Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Ever since I had my son, which was 22 months ago...I've been battling my own self. I am 23 years old, 5ft 9 in, and weigh 183. The highest I've been is 209.5 that was when i was pregnant and the lowest would be around 135 when I first started dating my husband.
I've always been outgoing and never thought of my body image that deeply. But I gained a few pounds and was not happy with it but not so much bothered. When I got married I weighed about 165. I am now 183.
The birh of my son has been the best thing to happen to me, but I've had to bring myself to happiness about myself. I hate my body, I hate how I look naked, I hate not beign able to wear shorts because my butt is too big and just doesn't look right.
For me the most painful experience was beign pregnant and having everyone tell you, you look so pretty and so good pregnant, then....having your child, ending with 30 lbs over your weight and then the same people looking at you and telling you, you are too fat, or you need to get exercise or don't eat that you dont need it. Its a complete contrast of compliments. And the hurt me so much. I've been depressed and have had my ups and downs since the birth of my son.
I recently decided I needed a change. I am 23 years young, I have a job, a husband, a son, and a family that loves me. Why should I waste my life crying and not loving myself for who I am? If I am not happy I should make a change. Yesterday I took that step into changing my life. And here I am. I don't care how long it takes or what it takes, I will not worry about how I look because I will reach my goal weight and be comfortable in my own skin once again.
I am grateful for a supportive family and husband. And I will make them and the other SP members proud. I want to be an inspiration for those young men and women struggling with depression because of weight. We can do this. I can do this. I promise to be committed for me, my son, for my family.
I will succeed, and I know I will have you all to support me as well.
I don't like to publicize my blogs...but I feel the need to do it, in order to get my feelings out, and succeed, so I will.
Today, I am beginning a new life.