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48 hours of misery yields to 1 minute revelation

Friday, April 09, 2010

I not a huge proponent of whining. While I think it has its place every now and again as a means of venting, too much of it is a sure way to drive people away. So I'll be brief - I just endured 48 hours of chronic pain that even Vicodin wouldn't relieve. In an effort to distract myself at 3:30 in the morning I was surfing through SP, reading blogs, motivational spark pages, articles, etc.

All of a sudden, it hit me. I'm going to be 50 this August. That means in just 4 months! I have no idea what I weigh right now since I haven't wanted to weigh myself with a cast on, but I think I'm pretty close to the same number I've been maintaining for the past year... which is just about halfway to my ultimate goal. It only took me 4 months to lose the first half of my excess weight, why not take the next 4 months to lose the remaining half?

Sure, there are challenges: I'm on bed rest; I'll have to start walking with only partial weight bearing and gradually rehabilitate; I'm starting a job with the Census bureau (temporary) that will take up 40 hours a week and I'm not used to working full-time... BUT... surely I can work towards that goal, right?

I think the revelation I had was that I could continue to maintain, or I could start moving towards my weight loss goal at the same time that I move towards my recovery goal.
No real news flash there, but at 3:30 in the morning, it just clicked. emoticon
Now I just need to hang onto that!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BSTAKINGACTION 4/12/2010 9:05AM

    Goal set...motivation sparked...and SHE'S OFF!!! Glad you found that "key" to open the door to the next journey. I'll be right there with you...my 49th is in 3 months...hmmm....maybe I can make it.

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2WHEELER 4/11/2010 8:46PM

    That's a great idea and it will help keep you motivated during your recovery. It's an extra challenge, but I know you're up to it. GO FOR IT!! emoticon

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GLOBALKEEWEE 4/11/2010 2:44PM

    Eureka! I definitely like this thought process.
emoticon

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LIGHTNINGRUNNER 4/11/2010 8:25AM

    What a great attitude you have at that hour of the morning and with pain going on too.

Consider setting your calorie burn to 0 and do yesterday's weight and the weight you want to get to and get going tracking your calories. GO emoticon to will find that emoticon at the end of 4 months.

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SORGIN 4/10/2010 10:32PM

    I think this is brilliant! Let's do this together! My birthday is in 4 months too and I have been dragging my feet for so long. Like you it only took me several months to lose the first half, so why not give it another four months? We both know how to maintain, so let's get this last bit off and maintain the right weight! Thanks so much for your 3:30 epiphany!

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EVETROY 4/10/2010 10:17PM

    Way to find a positive moment!!! Either way - you will look great at 50.

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MYKIDBRYTEN 4/10/2010 9:56PM

    Good insight! Hang in there. Pain is so hard to deal with when it becomes chronic with no relief. Congrats on the job and I pray things get better soon! You will make progress...I know!

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FINDINGMEIN2012 4/10/2010 7:12PM

    Tammy, you can do it!!!! And I'm so sorry about the pain. That sounds awful and I hope you are doing much better now!!
Lynne


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PAMTHEDREAMER 4/10/2010 4:35PM

    Yes you can! I'm glad you're feeling relieved a bit too. You're emoticon

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JUSTTRIING 4/9/2010 9:24PM

    I think you are going to look awesome on your 50th. You have a knack of accomplishing what you put your mind too. Isn't it exciting?

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SMALLERSHEEP 4/9/2010 8:08PM

    Hahaha, isn't it funny how 3:30 in the AM can bring about such clarity? Congrats on the realization and good luck with your goals! You CAN do it!

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LW8843 4/9/2010 8:02PM

    You can do this!

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GRYPHON55 4/9/2010 8:00PM

    Yep, hang on to it. Starting your 50s in great health will be the best gift to yourself! I wish I had done it, I'm doing it for my 55th in October now.

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4 weeks post-op

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Today marks the 1 month mark since my foot surgery; since its 1:35 in the morning, obviously I'm not sleeping much yet but I do feel a lot better than I did 2-3 weeks ago. I got my 3rd cast on yesterday and it is the best one so far, at least as far as casts go LOL.

This morning I had my son take me to Sam's Club before they opened to the public (business hours). I went to buy a walker with a seat on it, thinking maybe I could return my knee walker and use this one instead... since I have another surgery in my future (to repair my tendon) owning vs. renting could save me a lot of money. Unfortunately, I found it wasn't as easy to get around on so I'm going to keep renting. The other thing I realized was that I am not yet strong enough to start doing things. I'm supposed to be on bed rest for 2 more weeks but I've always been the type to push my limits a bit... unfortunately, my 30 minute outing wiped me out for the next 5 hours! How in the world did I loose so much stamina in 4 weeks???!!?? emoticon

I have thought about doing some bed exercises but other than moving enough to prevent blood clots I find I just don't have the motivation or the energy to push myself. I hope that taking the time off to heal properly will serve me well once I do start working out again. In the meantime, I have realized that all this inactivity has stolen my mojo! Its so hard to get motivated to do anything -- pay bills, return phone calls, post on the boards -- I'm not feeling depressed (although I admittedly was a few weeks ago) but I do feel like I'm stagnating here. I'm realizing that this recovery is going to be more challenging than I originally thought - I not only have to deal with the challenges of my surgery, but there is the total loss of energy, muscle tone, and mindset that I must re-establish. When I saw my foot yesterday it was still red and swollen, bruised, and raw around the stitches. I guess I thought that cast would come off and it would look nearly normal...

My Sparkfriends on the daily chat and the Silver Spies have been keeping me going. I know I'm not posting, but I want to assure you that I am checking up on you guys emoticon. That helps me to feel like I am still connected, and helps me to keep moving forward to my goal of running again one day. Thank you!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEACHERMOMFIVE 4/9/2010 7:00AM

    Hang in there & remember, we are thinking of you & sending you positive thoughts! Each day is another step forward even when it doesn't seem like it.

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ROUXZQ 4/8/2010 12:21AM

    Keep up your faith. You WILL return, you CAN return, I know you will return.
De

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PAMTHEDREAMER 4/7/2010 10:57PM

    You'll get it ALL back and more Tammy. Hang in there my friend. You're doing great. I can't even imagine how frustrating this has been for you because of your drive and enthusiasm. Just know you are healing and tho it'll take quite some time you will get thru this! emoticon
I'm glad you're sharing your thoughts so that your friends CAN support you. emoticon

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SORGIN 4/7/2010 10:32PM

    I've never been through anything like this before and this is when I fail miserably. I wish I had magic words or some way to fast forward to the day when you cross the finish line of your first race post-surgery. Can you imagine how good that will feel? I know it feels crappy now and it's a long haul but you WILL get to that finish line. This is the beginning of a pain-free journey, at least one with less pain. Right now you are sleep deprived, house bound and dealing with daily pain. This is the worst of it. You like to move and keep going. And you can't. You can't control this either. So maybe it's time to find a few things you can control. Maybe the Lopers would like an article in their next newsletter on "How to Help Someone Who's Laid Up" (or how NOT to help someone as the case may be.) Maybe you can put together training tips for new runners or revise that pre-race checklist you gave to us at Surf City. It sounds like you are exhausted and maybe these things aren't feasible but I like what LIGHTNING said, to do one thing a day. Just one. Even if you do nothing each day it's still progress because you're here and you're already much better than you were four weeks ago. The way you feel today isn't going to last forever. You will get there.

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DONZO64 4/7/2010 2:02PM

    Hang in There Tammy. We are here for you whenever you need to vent.

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EVETROY 4/7/2010 1:14PM

    You will be able to get all of your mojo back!!!! You just need time to recover. Know that we are thinking of you and I can't wait to schedule lunch with you!

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BSTAKINGACTION 4/7/2010 10:33AM

    I'm so glad you posted this....I've been thinking about you daily. Not much time to do more than send you a big hug right now. Will be in touch soon. I'll be resting with you this week....

Don't lose hope, stay focused on that "one small" success each day. Surgery takes a lot out of our bodies...give it a chance to make a comeback. You're doing GREAT!

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NAVYMOM133 4/7/2010 9:24AM

    Tammy - Thank you for continuing with your post-surgery progress reports. They are just that: PROGRESS! I know you're wired for activity, so this is hard. Remember your body is putting its all into healing that foot! Say, LIGHTNINGRUNNER's idea about a wheelchair sounds pretty good - total upper-body workout! Seriously! If you need assistance getting around, why not get those arms and chest into the mix while the foot rests?
I'm sure the sight of your foot was unsettling but it is healing and will look better each time you see it!
emoticon thinking of you! Melly

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LW8843 4/7/2010 7:49AM

    Tammy I am sorry that your energy isn't what you'd hoped for but I am sure that resting and letting your foot heal will serve you best in the long run. I can't imagine how hard it has to be for you as you have been such an active person. Hang in there. Aim for doing something small everyday to help build back up your stamina. Little things, baby steps.

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LIGHTNINGRUNNER 4/7/2010 7:21AM

    I so feel your exhaustion. I am doing better now, that I am a bit mobile, but it is hard. I was taking a 2-3 hour nap in the middle of the day, because I was exhausted from doing the simplest thing - like getting up and going to the bathroom....It does get better.

Stupid, but what about wheel chair for now and after the tendon surgery too. I wish I would of gotten one. Look in the newspaper for a used one. There are about 4 weeks I wish I had one.

Aim for doing 1 thing a day - sounds simple, but as we talked earlier, we thought reading a book would be easy too.

Take Care, thinking about you daily.

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SMALLERSHEEP 4/7/2010 6:56AM

    I cannot imagine how incredibly frustrating it must be for someone like you who is such an active person to have to take time to lie still, wait, and recover. You must feel like each minute is an hour. No wonder you're finding it difficult to want to do anything! Please know that we ARE here for you, posting or not. You're in my prayers for a speedy(er) recovery!

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Post-op Phase 1 completed... On to Phase 2

Monday, March 29, 2010

Today is the 17th day after my surgery, significant because it was my first post-op visit to the Doctors. My monster cast came off today and was replaced by a much smaller, albeit tighter, cast. My daughter drove me to the appointment and helped me out, and acted as my photographer (so blame her if the pictures freak you out!)

Not long after arriving we were taken back to the "Cast Room" and Rosa, the doctor's assistant, started removing the tape and stocking off the top of my cast. She then returned with a saw and told me not to worry, the saw worked on vibrations and wouldn't cut me -- good thing she explained that because I was a little freaked out by the thought of her sawing on my leg! She cut the fiberglass cast from my knee down to my ankle and then from my toes to my ankle on both sides of my leg and then just pried the cut section off, like lifting a stuck lid off a pot. I held my breath, not sure what I would see... which was totally unnecessary, since all I saw was a ton of cotton wrapped in gauze. Rosa started cutting the gauze away, then the cotton, layer by layer, opening the layers up like a book, until she got down to my leg. As she pried the sides of the cast away I lifted my foot out. My foot itself was still wrapped in yet more gauze, which she then proceeded to remove. I have to admit, I got a little green around the gills when I saw all the stitches and the pin sticking out of my foot... I had to lie down and look away, and practice my Lamaze breathing! I'm including some pictures below since some people are interested, but if you're like me and they make you sick rest assured that they will be "bracketed" by simple pictures of my casts and you can quickly scroll past them without looking...

Unfortunately, right about the time I was getting queasy Rosa left and told me the uber-doc would be in to recast me shortly... wrong. I figured I might as well take advantage of the cast-free time and had brought my home scale with me... I hopped onto it and weighed myself!! I am up 2.4 lbs over my low weight, which is OK by me since this was after breakfast and while fully clothed! Almost 40 minutes later uber-doc did finally come in said everything looks very good, and proceeded to speak to my daughter about her studies and her time in China. He was thrilled to be able to speak to her in Chinese and have her reply. Most of the new casting was done with me lying on my stomach, away from the action, so the pictures helped me to understand what was done.

Phase 2 will now consist of more of the same... house arrest, toes above nose, no weight bearing, etc. for another 4 weeks. Then the pin comes out and I get a walking boot and crutches! My foot swelled up a bit in the time I was cast-free and that has made the rest of today rather unpleasant, but I'm hoping it will be better by tomorrow. The new cast is also a little tight just below my calf and if that discomfort persists i'll have to ask him to redo it...

OK - now for the pictures... I will put a break in between the cast shots and the pics of my foot, so that you can skip the graphic ones!



The cut section will lift away like the tongue of a ski boot:





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Graphic pictures, followed by more cast shots:









End of graphic pictures emoticon





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The new cast:

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2WHEELER 4/11/2010 8:52PM

    You had me prepared for something really gruesome, but it's not. That was some cast! That's the largest one I had ever seen. You must be really glad to have it off. Good luck with the rest of your recovery.




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MJD2GETHER 4/1/2010 2:32PM

    What a trooper! You will be up and going in no time at all. Nothing will keep you down. Keep up your spirits, this is just a temporary set back. emoticon

Thanks for the photos

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LAWRENDAK 4/1/2010 10:03AM

  Thanks for the update! I love hearing you are getting somewhat better! emoticon

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AUBREYJO 3/31/2010 8:53PM

    I found your blog through another SP friend. Wow! I sprained my ankle and had been feeling sorry for myself until I read this. Yikes. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
emoticon

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LW8843 3/31/2010 8:27AM

    Wow it must be so nice to have that other cast off. I hope the swelling has gone down some now and you are doing ok with the smaller cast. I didn't think the graphic pictures were too bad. I was really expeting something horrible. I'm sure it would be worse in person and if it was my own..lol

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PAMTHEDREAMER 3/30/2010 9:43PM

    You did it! You're at phase two! Congrats!
You look great. The new cast does too *wink
I hope the swelling goes down or yeah-call the doc.
Thank you for sharing this journey Tammy. emoticon

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JUSTTRIING 3/30/2010 7:34PM

    Wow, your new cast IS so much smaller. I hope the tight sensation goes away soon or I agree, you should call your doctor.

I think in the end you will be happy you have these pictures to document all of your adventure even if they make you queasy now emoticon

Continue to follow doctor's orders as we want you up and moving again soon!

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KAYAKID 3/30/2010 11:44AM

    Tammy, Congrats on graduating to Phase 2 - that was a bif cast. Good luck to you my friend! Do what the doctors say and wish you a speedy recovery.

Mike


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FINDINGMEIN2012 3/30/2010 11:04AM

    You and your foot look great!! Boy, was that a big cast! I'm so glad you are on to the smaller one and hope that the swelling goes down and it is more comfortable soon!! Best wishes for continued good recovery!

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KJHOUSTON 3/30/2010 10:02AM

    You look great and I'm sure you are much more comfortable with the smaller cast! Hang in there and 2.4 lbs is nothing!

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LIGHTNINGRUNNER 3/30/2010 9:56AM

    Your scars don't look too bad. Remember to ask the doctor when you can put vitamin E on them to reduce the scarring.

Your cast is still huge. Remember to use that go cart thing you have - limit the crutches, so you don't have shoulder issues like me.

Remember how far you have come in this journey...If that cast doesn't feel comfortable, make sure you call....they had a wrinkle in the bandage for mine and it created a major pressure point...I only had it on for like a week, but it took 2 weeks to heal....

So the important part - how is the pain???



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AUNTIE65 3/30/2010 9:33AM

    Yah for Phase 2!! Here's hoping that the swelling goes down today and that this phase goes by quickly!

You CAN make it through!!
Tami

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RUN.OR.RUST 3/30/2010 9:03AM

    You look great Tammy and your foot looks like its healing nicely. Your new cast looks about 1/10th the size of the first one! Great pics, wow. The hard part is over with phase 1 now keep those toes up!

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SMALLERSHEEP 3/30/2010 8:55AM

    Hoping that your swelling has gone down today so you're more "comfortable" (ha! what a joke that word is right now, right?). Congrats on the 2.4. Look out world! She's on her way back!

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ROUXZQ 3/30/2010 12:44AM

    Wow! Your daughter speaks Chinese? Oh, the cast, right. Your foot looks normal, albeit a little swollen, but good! Speedy recovery! You run marathons in pain.....you can do this.

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GOEGIRL 3/29/2010 10:37PM

    ok - OUCH! You sure do have a calm and cool attitude about this - way to go! I hope your recovery is speedy and uncomplicated!!!

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BSTAKINGACTION 3/29/2010 10:18PM

    Tammy! You look great...so does the foot! Woo hoo to the 2.4! Totally acceptable! Must have felt good to get out and about.

Thanks for posting the pics (and Kimber for taking them)...I was strangely drawn to them. Kind of cool actually. Man that foot was DEFINITELY wrapped!

Ok...so we're down to a possible character testing 4 weeks. I have every confidence that you're going to tackle it with your usual flair. One day at a time!

Congratulations on Phase I....Goal Met!!!

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2 Weeks Post-Op

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Most everyone I know here on SP already knows that I have had my surgery. I've even posted graphic pics on FB, inspired in part by LIGHTNINGRUNNER's blogs and pics about her surgery. I've just been a bit slow at writing this blog, wondering whether or not I should even bother. In the end I've decided to do it; mostly for myself, so that I can have an outlet for my feelings as well as a record of what I'm going through.

It's 3 am and I've had about an hour's sleep tonight. Night time is the hardest for me... I get tired but the pain I feel is always worst at night. Or maybe its just that I'm able to distract myself during the day but at night I'm alone and have to deal with it more? I'm pretty good at managing pain, having had more than my share over the years... I've suffered from migraines, back spasms, torn muscles, dislocated kneecap, torn tendons, tendonitis, bursitis and assorted broken bones... but I've tried to never let those things stop me from my day to day life, or from chasing my athletic goals. This past year alone, while injured with fairly significant injuries I've run 2 marathons, 5 half marathons, 1 duathlon and 1 triathlon. Stupid? Probably. Determined? Definitely. Which makes me frustrated that the pain I feel now is interfering so much with my sleep. But enough complaining, I really set out to document what I've gone through, and to distract myself from my discomfort and insomnia.

I have torn my peroneal tendons in my left foot. As I wrote in earlier blogs, I decided to correct the alignment of my foot before I proceed with repairing the tendons - as my surgeon said, you don't put new tires on the car without having an alignment done, right? This surgery required cutting a wedge out of the bone in my heel in order to straighten it (it was strongly curved inward toward my other foot) and then cutting a bone in my big toe in order to lift it from a downward angle. The final step was cutting all of the soft tissue in my arch (tendons and ligaments) in order to flatten my arch a bit. My condition stems from being born with a club foot that was only partially corrected as a child.

I showed up at 6 am the morning of surgery at the doctor's private surgery center (of course, not covered by insurance!). The nurses were great, very calming, which was good, since I was a bit nervous. They took me back to a pre-op/post-op room, with about 8 beds and curtains between them. A few other patients were there as well getting prepped for their surgeries. I changed into a gown and they gave me a compression stocking for my other leg, which I needed help getting on. Man, was that snug! Wish I could run in that, it felt better than my compression socks... They started a saline IV and gave me a pill to minimize acid reflux, which I guess is a common side effect of anesthesia (who knew?). An aide washed my foot and leg up to my knee with a betadine scrub and then the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me. I met my surgical nurse, a kind woman named Melissa, and then the uber-doc arrived. Would you believe the first thing he asks me is whether or not the minivan in the parking lot which is for sale is mine? It was, and he starts talking to me about buying it! I told him I'd give him the price only after the surgery, provided all went well, which was good for a laugh.

He went over the details of the procedure and then marked my leg with his initials and a smiley face (was that supposed to make me feel better?). He left to get ready and the anesthesiologist gave me a nerve blocking shot just above my knee, which he said would keep me pain free for about 18 hours. I said good bye to my husband and Melissa wheeled me into the OR. My first thought was that it was freezing in there... I asked Melissa how she could stand it, and she told me they would keep a heated blanket on me during the surgery. The anesthesiologist came in and told me what he'd be doing as the nurses strapped my arms out from my sides (like in lateral shoulder raises, hehe). I remember that as soon as they did that I had an itch... luckily they let me free long enough to scratch it. We chatted a bit as they were setting all this up, but then they told me soon they would see my eyes get glassy... I don't really remember anything else, so I must have gone out pretty quickly. No counting to 10 or anything like that, just chatting and then... the recovery room.

I remember waking up from what felt like a dream... or being underwater (but without any panic)... just that feeling that I knew my thoughts were jumbled and my eyes were closed, but I really needed to try to focus and open my eyes. I could feel an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth, but I had been told that would be there so it didn't concern me. I shook the cobwebs out of my head and tried to take inventory of my body parts and my surroundings. Before a nurse could come over I realized I was in the same curtained area as I had been in pre-op, I wasn't freezing anymore, and I wasn't in any pain. I looked down at my foot and saw the biggest cast I have ever seen in my life:

(Obviously this picture was taken once I got home)
The surgeon and my husband came in and I was told that everything went very well. Once the doctor left my husband helped me get dressed and the nurses reviewed my post-op instructions one more time, and then they wheeled me out to the car.

Here are the pictures I posted on FB, taken in the OR:
My heel and arch, before:

My heel and arch after (the screws are permanent):

My forefoot before (my big toe is angled because my foot actually is turned inward and downward):

My forefoot after (the pin will be removed after 6 weeks):

My arch, after:


I was instructed to keep my foot elevated above my head ("toes above my nose" as the uber-doc put it) for 6 weeks, even when sleeping. Since my bedroom is upstairs and the doctor did not want me climbing any stairs my husband set up a bed for me in our family room. I had ordered a knee-walker instead of crutches, which arrived the day of surgery and allows me to get around but not climb stairs(also not covered by insurance, but at least its a rental). www.roll-a-bout.com/ The doctor was worried that my neck and shoulders would suffer if I had to use crutches for six weeks (due to arthritis and disk problems) and I'm glad I listened to him.

So here I am, 2 weeks post-op; I'm managing my pain most of the day but not as well at night; I'm able to get to the bathroom on my own, and I can bathe and dress myself. I can get food and drink, but I can't remain vertical for more than a few minutes at a time because I can feel my foot swelling rapidly in the cast. Swelling = pain, so elevating it is a must. All in all, not too bad. On Monday I get to go back to the the doctor and get this monstrous cast removed. They will replace it with a smaller one for the next 4 weeks. Still housebound, but at least it will be stage 2!

I'm sorry if all this bored you but I've managed to kill an hour writing it, and it sufficiently distracted me for most of that time. This was, in the end, just for me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUCKER225 4/22/2010 7:52PM

    I realize that I am posting this well after you wrote it, but thank you for taking the time to post. I have been catching up on your blogs when Lightningrunner told me about you. Good luck and I am going to go read some more of your thoughts.

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DEEJ4FITNESS 3/27/2010 6:44PM

    Had you on my mind and came over to let you know. I've been out of town this past week & prepping for the trip the week b4 so not much Sparkin' but wish I'd checked in earlier; could have been praying more specifically for you; consider it done!

The pictures speak a thousand words Tammy! It all sounds very traumatic for you and my heart aches to hear that but I'm sure you're able to look ahead at how much better you're going to be for it! Amazing what they were able to do!

This is going to help you make strides in your athleticism which I know is important to you! You've worked very hard at it and deserve to have results reflective of your efforts!! That day is coming friend! And I'm counting on someday runnin' right along side ya & celebrating together!!

Hang in there doll! It's gonna get nothin' but BETTER!!

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EYEONGOAL 3/26/2010 9:24AM

    I'm glad that you wrote this blog. I'm sorry that you've been through so much with your surgery and it sounds like the healing process is a bear, but soon you should be feeling much better. The smaller cast should help too. Take care.

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JUSTTRIING 3/25/2010 10:37PM

    This wasn't a bore at all. I think in the long run you will be very happy that you documented your surgery. You had quite a procedure and I truly hope it was a success

I must admit, that it a HUGE cast. Sorry but it is! Now I understand why you are so excited to get that off on Monday. Hopefully your new one will be much smaller.

I am sorry that your nights are so bad. I would tend to agree that it is more because there is less to distract you. I hope you get restful, pain free sleeping night very soon emoticon

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BSTAKINGACTION 3/25/2010 4:32PM

    Write away. Nothing boring about it considering I think about you pretty much every hour. Thanks for sharing. You're going to make it through this...

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PAMTHEDREAMER 3/25/2010 4:22PM

    Great blog Tammy. I felt like I was right there with you.
I'm so sorry about your sleepless and painful nights.
One day at a time. This too shall pass..ie
I want you to know you're always in my thoughts and prayers.

Take good care emoticon emoticon
Pam

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SORGIN 3/25/2010 3:35PM

    There are many things I admire about you. One new one is that you have no illusions. You've just been through MAJOR surgery. What you had is a big deal and not the kind of thing people endure every day. You knew it would be painful and you ARE dealing with it. You have no illusions. You face things head on. The good news is that you are up, you are still active (as much as you can be) and you are getting through your days. I wish the nights were better and that I had the answer to that. In the meantime, know that lots of people are thinking about you and when it's 2 am and you can't sleep just know your body continues to heal. Eventually the pain WILL lessen and you will get to sleep more. That day will come. Little by little, day by day, it will get better. Hugs to you!

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BECCACOATS 3/25/2010 1:20PM

    Tammy ~ Wonderful blog.. I relived my knee surgery reading about your experience.. I really liked the underwater with no panic statement..

It is true! the pain is all you notice at night. the house is quiet and your trying to rest and the darn surgery area decides to SCREAM all night. Sorry your dealing with this.. I had to keep ice on the surgery area all night. Hopefully once you get the giant off of your foot you will be able to add cold to it!!

I am keeping active and trying to learn from the experiences I remember all of you talking about..

Next year will be a GREAT year for you. you have only forward to go!!!
HUGS & LUVS
Becki

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2WHEELER 3/25/2010 12:42PM

    WOW!! That was a lot of surgery. Get well soon; hope your recovery goes smoothly. Just imagine what you'll be able to accomplish once everything is totally healed. You'll be setting new P.R.s all over the place.

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EVETROY 3/25/2010 12:41PM

    emoticon I'm so sorry about the pain and the sleep! I know what a grouch I am when I don't sleep - I can't even imagine how you must feel. I'm glad you are sharing.

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KJHOUSTON 3/25/2010 10:49AM

    Thanks for sharing - that is a huge cast! Hope you are feeling better soon and I'm sure you will be much happier when you get the smaller cast. emoticon

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S318830 3/25/2010 10:42AM

    Bored? Heck no! Fascination. Though I'm sorry you're in so much pain, especially at night. You're right... pain at night is so much harder to deal with without all the distractions. And yes, that's the biggest cast I've ever seen in my life!

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AUNTIE65 3/25/2010 10:31AM

    Oh Tammy, I'm sorry the nights are so hard... there's something about the middle of the night!

I cannot believe how big that cast is! How do you get dressed? I can't imagine trying to get a pair of pants or sweats on over that!

Hang in there and I'll be praying that your night times bring you much rest!

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FINDINGMEIN2012 3/25/2010 10:21AM

    You are right, that is one BIG cast! Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way!
emoticon

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DONZO64 3/25/2010 9:24AM

    Wow. The Xrays are amazing. And that's some cast! I hope you heal up soon.

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NAVYMOM133 3/25/2010 9:22AM

    Hugs to you, Tammy. I hope the overnights start to get a little easier for you. Prayers for daily comfortable rest and nighttime healing sleep!!
emoticon emoticon

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LW8843 3/25/2010 9:18AM

    Tammy I can't imagine how hard all this must be on you. All the injures you've had from running. Thank you so much for sharing and posting the pictures. I hope writing this will help you down the road as well.

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LIGHTNINGRUNNER 3/25/2010 9:13AM

    Okay, girl - I I thought I had a big cast....I lose big time - I can see why you can't sleep. I will never whine about what I had done. I think you will find then next surgery with the peroneal tendon will be easier than what you just had done. Do you need to have this surgery heal 100% and rehab before the next surgery.

I was lucky I didn't have toes higher than nose. I just needed it elevated with ice packs on it...never understood that, because the cold never came through the wrapping.

You know I am here for you....

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FIT_MELISSA 3/25/2010 9:07AM

    Wow, Tammy, this is amazing! I'm glad that you shared your story with us. Those x-ray pictures are crazy--I can't get over those screws. And you were not kidding, that cast is enormous! :) I'm glad that you don't have to have something quite so big for much longer.
I know it is a long and hard process but I know that you will do well. Let us know if we can do anything to help!

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JEM0622 3/25/2010 8:14AM

    Holy cow! Lots of healing thoughts and prayers. That all looks so painful! Especially the perm. screws. Acks! Rest up.

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Letting go; lessons I've learned on SparkPeople

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

This week has been one of the more stressful weeks in a month of stressful weeks. I don't want to have a pity party of one, but sometimes life is complicated and sometimes its simple and joyous, and lately I've had a lot of the former and far less of the latter!

The thing I noticed tonight is that in spite of being on the verge of tears multiple times today AND having to bite my tongue rather than start a tirade that might not end, for the first time in a loooong time I didn't eat to cope. Wow. Let me say that again - I didn't stuff my face to stuff my feelings. Not that I didn't want to, believe me, I did. But I recognized that desire for what it really was and I chose not to act on it. That is growth. That is change. That is the miracle of SP.

I read Trainer James' blog today; I thought he wrote it for me. I read my friends' posts and thought about their problems, thereby getting out of my own head for a few minutes. I got words of encouragement from people I love (both at home and here!) and I got flowers, which made me smile.

You know what? I may not be able to erase my feelings just by wishing them away, but I don't have to pretend to erase them with spaghetti either.

I'm going to go relax with my family instead.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNIFER124 4/5/2010 10:15PM

    the miracle of SP.... the miracle of support and knowing that we are not alone.. even in the cruddiest of times.. you chose NOT TO EAT over feelings.. that is so hard to do.. but easier when we know that others are working this program just as hard... i know you wrote this in March.... its now April 5... hence the haze i was in for that entire month.. i think its the emotions that are the issue (for me) the food is secondary....

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LILHLFPINT 3/12/2010 2:39PM

    (good for you, tammy! ::hugs::)

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EVETROY 3/11/2010 11:08PM

    Now that is an accomplishment!!! emoticon

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SORGIN 3/11/2010 10:19PM

    YAY! Congrats to you for not feeding your feelings and thanks for sharing this. You have so much going on right now and I hope you remember you have the strength to endure just about ANYTHING! How do I know that? Because you're YOU!

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PAMTHEDREAMER 3/11/2010 2:31PM

    Proud of you Tammy. You are in my thoughts and prayers today and always. *raising water bottle in toast* Here's to a speedy recovery. emoticon

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FIT_MELISSA 3/11/2010 1:08PM

    emoticon blog, Tammy!! Wishing you a very speedy recovery!!

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FINDINGMEIN2012 3/11/2010 11:03AM

    Great job!! You are in my thoughts and prayers today. Hoping for a smooth and speedy recovery!

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NAVYMOM133 3/11/2010 8:07AM

    Thinking of you today!! We'll see you on the other side, when the fog clears. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. It's a big step that will lead to running strides one day soon.
Lots of love,
Melly emoticon

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SMALLERSHEEP 3/11/2010 6:49AM

    Whoot! Whoot! Good for you! So proud of you. Baby steps all the way, although, that's a BIG baby step right there.

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ROUXZQ 3/11/2010 1:39AM

    You never cease to amaze me. One day at a time, one challenge at a time, right? You did it!
De emoticon

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SHERYLD5 3/10/2010 11:16PM

    You are trying what else can you do? I have had my share lately too. I did good the first days but am struggling again. I do not drink as a rule but today I did. Not thrilled about that... but it eases a little of the burden I have not been able to get past....It is not usually my way but we are in tough times now. But thank God we are getting through them. emoticon emoticon

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BSTAKINGACTION 3/10/2010 10:58PM

    Look at you! Could you be any more amazing? THIS is why I know you are going to totally come through this like the champion you are. We'll be here waiting for you as soon as you can make it back on. Hope the evening elicits nothing but peace for you.

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AUNTIE65 3/10/2010 10:55PM

    Good for you my friend!!! That is a victory and I"m so happy for you. I'll be thinking about and praying for you tomorrow and will be hoping with you that the recovery time is short.... very short!


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