... better choices...I must unearth the 'Iwanttobethinandhealthy' demon fighter and let her be the leader...I must retrain myself to follow the regimen that I have totally ignored for the last 9 months! Who did I think I am? I WANT THE REAL ME BACK!!!... the one that the 'Iwanttobethinandhealthy' demon fighter knows and loves... The one who can look at one day at a time and make choices that reflect the beautiful, thin and healthy person who is hidden under my layers of fat! From this moment on, today, I will fight the Food Demon! I can stand up to him, one choice at a time!

Now, that said, I did not plan my food for the day... I did not pack a lovely lunch, I do not have healthy snacks in my desk drawer. I know I have a challenge ahead of me...but let me see what kind of progress I can make today... just today... and then, God willing, I will be back to blog my results tomorrow, as the choices I make can only get better from here!

I am sorry, my fellow SparkPeople friends, that I have failed to be a sterling example and success story... I fell off the proverbial wagon and it is taking a Crane to lift me to an upright position, once again. I am fearful and I am weak...but I am determined. So, for now I will try to step up and let my demon fighter be 'in the light' so she can help me with the obstacles I will encounter. (Also, I guess it won't hurt to ask God to send His Angels to keep me out of the path of temptation.)


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINGER1OF16 12/13/2012 7:03PM

    Ah, dear sister, I know you well. I know for sure that you didn't join SP to be "a sterling example" to anyone, or "to fail to inspire". Remove that burden from your jargon. Like the rest of us, you are here because you can be more successful using the tools and support of people who experience the same struggles that you do.

I for one am here because you encouraged me to check it out; and three years later I am still here. I would not trade away the experience. Thank you for that.
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As for "normal', it is only a perception; and to compare yourself to anyone else would be short changing YOUR value. You cannot let anyone down because you always operate from a place of love. Celebrate the fact that you do: make good choices, track your food, blog from your heart and lay it all out there for us.
You are awesome, and I am inspired (yes, inspired) by the fact that you are willing to be vulnerable enough to do that...in public. emoticon emoticon



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OPALMOON 12/8/2012 2:05AM

    I think pretty much everyone on their Spark journey encounters some detours and dead ends...and then we turn around and get back on the path to wellness. The good thing is that you are conscious of what you are doing, and that is the first step to choosing to do things differently. All your spark friends are supportive of you and wish you every success!

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PMCOPPI10 12/7/2012 4:00PM

    Get bronchitis and stop eating for a few days.
Good jumpstart program.

I love you and you are still my hero.

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WALKINGGIRL6 12/7/2012 7:16AM

    Try, try and try again. I'm struggling too. Here is to a great day for both of us. I'm hoping that trying to get here and post my day, good or bad will be one step towards success. I'm going to try my best to control my mouth and I make the promise to do some exercise today. Good luck today.

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BALLOUZOO 12/6/2012 9:03PM

    There is no normal...it is a myth.

Best wishes on YOUR wellness journey!

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CATIEBELLE 12/6/2012 8:44PM

    Just never quit trying. If you take steps backward you just move forward another day. You are on the journey for a healthier and better lifestyle so just keep moving and it is for a lifetime and not a temporary fix.

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MS.ELENI 12/6/2012 8:34PM

    I fell off the proverbial wagon and it is taking a Crane to lift me to an upright position, once again. I also fell off wagon and am no where near even trying to get back on.

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RONALANA 12/6/2012 8:30PM

    emoticon

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1STATEOFDENIAL 12/6/2012 6:00PM

    Tracking is important to learn from, not just look at the numbers. How can you use tracking now to help teach you how to do it without tracking later? You don't want to be tracking forever - even if you're on SP forever. Can you retrain yourself to always look at nutritional information before deciding to eat something? Can you get used to having a similar breakfast or lunch every day to help manage your intake? Can you focus on making better choices more often and indulging less, so that you become so used to eating healthier options that you barely think about indulging? Can you find healthy foods that you really love and want to make/eat so you gravitate towards those instead of the indulgences? Can you keep a small notebook with you and track your calories as close as possible all day even while tracking so you don't get to the end of the day and wonder 'how did I eat so much?'

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. No one is perfect. If you can find ways to make the better choices be your standard go-to, then you should be less tempted by the indulgences.

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DOLPHINSINGER72 12/6/2012 4:21PM

    CaseySauer said it perfectly. Let us try for progress and not perfection. I don't know if you will see this or not, but you said you did not pack anything for lunch right? Is there somewhere you can walk to that you can obtain a healthy snack in your hour lunch? Just a thought. You would be getting both your walk (exercise) AND your healthy snack. :) Maybe even a subway sandwich (a six inch with turkey and no mayo is really within your limit for the day.)

emoticon emoticon Don't be hard on yourself and know we are here for you.

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CATLADY52 12/6/2012 2:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon and then push harder to fight the demon down. I know it is hard. If it were easy where would SparkPeople be?

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RFJSJ50 12/6/2012 1:14PM

    You are not alone! Evidently we are fighting the same demons. (I wonder if they run in the family.)I joined the December challenge on one of my teams and am on day 4 - and managing to fight off cravings. One of my big binges is ice cream - I'll sit and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's and then wish for more. I have found Arctic Zone - an ice cream replacement that is only 150 calories per pint - yes per pint! A pint has 14 grams of whey protein and 8 grams of fiber. It's fat free, gluten free, and lactose intolerant friendly. I plan on buying more when I get groceries tomorrow. I've restocked my healthy snack basket and went to the produce market yesterday.
emoticon I guess we need to resign ourselves to the need to be always vigilant and ready to face down the demons. I AM going to get rid of the 60 pounds I regained - one ounce at a time if necessary! So are you!
Stay determined and positive about being successful!
Sheila

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CHERYLL1949 12/6/2012 1:13PM

    I do and say that a lot! Somedays are good but mostly NOT! Somedays I ask myself"Whats wrong with me"? But we are human! We forgive ourselves and hope the next day will be better. Its good to vent... emoticon

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GODDREAMDIVA1 12/6/2012 12:48PM

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DAISYBELL6 12/6/2012 12:43PM

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CASEYSAUER 12/6/2012 12:42PM

    STOP!!! STOP!!! Stop beating yourself up! We (this community) certainly won't. Let's try for progress instead of perfection? Yesterday is gone, tomorrow a dream, but today is the present -- may you open up this gift and relish in it's beauty!

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Wishing you all the Shower of Success!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

With a grateful heart, I wish you all a vey Blessed Thanksgiving.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNDALOVES2HIKE 12/5/2012 9:51PM

    I'm glad to see you posting and hope you'll find time to do it more often [ not that I'm one to talk - I have been pretty sporadic lately myself!! ]
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PMCOPPI10 12/4/2012 6:41PM

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MS.ELENI 11/20/2012 6:25PM

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Ah...the weekend is here... finally!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Why should I care if the weekend is here or not? My days have pretty much been the same foodwise for the last two months... but what happens (outside of my eating) is similar to a show... always changing, always changing, always changing... no re-runs here!

Too much on your plate of life is just like too much food on your plate!
You can only consume so much and the excess seems to fall all around you, or pack you in.

When did my world become so ... so ... crazy? I remember saying yes to the work commitment and the church commitments and the singing commitments. I used to balance all of these with ease! What happened? Why do the days seem so short and the Q & As seem so long??? When did any of these become stressful?... they are not!

Please understand, I love my job, my boss, my hours! I love my Church, my class of 10-11-12yr olds that I teach. I love being on the RCIA team and helping adults to find their way to Christ. I love seeing my Church Community on Sunday mornings when my DH and I host the coffee and donuts to help build community. I love both of my choruses that I sing with and their directors. I love the sound that harmony makes when the chords are balanced just right. sigh... yes, I love all of these things... I love my DH, my kids and grandkids... and that includes the ones who live on their own and the ones who live in our home... I love it all!

I have to sort it out and see what is keeping me and my food on the "rush hour" plan...
Perhaps on Monday I will have cogitated enough to have an emerging plan for leveling my food and my life... but for today... one day at a time...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERYLL1949 9/16/2012 12:44PM

    Sometimes too much is too much! emoticon

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CHATTIEGIRL 5/8/2012 4:30PM

    Hi Marijane;

I know the feeling but don't have as many things outside the home as you. Just on the go all the time around the home and yard. Then trying to start a business and taking classes online. Go, go, go, and I just get too tired to keep going. Have DGD every day for a few hours that take my time for homework, play time etch. Still try and exercise and eat healthy but can see my clothes are fitting a little snug so have to cut back but don't know where because I don't eat big meals. Just do what you can as we all do and keep yourself in check the best you can. God bless you always.

Smile Joyce

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GINGER1OF16 3/31/2012 7:33PM

    Ah, Marjijane. You do have a lot of yes choices, but those are all activities you WANT to do. I suspect that lack of no's is not the issue, but lack of yes's for ME TIME. If you are scheduling all those other things, then scheduling ME TIME is critical to your balance. You just have to remember how important you are and do it for your own well-being. "Be still and know...."
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MS.ELENI 3/31/2012 12:20PM

    you need to learn to say no sometimes and just take some you time.I think you are awesome emoticon

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LYNDALOVES2HIKE 3/30/2012 7:24PM

    I know what you mean - I think some people, myself included, were born with a broken 'limit detector' so I tend to overdo everything - if one is good, then two must be better - if there is a need, I'll try to fill it - and so forth! It's crazy but I'm FINALLY learning how to pace myself.....well, a little bit. Sigh! Good luck to you and I can't wait to hear what kind of a plan you start with!
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1STATEOFDENIAL 3/30/2012 4:24PM

    Even though you love all of these things, maybe it's time to ask someone to come help you out. Is there anything that someone else can help you do? Sometimes just getting help with one thing tends to slow the stress and help us out. But maybe the first step is just writing down EVERYTHING that takes up your time. This includes things like cooking, doing laundry, traveling to and from places, etc. What on this list can you cut out (can't stop driving to work, but maybe you can adjust your hours to avoid the worst of rush hour) and what can you ask for help doing (can your family help with household chorse)?

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CIVIAV 3/30/2012 1:29PM

    Sounds like you are working too hard at loving all things and losing yourself in the midst. Always such a need to balance and defining balance as saying no is something I've never been good at.
I like the analogy off an overfull plate. We can use a smaller plate. Put less on it or just pick and choose from what's piled high.
Hmmmm....

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