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I would like all of that food with a supersize of fries - please

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Finding out why I was overweight has been like the proverbial onion. Layers and layers of reasons and excuses. So many facets to be examined and explored. I thought that I had worked to a basic understanding of the major points. First - I ate crazy portions. Second, I did not eat enough during the day (in a misguided attempt at dieting) and set myself up for crashes in the afternoon which unfortunately coincided with the kids coming home from school. The perfect storm of emotional eating and low blood sugar - cue the Triscuits and chips. Third, I like to snack on chips, I love beef and starch - so I was making poor food choices as my main meals (yes snacks qualified as meals). Fourth - mindless eating, half a can of nuts at night (but they were heart healthy) - oh boy.

I change my eating when I started spark. I cut out beef except for small portions on rare occasions - don't miss it as nearly as much as I would have thought. This is probably tied into my daughter the vegan being home also. I cut out a lot of starches - these I miss sometimes but I have substituted some higher quality products. I don't know what I would have done without Ezekiel breads - I eat an Ezekiel English muffin every morning with egg whites and I have my lunch on either their bread or tortillas. For the most part I look forward to those and don't miss the other choices as much. I have identified some trigger foods that I just avoid - like nuts and chips. I find that it is easier to just not eat them. I think that like people who avoid sugar and find that over time the cravings decrease - I find the same with salty crunchy. Eating these sets me up for eating large quantities.

I have really focused on satiety cues and recognize hunger and thirst. I still am not great with portion control - I just eat lower calorie items. I do portion control things like pizza, desserts and then eat as much as I want of fruit, veggies, and light proteins. I usually come in at the lower end of my calorie range without hunger or cravings.

With all of these changes I felt comfortable that I was under control and could manage this for a lifetime. I felt healthy and confident and "clean". I thought that I was sailing in clear waters with a light breeze in my sails - I did not see those storm clouds over the horizon.

Which leads me to a new layer of that ole onion. I like to eat. That's it - I like to eat and I miss eating a lot of food at one time - a lot ( I know sounds funny). A lot of everything. This came about this weekend. It was my son's birthday and he always wants to have his party at home. Some of the Connecticut cousins were coming to stay with us so we planned a big party at the house. He wanted chips, and hamburgers and hot dogs - he is a 20 year old boy after all. So I cooked and prepared and suffered. I wanted to eat everything - not portion control, not choose one thing to indulge in - just a lot of everything. I wanted burgers dripping down my face, I wanted to talk to family while mindlessly eating chips and salsa. I wanted to eat ice cream and cake with nuts and syrup. Instead I ate chicken and squash and salad - and it did not satisfy me. (I did have cake and ice cream). I know that I could have had the other items and either just enjoyed them for the day or portion controlled them - but by this time I could feel a shift in my attitude towards food and I was afraid.

This feeling of want has not subsided - the craving to eat for eatings sake. The craving to eat a lot of all of those foods that are not the best choices like McDonald's fries - supersized. The desire to eat until I feel stuffed despite realizing that afterwards that I will not feel good, that it makes me feel sluggish. That it is gross. That it is not healthy. That it is not what I have been learning for all of these months. But still I want to not think about portions or calorie content - I want to just eat.

I normally don't write about things like this - but I think that this is significant for at least my stage of Spark. So many people who feel in control of losing weight - eventually gain it back. We are in a group of people who all started spark around the same time. We all have had various degrees of success but recently I have heard murmurs of struggle, boredom, frustration. I think that it is important to stop and figure out the cause and root it out - bring it to the light so that we can continue to work towards health.

My plan is to see how waiting it out and thinking it out works first. (I know - no one is hiring me for strategic planning anytime soon.) I do find that for the most part there is a gentle healing that takes place in mind and spirit if we take the time. So I will gut it out on willpower while waiting on that process. I will continue to blog and talk about this because I do not feel like this is unique to me. Face it we all like to eat and at some point this will become an issue for us all. So I will continue to sort this through and tease out

I want to thank you all for the encouragement that I have received from so many so far while I have been working this through - thanks you are the best.

This is a cautionary tale.
I have read the comments and I know what eating correctly without deprivation and feeling satisfied is. I know how to eat a little of what I want and to budget my calories so that I can "splurge" on something to avoid binges and frustration. For the last five months I found it all to be reasonable, natural and even easy at times. It is like (Sherwoodcycler) said - I do not remember the switch in my head going on when it became easier to go along with spark - but I do remember the click in my head when that switch clicked off. I guess this goes along with my motto of Be Ever Vigilant - don't get too complacent.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 7/22/2011 4:45AM

    I don't know how I missed this, Mary. I can identify only too well with what you've said, especially about being able to eat, and overeat, because it's good and it's connected with family and friends, and it's the way we've always lived... If there's any answer to how to ingrain the healthy lifestyle and get it to become automatic - I don't know what it would be. Myself, what works is fear: the fear, sometimes almost abject terror, of what will happen if I don't maintain rigid control. It's not a method I would recommend to anyone, but for me, it really does come down to choices. Not the choice between 'Do I want to fit into a size 12, or do I want to go back to buying 26s?' but the choice between 'Do I want to have dessert, or do I want to risk diabetic retinopathy?' 'Do I want to splurge with a plateful of rice and loads of curry, or do I want to risk a stroke from hypertension?' It's not a good way to live. I think. It's working, but it's not fun. What I'm hoping is that eventually this 'fear' will keep the unhealthy lifestyle at bay long enough that healthy will become a habit - and then it will be easier. I hope. Time will tell, I guess. Meanwhile, it works for diet control, but doesn't work very well for goading me to get up off my duff to exercise. I'd say 'One thing at a time,' but I've been doing this for nigh onto two years now - you'd think I'd be past the one-thing-at-a-time stage and into Phase II, wouldn't you?
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Comment edited on: 7/22/2011 4:45:40 AM

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CHANGEDIN09 8/11/2010 8:17AM

    WOW this really hit home. I couldve written it myself. Lately it seems more challenging and I thought I was "cured" but I guess it's an uphill battle every day and the cravings will maybe never completely go away. I do think it's harder inthe summer without a real routine going on. Thanks for your honest post.

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CROBINGO 8/4/2010 8:55AM

    AMEN is all I have to say. It is so true...every word your wrote and I totally identify with it. It is what makes it so hard that to some extent we mourn the loss of the food and the loss of the freedom of eating what we want when we want and not thinking so hard about it.

Great blog!

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STEPHANON 7/27/2010 3:52PM

    I identify completely with this blog, Mary. I like to eat, I like to eat mindlessly, and I like to eat large quantities. And no matter how wonderful I feel when I'm eating reasonably and using control, there always comes a time when reasonable just won't cut it - I find myself just wanting to stuff myself. It's frustrating, and I have not found the cure for it yet. I am beginning to be afraid that there may not be one. I may cycle like this for the rest of my life - in control of my eating for a while, and hanging on to self-control by the skin of my teeth for a while. And repeat. With quite a few episodes of absolutely no control at all sprinkled throughout. Thanks for your honesty. It is helpful to know that I am not the only one with these crazy food issues out there. Judging by the response to your blog, it's probably the norm.

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KATHLOW 7/27/2010 4:27AM

    I can so relate to this. Sometimes i just let go of all reason and eat and i usually feel pretty good while doing it - there i said it! Afterwards...well, not so good.

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WATERMELLEN 7/26/2010 7:28PM

    Lots of truth here: we like to eat! Preferably without control, mindlessly.

And eternal vigilance is the only cure for that.

I have to stop expecting that I am going to stop wanting to eat too much, anytime soon! (For me, a bit like smoking: haven't had even one cigarette for well over 35 years, and remain always 1 cigarette away from a pack a day . . .)

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STILLPOINT 7/26/2010 7:24PM

    Thank you for this honest blog - you pinpoint things so well! I just ate a whole bag of rice cakes - crispy minis....told myself I was hungry but mostly I was eating to push down emotions and a bad case of PMS! Guess we just have to be committed to paying attention everytime a new onion peel presents itself.

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SEXI0910 7/26/2010 6:55PM

    Amen....great blog


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TEENY_BIKINI 7/26/2010 6:24PM

    What a great blog. I was thinking about this over the weekend and there is just no easy way to proceed - and quite honestly, I just want a burger because I like burgers - not because I want to analyze "why" I like them.

I think reassessing at this point is a good thing for me though just to stay on top of things - it certainly couldn't hurt.

This was very insightful. Cheers.

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DEBRITA01 7/24/2010 5:40PM

    Excellent blog, Mary...I couldn't wait to read it! I will re-read it and all of the wonderful responses you received...based on the responses,it is obvious that many can relate. I think your vigilance will serve you for those times when your switch clicks off...you are aware and ready and will respond accordingly.

Being complacent and feeling too confident is when I start to veer off track...Just like any other addiction, there are triggers that can send us in a downward spiral if we are too lax. Learning to navigate our way around food in all situations is something we are all working on.

Bless you as you unpeel those layers and thank you for sharing your thoughts and discoveries with us. We can learn so much from each other...it is such a gift!



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ESMERELDA1220 7/23/2010 3:51PM

    Mary...we are all wearing the same pair of sneakers! We are here because we love food and we like the wrong foods and in our country the garbage foods are all around us. The scream out from the TV...the smells come at us from the restaurants we pass...and as for dieting and gaining the weight back++++ I am the Queen of Yo Yo tournaments...
I emptied by closets of all my hot foods...and I made some healthy life food changes that I enjoy...bananas and apples...I like them...I could have chocolate chip cookies, but they are equally good and I can get something else chocolate at another time...instead of supersize Mc D's French Fries I get a small one once and a blue moon...I don't deny myself, but I don't go crazy any longer...and that's been a long road...maybe its the medication that has me not longing for sugars and sweets...but I won't ever leave Spark People because it keeps me looking at myself and supporting others who need the support...and we all have ups and downs and are in dire need of support...We are here in the "Food Boat" and we have to bail it out... emoticon
And after saying all that...I'm off to make dinner! a reasonable portion controlled dinner with foods that I enjoy...
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AASMITHHISLER 7/23/2010 8:02AM

    Oh Mary, once again you have hit the nail on the head with this blog entry. As many others who have commented, I can completely relate, especially lately with all the summer cookouts and parties. You know, I really thought that I had changed my methods, just like you. But then all that food is placed in front of me, and it is impossibly hard to say no and control what I eat. As you do, I greatly enjoy food and would gain a lot more weight if I wasn't on Sparkpeople. But at least you have recognized this weakness and you can move on and grow stronger from it. Hopefully, in more time, you will be better able to control that weakness and abstain completely from indulgences. I hope I can reach this point sometime too. Thank you for writing such honest and true thoughts, because I've certainly entertained the same thoughts recently myself.

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LINIS_THIN 7/22/2010 8:03PM

    So I will gut it out on willpower while waiting on that process.

I wanted to cry when I read this!!!
I allow myself to lapse while I work it out. DANGEROUS!!

That joy of eating is what has me in this position now. I was ENJOYING putting cup after cup of my favorite cereal with cup after cup of my favorite milk... and nuts galore and chocolate pudding... and.... and....

After a while You feel disgusted with yourself. Like you said to me earlier I'm letting the food decide what I will eat.

Sometimes I am simply fed up of holding it all together. I need my brain for other tasks... then I remember how important all this is to me...

There is a HUGE YES to slimness shouting on the inside of me. That is the REAL me... the me whose thighs do not jiggle on the spin bike. (side effect of the early stages of weightloss)
The me who can finally fulfil a lifelong dream of learning and dancing ballet.

Sorry for starting my own blog on your blog but you REALLY REALLY inspired me. I'm so proud of your self control!

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NEED2LOSEN2010 7/22/2010 6:06PM

    Thanks for sharing so honestly. I'm fearful that I can relate a little to well.
I don't have any words of wisdom. Just wanted to offer a little encouragement. I believe you can do this. Stay strong. You offer such encouragement & insight to so many, myself included. Wish I could do the same for you.

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Sunny

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SMILESWITH7KIDS 7/21/2010 11:26PM

    Mary, I really enjoyed this post so much. It spoke to my heart, was funny, insightful, edifying...just what I needed at 11:30 pm when is should be in bed but instead I'm awake and trying not to mindlessly eat. Thank you for sharing those thoughts, it made me feel a little less warped.

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PENNYAN45 7/21/2010 6:15PM

    Mary,

I think I understand exactly what you are dealing with.

I, too, love to eat. And I love food.

I especially love to eat at family gatherings and celebrations. For me, food is an important part of those occasions - and I feel deprived when I can't partake fully.

As I began to write a response to you - it became too lengthy to include here.
So I have written my own blog about how I have been dealing with these same issues at the beach this summer.

I hope my story helps you.

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KASEYCOFF 7/21/2010 3:24PM

    This isn't about eating, of course - it's about feeling. It's emotional eating in disguise. You're not wanting 'more' because you're stressed or anxious or depressed, at least, it doesn't sound it. In these cases, you want more because you're associating it with family, celebration, good times, socializing... Better reasons than feeling down, but emotional eating nonetheless. So what's to be done? Being aware of what you're doing is a big step. Trying to exercise some control and self-discipline is good. I agree with you about being better off just to avoid some foods: Ritz crackers, certain kinds of chips, brownies, even Animal Crackers - one's too many, a million aren't enough, and like you, there are things I would rather delete than try to control my cravings.

When I was in my 20s I had a boss who was probably in his late forties. Occasionally he would come into work (I worked at a college, and the professors didn't have 9-to-5 hours) really early. I soon learned that meant he'd had insomnia the night before and finally got up and came into the office. I would think 'Poor guy... He probably doesn't exercise enough, so he's not tired out.' Now, I realize that wasn't likely his problem - he was very fit, and played sports, and was very active. Occasional bouts of insomnia or 'short sleep' is just part of the aging process. I have it myself from time to time.

I once read that, when he was in his late 80s, Fred Astaire would often have a boiled egg and a piece of toast, with perhaps a cup or two of tea or maybe a piece of fruit... not for breakfast: for the entire DAY. He told the interviewer that he weighed the same as he had during the days when he was at the top of his game, dancing for hours and making movies. In those days (he said) he could eat like a horse. After he turned 80, he found that although he still danced (tho I doubt he put in as many hours!) if he ate the least bit too much he would gain weight. And he discovered that, while his 'head' wanted more food, his body really didn't, and eventually he found the right amount that kept him healthy without gaining - or losing - weight.

What I'm getting at is, do you think the cravings for bigger quantities of food could be echoes of when you were younger and could eat more without gaining weight? Could it be a signal to rethink how you eat? That is, not just in terms of quantity - sure, you either need to eat less or exercise from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed, especially if you are trying to lose weight. But what if you rethink HOW you eat the foods you do? Five equally-spaced 'mini-meals' per day instead of three good-sized ones... Save the last one until just before you go to bed, forget the business about it adding weight, so you will have an additional aid to help you stave off eating more at other times ('I will wait on having THAT since I will be eating before I go to bed').

Well, dunno, Mar. 'Tis a quandary. For what it's worth, I'm convinced you're doing the right thing in recognizing the situation and doing some thinking and some self-analysis. And just like my boss and like Fred Astaire, there are some things about getting older that nobody tells us and we just have to learn, figuring them out for ourselves. Please keep us posted. :-)

Comment edited on: 7/21/2010 3:27:57 PM

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 7/21/2010 2:29PM

    Mary ... I can relate so much! I love food! I'm ok most of the time because I've upped the quality of food that I eat on a day to day basis ... BUT ... parties bring out the mindless food demon in me!

If I don't eat mindlessly during those times then I have to deal with two very distinct feelings that I have. First, sometimes I just don't feel comfortable in a crowd and I just munch away the time until the party is over. Second, sometimes I just like to munch while sharing good times.

The first feeling is more of an internal issue that I need to keep working on. Afterall, I'm always going to be in situations that I'm not particularly comfortable in.

The second is a habit ... hard to break because I really like it.

I don't know what the answer is. I don't see a problem overindulging at a party IF I can reel myself in the next day. The problem with me is I'm not there. I have been able to get back to eating really well within a couple of days to a week or so ... short enough to know I'm making progress but long enough to know I have not arrived.

I do know this ... I have to continue to peel away the layers and deal with them. That is the only thing that is really going to set me free!

Oh yeah ... Ezekiel breads and Fage yogurts are life savers to me ... yum!!!


Comment edited on: 7/21/2010 2:31:12 PM

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CHARU_MATHURIA 7/21/2010 1:09PM

    great blog.. and I can see how so many of us can relate to it.. first an big hug and then a pat on your back for dpoing so good.. you will get thru this and even if you ate one burgers once you will be fine.. love your blogs as always..
I love love sweets .. If I ever set my foot in, in one of the Indian buffet restraunts.. belive I am eating deserts as appetizer, entree and desert.. but now that I dont eat as much sweet I really crave more fruits .. keep the blog coming let us know how your wait it out plan worked. emoticon

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CHANCYPIE 7/21/2010 10:43AM

  As usual your blog is painfully honest, and you are brave to put your innermost thoughts out there. I do empathize with you in many ways, but I do not agree that we overeat because "we all like to eat". To know intellectually what happens when we overeat, yet to willingly do it anyway. . . I don't think that has anything to do with "liking to eat". The people I know who are naturally thin, active and healthy appear not to think about eating at all (and here WE are measuring, counting, weighing and planning ever morsel). I would like to get to a point where I don't think about food at all, except as sustenance, where I automatically buy only healthful foods, eat only when I am truly hungry and am no longer even slightly tempted by "trigger" foods. I would like to be able to get my life focused on ANYTHING besides food. That's my vision of Utopia.

I hope you will continue your insightful blogs. They are always thought provoking.

Best wishes, Nancy

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SWAZY33 7/21/2010 8:36AM

    Making better choices was harder for me when I had all the junk food in the house *for the kids*. It was too hard for me to resist the chips, etc..sayin' i'll just have one serving. I would actually measure it out, eat it and then proceed to eat half a bag! haha. Now, the pantry is filled with healthy treats and fridge with a lot of fruit and veggies. Portion control is huge issue for me too...getting much better but it's always a struggle. Spark and my friends like you have helped me so much in this journey:) Thanks for sharing :)

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THENAMESLISA 7/21/2010 8:04AM

    Complacency is a HUGE problem! Every time I hit a new low number on the scale, I get cocky and subconsciously think I deserve a treat or that I'll be alright if I lay off the exercise. This struggle has been lifelong for me; I was a chubby little kid. I sometimes feel sorry for myself that I have to work out so much and eat so little to lose or maintain weight loss. "It won't hurt to eat this huge piece of cake...Sally's eating it and she looks just fine."

My bottom line is that I too, LOVE TO EAT. In fact, it's a running joke between my husband and I. I'll say "I like to eat" when I'm complaining about having to be so vigilant all the time. Or my husband will say, "I know you like to eat!" When outsiders ask me why I work out so much, I tell them "Because I like to eat!"

You're doing great. As Jesus and the US Department of Homeland Security says, "Be always vigilant!"

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ONEKIDSMOM 7/21/2010 7:36AM

    I could write this on some days... one thing that may help: think about how you reward yourself for your efforts. I find if I am nurturing myself in other ways, the desire to fill up the emptiness with large quantities of comforting food lessens. Not that it ever goes away permanently... there will be times like this!

Hang in. You are worth all the effort you put in, even if it feels like walking through quicksand at times! And hopefully there will be a few to encourage each other past those tough spots... to permanent health and well-being!

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TASCHACLARK 7/21/2010 7:15AM

    You have done it again.. I so enjoy reading your blogs. You are an inspiration to us all. I do love food too. I do real good most of the time food wise. It is the workouts that I need to get back on track. Best of luck to you, and thank you again for a wonderful blog!!

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DAKOTANMISTY 7/21/2010 1:41AM

    I was intrigued by the title of your blog. I appreciate the honesty of what you had to say....your right-we are here on Spark, b/c we like to eat. Portion control is a big part of the lifestyle change. I have found that my cravings have changed ALOT. I like fruits and veggies and I eat a lot of chicken and fish. However, the chocolate cravings haven't ceased LOL.

I hope your son had a great birthday party, and remember it's perfectly fine to give into those want cravings every once in a while, it's part of staying on track. So, you won't feel deprived and then binge.

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DETERMINEDAGAIN 7/21/2010 12:11AM

    I appreciate your honesty and I can totally empathize. Good for you for figuring out something that will work. :D

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JUST_TRI_IT 7/20/2010 11:37PM

    This blog is as thoughtful as your comments on all of our blogs. The process is so complex I believe because it is extremely individual. What seems to be exactly what one person needs does not work for another person. What makes one of us feel right about it all, feels awkward and uncomfortable for another. And thus, as we each explore the options, we learn more and more about ourselves and how our bodies and our minds work together (or not).

For me, one of the best parts about SP over any other book, article, program etc.. is the VARIETY of options, perspectives, tips, tricks, realities, ideas, successes and challenges. And we get exposed to it all. There is nothing that is "all or nothing" about this site. And we are able to educate OURSELVES and then decide for OURSELVES what works for US.

So today you have given us all a huge huge gift: insight into how you are looking at this part of your journey.. how you are dealing with it. For some of us this will be the perfect thing to hear today. For others, we will store it in our minds and pull it out when we are ready. THANK YOU for this gift.

You are a special individual, Mary :)

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MRSSASS2010 7/20/2010 11:23PM

    I want to recommend a book to you that I just finished last night. I think it'll help you at this important moement in your journey. It's called "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. (It's not religious) and it has helped me tremendously.

Cheering for you!

Krista

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PINKNFITCARLA 7/20/2010 11:16PM

    Great blog with honest thoughts that make us all think. I'm a chips and nut kind of gal myself. I could never eat another cake, cookie, chocolate, etc and not miss them.

I feel like I've got things under control. I sail through most days staying well within my calorie range and never feeling deprived, but it would only take one slip up to spiral out of control. Last winter I gained over 10 pounds back and just now am almost back to what I was at New Years! It's scary to know that one or two trigger foods could cause me to be out of control.

Keep up the great work and take one day at a time.

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APRILLSCOTT 7/20/2010 11:03PM

    My Dearest Mary,
You are correct with saying this is not unique to just you! Please do keep blogging as I feel this may help you and others including myself! The reason I say this is because believe it or not I lost 60 pounds once upon a time! It all came back on me and more! I think it was because I got to the point or stage you are now talking about! I went berserk with a Capital B! Please figure out how we get past this stage so when (if I ever do emoticon)get this far again I'll know what to do! My eyes are on you! As you have become one of my prime examples that "It can be done, and it will be done, and it will stay off this time!"

I too can remember this happening to me! As I see it we have a choice to make here at this line! I chose the path last time of giving in to these feelings and cravings and losing what I worked so hard for! I want to be able to make the other choice this time! I have to make the other choice this time for my health!

I too started out with the same four bad habits and more!Birthday parties and family gatherings are really were I mess up! It's getting better though as I have put everyone in my family on a life style fitness change with me! So they are watching me! emoticon While I am watching you! My dad was the last to go! He is doing Nutria System which I applaud him for just doing anything, as that is better than nothing at all! He has lost 15 pounds so far! emoticon

What I am trying to say Mary is if it will help you any---I have declared you one of my heroes now, my example to follow! So you have another reason to get past this point! Read, do a google searching for others that have experienced the same thing! Do what it takes, and if I can help in any way please let me know! You are a special lady that if anyone can do it on will power you can!

I don't know what to say except I declare you have been put in the spotlight and all of America is watching! You can do this as it is just a hill of beans compared to what you already have done!

Your challenge has been given you! I will be watching, and I will be tuned to this same bat channel tomorrow!I'm sorry I didn't mean to turn you into Bat Woman! emoticon emoticon for sharing! emoticon emoticon



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BHAWLITZ2 7/20/2010 10:54PM

    You are amazingly honest with yourself and that is a giant step towards towards controlling your conflict over food. We all are fighting our food demons and I think that the majority of sparkers are dealing with some type of emotional eating dilemma.

We eat because we're upset, bored, anxious, or stressed. We eat because food is there - it's available. I am a food addict. I know now how to make healthy choices and I enjoy healthy foods, but I really would rather have sweets. I'm a sweet eater - especially chocolate. My portions were never good with any type of food, but give me a chocolate cake and a quart of ice cream and I'm a goner. I've discovered Skinny Cow desserts - I love their cones, but some nights I really could eat the whole box.

I love being thin, but in the back of my mind I'm scared that I will start eating mindlessly again and regain the weight. I think we all feel like this and it is a struggle. I know I have to be constantly be in control of every situation and I need to keep telling myself how far I have come. I would like to take a day and reward myself by eating anything and everything, but I'm afraid to fall off wagon because I am a FOOD ADDICT.

You are further a head in the game then you think - just keep being honest with yourself.

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ANDI571 7/20/2010 10:48PM

    I also to love to eat and miss eating a basket of chips and salsa instead of 4 or 5 chips, a whole baked potato instead of half, etc. I also get tired of having to think about portion control. How come the elation of wearing smaller clothes, or walking 2 miles without huffing and puffing, or just being healthy can not over power the want to eat what ever I want, when I want?

I have learned my triggers when it comes to stress making me want to eat for comfort, but it's hard when you just plain want to eat to your hearts content. Eating is enjoyable while dining with friends and family.

Great words for all of us to think about. We will get through this together.


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SHERWOODCYCLER 7/20/2010 10:20PM

    I can empathize, too. For me, this time around, something "clicked" and I found it easy to go for the long haul, slow weight loss. I have that fear that whatever "clicked" will "click off"---after all, I didn't consciously do anything that I am aware of to have that "click on"...and then I will slide back into the abyss. I'm not being overdramatic, but I do think about that sometimes.

I think that plain out food lust is all in our pasts (and could lurk again in the future if we let it). I have some cohorts who have found a way to lose weight and keep it off...but they too bounce up and down. They just know when to reel it back in and get things under control again. But me, I'm probably someone who needs to keep a fairly tight lid on things. I have to work with my relationship to food.

Mary, hang in there. You can figure this out. I just know it.

I really appreciate your honest digging into your relationship with food.

I suspect that some rebellious part of you doesn't want to have to watch what you eat. That little kid wants to be a rebel and just eat and eat and eat--so there!!! But the thing you've got to do is to face why that kid is wanting to eat...and come to terms with it.

By the way, I like to feel stuffed, too. I love eating. Yum. So tonight I ate big. Had two and a half cups of green beans, two sausages, and two slices of canteloupe with blueberries (don't ask me why I ate in twos tonight, I just did). Felt very full afterwards, but not so full as I couldn't end with eating two dark chocolate caramels. So I ate all the way up to around 1600 calories for the day (I was within my calorie range).

I think it is OK to eat a lot sometimes. It just has to stop. We have to create boundaries and limits for ourselves without feeling deprived. That's the tricky part. For some reason, given that I was eating twos, I could stop at 2 caramels (170 calories total) and call it good.

Ah, the little tricks we play. It is all part of getting to know ourselves better. And to constrain our inner rebelious child.

Comment edited on: 7/20/2010 10:23:49 PM

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REJ7777 7/20/2010 10:00PM

    Great blog! You are so honest. emoticon

If we didn't LOVE to eat, we probably wouldn't need SP. Oprah calls us "foodies". We love good food and lots of it!

You express our dilemma very well. We have conflicting desires. We want to eat whatever we want, whenever we want and still be thin and fit, and this without doing one iota of exercise. But we tried that, and it didn't work. The pain of being overweight and unfit pushed us to find a solution. But, as we "pay the price" for a healthy weight, we miss the "whatever-whenever". I guess it boils down to what we want MOST. emoticon emoticon

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SHERRY257 7/20/2010 9:47PM

    Great blog! I sometimes feel this way. Sometimes I would just like to eat without thinking. I know you are doing great because I see it in all your pictures. I'm glad you son had such a great birthday, what a blast! emoticon

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 7/20/2010 9:44PM

    As I stated earlier, I can empathize with you completely. The positive here is that you recognize this "stage" for what it is. A stage. I wish you well as you try to tough it out and work throught the thoughts, emotions and cravings. You know all of here want the same thing. For ourselves and for each other. You'll get through this, Mary, and be better prepared for next time. Because as we all know, there will most likely be a next time. Like I learned in a training session years ago: "If it doesn't kill me, it makes me stronger."

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I am normal in my own weird "twin" way

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Several people have commented that this is a sad blog. I don't think of it that way - I think it is me telling you a little bit more about myself. Each of us is unique and has our quirks. This certainly explains some of mine.

I was a late in life baby. When my mother had me she also delivered a stillborn twin girl. So when I was growing up and had something weird physically going on - my family always said that was the part that I took from my twin. I believed that!! I remember telling people that because my twin had to die - she gave me some things to take into the world. In a way I was incredibly naive but in another way it was my attempt to connect with a twin sister. I am no longer sad about my twin - she is a fond thought or a comforting memory who gives me some moments of humor when I think back on my youthful beliefs.

So I do have some weird little things that persist. I have fuzzy, crinkly hair that is balding on the left side of my head and thick, full, straight hair on the right. I now know that my father had the same and I was the lucky child who inherited that unique feature.

The other thing that persists is my leg discrepancy. My left leg is one inch longer than my right. This has caused me no end of physical problems from the mundane of poor posture to the painful of bad back joints, frozen shoulder, feet problems. I need to be very careful when I exercise that I don't throw myself out of alignment. The last time I did that I was in PT for two years.

I have been waiting to reach normal BMI on my spark journey. Well I am 5'6" on the right (bmi - 154) and 5'7" on the left (bmi - 159). Which do I choose to measure my normal BMI? I decided to wait until I was "normal" for both halves of my body. This week I weighed in at 154 - so both halves of my body are now officially normal (which is great because the left side has been taunting the right side for weeks now).

This is a pretty significant milestone for me. I wanted to share it with all of my spark friends since I cannot share it with my twin - who would either be 5'7" with frizzy hair or 5'6" with great hair.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SROUS1340 8/1/2010 12:22AM

    Normal is grand, itsn't it! My new favorite word.
Congrats on getting both sides to match!

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LAFEMMEDELALUNE 7/17/2010 2:20PM

    What a sweet story. :)

Congratulations on your milestone!
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LUNADRAGON 7/16/2010 11:16PM

    This is an amazing story. Thanks for sharing your tale. You have had a lot to deal with, and you deal with it with humor.

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TEENY_BIKINI 7/16/2010 10:51PM

    Congrats on your milestone. You are not only "normal" but crazy amazing beautiful. Thank so much for sharing such personal details of your journey.

Cheers.

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STEPHANON 7/13/2010 3:43PM

    Just catching up. . . I didn't find this blog sad at all - in fact, I found it kinda funny (except for the physical problems resulting from your differing leg lengths. What a pain!) We all have our quirks. Congrats on reaching a healthy bmi. It's a pretty big milestone to be able to say that you're at a healthy weight. Happy for you! And I laughed about the left side taunting the right. :)

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CROBINGO 7/4/2010 9:20AM

    WOW - I just saw this blog. I don't know how I missed it but am glad I went to your page to see if you had blogged lately.

I like that you have attached to your twin and it sounds as if you embrace your unique personality and physical features (we all have them). BIG TIME CONGRATULATIONS on your milestone! That is so great and you must feel amazing about it!



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LLTS01 7/1/2010 11:09PM

    emoticon Congrats on meeting that milestone . I am just a few pound away myself.
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PAT3ONTHEBACK 6/30/2010 1:39PM

    Congrats on reaching your BMI--as if the numbers aren't confusing enough on their own, you have to add in the height discrepancy! Can't wait until I reach my BMI. I'm wishing by September. We'll see . . .

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DETERMINEDAGAIN 6/24/2010 12:29PM

    HURRAY for BMI!!!! YAHOOO!!!!


And I think we all have our endearing little foibles. I don't find this sad, I think it's a great way to ensure she was a part of your life. I'm glad you are happy, healthy and smiling. Way to go!

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KASEYCOFF 6/24/2010 3:38AM

    Well, Mary, congrats on the BMI! That is a wonderful achievement! As far as the twin business goes: it's just one of those quirky little things that makes you, YOU. And 'they say' that Elvis Presley's mother told him something very similar in terms of his twin brother. Did you know he had an identical twin who died at birth?

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SMILESWITH7KIDS 6/23/2010 11:07PM

    Yah, thank God for finally giving me a normal friend ;) There is something so deeply mysterious and intricate about the twin relationship that I'm not surprised that you made sense out of it that way as a child. She played a role in your life and I'm glad you shared that, it's good to get to know you better. In college I had a suite mate who was a twin and one of our friends used to tell her that she always felt very strongly that she was a twin, but she knew she wasn't. Wrong. She found out her senior year that she had a twin who died a few months after birth. The family had decided to not tell her for some reason.

I didn't feel like the blog was sad, but rather that you were sharing some things about yourself that we didn't know before. I am sorry about the 1", though, I know that must create a lot of problems. One of my legs is off by just a little bit which I understand is not uncommon, but I do have more pain and problems on that side.

Sorry about the bald spot. How's your neck doing? My hair is thinning and I try not to look at my neck. The other morning when I got up I looked in the mirror and wondered when my eyelids disappeared and why did I notice them leaving.



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ESMERELDA1220 6/23/2010 7:13PM

    I don't think that your blog is sad at all. It tells a wonderful story of your growing up and allows us to get to know you. I don't think you are "weird" either...I think everyone has their own personal quirks. I surely have mine...but the best part was reaching your goal and that is simply FANTASTIC! I am following right behind you...just a few more pounds to go...and I shall be shouting from the roof tops with you! Keep it up! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THIAGRAM 6/23/2010 6:25PM

  Congratulations on meeting a very significant milestone! I think you are a very beautiful woman inside and out, even with the quirks, which I'm sure nobody ever notices. Thanks for sharing this with us! I also believe you will one day meet your twin in the after-life! What a blessing to reach a normal BMI! I love it when normal is wonderful!!

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LINIS_THIN 6/23/2010 6:05PM

    Congrats on being a healthy bmi.... you made me laugh at your 2 sides. Your uniqueness is what I love about you. (Never realised you were THAT unique tho... lol)



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CAWESTY 6/23/2010 4:21PM

    P.S. weren't all those comments lovely? Brought tears to my eyes. Sweet....


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CAWESTY 6/23/2010 4:18PM

    Sweet and touching. It is obvious that your twin is someone you feel you know and miss, and find ways to carry her with you. (I say is because I believe she is still alive and well on the "other side" in spirit form, and that you will get to see her again when you "pass over".) I find that very touching.

Your "weird" (I would call them unique) qualities have caused some physical problems for you that you have learned to work with throughout your life. Good for you!

You look wonderful at the weight/BMI you have reached. Congratulations, and thank you for sharing more of yourself with us. As I say, it was very touching to me.

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MOMSLIM 6/23/2010 3:50PM

    Mary,

what can I say that hasn't already been said. Your uniqueness is what makes you special. I strongly believe that when someone special in our lives passes on, they become our angel. Perhaps your sister has been your angel.

I have to admit I did laugh because envisioned this person with 2 different hairdos at 2 different heights. Perhaps a movie in sight. :)

Congratulations on the BMI - good for you. I knew you could do it. Take care of yourself because you are the only one who can.

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RITAROSE 6/23/2010 11:19AM

  Dear Mary,
I am so happy that you've reached your normal BMI!! I'm doing a happy dance for you right now! You help me keep up the good fight to reach mine.

I think it's great that you blogged about your twin. She has had a profound effect on your life and it's good to talk about. Thanks for sharing such an intimate blog with us to let us know more about you!

Keep up the good work, I hope you are sticking around even though you've "arrived!" emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAM1325 6/23/2010 10:49AM

    Love your blog! Congrats on the weight loss! We are all unique and normal in our own weird way. BTW, you are an awesome SP friend. Keep up the hard work!

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ANDI571 6/23/2010 10:32AM

    I like your attitude about your twin. It goes back to our attitude and how we look at things. We can either find comfort or sadness. I am glad you found the comfort.

Congratulations on your BMI. I was so close to normal before my last weigh in and I never thought about checking after my 2 pound loss this week. I will go right now and see.

Stay strong, you are awesome. emoticon

I was 25.7, just barely over. Maybe next week.

Comment edited on: 6/23/2010 10:36:01 AM

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APRILLSCOTT 6/23/2010 10:12AM

    Mary,
I enjoyed this blog. You gave us more information about you! Which in my book is great! I knew your scale had tipped a little but didn't know that this was your normal BMI! Congratulation on reaching this point! You have made a dream come true! emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am sure your twin is in heaven rejoicing in this also! There will always be that connection I am sure!I feel you have gotten through this knowledge that you were a twin very well! You are you though a very special person Unique and Different but quite normal! Thank God for this and Thank God For You Mary!!! emoticon emoticon

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PENNYAN45 6/23/2010 10:04AM

    Congratulations on having BOTH your halves reach the normal BMI for your height(s). LOL.

I like the idea of you as a girl using your twin sister to explain the differences between your two sides.

It adds complexity and interest to your personal story.

I'll bet you are both left-brained and right-brained, too.

Thanks for sharing this about yourself.


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LOVE_2_LAUGH 6/23/2010 9:42AM

    Congratulations on reaching the normal BMI. Good job! I don't think your blog is sad. I think you're sharing a very intimate part of you, which allows us to know you even better. Thanks for sharing with us, Mary! And for what it's worth, I don't think it's wierd or morbid that as a child you thought some of the issues were things your twin sent along with you. I think it's kind of sweet. And who knows about the dynamics of twins while still in the womb?

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JUST_TRI_IT 6/23/2010 9:33AM

    I have a sister who is a twin in the same way. Hmmm. I've never even ask how she feels about that. How odd that we have never even talked about it. I think it is touching that you think of your twin as a comforting memory. Pretty special sentiment.

Perhaps this is not appropriate, but I chuckled when you spoke of which BMI to choose. And your solution .. oh so wise! You win, win, win on that choice! AND CONGRATULATIONS on your 154 and healthy BMI. emoticon

I just think you are such a neat person... one of the generous souls in my Spark life.

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BHAWLITZ2 6/23/2010 8:45AM

    You are indeed normal and special in so many ways. My daughters are twins and I have seen first hand the twin thing. They are extremely close and seem to read each other's minds even when they are miles and miles apart. You will always have a connection even though you never met her, but you have come to terms with things beautifully and I commend you for that.

We all have are quirks and we are all unique and that is what makes us all very special!! So give yourself a hug and tell yourself how lucky you are to be YOU!!

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IAMANDARAMA 6/23/2010 8:29AM

    The tangible pathos of your writing is wonderful to read and, as with all pathos, shows how the high peaks are reflected in deep pools. That makes them doubly beautiful.

Thank you for being the beautiful person, with those depths and thank you for sharing them. I feel privileged to be your spark friend.

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SWAZY33 6/23/2010 8:24AM

    ...........•*΄¨ ) .•*΄¨ ) Mary!!!
…...•*΄¨ ) ..•*¨) -:¦:- .•*΄¨ ) ..•*¨) -:¦:-
……………….(. ;.•.♥ ♥.•*¨)
♥.•*¨-:¦:-. ;.•.♥ YAY!!!!! ♥.•*¨-:¦:-. ;.•.
…•*¨-:¦:-. (. ;.•.♥*YOU ARE* ♥.•*¨)•*¨-:¦:-.
…..(Έ.•΄(•*¨.♥.•*¨) *NORMAL!* (Έ.•΄(•*¨.♥.•*¨)
……….{Έ.•΄{Έ ;.• .•*¨}.• {Έ.•΄{Έ ;.• .•*¨}.•
……………….•*΄¨ ) ..•*¨) -:¦:-
………………….;.•.♥ ♥.•*¨ haha..so proud of you for hitting
normal BMI! That is so great!!! My daughter's legs are
different lengths (but hers from surgery when she was 5 )
I love genetics and the lil quirks like you mention...
hair diff on each side...It makes you ...YOU and we like ya
just the way you are!
………………………♥
……………………(―`v΄―)
…………………….`*.Έ.*΄Kar


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BUGGYS 6/23/2010 8:19AM

    I agree with REJ7777...not easy to comment on your blog...losing a twin, even though you never knew her, must be hard in so many aspects...my cousin had a stillbirth twin and she still talks about her and she is 69 years old! She says that she always feels someone around her and is positive it is her twin! As far as the BMI...way to go on reaching your goal...Mary, you have come so far and I am applauding you on all of your accomplishments! Keep blogging, I've missed them! emoticon emoticon

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 6/23/2010 8:03AM

    You think maybe you two merged? I agree with REJ7777. It's hard to comment on the first part because I think there is always a bond with a twin ... and I was laughing so much at the height and hair. When we were made, someone sure had a sense oh humor, right? I'm so glad that you are here!

emoticon on hitting normal for both sides! Thank God you still have your other quirks!

Where's the YOU DID IT button???? emoticon emoticon



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DEBRITA01 6/23/2010 7:46AM

    I agree with REJ7777, this is a humorous and sad blog. The sad being the loss of your twin. Twins have such a special dynamic and bond...I'm sure there has always been a sense of loss not having known your twin sister except in your heart.

The funny part of this blog speaks of the quirkiness we all seem to possess - physically or otherwise. Genetics are interesting...how we can inherit so many different characteristics. My sister has two very different ears (one like my mom's, one like my dad's). She has 5 kids and her one son has the same ears -how did that happen that only one child was so blessed? lol

That's funny about measuring your normal BMI, I would've gone with the 5'7 since I am always looking for an advantage! Great job on meeting your goal....I can only dream of a normal BMI but I know that is an attainable goal, if I stay focused.

Loved your blog, as usual...I'll be waiting for the next one :)

Comment edited on: 6/23/2010 7:48:03 AM

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REJ7777 6/23/2010 7:25AM

    That's not an easy blog to comment on, because between being very sad at some parts and laughing with you in others, I just don't know what to say. I've read how a surviving twin always feels a kind of loneliness for the lost twin, even when it happened before birth. There are even groups of surviving twins that get together as a support group.

Well, I'm grateful that you survived. You've been a blessing to so many people, including your friends on SP! emoticon

emoticon Congratulations on having a normal BMI on BOTH sides! emoticon WOW! Normal BMI - it's something I'm still hoping for and dreaming about! In fact, I still have a goal of being "overweight". emoticon

You've made tremendous progress! Keep up the good work! emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/23/2010 8:02:20 AM

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The Yonder Mountains.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I need to start blogging again. It used to come so naturally but I have definitely had writer's block lately. The idea that writing accesses a different part of the brain used to happen to me because I was surprised when I used to write - I would think - oh where did that come from? Now that part of my brain that writes must be on summer vacation - zoned out on boardwalk fries and cotton candy (Deb - Grotto and Fisher's). I have been putting it off and it has become a task looming over me.

Am I right in thinking that anytime you put something off until conditions are right - ends up being put off forever? Or it becomes a sort of molehill that grows into a mountain. I know that I joined spark a couple of years ago but never jumped in - I was waiting for optimal timing when I could devote my full attention to it. Well each time that I got a spark email that I had signed up for - the more distant I felt from the possibility of jumping in. Finally this past year - while stuck at home with 40 inches of snow outside - I said to myself - Mary just try 30 minutes a day and break it into pieces. Well I was addicted in 30 minutes and still am. All I needed to do was trust in that first step.

What does that say about everything on this journey. Sometimes you have to talk yourself into just sticking that toe in and making that first small scary jump. That mountain in your mind may end up being a little speed bump that you can laugh about. Or so what if it is a mountain - you can only climb a mountain one step at a time too. And when at the summit you can look back at how far you have come and exult in your accomplishment.

Dianepbh had me thinking this week. She is training for a triathlon but she was hesitant to go into the weight room. I love the sweaty weight room but fear the timing of dance classes. We are each facing different mountains that we put off tackling. When we start out on this journey just figuring out what to eat, why we eat and how to move can be a big enough challenge. But beyond that are vistas that are left to be explored. We need to constantly be looking to move a little beyond our comfort zone, we need to be ready to stick that toe in and test the waters.

So right now I am writing a blog - and doing this was a little bigger than a speed bump but not nearly as big a hurdle that my mind had made of it. And as I climb this little hill my eyes are on yonder mountains.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOOFYGIRL48 6/20/2010 8:38AM

    It's true - sometimes you have yourself convinced you cannot do something (you don't have the time, or the talent, or the determination) but once you take that first step, you learn what you can accomplish, not what is holding you back!

I am so glad you stuck your toe in to sparking!
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TEENY_BIKINI 6/19/2010 3:28PM

    Amazing blog, gorgeous.

" Sometimes you have to talk yourself into just sticking that toe in and making that first small scary jump. "

I agree and I think the first step is the hardest, but you can do it. I am definitely challenging myself in that way right now - I go from excited to petrified and back again. I find myself combating the voices in my head that bring up old insecurities. But we are warriors in the end, we keep coming back because that is what we do.

I am sure you will dance and write with abandon and it will be grand.

Much love to you. XO

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LLTS01 6/19/2010 8:55AM

    I am so with you on the dance class. Shall we dance? emoticon

I agree with you wholeheartedly. We each have different hurdles to overcome. For me it is yoga- now that I have overcome the fear of running in public. emoticon

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APRILLSCOTT 6/19/2010 1:36AM

    Mary,
I enjoyed this! What you said is so true! I started SP a few years ago just using the food tracker. I never dreamed I would have my own page and blog a little every now and then myself! emoticon I never even dreamed I would ever use the fitness tracker and get to the point that I truly do enjoy exercising! You are right though we do need to stick our toe out in that undiscovered area of our lives. We never know what we can do until we do this!

You do a great job writing and are quite a perfectionist at it! I believe this is the reason you dread it so badly! I know it is the reason I hate it so bad! I want it to say what I want, and I hate even starting it, because I have a tendency to get long winded!

This blog got me thinking and I love ones like this!
emoticon you are a wonderful friend! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DETERMINEDAGAIN 6/18/2010 11:09AM

    :) I liked this. So when is your next dance class?

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CROBINGO 6/18/2010 7:40AM

    GREAT blog and worth the wait! You have such great thoughts and writing style. So much of it spoke to me but I loved the we "are each facing different mountains that we put off tackling". So true. It shows that we are not alone but we are all unique.

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JUST_TRI_IT 6/18/2010 3:33AM

    LOVED reading this! I am thrilled that you are going to do some more blogging. I connected on several ideas here. I noticed the same thing about how I live my life sometimes. I take my time .. something is mulling in my brain and then suddenly I am all over it.

BTW... Your comment on my blog about the weights really helped me this week. I think I will end up enjoying it much more once I know what the heck I am doing. You woudl have laughed out loud when I sat on one the benches BACKWARDS ... My neighbor corrected me when I had that puzzled look on my face. LOL!

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STEPHANON 6/17/2010 9:54PM

    "Am I right in thinking that anytime you put something off until conditions are right - ends up being put off forever? Or it becomes a sort of molehill that grows into a mountain."

This is so true! I find that I allow this to happen in my own life SO OFTEN. I am a natural procrastinator, and sometimes I will allow something to loom over me and stress me out in a major way that would not have been a big deal if I had just gotten it over with. I am trying to teach myself that when it comes to things that are hard for me, it will always be easier to do them right away so that it doesn't have the time to grow enormous in my mind. Kind of like jumping into the cold swimming pool all at once instead of dipping that toe in and then chickening out.

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 6/17/2010 8:42PM

    Mary, you hit the nail on the head with this blog. Procrastination and excuses -- not good. I don't know what you were worried about, but this blog is a good one. One step at a time, right? I like your thoughts about pushing beyond our comfort zones. Something I need to improve upon.

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PENNYAN45 6/17/2010 3:28PM

    I enjoy reading whatever you write!

Your words are so inspirational and helpful. Your blogs are insightful and your comments on others' blogs are thoughtful.

Judging from the final products, nobody would ever guess that you have trouble writing anything!

The more you write, the easier it gets.

(Maybe you should write TWO blogs each week. LOL)

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SHERWOODCYCLER 6/17/2010 9:15AM

    Yes, you need to start blogging more frequently. Truly..

I should too. I have tried to make it into a weekly spark habit, but I am not quite there yet. And everytime I blog I sink into thinking about something that teaches me about this journey. But I don't need to write ponderous blogs every time. Maybe little wonders come from smaller blogs. I don't know. And I won't know until I try.

Last night's blog was written in a blaze of post-wine happiness. I should write when I have other moods, too. And so should you. I really apreciate your comments, too. So while you haven't been blogging, you have been reflecting on life and this journey. It is much appreciated.

Time to celebrate small steps. And now, I am going to celebrate breakfast by walking down those 4 flights of stairs to the restaurant. Have a good day, Mary.

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LBIMAMMA 6/17/2010 6:54AM

    I'm so glad you are blogging again. I always find myself nodding in agreement with your comments...!
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REJ7777 6/17/2010 5:38AM

    It's great to see that you're blogging again! I'm glad you were able to break through the writer's block. Your blog was very insightful, as usual! We really do all have our own challenges. I put off going to the dentist for a minor gum graft for over a year. I had been told it was a very painful. It turned out to be less painful than the toothache I had been putting up with. emoticon

It's like tolerating being unfit. It's more painful in the long run than eating well and being physically active. There is no "perfect" time. Like the Nike commercial says, "Just do it!" emoticon

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LINIS_THIN 6/16/2010 8:03PM

    WOW!!!
Certainly worth the wait if you ask me!!!
Thanks for finally climbing your.... er.... speedbump!! lol

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AASMITHHISLER 6/16/2010 7:17PM

    what a poetic entry Mary! You truly are insightful when it comes to your health journey, and your clever discoveries only help others like me onward on our own journey. Thank you for this entry, because it is true that sometimes we just need to put one foot in front of the other to get over that mountain that we've been dreading! emoticon

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ESMERELDA1220 6/16/2010 3:46PM

    You are a wonderful and eloquent writer...You really have put it out there, but in a special and motivating way...I should be writing more too!
You are very special! This a struggle we can do together...

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DEBRITA01 6/16/2010 2:43PM

    emoticon Everyone is right, put that big toe in more often...I just love your blogs BK. Please never doubt the value of your blogs... I get so much from them and wish you wrote more! Seriously, I always check to see if you posted anything new...sometimes I reread your old ones...lol. You have a special way with words.

Making molehills into mountains is something we all are prone to. The overwhelming fear of failure can be crippling sometimes and keeps us from our goals and dreams. We do fail when we don't try. I love your statement on your page "failing is only failure, if you quit". I keep your words in my head for those times when I don't feel like trying anymore. It's so much easier to give up or not try...we don't give up on others, so why ourselves? We are so much harder on ourselves in so many ways.

Taking that first step is often so hard, but like you said, even if we are facing a mountain, the only way to do it is one step at a time. I just read a blog about Baby Steps and I say: crawl, take baby steps, do whatever...if you're moving forward you're still moving in the right direction.

Thank you for writing such an inspirational blog and please do let that writer inside come out more often!



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Comment edited on: 6/16/2010 2:51:51 PM

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IAMANDARAMA 6/16/2010 1:00PM

    What a wonderful blog.

I can see you ahead of me on the rise towards the summit and am truly encouraged. I don't need to catch up with you, but am comforted to know you blaise the way. Even if I meander round the foothills, from time to time the inspiration still draws me forward.

Thank you.

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CHARU_MATHURIA 6/16/2010 12:10PM

    thank your for the blog.. I love reading your blogs and comments.

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KASEYCOFF 6/16/2010 11:54AM

    Attagirl, Mar - keep looking up. You will climb farther and higher than you ever thought possible! emoticon

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 6/16/2010 11:26AM

    Mary, I'm so glad you stuck that big toe in.

You have so much to say and you say it so eloquently. Thanks for the reminder. I tend to put things off and they turn into big mountains ... or so it seems. When I tackle them, they are usually just little molehills. I'm left thinking ... 'why do I waste all the time and energy creating so much out of something so easy?"

This blog couldn't have been written at a better time ... I have some challenges to attend to ... thanks!

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SMILESWITH7KIDS 6/16/2010 11:07AM

    Well hallelujah! I'm so glad you stuck that big toe back into the blogosphere. You're so thoughtful and uplifting that I just love reading your comments and now I can look forward to getting to know you better in your blog. Glad you just went ahead and did it.
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SHAWWB 6/16/2010 10:15AM

    WOW, you need to stick your toe in more often, great writing and lots of deep thinking. Thanks for the picture you created, instead of 1 day at a time, I'm thinking 1 step at a time. Thanks and have a great day!

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THIAGRAM 6/16/2010 10:04AM

  Wow! Mary you probably didn't know that such a great blog was going to come out of you when you began to write. This really is true. Sticking our big toe into the water and then move beyond our comfort zone is the probably the hardest step. I think we fear the first step because we fear that we won't be able to commit to making the changes we need to in order to accomplish what we need to accomplish. We fear failure, so we fear beginning and continuing. I think it's a natural way for us as humans to feel. We are such creatures of habit, that it's hard to stop and make a change. But then as we make the effort and do something and then feel some success, it becomes easier and more natural to do that thing and we thought was so difficult. Then we feel the exhilaration of success! And what a blessing that is! Thanks for a great thought! Bless you!

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LJCANNON 6/16/2010 9:53AM

    We all need to be reminded of the Yonder Vistas occasionally. It is so darn easy to get focused on the Mountain in front of us that we lose sight of the easier 'molehills' that will get us up the Mountain.

emoticon emoticonThanks for sharing this. emoticon

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My first stolen blog - questions and answers about me

Monday, May 31, 2010

I stole this from Kasey (KASEYCOFF). I found that I really did get to know her better when she does these. It is surprising how our perception of someone through spark can be altered or confirmed by these questions. Like who would have pegged me for a science fiction/comic book movie person?

I am doing half today and the rest later this week.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Hmm – first one is a toughie. My husband travels to great locations (Africa, Australia, Portugal, Scotland) for work and he always wants me to go along. I always want to stay home with the kids – I don’t want to leave them and it is so hard preparing to leave and coming home again, so I have never been to those places. I think that I would like to travel somewhere that has to do with early civilizations/ spirituality. I think Machu Picchu, Nepal, Taj Mahal. I would like to go to old cities – Budapest, Istanbul, Prague. And a week at a vineyard in Tuscany sounds nice. Also a river cruise (don't like cruises in big water) down an European river.

If you could have your dream job, it would be...what?

This often varies with my mood. I have always wanted to go and tutor under privileged kids. History, science, spanish, nutrition – I could do that. Please nothing with grammar – hate grammar. That is why I use dashes. Really out there dream job would be renovation architect.

What would you like people to say about you after you're gone?

She was a good person – she did her best. That sounds so pitiful - still trying to please after death.

What are 3 things you'd like to do before you die?

Learn to enjoy life without over-analyzing it – I think that it would make everything that I did come alive. Physical bucket list kind of stuff – learn to be a great cook, see the Rolling Stones Live, Trace my Irish ancestry

What movie star would you love to look like?

Grace Kelly

What is your biggest weakness?

Anxiety.

What is your favorite color?

Coral or Lime. I wear a lot of green limey colors.

What obstacle would you like to overcome?

Being too much of a pushover and a pleaser. I try to please to make people like me more -

Do you drive fast or slow...or right at the speed limit?

I am a drive at the upper edge of the speed limit person – which means I am a moderate on the beltway in DC. On back roads - I am mostly a speed limit kind of person.

Are you a rule keeper or a rule breaker?

Depends on the rule. (what you said Kasey)

What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?

That my life shows on my face. And that age does catch up with you.


When is the last time you cried?

This weekend – talking about Memorial Day and those who have died for our country.

When is the last time you laughed?

Yesterday – I need to do this more.

Are you weak or strong?

Deceptively strong in a weak exterior.

Are you serious or carefree?

I am too serious – but I think that I have a carefree rock groupie/hippie inside of me and I want to let her out to play more.

What is the one thing you can't live without?

Besides Triscuits? My computer, hot showers, warm socks. Luxury item – my gas fireplace.


What movie do you never get tired of seeing?

Galaxy Quest. I love science fiction/comic book movies. Robots and Iron Man battling it out with aliens and GI Joe– I am all in. I also enjoy funny movies (did you all see It’s Complicated?)/feel good movies and romance. I also have this thing for teen movies. I started watching them to have something in common with my daughter. I would never do that with my sons - potty movies, gross out horror movies - not my thing. Also,War movies, introspective movies, political movies, horror movies - no interest.

What book have you read more than 3 times?

In This House of Brede by Rumer Godden.

Happy Memorial Day all.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACKSMIMI2 6/6/2010 8:26PM

    Oh honey...if we were neighbors I can guarantee that you'd be finding that inner hippie :) Guess that's why I tend to have more serious friends...too many like me and I'd be in trouble all the time and never get anything done!

I really enjoyed 'getting to know you'...great blog..

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 6/5/2010 9:16PM

    I learned so much reading this. I wish you were my neighbor!!!!! I think you have all the good qualities that I strive for in life.

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SHERRY257 6/4/2010 5:46PM

    Great blog! I MAY HAVE TO STEAL IT ,TOO! It is wonderful to Know you better! emoticon

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PENNYAN45 6/3/2010 9:18AM

    Thanks for sharing info about yourself, Mary. It was fun to learn more about you. If we lived closer, I think you and I would be friends.

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CROBINGO 6/3/2010 9:02AM

    That was GREAT. I absolutely enjoyed reading every word. As I read it I thought, "What an interesting person!" (Thought I would let you know that because it was my actual thought.)

You have alot of varied interests; very eclectic. I think that is GREAT!

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JUST_TRI_IT 6/2/2010 8:38AM

    This was absolutely so much fun to read! Yes there are some surprises: the science fiction and not having traveled. The colors, Grace Kelly (whom I think you DO look like), the gentle nature, the unsure nature, the quiet strength.. those things fit!


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HAVALOVER 6/1/2010 10:49PM

    Great getting to know you better.
I'm going to steal it too! hahaha! I loved reading Kasey's, and now yours, so I think you guys won't mind emoticon
Thanks for sharing,
Mirie

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TEENY_BIKINI 6/1/2010 10:32PM

    I just love these things. You just learn so much.

You rock!

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REJ7777 6/1/2010 2:17PM

    I enjoyed getting to know you a bit better through your blog. I love the Lord of the Rings series and it's one of the few movies I've listened to more than once.

I've always thought of you as a strong person. Didn't you once mention your German ancestry? I may have you mixed up with someone else, but if not, that would mean that you are German and Irish. That's a pretty "strong" (and wonderful) combination!

Grammar - I've never yet found a mistake in your blogs or comments! And you express yourself so well. It's hard to believe you don't like grammar. Language is a tool you use so well! emoticon

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SUSIEMILO 6/1/2010 1:38PM

    I'm very glad you did this blog - as you said, we learn so much about each other this way.
I saw the movie "It's Complicated" several times. Laughed my butt off every time! LOL
I have to say that it seemed odd to have Steve Martin play a semi-serious role, and not be the comedian of the movie -- yet the casting was perfect as it was.

I use dashes all the time when I write -- (LOL) and never thought about it being a substitute for good grammar. But it clearly is, because I never learned my grammar lessons. I sailed through English in school only because I knew what SOUNDED right. (My Mother always corrected our speech) Too bad I didn't learn some of it from my father. He could even diagram a sentence!!

I hope you do get to the point where you go easier on yourself, and let your inner girl out to play more often. It's more fun, and I can tell you from experience that when the personality you are, inside, is forced into some pre-conceived idea of who you "should" be (either by yourself, or by someone else), it is depressing.

I was married to a man for 10 years who was "uncomfortable" with my natural personality. Over the years, he molded me into his version of the perfect wife, and when I finally got free --- well, let me tell you --- that freedom to be who I really am: Priceless. I haven't regretted for a single minute getting divorced from him. I regret not having access to his money..... but not to him. LOL

Thanks again - I liked reading about you.
Take care,
Susie

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FIT4GOOD3 6/1/2010 11:27AM

    Galaxy Quest! Wow! I'd never have guessed...

Did you see Watchmen? What did you think of it? I went to see the crew preview, as my sweetie worked on it.

I love your travel list, BTW. Can I come too? emoticon

Pat



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MIMIKK7 6/1/2010 9:01AM

    emoticonblog! I so enjoyed reading! Have a wonderful week! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THIAGRAM 5/31/2010 11:32PM

  This was so much fun to read! I really enjoyed getting to know you better! Looking forward to part 2!

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AASMITHHISLER 5/31/2010 11:12PM

    Wow, I really did learn a lot about you from this blog! Some of your answers were very interesting! P.S.- I lived in Prague for four months and I would definitely visiting there haha I want to move back myself! Also, what got you into comic book movies? Did you used to read the comic books? Thanks for posting this blog!

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DEBRITA01 5/31/2010 9:08PM

    emoticon Loved this blog, Mary. Who would've thought you were into the science fiction/comic book movies...my son would have loved having you as his mom growing up...lol.

I've read 4 of these blogs today and I've enjoyed everyone of them! Kinda fun learning atypical facts about my Spark friends. I wonder how you'll answer the rest of the questions...looking forward to part II.

I agree with the other posters to travel with your hubby now that the kids are older. I certainly respect and understand your choice to stay home with them. I probably would have done the same, but then, I will never know since I've never had those opportunities to travel. You and your husband could build some fabulous memories in those great locations...just think about it...

And, let's not wait til you're gone...you ARE a good person and you ARE the best!

p.s. maybe you need to look into attending a Rolling Stones concert and see if there is a wild child within you...lol!

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BASKETLADY6 5/31/2010 9:03PM

    I like this blog! I too will "steal" it. emoticon

Thanks so much! I've learned more about you!

Katy

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STEPHANON 5/31/2010 6:13PM

    Fun to read! I would definitely encourage you to make it a point to go with hubby once in a while to one of those great places. Travel is absolutely worth the inconvenience in my opinion. Of course, we're nuts for travel - my hubs used to have a job that took him away for 4-8 weeks at a time (and only home for a couple of weeks in between!) and my son and I would just pull up stakes and go with him whenever we were able to. It's one of the reasons we homeschool - we love being flexible enough to travel any time we want!

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DETERMINEDAGAIN 5/31/2010 1:12PM

    It's nice getting to know you better :) This was very interesting!!!

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BLONDWUNN 5/31/2010 1:04PM

    I really enjoyed your story! So often you find out about your friends only from reading their obituary! Glad we didn't have to wait for that for you!!
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SMILINDI 5/31/2010 11:26AM

    This was really neat. If I knew how to copy and paste I'd do this for my friends, but without my 13 year old here I sooo need to stay on the beaten path I know or she may have to revamp the messed up computer when she gets home! lol

Loved what you had to share and am so with you on the staying home rather than traveling. I did enough of that as a child to last me a lifetime and then some. There's no place like home....yeahhhh.....normal routine is sooo nice.

Have A Great Day, and again~thank you for sharing this with us.
~Diane~ emoticon

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PINKNFITCARLA 5/31/2010 11:04AM

    It was nice to get more of a glimpse into who you are! We are similar in a lot of ways. I think you should travel with your husband too!

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ESMERELDA1220 5/31/2010 10:44AM

    Yes...questions to make you think...
Maybe I'll do a little thievery myself...great blog! emoticon

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RITAROSE 5/31/2010 10:37AM

  Thanks for giving us a peek into your life! It was fun AND surprising to read. DO go with your husband on his travels. LIFE IS SHORT!

My brother in law almost died from a heart attack on Saturday, giving us a reality check. He's my husband's younger brother. So thankful my husband is in A+ condition, but as the Bible tells us, we do not know our time. I'm thinking on how to make every day count more and being sure to affirm relationships. Wonder why it's so hard for me to say, "I love you" to my kids?

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APRILLSCOTT 5/31/2010 10:30AM

    I loved this! These questions are tough and really make you think! Thanks for letting us know you better! Have a great weekend. emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/31/2010 10:30:22 AM

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GOOFYGIRL48 5/31/2010 10:06AM

    It is really nice to get to know you better! Surprising answers :-).....and I agree with LLTS01 - you should travel with hubby! So much to see - so little time! and your children are older, right?
Thank you for sharing! emoticon

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TASCHACLARK 5/31/2010 10:05AM

    What a great idea.. Cant waite to see what else you have to say this week.. Take care. Happy Memorial Day..

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KASEYCOFF 5/31/2010 9:57AM

    You're right, I would not have pegged you for sci-fi movies or comic books! I love In This House of Brede - made me wonder what it would be like to join a nunnery, and has often prompted me to consider going on a retreat of some kind - probably as close to taking vows as I would ever get! :-) p.s. I wonder if Demi Moore and Bruce Willis named their daughter for Rumer Godden?

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LLTS01 5/31/2010 9:30AM

    It is nice to get to know you better. You should travel with your husband. Life is too short.
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I stink at goal setting but I have a few

Friday, May 28, 2010

I stink at goal setting. I will spend time on thinking up goals and write them down on here and promise accountability. Things like cutting down on salt, trying a new DVD, researching new light recipes or bike this many miles or ST this many days. Then a few weeks later I will be on my page and glance at those goals and think - huh am I on my page - that sounds like a good goal. Total loss of focus.

I know that goal setting is crucial to many people - they set up weekly, monthly goals and then track themselves for a realistic snapshot of their progress. God bless you all that do that. I would make them, never think to look at them again and then struggle to find where I listed them - blog? page? Comment to someone? Then I would feel guilty about not following through. I have children - they give me enough reasons to feel guilty to fill my week already - I need no more sources of guilt.

I do make general goals of losing weight for graduation or reunion - or see when I fit into a favorite outfit. But again they are just general and I don't get hung up on them. (I was psyched though in all honesty when I had a goal of getting to 160 for my daughter's graduation and that day when I left I weighed 159.8. I felt like it was a gift from the scale god to have a good weekend - and I did).

I also plan for my week. I always have an idea of what meals will be like for today and tomorrow and I try to picture my week and what days I can slot in exercise. But these to me are planning tools and not goals. They fall under daily maintenance.

In truth (for me and me only) I have a problem with goals. If I don't make that goal what do I do - turn around and eat Triscuits? Give up? Eat bonbons? And really this is Spark lifestyle not Spark Olympics. I am not doing this to impress myself or anyone else or to compete with anyone. As I read on INDYGIRL's page - you don't have to be perfect you just have to stick with it. So if I mess up a day or week or if someone is sick or is in exams or if I get only 30 minutes on the elliptical and not 40 - well that is my life. I may not move forward but I plan on sticking with it.

The other problem that I have is with big picture goals. I ask myself "what do they mean"? I have been rudely staring at women's bodies lately and thinking is that achievable? I wonder how much she weighs or how much she works out or what her body type is? Is that my goal - a body shape? Is my goal a certain weight - what do I look like there? Should I vainly be focused on shape and cellulite and does that make me a bad person? What does that weight mean for my health? Do I lower my risk of heart disease and cancer (father) at that weight? Do I lower my risk of early-onset Alzheimer's (mother) at that weight? If I don't get to a weight that makes an ideal body (and what is that anyway) or ideal health (whoa - what is that and does that include mental issues) will I be disappointed?

So short term goals I can't do because I do not have that kind of focus and long term goals are too amorphous for me to nail down what I am aiming for let alone how to achieve that aim. So what do I use for motivation and accountability? Right now for motivation I am using the old fire bucket line. Someone ahead of me on Spark (both in time and reasoning) has already done so much of the heavy lifting with their progress and thinking. They freely share that bucket of knowledge and pass it to me. I make it my own, toss it around in my head and pass it back to the next person in line. One of my most rewarding moments was when I read a comment made by a relatively new member that I was friends with (shout out to DANCERBRAT531) to someone completely new and stuck. She told them to be patient, make small adjustments, look forward not back. And there the chain moves on. The bucket so freely shared to me is being passed on. And if that is not motivating!!

Accountability. I am trying to achieve accountability by not backing down on being honest with myself. I have gained so much weight in the past while waiting to get up the nerve to weigh myself. I am trying to look into all of those dark corners where self lies are kept and be honest with myself. They only serve to hurt me in the end so I need to expose them to myself and deal with them. So yes - Mary - you do need to exercise today and yes Triscuits have calories.

So despite my goal not to have goals - I will make some goals. I will eat in a way that I can maintain and enjoy for the rest of my life. I will be careful and focus (to the extent of my capabilities) on what I eat and how much I eat. I will try not to either splurge or deny too much. I will exercise (which I truly do not like) but I will not make a strict schedule. I will keep trying to find a fitness activity that I can become passionate about. I will not set a final weight loss target. The combined efforts of my eating and exercise will make me land somewhere. At this point that should be in a healthy BMI. I will try to be happy with that weight from an aesthetics standpoint and continually strive to make being healthy a priority.

And most of all I will continue a goal of learning more about health - both physical and spiritual. I am so fortunate and I need to cultivate an inner world of thankfulness and calm.

Update: Someone commented that they find short term goals very helpful - like what to eat today or what days do I exercise. I agree wholeheartedly. I mentally put those things in the category of planning not goal setting. And I do that. My husband and I plan what days we can work out in the evening. I plan meals and what I will eat and stock the frig. I was talking more about goals like cutting down 25% on salt or make five new light recipes.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUST_TRI_IT 5/29/2010 10:17PM

    Goals are usually not my thing. I also can't find where I wrote them! Or I write them and they sound dorky. Or they sound like someone else's goals. Or I write them and forget I wrote them. I feel constrained by planning too much. When I travel for example, I know where I am going, kind of, and just go. If I end up there, good. If I end up somewhere else, good.

What I am not sure about is why during this journey it seems like I am more comfortable writing down some of my goals. I've been excited by some of them. Others have fallen by the way side. I was thinking today about how I got two videos back a few months ago and I have still not taken off the shrink wrap! How is that for a stupid decision! But then there are other things that I thought I would just "try" and have become more of a regular thing for me. Hmmmm.

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LLTS01 5/29/2010 10:12PM

    Life certainly does happen. But if I don't set goals for myself I get complacent. I don't beat up on myself but I need to have that structure because my life is crazy enough without it.

And the goals are not about a size or a number on the scale. It's about reaching deep inside and achieving something I never thought I could achieve. I might not get here as fast as I want but I know that with running for instance, the level of stress I feel has been cut by 90%. And I have a little bit of a competitive streak. Some times in life it's about whether I have constrained myself with my head or whether I really truly have limitations that prevent me from doing what I would like to do.
That's all- I would prefer no what if's. I already have enough of those.
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REJ7777 5/29/2010 7:05PM

    Thank you for writing this blog! I thought I was the only one who has problems setting goals. When I decided to work on my health, I did know that I wanted to hike again. But I didn't know how long it would take. Healthy eating is also part of my plan, in general. My goals are rather "fluid". If I reach a healthy weight in 2 years or in 5 years doesn't matter as much as attaining it. I do have one very important goal though, and that is to maintain a healthy weight after I attain it! I'm really, really determined to maintain afterwards!!!

I always enjoy your blogs! Thank you for passing on your bucket of knowledge. emoticon

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FIT4GOOD3 5/29/2010 3:47PM

    Well said, Mary. Thanks for the inspiration (and for the connection with the C 2 5K Team for helping me meet one of my goals).

Pat

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ONEKIDSMOM 5/29/2010 11:49AM

    The thing about goals? Life happens and the goals need adjusting! Like, regularly! emoticon

So... good for you for finding what works for you! We all have to get to that point, and not judge ourselves by the standards of others. Yes, we have a responsibility to ourselves to take care of our bodies and live our lives... but how we cajole our own unique personalities to do just that... can be night and day. What works for Mary may not work for Barb and vice versa... and you know what? That's OK!

So, my friend... keep on thinking and figuring it out. And treat yourself well, because you are worth it! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOMSLIM 5/28/2010 9:25PM

    Mary you hit it on the head. Goals is something I struggle with all the time. I'm afraid if I set them and don't meet them then what - I'm afraid I'll just give up. So I've decided to set small goals or perhaps planning is better word - daily goals. I'm with you small steps, small goals much more attainable and who know what the real weight is to be healthy.

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SMILESWITH7KIDS 5/28/2010 6:56PM

    You always sound happy, even when you talk about stinking at something. I say out with the goals if they don't work for you. You obviously have things under control and know yourself well. Now, if you do decide to make a goal and you want someone to keep you honest about it, just let me know and I'll ask you about it every once in awhile.

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AASMITHHISLER 5/28/2010 4:45PM

    What an insightful blog entry Mary. I wholeheartedly agree with all you are saying about goals. I know that goals can be very helpful for many people, but in my eyes I feel like goals set me up for disappointment. I am making this into a slow but steady lifestyle change, not a race to see how quickly I can reach a certain weight or goal. I know that the slow changes I am making will ultimately pay off, and that satisfies me enough without making any goals. So thank you, for sharing your feelings on this topic, because I agree with what you are saying. I think you are doing a great job as it is without goals, so keep on doing what you're doing. Thank you again for inspiring me and keeping me motivated on this journey (and thanks for the shout-out!)!

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ESMERELDA1220 5/28/2010 3:48PM

    I have tried to be less rigid over the years. When I did weight watchers I ate the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner was varied. No exercise in those days as I had the children, the house and work and that was exercise enough.

When we moved to Florida I gained an enormous amount of weight and lost it only because I had an operation and then gained it back! AGAIN! Another nurse got me hooked on aerobics and step class and then I got hooked on free weights...I can't do the aerobics any longer so I do the treadmill with my iPod and free weights...I never liked exercise, but when I added music I loved it was a different story...

I have only two goals. A long term and then I set a short term and I try my best, but I'm not killing myself over not making them...I've lost over 30 lbs and that's good and I can maintain it. If my body allows me to loose 5 more...I'll be in heaven...but I don't stress over it...Spark People is a great support...

I'm still a boring eater...same story...breakfast and lunch are the same and a different dinner each night, but this time I looked for alternatives to add a healthier life style...if I find one I try it if I can...
My one and only goal that I really wanted aside from loosing weight was to get back on a horse and ride...even if its only walking around the ring on the horse...and I've done it and will continue until I can't do it any longer...

You are doing just fine...you are going to find that you cannot meet all your goals, but the one goal you did make and may have not realized it is to just get to a healthy BMI and enjoy life and what's in it...ENJOY emoticon emoticon

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LEOLO_1 5/28/2010 3:26PM

    This is so true! I also have problems with too many goals (I don't make them!). I don't know what my final weight should be and I don't know how fast I will lose. I also know this isn't a race and I'm not competing with myself! So my goals are to stick with it and keep tracking and keep moving.

I had to put a goal (weight and time-wise) into my tracker and so I picked 50 pounds to lose, but then I adjusted that a bit and now my (first) goal represents the high end of the range for a healthy BMI. Still arbitrary - I will have to see what I feel like when I get there!
I would much rather make smaller more-achievable goals and be successful than not and beat myself up for not achieving some arbitrary numbers!

I love this: "And really this is Spark lifestyle not Spark Olympics. I am not doing this to impress myself or anyone else or to compete with anyone. As I read on INDYGIRL's page - you don't have to be perfect you just have to stick with it."

Better living through lower expectations! You're doing GREAT!

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GOOFYGIRL48 5/28/2010 3:17PM

    For me - the goals force me to work at it - I don't always reach them all, but I get a lot more done with specific goals than I would if I didn't set any. There would be too many days that I would say - 'eh- not tonight!'
All that being said, we are all individuals, and what works for one person may not work for ANYONE ELSE. I think we all need to take this journey - on our own - with love and encouragement from our friends!
I love, and respect you, and your choices, as with everyone else who has responded here!
SPARK-ON! You truly ROCK!

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BUGGYS 5/28/2010 2:52PM

    Oh Mary...you so speak the truth to me and setting goals...I don't and never will because it is so much pressure.I really only have one goal and that is to fuel my body with healthy food and hopefully that will become a habit that I can live with for the rest of my life and I want to move to the best of my ability and be strong...those goals are attainable to me. I know I will trip up along the way, but that's okay because I only have to answer to me...I have my own reasons for losing weight and with all the tools and friends on SP, I know I can do it. emoticon

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THIAGRAM 5/28/2010 2:26PM

  I think you are so on target! I feel the same way. I love reading your blogs and comments, because you have a great insight to life and a great ability to say it! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!


emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBRITA01 5/28/2010 2:14PM

    This may sound stupid, but here goes...maybe you should have a goal of not setting so many goals for yourself. For someone who has difficulty with goals (myself included) the thought of so many goals and achieving them is maddening. Maybe by starting with one or two small goals and then planning your course of action and then doing it. Then you could add more small goals as you go along.

You have set goals and achieved them...you have lost the weight you wanted to in the designated time frame, which is HUGE. I feel you are being too hard on yourself.

Baby steps...The ultimate goal is a healthier lifestyle and a healthier and happier you. You are planning, you are working it as best you can with what's going on in your life right now, and you're moving forward - that's the most important thing. If you're feeling discouraged and unhappy with yourself, that's not so good.

Someone very wise once said:" be patient, make small adjustments, look forward not back". Very sound advice, I think...

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Debbie

Comment edited on: 5/28/2010 4:00:09 PM

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ANDI571 5/28/2010 1:59PM

    I have never been good at setting goals. It's to much pressure on me. I like to think of what I want, and then just take it one day at a time. Otherwise, I would get to discouraged. I have never been one to do a New Years Resolution.

After looking at my summary calendar, I haven't been to good with being accountable either, so I think I will work on that.

I don't think I will ever be one to set a definite goal though. I know what I would like to be, and hopefully will get there.

Keep up the good work.
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Comment edited on: 5/28/2010 2:00:27 PM

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LAROSEBAUGH 5/28/2010 12:35PM

    I used to hate goals too, but then I learned to stop setting un-attainable ones. Now I only aim to lose 3 pounds every 2 weeks. I do daily goals, which help me stay focued instead of losing steam. I also set workout goals, just for my workout of the day. I agree that it's hard to stay focused on long term goals, so I find that setting short term ones (like daily) help alot.

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KASEYCOFF 5/28/2010 12:18PM

    So often we say 'I want to be healthier' but we really only equate this with 'I want to be a size X again' or 'I want to weigh the same as I did at 25' or whatever. I think you've arrived at a good place, Mar - to allow yourself flexibility and room for making changes or having the 'treats' in life, and at the same time, be working toward achieving health. We all talk about how we are on a journey, but nowhere is it written this journey is a straight line, speedball express, gotta keep moving at the fastest pace possible. Myself, I see it as more of a slow gentle saunter, meandering in the right direction but with plenty of allowance for sidetrips and stops to smell the roses. Some people do better with a detailed outline for goals, timetable for achieving same, steps to reach each one, etc. Other people do all right as long as they are moving in the general direction toward their goal(s). Don't worry, Mary - you're allowed to stroll instead of sprint, and sidetrips are not only to be tolerated they are positively (pun intended) encouraged! :-)

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LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD 5/28/2010 12:15PM

    You sai it all Mary! I have the same problem with setting goals. I want to be healthier.

I don't have a clue what my goal weight is .. but I do know that it has more to do with my waist size (because fat in that area causes more physical problem). Ok ... I also hate overflow around the waist because it cuts into me ... lol

I don't care about a perfectly toned body ... just one that I'm comfortable with. I'm not going to be flashing shots of pictures of me in my undies ... lol I hope you find an exercise that you actually like ... for me, it's walking ... alone.

I want it all to come together ... physical, mental, spiritual .. and I think it can. And I want it to be maintainable and almost effortless.




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