Saturday, August 30, 2014
I've just read my entry from July 2012.
That was the summer when things began to wither away. That vacation was interesting, the landscape was astonishing. But ...
My marriage finally showed massive signs of deterioration, that even I could not ignore.
In July 2013 we separated and I went into something like a mist of unconsciousness. It took me quite a while to understand what had happened, where I had simply been on the wrong path - and how that could happen. Until today I learn more and more about myself and the way my mind and my soul work.
There is still this inexplainable fluctuating pain in my muscles and joints, but it is much, much better. By now I think, that it mainly was triggered by my suppressed anger and disappointment. I have learned to live with it and see it as a sign, that tells me, when something is out of whack.
Today there is no day, on which I do not sit in amazement and gratitude and think - and say - how wonderful life is! What a joy it is to live free and without a person, that permanently draws away my energy.
I am decluttering, living as healthy as I can, love to move and feel my body, look for a new job, take some exams and have a plan where I want to be in five years from now.
All is well!
Big, big happy sigh!
Friday, July 20, 2012
I've been to the doctor's almost daily. They made several tests and except for some blood-pressure issues, they found nothing. He suspects fibromyalgia and I've been doing a lot of reading. There seems to be a connection between perfectionism, blood-pressure-issues, pain in different locations.
I was so happy to read your kind and loving messages it meant the world to me, though I was almost paralyzed and could not answer.
Tomorrow we will leave for a two weeks vacation, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm determined to take care of myself, not feel responsible for everybody's mood and to take a break whenever I feel like taking one.
I tried to write a paper for university and I could not finish it. I wrote to the professor an hour ago, that it is not finished and asked if I could deliver it after our return. It will be ok, if he does decline it, I had enough time to finish it :-)
So, this is in short, what is happening over here, I'll be back in a fortnight!
Take care everybody!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
These past weeks I've been struggeling with constant pain in changing locations. Most of it I attribute to the condition of my back.
Now something new arrived, abdominal pain and I just let it be checked. I have some unpleasant ideas what this might be and am trying to keep stoic.
I had to drop out of the Cat-Challenge. Sorry for that.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Ok, things I read and learned recently seem to point into one direction. Western civilization, as good as it is, leads to a mindset of getting more and more and that immediately.
We live our life and something is missing, so we buy something or eat something and try to fill the emptiness. Oh yes, we can pay with our creditcards, we can have it all - NOW.
But, what happens?
Our homes become cluttered, our bodies heavy and obese.
What do we want? A simple and instant solutiion. NOW.
But this doesn't work. In most cases there is no instant solution or instant gratification.
We have to work towards our goals, enjoy our rewards, go slow, step by step. Only this way we can be proud of ourselves.
Postponed reward, not because we are poor or can't afford it, but out of choice!
Just a question: Do we really need strawberries in January? What need will be fulfilled? What about waiting till it is their time and we can savor their flavor and know, that we waited for it and waited for the perfect and natural time. What a reward, what a joy!
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
A week ago I decided to give the concept of "Act as if ... " a chance. What would happen, if I acted as if I was a healthy, active, creative, organized, successful businessowner? Vigorous !(thank you Lifewalk for that great word!)
Ok, here is what happened.
Two days after that resolution out of the blue I was asked, if I was interested in leading additional seminars in 2013 - Yeah! Of course I am! It was like the Universe answering!
I did some administrative work, finally.
I made some major decisions about the direction I and my business will take. I had too much ideas and no idea, where to start. Now I reduced it to two fields. That is a direction, isn't it?
I started to really throw away things. No longer keeping them for "the day when I might need them ..." Either they are used or they are loved, when neither - away with them.
I stayed in contact with everybody I wanted to, this often falls to the back, so that is an achievement.
I had a nasty cold, that deactivated me to some degree. So no major accomplishments exercise-wise.
And eating,... I don't want to write it down. Neither here nor in the tracker. I don't want to know ... But I know
Ok, so far I think, that "Act as if ..." is going well, especially in business-things. Eating and exercising have to reenter :-)
So - off to the next week of "Act as if ..."
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