Thursday, December 06, 2012
Is it really so bad that I have been so lax lately about my food intake and exercise? Really, is it?.."
AARGH! After taking some time and going back to read some of my older posts, I can see, ever so clearly, that the food demon has re- wedged himself firmly in my psyche! How could I let that happen?...Why must I always s have to be diligent? Why can't I be "normal" and live and breathe, and eat like"normal" people???
"Special is, as special does"... who said that? I am Special... I am Special, I am Special... Sigh... it sounds so wonderful, why is it that my brain discounts the entire idea?:?? What steps must I take to realize that, indeed, I am Special... there is no one like me... (insert demon talk here..."who would want to be like you?") Anyone else feel that way, too?
Yesterday, before 11am, I had consumed over 1,000 calories all refined carbs... Now, you may ask, how do you know that?... Somewhere, in my little old 'SP brain' is hidden the 'Iwanttobethinandhealthy' demon fighter... I heard her calling me in the night, begging me to 'honest up' and log the 'stuff' I ate yesterday... She has been trapped in the cold and dark corners of my conscience and, yet, is still able to stir up a bit of "OMG! FIX THAT!" attitude.
So, I said to myself, "Self, what was it you used to do to keep on track and honest about your food?" The answer came out of only God knows where... "You used the food tracker every day...and if you couldn't get online, you wrote it down in a journal." (that answer was tucked in next to my 'Iwanttobethinandhealthy' demon fighter) So this morning, I logged on to SparkPeople and I entered that morning portion of my yesterday's intake...When you see it, it all of it's glory, it is NOT really all that beautiful! But, by the time I did that this morning, I had already consumed a 600 calorie Bon Appetit Cheese Muffin (no, I did not look at the nutritional content before I ate it). To my subconscious horror, there are THREE servings in the muffin... 200 calories each serving! Yikes!
So...nearly half of my calories for the day gone...just like the wind... better choices...I must unearth the 'Iwanttobethinandhealthy' demon fighter and let her be the leader...I must retrain myself to follow the regimen that I have totally ignored for the last 9 months! Who did I think I am? I WANT THE REAL ME BACK!!!... the one that the 'Iwanttobethinandhealthy' demon fighter knows and loves... The one who can look at one day at a time and make choices that reflect the beautiful, thin and healthy person who is hidden under my layers of fat! From this moment on, today, I will fight the Food Demon! I can stand up to him, one choice at a time!
Now, that said, I did not plan my food for the day... I did not pack a lovely lunch, I do not have healthy snacks in my desk drawer. I know I have a challenge ahead of me...but let me see what kind of progress I can make today... just today... and then, God willing, I will be back to blog my results tomorrow, as the choices I make can only get better from here!
I am sorry, my fellow SparkPeople friends, that I have failed to be a sterling example and success story... I fell off the proverbial wagon and it is taking a Crane to lift me to an upright position, once again. I am fearful and I am weak...but I am determined. So, for now I will try to step up and let my demon fighter be 'in the light' so she can help me with the obstacles I will encounter. (Also, I guess it won't hurt to ask God to send His Angels to keep me out of the path of temptation.)